Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜Braden Serkas @portmanteauface.bsky.social · 4hI used to have a friend who was trying to name her soon-to-be-born son, and she confided in me that the hardest part of pregnancy was not drinking. I suggested she name the kid “Chip,” like an AA chip, and I laughed and laughed. We’re not friends anymore 34911
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜Ygrene @ygrene.bsky.social · 3hwhen there were only one set of footprints in the sand, my child, that is when i was showing you how i could dunk from the free throw line 06310
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜It's Abby. Yep @itsabbyyep.bsky.social · 4hI'm special. Like that song you put on your playlist and skip every single time it comes up 59721
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜Braden Serkas @portmanteauface.bsky.social · 3hI think it’s ridiculous that the HOA is insisting I take down the giant skeleton I put up in my front yard just because it “came from a bull elk” and “still has meat on it” 711325
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF @sofarrsogud.bsky.social · 3hGorilla Glue just sounds like a name they came up with to calm down the horses. 58723
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜Christina, mother of spiders @aikiwomannc.bsky.social · 3hGandalf: How can you not care? Middle-earth is depending on on you to complete this quest! Me: Seriously? Have you heard the sounds I make just standing up? Go ask that Baggins guy. I think you can talk him into it. 063
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜Dumb Beezie @dumbbeezie.bsky.social · 16hSomeone called me hostile in my candle making group. That’s why I’m here, bitch 39821
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜Jake_Vig @jakevig.bsky.social · 4hI have never washed a pair of jeans. I assume they clean themselves, like ovens or cats. 59922
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜Frovo @frovo.bsky.social · 20hDRIVE THRU: may i take your order ERIC SCHMITT: yeah i’ll have a cheesy gordita and nachos bell grande DRIVE THRU: sir this is a wendy’s 613622
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜Braden Serkas @portmanteauface.bsky.social · 6hAdrien Brody walks into a bar and the horse asks “why the long face” 33512
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜SeaTea @tierno158.bsky.social · 4hOne of my silliest traits is thinking that reason will prevail at some point. 1183
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜Skinnie Talls @skinnietalls.bsky.social · 4hI have the feeling that some of these people are impervious to our charms 45226
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜mean things I say to myself @meantomyself.bsky.social · 10hIt's wild when people side eye the hairless cat, Burger, in my office. Yeah a therapist cat works here, keep up people act like you know what's up 1297
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜cap’n watsisname @capnwatsisname.bsky.social · 4hCareful, the plate is hot. And the fork. Actually I microwaved all the dinnerware for 25 minutes. 36123
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜alexis simpson @amutepiggy.bsky.social · 4hthe social media ideal is firing off three to five borderline nonsense posts before closing the app and taking a 2 hour nap 810526
𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜 @unfitz.bsky.social · 3h[at my autopsy; a forensic pathologist speaks into a recording device in a puzzled tone] “I’ve never seen so many apple stickers inside of someone” 517150
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜minkitypinkity ❤️ @minkitypinkity.bsky.social · 13/03/2024I don’t care what the question is, the answer is potato 44817
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜kattsdogma.bsky.social @kattsdogma.bsky.social · 4hwebsites for… butts & garbage: OnlyCans fogerty & quayle: OnlyDans sneakers & trucks: OnlyVans solo & christian andersen: OnlyHans peter & cooking utensils: OnlyPans laurel & lee: OnlyStans drescher & lebowitz: OnlyFrans master & best laid: O 145622
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜trickykat @trickykat.bsky.social · 4hflaring my nostrils because i’m having a good nose hair day 717455
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜Amy @msfoxifurnasty.bsky.social · 29/09/2026i forget so many things i long to remember why the fuck do i have to remember all the shit i wanna forget 16517
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜Tiffany Troia @tiffanytroia.bsky.social · 29/09/2026It's been years and years, but I'm finally getting over these inconvenient feelings :) Love pours out and vanishes like magic from an enchanted bottle ✨ 3415
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜rebar mcentire? @rebarmcentire.bsky.social · 4hfor mental health reasons I will be laying down on the sidewalk in the fetal position until further notice 28218
