Reposted by MeliciousJimmer Cork-Bottle @jimmerthatisall.bsky.social · 11hThis day in history. 2019. Comedian Rip Taylor threw one last handful of confetti into the air, uttered a final "I don't need you people I've got two chinchillas in heat!", and died. 05521
Reposted by MeliciousFickle Filly @ficklefilly.bsky.social · 23/12/2023Why don’t you slip into something more combustible? 316489
Reposted by MeliciousCosmic Clau @cosmicclau.bsky.social · 05/10/2026I don't even trust people to choose my groceries there is less than zero chance i would ever want a self driving car 829671
Reposted by MeliciousSalty MacTavish @saltymactavish.bsky.social · 27/09/2026Generally, getting older is a privilege which I try my best to not take for granted. Also, I can say ‘fuck that noise’ and walk away from bullshit whilst farting 1213737
Reposted by MeliciousCharlie Alzamora @chalza.bsky.social · 03/10/2026Hang around dumb people long enough, they'll make you dumb. Hang around smart people long enough, they'll make you feel dumb. 24818
Reposted by MeliciousMr. Bea Arthur, Batshit Crazy™️ @steamymac.bsky.social · 03/10/2026Her: You’re not very good looking. Me: I’m also quite poor. 29124
Reposted by MeliciousTwoSense @twosense.bsky.social · 19hdo you think slow pokes are slow at other things too 1212828
Reposted by Meliciousash @ashhull.bsky.social · 19hMy body is a wonder land, wrapped with caution tape. 58435
Reposted by MeliciousMarc @runoldman.bsky.social · 7hMy grandson has started blaming his farts on everyone else . . . he'll make a fine politician some day. 28339
Reposted by Meliciousturkeyteeth008.bsky.social @turkeyteeth008.bsky.social · 05/10/2026My tears are never happy. 0106
Reposted by MeliciousJane, actually @maidofbeans.bsky.social · 5hSorry I'm late, I was assimilated by an extraterrestrial parasite at a remote Antarctic research station. 1416670
Reposted by Melicious𝔏𝔦𝔩𝔞𝔠🪩 @ironlilacc.bsky.social · 3hToo much caffeine doesn't hurt those who are pure of heart 15622
Reposted by MeliciousSiege @tellumsiege.bsky.social · 05/10/2026A person who cares for elderly cows is a doctor of dairyatrics. 14719
Reposted by Melicious𝔏𝔦𝔳𝔢 𝔏𝔞𝔲𝔤𝔥 𝔏𝔬𝔞𝔱𝔥𝔢 @fleurkenstein.bsky.social · 05/10/2026just another day 511726
Reposted by Meliciouscrumbum @fuwolfman.bsky.social · 05/10/2026The way we spoke of kisses back when kisses were real. 03517
Reposted by MeliciousIndu Pillai @indupillai01.bsky.social · 05/10/2026I have a wish that’s no longer a wish but a hermit’s lamp that illumines the dark nights of the soul. 02112
Reposted by MeliciousSkinnie Talls @skinnietalls.bsky.social · 05/10/2026everything went according to a plan I didn't have 315468
Reposted by MeliciousDumb Beezie @dumbbeezie.bsky.social · 05/10/2026If you’re not using your phone to text people in the same house then you’re doing it wrong 118923
Reposted by MeliciousJack @wakeupangry.bsky.social · 21h*listens to comedy podcast after a child’s funeral 33814
Reposted by MeliciousAmbooooorino 👻 @nellieadjacent.bsky.social · 22hMy body is a wonder-what-happened-land 312144
Reposted by Melicious PhantomDeeks 🫶 @deeks549.bsky.social · 05/10/2026Good morning. I see the assassins have failed again 47329
Reposted by Meliciousmindi @flawdbizkit.bsky.social · 05/10/2026you wanna come over and share coping skills 010338
Reposted by MeliciousFiona Applebees 🍎🐝 @fionaapplebs.bsky.social · 05/10/2026Only 3 more hours until I can scroll my phone at home instead of this office 19525
Reposted by MeliciousDead Dreamer @elgatoesmio.bsky.social · 05/10/2026The news that our cannery had to shut down was quite jarring 12913
Reposted by Melicious𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜 @unfitz.bsky.social · 05/10/2026Got thrown out of the PTA meeting for ending the pledge of allegiance “with biberty and justice for all.” 412341
