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Braden Serkas 🎃

@portmanteauface.bsky.social
9.6K followers 852 following 2.3K posts

Mostly I write things down, but sometimes I wrong things up. I’m working on it. Clickbait ➡️ bsky.app/profile/did:plc:57tds76f6h…

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Braden Serkas 🎃 @portmanteauface.bsky.social · 4h
History is full of firsts. Think of the first cars. The first airplanes. The first telephones. The first elevators. What did these things have in common? They all sucked. This is why it is far more important to be awesome. Remember the first pyramids? The fuck you do
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𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜 @unfitz.bsky.social · 14h
I will whisper nothings and you can sweeten them to taste.
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𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜 @unfitz.bsky.social · 17h
I’m too highbrow to send dick pics. Mine are phallus photos.
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Dropped Mike @rebrafsim.bsky.social · 02/03/2025
Yoda: marijuana? Yoda’s girlfriend: oh my god yes! we’re gonna have such an amazing wedding— Yoda: *long drag* fucked up I have
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Jimmer Cork-Bottle @jimmerthatisall.bsky.social · 6h
This day in history. 1916. Canadian Pte. James Richardson earned a Victoria Cross for parading in front of the enemy playing the bagpipes inspiring his comrades to capture a German entrenchment. He was shot dead of course, you can't expect men raised on Brahms to tolerate the old dudelsack for long.
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Jane, actually @maidofbeans.bsky.social · 01/03/2025
Your email finds me well yet anxiously awaiting the next full moon when I will once again transform into a werewolf and gorge on an unsuspecting villager.
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ɐʇǝǝɹʎs @phantomsspleen.bsky.social · 8h
We still have our messy emotions. Our clumsy touch.
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‎stinky doug @pogue.omg.lol · 13h
my step sister just snuck into my bedroom and wants me to teach her esoteric knowledge from the lesser key of solomon? but i'm her step brother, that doesn't sound right. she might tell mom.
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Tusk Jenkins @tuskjenkins.bsky.social · 10h
No matter how done you are, whatever it is can always be more complete. Trust in your outfit and keep adding layers. Or be open to removing layers. I may be partial now but trust any amounts of my nudity
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Skinnie Talls @skinnietalls.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
it’s too late for you, donate your hopes and dreams to science
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Skinnie Talls @skinnietalls.bsky.social · 07/10/2026
maybe there should be some shame in your game, bro
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Lizzy @stonedeva.bsky.social · 11/07/2024
So cool how we're all on the same insomnia schedule now
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Braden Serkas 🎃 @portmanteauface.bsky.social · 06/01/2025
DJ: can y’all feel the noise? ME: *shouting over club music* I’M NOT SURE I’VE EVER REALLY FELT ANYTHING
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🎃EM-SCREAM-KAYVEE 🔪 @youremceekayvee.bsky.social · 15/09/2025
There are probably 51 Ways to Leave Your Lover bc you could prob just send them that song and that would be a pretty good hint.
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🎃EM-SCREAM-KAYVEE 🔪 @youremceekayvee.bsky.social · 29/12/2025
Man, fairy tale-era stepmom pussy must’ve been hella good to be having dads agree to leave their kids in the woods and shit.
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batkaren @batkaren.bsky.social · 14h
Sauce Sommelier
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Mr. Bea Arthur, Batshit Crazy™️ @steamymac.bsky.social · 11h
Anthony Kiedis showed up at my house and ate all my Arby’s.
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Kellalena @kellalena.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
Face down ass up.. me putting on socks
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Kip Conlon @kipconlon.bsky.social · 10h
The last person who called me a coward wound up in a hospital. Shingles, I think.
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Cosmic Clau @cosmicclau.bsky.social · 15h
oh i'll do it don't think i won't do it (release the drafts)
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Cosmic Clau @cosmicclau.bsky.social · 15h
waking from a beautiful dream and clinging to the feelings it left behind like my life depends on it
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Cosmic Clau @cosmicclau.bsky.social · 15h
the same motherfuckers who complain the loudest about someone dropping the ball are never there to catch it themselves
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the hype @thehyyyype.bsky.social · 15/12/2024
becca: [fries beans] rebecca: [refries beans]
