Reposted by I've got a dad backkaranormal activity 💜 @deadontheoutside.bsky.social · 13homg do i have to do everything around here 622857
Reposted by I've got a dad backJohn Lyon @johnlyon.bsky.social · 6hI visited Intercourse, PA, and let’s just say it did not live up to my expectations. 76117
Reposted by I've got a dad backEric Replatformed @21stcenturyeric.bsky.social · 28/09/2026A couple alleys down from Diagon Alley is the Harry Potter Universe's red-light district, Vagin Alley. 1106
Reposted by I've got a dad backFᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF @sofarrsogud.bsky.social · 28/09/2026Yes, obviously it's a tuxedo t-shirt. We're at a wedding, Sharon. 318560
Reposted by I've got a dad backFᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF @sofarrsogud.bsky.social · 16hCONCERT DEEP PURPLE: So have you guys heard of...Smoke On The Water? CROWD: *screams* ME: [from front row] IT'S MORE THAN LIKELY JUST MIST 311429
Reposted by I've got a dad backLord Rat Squirt @lordratsquirt.bsky.social · 17hWhy is it okay for horses to evacuate their bowels in the street but not me? They don't even pay municipal taxes. 0104
Reposted by I've got a dad backGreg Reckons @gregreckons.bsky.social · 27/09/2026 the sickness OPP 🤝 I’m down 03311
Reposted by I've got a dad backfuturedadOfTwo🙋🏻♂️ @lacroixboi.dadguy.pro · 28/09/2026ME: i’ll get that from the living room for you, babe {three seconds later} what the heck am i doing in the living room 06917
Reposted by I've got a dad backdr. caitlin m. green @caitlinmoriah.bsky.social · 28/09/2026i am the president of the united states. i like to summon governors to come compliment me while i fall asleep on tv. that’s what being the president is all about babyyyy 49415
Reposted by I've got a dad backFrenchy's After Dark @frenchys-goldau.bsky.social · 24/09/2026Slidden is the past tense of slide 65321
Reposted by I've got a dad backYgrene @ygrene.bsky.social · 28/09/2026it’s customary for the Doritos ceo to reside, himself and family, right there on the property at the famed Cool Ranch 15911
Reposted by I've got a dad backalexis simpson @amutepiggy.bsky.social · 28/09/2026some guy: we need bipartisanship me (nodding): bisexual partisanship 518533
Reposted by I've got a dad backTravis comma bitch @prof-hinkley.bsky.social · 27/09/2026If you wanted a skeleton in your yard for Halloween, you should've put a body out to decay 3 weeks ago 1414445
Reposted by I've got a dad backandy vs. @im-all-id.me · 17/09/2026Yesterday at the doctor, the girl at the front desk asked if I could print out some past results to give them and I said "no I don't have my printer with me" and she didn't even react 1034858
Reposted by I've got a dad backCoach Finstock @coachfinstock.bsky.social · 24/05/2025Me: did you trim the hedges? Gardener: yeah boss made em look like straight leg jeans just like you asked Me: what 1658656
Reposted by I've got a dad backweeder @weeder.bsky.social · 24/09/2026God, grant me the courage to change the things I can and incredible new powers to change the things I can't. 63106402505
Reposted by I've got a dad backAmy @msfoxifurnasty.bsky.social · 19/09/2026i’d offer a handshake but Righty here’s my sinnin’ hand 221366
Reposted by I've got a dad backResident Warren G. Harding @popeawesomexiii.bsky.social · 26/09/2026"It's tacky to drink iced coffee in an interview" buddy I think it's tacky to not offer your employees full medical and dental, we are not the same 115852
Reposted by I've got a dad backthe hype @thehyyyype.bsky.social · 27/09/2026Occam: listen, if you're trying to figure out whether your friend didn't text you back because she may be mad at you for some unknown reason or because she's just busy at the moment, you can just use my razo- Occam's wife: shut up about your razor already, jesus christ 0324
I've got a dad back @dadback.bsky.social · 27/09/2026Coach: sorry son, looks like your leg got busted. We're gonna have to call in Carl. 010
Reposted by I've got a dad backLuke Knox @lukeknox.me · 23/09/2026New Mexico State medical staff trying out some bold new methods 1726627
Reposted by I've got a dad backhuck mason @tylerhuckabee.bsky.social · 26/09/2026recipe: four cloves of garlic me: got it. ideally seven, probably eight, possibly nine but in absilutely no case less than six cloves of garlic 1315216
Reposted by I've got a dad backSweaty Cyborg @sweatycyborg.bsky.social · 26/09/2026“Why would I deceive you? There's no reason for me to do that.” 18512
Reposted by I've got a dad backCarl T. Bergstrom @carlbergstrom.com · 26/09/2026Does my Speak-n-Spell feel pain when I type O-U-C-H? The jury is out. Philosophers and neuroscientists say that's fucking stupid, but I called a guy from the Center for Pretending that Household Electronics Are Sentient and he said there's no way to know for sure. 5742871168