Reposted by MeliciousSalty MacTavish @saltymactavish.bsky.social · 05/10/2026All good things are a little out of tune 2217063
Reposted by MeliciousJohn Carpenter’s The Alex Nevil @thealexnevil.bsky.social · 02/10/2026I hobble up to the customer service desk, one broken leg, black eye, and several lacerations on my face. "This can of whoop-ass was defective." 06825
Reposted by MeliciousNuclear Winter @4slars.bsky.social · 01/10/2026I'm fading away gracefully as fast as I can. 26929
Reposted by MeliciousLizzlepants 🐒 @lizzlepants.bsky.social · 27/09/2026I can’t be the only person who feels like I’m being held hostage when I answer a phone call 818768
Reposted by Meliciouslos 🦦 @los-los.bsky.social · 05/10/2026Gonna be pretty disappointed if the new Avengers doesn’t feature The Baconator 69134
Reposted by MeliciousJenny Doesn’t Know @jennydoesntknow.bsky.social · 05/10/2026I’ve been having a lot of thoughts lately & I don’t like any of them 48426
Reposted by MeliciousDaddyJew @daddyjew.bsky.social · 05/10/2026face down ass up, that’s the way i find the clovers of luck 14923
Reposted by MeliciousCanadian Bacon @tashaneedshelp.bsky.social · 05/10/2026I just wanna spend the last of my days rolling around like a hotdog on a roller at the local 7/11. 58730
Reposted by Meliciousash @ashhull.bsky.social · 05/10/2026My skeets are like echoes that keep multiplying. 17330
Reposted by MeliciousTwoSense @twosense.bsky.social · 05/10/2026Logged on and didn’t feel insane. My mute/block curation is on point. 511021
Reposted by MeliciousCharlie Alzamora @chalza.bsky.social · 05/10/2026I've reached the point of cognitive devolution where I won't be offended if you talk to me like I'm some kind of an idiot. 23517
Reposted by MeliciousGreg the Miller @gregthemiller.bsky.social · 05/10/2026contact lenses should be called eyeball glasses 910842
Reposted by Meliciousstefan @stefanthinks.bsky.social · 05/10/2026yesterday i spent all day using track and table saws and drill without incident but then cut my hand putting away the folding table 1349
Reposted by MeliciousSalty MacTavish @saltymactavish.bsky.social · 30/09/2026I wish I could be as indefatigable as you are, but I’m fatigable. I’m very fatigable. 1417658
Reposted by MeliciousJohn @johncnj.bsky.social · 05/10/2026‘No! Linguine or rotini, there is no tricolor pasta.’ Chef Yoda, probably. 066
Reposted by MeliciousCosmic Clau @cosmicclau.bsky.social · 05/10/2026i'm in a really bad place* right now please keep me in your thoughts *back at work 919761
Reposted by Meliciousmr coffee @i.n33d.coffee · 05/10/2026Pretty much every house is a tree house if you think about it. 02611
Reposted by MeliciousSkinnie Talls @skinnietalls.bsky.social · 02/10/2026Even if you've only done the Macarena once, you're still a carrier 25495154
Reposted by MeliciousDaisy @daisy91.bsky.social · 05/10/2026*blows you a kiss with my middle finger 2117362
Melicious @honeybadgermel.bsky.social · 05/10/2026I get my cardio in by repeatedly pushing the envelope. 36538
Reposted by MeliciousKellalena @kellalena.bsky.social · 05/10/2026Home is where the heart takes it’s pants off immediately 524384
Reposted by MeliciousJane, actually @maidofbeans.bsky.social · 05/10/2026The last time I said "I'm fine" and truly meant it, Pluto was still a planet. 1023591
Reposted by MeliciousJimmer Cork-Bottle @jimmerthatisall.bsky.social · 05/10/2026This day in history. 1936. Dutch poet and novelist J. Slauerhoff died. Here's this thing to the tune of Santa Lucia: Jan Jacob Slauerhoff Wandered the southern sea Worked as a doctor Wrote like a prodigy ... One day his luck ran out The diagnosis Tuberculosis! Tuberculosis! ... 13317
Reposted by MeliciousMarc @runoldman.bsky.social · 05/10/2026I don't know why they're called "Briefs", I been wearing this pair three days. 1015372