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Charlie Alzamora

@chalza.bsky.social
4.8K followers 3.7K following 2.9K posts

Keep it right here for more biting commentary, social disconnection and cognitive decline, served with a hint of levity and oregano.

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Reposted by Charlie Alzamora
𝔏𝔦𝔩𝔞𝔠🪩 @ironlilacc.bsky.social · 6h
May I suggest, more screen time for the lady?
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Bram Stoker’s K 🧛🏻‍♂️ @gimmethekspecial.bsky.social · 6h
edibles got me hearing in dolby surround sound tonight
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anton lestrange @hugemclarge.bsky.social · 7h
got a rare crack out of my back and now everything doesn't seem so hopeless
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ash @ashhull.bsky.social · 7h
My body is a wonder land, wrapped with caution tape.
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Blair Spookily @blairloudly.bsky.social · 7h
[hoarding candycorn to dole out to those that have wronged me]
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Liz Lets Looooooose 👻 @ghostofelizabeth.bsky.social · 7h
I have an issue with mirrors that show me how I look instead of how I wish I looked
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Shade 5 @shade5.bsky.social · 7h
Reluctantly wearing pants
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BEAVE @beaveinflow.bsky.social · 7h
My dog picking his bedtime stuffie out of the toy bin every night is everything to me.
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Greg the Miller @gregthemiller.bsky.social · 6h
i bet Icarus burned the roof of his mouth
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ficklenuts is tired of this shit @ficklenuts.bsky.social · 8h
More people should be named after cheeses
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Kat Alderson 🙃 @klaybourne.bsky.social · 8h
This is how I flirt
static.klipy.com
Unexpected Grill Fire Fart
Alt: Woman's fart catches on fire when she's too close to the grill.
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Charlie Alzamora @chalza.bsky.social · 7h
The best financial advice I got was from a dog, namely, "Don't poodle your eggs in one basket."
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Skinnie Talls @skinnietalls.bsky.social · 10h
Messed the same reply up a few times and feel it'd probably be best to just go start a new life on the prairie
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murphmama.bsky.social @murphmama.bsky.social · 14h
Looks like I was never normal not even from the start.
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Raysident Evil @sireviscerate.myatproto.social · 9h
Whoops, I got my mortal coil all twisted up like a broken slinky
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mean things I say to myself @meantomyself.bsky.social · 16h
Determined to stay nice because I heard the weight of being cruel to everyone is really aging and bad for your complexion
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Melicious @honeybadgermel.bsky.social · 12h
I get my cardio in by repeatedly pushing the envelope.
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korpisworld @kwkorpi.bsky.social · 10h
Life is mostly recovering from today so you’re healthy enough to be damaged by tomorrow.
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Kellalena @kellalena.bsky.social · 9h
I’m shy at first but then gradually go insane
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MiloPoint @milopoint.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
Concerned that computers are here learning to become more human, because that's why I am here.
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Salty MacTavish @saltymactavish.bsky.social · 10h
Just watched the original Take On Me video and I might have gotten a little misty but I also wanted to pay that women’s tab and leave a good tip that waitress was just doing her job
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Charlie Alzamora @chalza.bsky.social · 11h
Saw a billboard that read "Need A Lawyer, Injured?" and right away I thought of a couple I'd like to put the hurt on.
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DoubleTrouble @badboybill69.bsky.social · 17h
Pumpkin spice chewing tobacco 😃
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DoubleTrouble @badboybill69.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
The jack o'lantern stays on my head while we have sex
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Tits McDick @titsmcdick.bsky.social · 21h
When that one person who likes all of my skeets suddenly stops liking them, I just assume they’ve died.
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Phil @distillation.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
“The dish of the telescope is so large that if it were filled with wine every person on earth would get four bottles.”
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mindi @flawdbizkit.bsky.social · 17h
just me and my nervous system doing the running man
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Cosmic Clau @cosmicclau.bsky.social · 11h
me: it's not you specifically i mean it's just that the longer we spend apart the harder it is to return to this charade that demeans us both tuesday (after a long weekend):
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Spooky Goosey @augustagoose.bsky.social · 13h
Making friends by just dragging people into my bullshit ❤️😘
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los 🦦 @los-los.bsky.social · 13h
I became an exorcist to get some real challengers at Twister
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Charlie Alzamora @chalza.bsky.social · 11h
Heading over there now with Wicked Wilson Pickett.
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Eric Replatformed @21stcenturyeric.bsky.social · 12h
You are doing a tired format joke from years ago, I am deftly deconstructing it with trenchant meta humor, we are not the same.
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Chestbursty @chestrovert.bsky.social · 13h
A family can be three pieces of toast
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Cosmic Clau @cosmicclau.bsky.social · 12h
i'm in a really bad place* right now please keep me in your thoughts *back at work
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Frovo @frovo.bsky.social · 17h
it’s called making up words maybe you ferdovit
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Corduroy Cheddar @corduroycheddar.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
It's no longer called skeet, it's super skeet now
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Fiona Applebees 🍎🐝 @fionaapplebs.bsky.social · 12h
When the moon hits my eye like a big pie, that’s a food fight
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Icarus 🎃 Dumpsterfire @pluperfectidiot.bsky.social · 15h
I sees me a cheese and I eats it
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PhantomDeeks 🫶 @deeks549.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
Can't, fuckin shit up
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PhantomDeeks 🫶 @deeks549.bsky.social · 03/10/2026
Can't, rearranging guts
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Salty MacTavish @saltymactavish.bsky.social · 11h
I am certain that had I lived 10,000 years ago I would have been eaten by lions while using my dad’s atlatl to scratch my ass
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Criag @criagtime.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
Shop local. Shoplift corporate.
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John @johncnj.bsky.social · 12h
‘No! Linguine or rotini, there is no tricolor pasta.’ Chef Yoda, probably.
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mensch @prettyvulgar.bsky.social · 15h
My weed vape delivery was marked Priority: high And I just think that’s silly
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🅱️oofessor Killosk 👻🔪 @professorkiosk.wtf · 13h
I've taught myself how to be funny and I think we can all agree that the results are astounding
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sweetie π @sixfeetofcandy.bsky.social · 13h
going as slutty dissociation for halloween this year
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Salty MacTavish @saltymactavish.bsky.social · 12h
All good things are a little out of tune
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Canadian Bacon @tashaneedshelp.bsky.social · 29/09/2026
Walking straight into traffic, for my mental health.
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Charlie Alzamora @chalza.bsky.social · 13h
I've reached the point of cognitive devolution where I won't be offended if you talk to me like I'm some kind of an idiot.
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