Reposted by I've got a dad backFun @funkelly.bsky.social · 14/09/2026biggest laugh ive had in a minute 421852365
Reposted by I've got a dad backSchmrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrlex @schmrrrlex.bsky.social · 25/09/2026you didn't know what you wanted. you didn't want my input. so no you can't "trade for half" of mine. I was born with this gift for ordering sandwiches, but that doesn't mean I should be punished for your ineptitude 022
Reposted by I've got a dad backdan mentos @danmentos.com · 25/09/2024[to waiter at chain restaurant] a round of free margaritas or I tell you it's my birthday 226137
Reposted by I've got a dad backWristy @wristroom.bsky.social · 29/05/2025It's called quiche because "egg pie" sounds like something you'd look up on urban dictionary 415046
Reposted by I've got a dad backEmily Nussbaum @emilynussbaum.bsky.social · 25/09/2026Every week, the Muppets have to put on a show to salvage a new institution: the Kennedy Center, the Supreme Court, the No-Mask Lesbian Bar, the Wonka Experience, Kozmo Dot Com (this has a time travel dimension, à la Quantum Leap), Cafe Loup in the West Village, democracy, the third season of GLOW 311067179
Reposted by I've got a dad backEMCKAYVEE @youremceekayvee.bsky.social · 10/12/2024if you kiss at Olive Garden is that incest? 2236982
Reposted by I've got a dad backdr. rich traditions, JD @helldude.bsky.social · 25/09/2026spilled iced coffee all over myself interviewing for a job at a bank & an HR recruitment coordinator shouted "this applicant drinking iced coffee" & everyone laughed. 121085100
Reposted by I've got a dad backMatt Matt Matty Matt Give The Matt A Matt @thattdoppe.bsky.social · 25/09/2026As you can see, we've tracked your Iced Coffee spending for some time now 021
Reposted by I've got a dad backViktor Winetrout @viktorwinetrout.bsky.social · 25/09/2026Sorry for the way I’m dressed I have karate class after the funeral 721945
Reposted by I've got a dad backfredesque @fredtaming.bsky.social · 06/12/2024me: i have a bunch of anxiety rn brain: how bout a coffee me: idk sounds like a bad idea brain: iced coffee me: ok yeah that makes more sense 1118187813
Reposted by I've got a dad backKristi Yamaguccimane @wapplehouse.bsky.social · 25/09/2026Democratic strategists looking to 2028: Who will be the Dog The Bounty Hunter of the Left 316221
Reposted by I've got a dad backPoorly Drawn Lines @poorlydrawnlines.bsky.social · 25/09/2026Coming to life 258871
Reposted by I've got a dad backkey @lefttwix.com · 24/09/2026AITA? my roommate (4 month old F) just shit herself then just sat there in it & smiled at me (30’s F) instead of cleaning herself. when i went to help her clean it, she cried & screamed at me. i assumed she didn’t want to sleep with shit in her pants so i thought i was helping but am i the asshole? 1017332
Reposted by I've got a dad backlauren @lauren.rotatingsandwiches.com · 25/09/2026I guess you just bleed more as you get older 212133
Reposted by I've got a dad backGail Simone @gailsimone.bsky.social · 25/09/2026I feel like as these encounters continue, I am learning Jack Reacher’s weaknesses, and I just have to apply myself more and also try to have stronger, less breakable bones. He can’t win EVERY time. 2420111
Reposted by I've got a dad backAmy @lolennui.bsky.social · 25/09/2026first attempt at water, I think the errant dog hairs stuck to the pastel are a nice touch 1032510122
Reposted by I've got a dad backResident Warren G. Harding @popeawesomexiii.bsky.social · 28/10/2025First day as a vampire hunter: This is easy lol First night as a vampire hunter: oh no 71996535
Reposted by I've got a dad backGypsiboo 👻 @gypsican.bsky.social · 24/09/2026Never plan on getting a rotisserie chicken. The grocery gods will decide whether you are worthy. 2356
Reposted by I've got a dad backHelen Quelle Heure @uberjnet.bsky.social · 24/09/2026The dep I like to get my coffee from started carrying this Korean powdered coffee that you can put in hot water, but I've been adding it to my coffee so I get more coffee per coffee 282
I've got a dad back @dadback.bsky.social · 24/09/2026Me (walking out of a meeting in progress): Alexa, pause Me (five minutes later, walking back into the meeting while eating ice cream from a tub): Alexa, resume playback 041
Reposted by I've got a dad backPoorly Drawn Lines @poorlydrawnlines.bsky.social · 24/09/2026Must be new 442456
Reposted by I've got a dad backYgrene @ygrene.bsky.social · 20/04/2026the only thing cooler than a person wearing a jean jacket is a jean jacket wearing a jean jacket 1210223
Reposted by I've got a dad backRob Cee @therobcee.bsky.social · 24/09/2026Co-worker: Ha! Check it out-- Rob's afraid of vampires. Me: *taking a bite out of the necklace of garlic I am wearing* What's a vampire? 0106
