iiinova — where your digital self keeps evolving

FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF @sofarrsogud.bsky.social · 42m

[My girlfriend’s dad watching me, nervously whispering] Does he usually wear hulk hands when he says grace.

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Chestbursty @chestrovert.bsky.social · 7h

Babies are like the Dorito variety pack and I'm sorry to inform you that not all of them can be Cool Ranch

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Reposted by FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF

Siege @tellumsiege.bsky.social · 30/09/2026

I’d love to visit Japan just not during Godzilla season

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taffy bennington @singwithtaffy.bsky.social · 08/09/2026

If I was a beekeeper, I would funnel a bunch of those bees into my suit so they could swirl around and cool me down like a vortexy fan.

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Reposted by FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF

crabbydaddy dave @crabbydaddy.bsky.social · 2h

on a highway to hell in a handbasket that i put all my eggs in

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Reposted by FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF

flamby ✨🐝 @flamby666.bsky.social · 30/09/2026

blink 182 tried to tell us work sucks but we didn't listen

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Charlie Alzamora @chalza.bsky.social · 4h

It took me forever to learn the French word for "here." No one ever said it was going to be ici.

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korpisworld @kwkorpi.bsky.social · 3h

You can’t tickle yourself because your brain knows exactly what’s coming. Same reason my wife doesn’t laugh when I tell her my jokes.

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Reposted by FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF

kattsdogma.bsky.social @kattsdogma.bsky.social · 9h

me: the phrase “dog cocks ears” kinda sounds like the ingredients for a witch’s brew, amirite my gynecologist: what

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murphmama.bsky.social @murphmama.bsky.social · 6h

You know you're old when you look at the concert playlist to see when it's safe to make an early escape

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sweetie π @sixfeetofcandy.bsky.social · 5h

writing my memoirs on old klondike bar wrappers

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Braden Serkas @portmanteauface.bsky.social · 19h

My retirement plan is an abandoned shipping container full of old copper pipes

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Kip Conlon @kipconlon.bsky.social · 3h

Unhappy agoraphobic couple not thinking about seeing other people.

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Greg the Miller @gregthemiller.bsky.social · 5h

the whole point is to share them. they should be called wemes

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FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF @sofarrsogud.bsky.social · 30/09/2026

Gorilla Glue just sounds like a name they came up with to calm down the horses.

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Reposted by FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF

cap’n watsisname @capnwatsisname.bsky.social · 30/09/2026

Careful, the plate is hot. And the fork. Actually I microwaved all the dinnerware for 25 minutes.

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Reposted by FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF

𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜 @unfitz.bsky.social · 30/09/2026

[at my autopsy; a forensic pathologist speaks into a recording device in a puzzled tone] “I’ve never seen so many apple stickers inside of someone”

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Reposted by FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF

chris. @azedand2knots.bsky.social · 29/09/2026

*sound of bone-saw, clanking chains, the wind moans through the trees and so begin the hollow voices of the damned* I'm just burning doing the neutron dance

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Reposted by FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF

Damnit Janet @damnitjanet.bsky.social · 28/09/2026

Podcasts are actually really useful for making it sound like you're not home alone when the delivery guy brings a shameful amount of takeaway

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Reposted by FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF

richie @theregoesrichie.bsky.social · 13/09/2026

yeah well my dog thinks shitting the bed is pretty cool so,

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Tusk Jenkins @tuskjenkins.bsky.social · 29/09/2026

We've become so silly out of touch with our instincts that if we still had tails they would betray us, but that's why I always swing on the ass tickling of forgiveness

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Dropped Mike @rebrafsim.bsky.social · 30/09/2026

me: no, I wouldn’t “CaRe To ElAbOrAtE” prosecutor: do it anyway

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𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜 @unfitz.bsky.social · 30/09/2026

“Caregiver” means a person who gives care. Why doesn’t “caretaker” mean someone who takes care away? Just give me one week with the English language and I will make shit right.

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Davoid (extra screams) @davoid.bsky.social · 23/09/2026

I don’t usually get personal on here but I wanted to let everyone know I’m in kind of a weird place right now. It’s the autopsy room in the basement of the clown college.

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Reposted by FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF

Cosmic Clau @cosmicclau.bsky.social · 30/09/2026

them: when exactly did you become so jaded me: around the time i stopped wearing candy necklaces

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Siege @tellumsiege.bsky.social · 29/09/2026

Godzilla should smile more he’s prettier when he smiles.