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Evie Nyx @evienyx7.bsky.social · 07/10/2026
I hooked up with someone who after the deed, pulled out a guitar and started singing aggressively at the wall. I would have dove out of the window in his room if there wasn't one of those decorative grates on the outside.
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karanormal activity 💜 @deadontheoutside.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
coroner: it appears the subject died of multiple tab wounds
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Viktor Winetrout @viktorwinetrout.bsky.social · 11h
[during sex] This is the bed Grandpa died in
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richie @theregoesrichie.bsky.social · 13/09/2026
gaslighting myself for kicks again
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richie @theregoesrichie.bsky.social · 23h
my life as one big unforced error
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Seamus O'Flaugherty @seamussaid.bsky.social · 15h
one time in 3rd grade I thought I'd be funny and I brought a harmonica to school because typically by afternoon I'd be kicked out of class to sit in the hallway. I thought it'd be funny to play the harmonica in the hallway like it was a jail cell 1/
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Marc @runoldman.bsky.social · 03/10/2026
Whenever I drive past the psychic's empty parking lot, I think, if I was psychic I would only be open on the days I knew people were coming.
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‎stinky doug @pogue.omg.lol · 10h
hey what the fuck
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los 🦦 @los-los.bsky.social · 10h
It should be spelled ellipsiiis
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Fiona Applebees 🍎🐝 @fionaapplebs.bsky.social · 07/10/2026
Imagine there’s no heaven, It's easy if you look around
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Ygrene @ygrene.bsky.social · 20/11/2024
is the alarm meant to wake you or is it to warn you that you are now awake
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dan mentos @danmentos.com · 10h
pilot on intercom: folks I’m so high right now haha just a little airline humor copilot: sir we’re still at the gate
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Mal a BOO 👻 @hallowedverses.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
Sure, love yourself and all that, but does that have to include listening to our own voice in a recording?
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🎃Jennifer Sistrunk🎃 @jennisis42.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
We could summon the dark forces, or we could, (hear me out) order Chinese takeout.
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Ruth Burger @ammtuesday.bsky.social · 10h
Let us smoke the dope weed and dance around in our best Stevie Nicks shawl.
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Skellyton 🦇 @infinitefinite.blog · 13h
okay but when I said "ravage me," I wasn't talking to time, and yet
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raindro g but spooky @raindro.bsky.social · 10h
i’ve never seen a dog i wouldn’t chili
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Greg the Miller @gregthemiller.bsky.social · 10h
coin collectors should be called coinnoisseurs
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Frovo @frovo.bsky.social · 10h
when you die all the jokes you forgot before you could post them flash before your eyes
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Kellalena @kellalena.bsky.social · 17h
Finish your plate, there are people starving for attention
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Kellalena @kellalena.bsky.social · 14h
I would like to upgrade my nap to a medically induced coma
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Mary Gillis @marygillis.bsky.social · 03/10/2026
Putting a bottle or can of pop in the freezer to cool it quickly and assuming you'll pull it out before it explodes is known as 'the devil's fizzy wager.'
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Viktor Winetrout @viktorwinetrout.bsky.social · 10h
[shipwreck diary] Day 1: The island is deserted Day 2: I shall devote every waking moment to my survival Day 3: I tried to fuck a coconut
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KnewNic🖕🏼🧊 @knewagirlnic.bsky.social · 22h
Climbs into the air fryer basket just to feel something
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KnewNic🖕🏼🧊 @knewagirlnic.bsky.social · 17h
Only men with tiny dicks dox women. Allegedly.
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anton lestrange @hugemclarge.bsky.social · 14h
cargo shorts season lasts until your nose hairs freeze when you walk outside.
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Blather Wince Repeat @blatherwincerepeat.bsky.social · 07/10/2026
Revenge is best served with melted Gorgonzola atop potato gnocchi on a bed of caramelized radicchio. Assuming you’re retaliating against the fall dinner doldrums.
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