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Melicious

@honeybadgermel.bsky.social
1.7K followers 268 following 1K posts

Thinks too much, talks too little. Born a gold rush saloon owner in the age of technology. Go figure... bsky.app/profile/did:plc:suhdwtoqin…

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Jimmer Cork-Bottle @jimmerthatisall.bsky.social · 11h
This day in history. 2019. Comedian Rip Taylor threw one last handful of confetti into the air, uttered a final "I don't need you people I've got two chinchillas in heat!", and died.
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Fickle Filly @ficklefilly.bsky.social · 23/12/2023
Why don’t you slip into something more combustible?
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Cosmic Clau @cosmicclau.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
I don't even trust people to choose my groceries there is less than zero chance i would ever want a self driving car
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Juiceticles @juiceticles.bsky.social · 3h
I hydrate so you don't have to
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Salty MacTavish @saltymactavish.bsky.social · 27/09/2026
Generally, getting older is a privilege which I try my best to not take for granted. Also, I can say ‘fuck that noise’ and walk away from bullshit whilst farting
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Charlie Alzamora @chalza.bsky.social · 03/10/2026
Hang around dumb people long enough, they'll make you dumb. Hang around smart people long enough, they'll make you feel dumb.
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Mr. Bea Arthur, Batshit Crazy™️ @steamymac.bsky.social · 03/10/2026
Her: You’re not very good looking. Me: I’m also quite poor.
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TwoSense @twosense.bsky.social · 19h
do you think slow pokes are slow at other things too
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ash @ashhull.bsky.social · 19h
My body is a wonder land, wrapped with caution tape.
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Marc @runoldman.bsky.social · 7h
My grandson has started blaming his farts on everyone else . . . he'll make a fine politician some day.
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turkeyteeth008.bsky.social @turkeyteeth008.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
My tears are never happy.
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Jane, actually @maidofbeans.bsky.social · 5h
Sorry I'm late, I was assimilated by an extraterrestrial parasite at a remote Antarctic research station.
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𝔏𝔦𝔩𝔞𝔠🪩 @ironlilacc.bsky.social · 3h
Too much caffeine doesn't hurt those who are pure of heart
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Siege @tellumsiege.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
A person who cares for elderly cows is a doctor of dairyatrics.
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𝔏𝔦𝔳𝔢 𝔏𝔞𝔲𝔤𝔥 𝔏𝔬𝔞𝔱𝔥𝔢 @fleurkenstein.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
just another day
Mossy grass in early evening shadow. It is surrounded by hedgerow which meets in tall trees on the horizon. The sky is light blue with wisps of clouds. The setting sun has left behind traces of red and pink.
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crumbum @fuwolfman.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
The way we spoke of kisses back when kisses were real.
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Indu Pillai @indupillai01.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
I have a wish that’s no longer a wish but a hermit’s lamp that illumines the dark nights of the soul.
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Skinnie Talls @skinnietalls.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
everything went according to a plan I didn't have
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Dumb Beezie @dumbbeezie.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
If you’re not using your phone to text people in the same house then you’re doing it wrong
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Jack @wakeupangry.bsky.social · 21h
*listens to comedy podcast after a child’s funeral
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Ambooooorino 👻 @nellieadjacent.bsky.social · 22h
My body is a wonder-what-happened-land
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PhantomDeeks 🫶 @deeks549.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
Good morning. I see the assassins have failed again
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mindi @flawdbizkit.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
you wanna come over and share coping skills
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Fiona Applebees 🍎🐝 @fionaapplebs.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
Only 3 more hours until I can scroll my phone at home instead of this office
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Dead Dreamer @elgatoesmio.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
The news that our cannery had to shut down was quite jarring
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𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜 @unfitz.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
Got thrown out of the PTA meeting for ending the pledge of allegiance “with biberty and justice for all.”
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Salty MacTavish @saltymactavish.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
All good things are a little out of tune
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John Carpenter’s The Alex Nevil @thealexnevil.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
I hobble up to the customer service desk, one broken leg, black eye, and several lacerations on my face. "This can of whoop-ass was defective."
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Nuclear Winter @4slars.bsky.social · 01/10/2026
I'm fading away gracefully as fast as I can.
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Lizzlepants 🐒 @lizzlepants.bsky.social · 27/09/2026
I can’t be the only person who feels like I’m being held hostage when I answer a phone call
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los 🦦 @los-los.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
Gonna be pretty disappointed if the new Avengers doesn’t feature The Baconator
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Jenny Doesn’t Know @jennydoesntknow.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
I’ve been having a lot of thoughts lately & I don’t like any of them
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DaddyJew @daddyjew.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
face down ass up, that’s the way i find the clovers of luck
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Canadian Bacon @tashaneedshelp.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
I just wanna spend the last of my days rolling around like a hotdog on a roller at the local 7/11.
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ash @ashhull.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
My skeets are like echoes that keep multiplying.
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TwoSense @twosense.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
Logged on and didn’t feel insane. My mute/block curation is on point.
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Charlie Alzamora @chalza.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
I've reached the point of cognitive devolution where I won't be offended if you talk to me like I'm some kind of an idiot.
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Greg the Miller @gregthemiller.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
contact lenses should be called eyeball glasses
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stefan @stefanthinks.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
yesterday i spent all day using track and table saws and drill without incident but then cut my hand putting away the folding table
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Salty MacTavish @saltymactavish.bsky.social · 30/09/2026
I wish I could be as indefatigable as you are, but I’m fatigable. I’m very fatigable.
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John @johncnj.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
‘No! Linguine or rotini, there is no tricolor pasta.’ Chef Yoda, probably.
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Cosmic Clau @cosmicclau.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
i'm in a really bad place* right now please keep me in your thoughts *back at work
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mr coffee @i.n33d.coffee · 05/10/2026
Pretty much every house is a tree house if you think about it.
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Skinnie Talls @skinnietalls.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
Even if you've only done the Macarena once, you're still a carrier
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Daisy @daisy91.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
*blows you a kiss with my middle finger
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Melicious @honeybadgermel.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
I get my cardio in by repeatedly pushing the envelope.
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Kellalena @kellalena.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
Home is where the heart takes it’s pants off immediately
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Jane, actually @maidofbeans.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
The last time I said "I'm fine" and truly meant it, Pluto was still a planet.
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Jimmer Cork-Bottle @jimmerthatisall.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
This day in history. 1936. Dutch poet and novelist J. Slauerhoff died. Here's this thing to the tune of Santa Lucia: Jan Jacob Slauerhoff Wandered the southern sea Worked as a doctor Wrote like a prodigy ... One day his luck ran out The diagnosis Tuberculosis! Tuberculosis! ...
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Marc @runoldman.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
I don't know why they're called "Briefs", I been wearing this pair three days.
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