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜Pandy Fackler 🍂 @thatbrenna.bsky.social · 10hPeople used to sail away to distant lands, risking their lives to get spices. Someone probably died trying to get cinnamon. Their sacrifice led to cinnamon toast crunch though 64512
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜Siege @tellumsiege.bsky.social · 9hI’d love to visit Japan just not during Godzilla season 710040
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜Dak @dak.bsky.social · 10hMy car's automatic start-stop engine feature exists solely to convince me the battery died at every single red light. 4778
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜korpisworld @kwkorpi.bsky.social · 5hNothing inspires confidence in modern medicine like walking into the doctor’s office with a pharmaceutical request you got during Wheel of Fortune. 0124
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜Fiona Applebees 🍎🐝 @fionaapplebs.bsky.social · 29/09/2026There should be a politics toggle. Want updates? Toggle on. Need a break? Off 24514
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜Misery Highlight @miseryhighlight.bsky.social · 4hRadically accepting that everything is lava 110353
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜strange ranger @lithiumsucks.bsky.social · 6hThe first rule of mental illness club is login to Bluesky. 413746
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜Misery Highlight @miseryhighlight.bsky.social · 5hHow many times can I say fuck in one hour challenge 65317
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜futuredadOfTwo🙋🏻♂️ @lacroixboi.dadguy.pro · 9hmost mimes stick to the following code: 35718
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜It's Abby. Yep @itsabbyyep.bsky.social · 29/09/2026I'm not the youngest person in the world, or the most accomplished, but at least my memory is going so I can't recall where I was going with this 412628
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜Braden Serkas @portmanteauface.bsky.social · 7hUnlimited texting was great when phone companies first offered it. Now people break up one sentence into 17 messages and I want each text to cost a dollar 37519
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜Frovo @frovo.bsky.social · 8hit's called a rabbit maybe you've hared of it 56419
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜futuredadOfTwo🙋🏻♂️ @lacroixboi.dadguy.pro · 5hspirit halloween has moved into the flavor department of the la croix factory 34215
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜Goose, seasonally spiced @augustagoose.bsky.social · 7hI’m ‘annoyed at not being able to find the thing that is actually in my hand’ years old. 1246
𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜 @unfitz.bsky.social · 5hThe server stopped by my table and asked how my food was. When I said “Good” she spontaneously did a double fist pump, as though she had just made a game winner at the buzzer. I don’t recall ever loving a job that enthusiastically. 58519
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜Daisy @daisy91.bsky.social · 8hIf we’re dating and you go on the Price is Right and fall down screaming because you won a TV, I’m breaking up with you. 2818657
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜futuredadOfTwo🙋🏻♂️ @lacroixboi.dadguy.pro · 7hmy baby has started to respond to questions with an adorable little “ya” and to test it i asked are you a stinker and she said “the fuck did you say to me”? so proud of her 612228
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜𝔏𝔦𝔳𝔢 𝔏𝔞𝔲𝔤𝔥 𝔏𝔬𝔞𝔱𝔥𝔢 @fleurkenstein.bsky.social · 13hAlways looking for a chandler but end up with a ross 32812
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜John Carpenter’s The Alex Nevil @thealexnevil.bsky.social · 29/09/202617 begged me for a car because all his friends have one, so I get him a used one. Now he’s not speaking to me. There’s just no pleasing him. 16620
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜Greg the Miller @gregthemiller.bsky.social · 6hwhy don’t they call it herfume 66119
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜KaiJen M(s) 🏵️🎉 @jenetmms.bsky.social · 8hI've been talking to the trees and they agree, you're pretty amazing. The mushrooms still don't trust you tho (they don't trust anyone) 34413
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜Ygrene @ygrene.bsky.social · 12hgood morning to everyone out there but an especially good morning to any twelve foot skeletons who are reporting for yard duty 414123
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜SeaTea @tierno158.bsky.social · 6hI grew up in a simpler time. I drank from a garden hose. I rode home on a stingray bike when the street lights came on to find my mother washing down Valium with Boone's Farm, Strawberry Hill and dad on his 3rd martini calling Walter Cronkite a pinko commie bastard for questioning the Vietnam War. 3327
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜sweetie π @sixfeetofcandy.bsky.social · 5hbro, you are not 2 legit and you should quit 917849
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜Dropped Mike @rebrafsim.bsky.social · 10h[data center] yes hi I’d like one datum, please 3298