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Blair Loudly @blairloudly.bsky.social · 29/09/2026

trial and error would be great names for twins

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Charlie Alzamora @chalza.bsky.social · 30/09/2026

I might have talked while I slept and said something embarrassing but I assure you that it was just asleep of the tongue.

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Reposted by FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF

inkedupandsonic @sonictyrant.bsky.social · 30/09/2026

A semicolon is just a regular colon that needs a fluffer

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Reposted by FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF

Julie Lavender Menace @2tickytacky.bsky.social · 30/09/2026

We should all get together and play solitaire.

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Reposted by FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF

Sunshine Jarboly @sunshinejarboly.bsky.social · 30/09/2026

*two aliens zoom through the solar system in their spaceship. one of them points to the earth as they pass by* that’s where flan was invented.

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DaddyJew @daddyjew.bsky.social · 30/09/2026

wanna feel old? ew. why would you do that

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Reposted by FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF

futuredadOfTwo🙋🏻‍♂️ @lacroixboi.dadguy.pro · 30/09/2026

a blinker to show you’re changing moods

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Reposted by FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF

Danny @mardigroan.bsky.social · 25/09/2026

They can put a man on the moon but we still have to pull back the microwaveable lunch after two minutes, stir, replace the film, and heat it for two more minutes?

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Reposted by FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF

BrujoLoco☠️🖤🏺 @patnspankme.bsky.social · 29/09/2026

what if we made out in the glow of the exterior sconce lighting at Burger King

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FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF @sofarrsogud.bsky.social · 29/09/2026

In the UK aloe vera is just someone saying hello to their friend, Vera

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Resident Warren G. Harding @popeawesomexiii.bsky.social · 29/09/2026

Bringing iced coffee to the interview so I can ask the boss how he feels about UNIONS.

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Reposted by FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF

kattsdogma.bsky.social @kattsdogma.bsky.social · 29/09/2026

me: i dreamed i went to home depot & asked where i could find a ball screw & the sales guy said you mean a nut fucker & i was like yeah a testicle shagger & he said sure ok they’re over there with the other bits my gynecologist: what

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𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜 @unfitz.bsky.social · 29/09/2026

When I see a landscape painting I appreciate the craftsmanship but you need to stick a little dragon or spaceship in a corner if you really want to wow me.

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stefan @stefanthinks.bsky.social · 29/09/2026

they should make lunchables for kids too

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Miss Havishambles @misshavishambles.bsky.social · 29/09/2026

It’s not you it’s me I say, looking in the mirror.

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Leggy Pain 🇨🇦🇵🇸🇺🇦 @leggypain.bsky.social · 29/09/2026

Writing (fanfic about Xena and Dr. Quinn shacking up with Dana Scully)

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[Sic] Burns @sicburns2.bsky.social · 29/09/2026

I know what you did last summer but technically that was just last week so don’t be too impressed

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I've got a dad back @dadback.bsky.social · 13/09/2026

I've decided that half-assing things is too much, so I'm cutting back to quarter-assing

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Jack @wakeupangry.bsky.social · 29/09/2026

I’m all for language evolving but goddam new math.

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Frenchy's Boospecting @frenchys-goldau.bsky.social · 29/09/2026

I don't have followers I have concerned onlookers

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FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF @sofarrsogud.bsky.social · 29/09/2026

CONCERT DEEP PURPLE: So have you guys heard of...Smoke On The Water? CROWD: *screams* ME: [from front row] IT'S MORE THAN LIKELY JUST MIST

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🌘 Dad Moon Rising🌒 @dadmoonrising.bsky.social · 29/09/2026

*showing my son how to connect jumper cables to a car battery Me: Now put the black cable on the battery post with a negative sign. Son: Okay, how am I doing? Me: You're grounded

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🏴‍☠️ Jollyrobber 🏴‍☠️ @jollyrobber.bsky.social · 18/09/2026

*At work, pulls two dryer sheets out of my uniform pants leg* Adds magician to resumè

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Reposted by FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF

Salty MacTavish @saltymactavish.bsky.social · 28/09/2026

What do you guys do to break-in new Carhartts? I taunt bison in Yellowstone haha I haven’t bought new clothes since the Clinton administration

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