Reposted by Kip ConlonKellalena @kellalena.bsky.social · 14hIf you don’t like my cargo pants, let me check the pockets to see if I care 313762
Kip Conlon @kipconlon.bsky.social · 4hPro tip: always choose the Chinese restaurant where the people who like good food go. 0123
Reposted by Kip ConlonFrovo @frovo.bsky.social · 15hDRIVE THRU: may i take your order ERIC SCHMITT: yeah i’ll have a cheesy gordita and nachos bell grande DRIVE THRU: sir this is a wendy’s 612121
Kip Conlon @kipconlon.bsky.social · 11hI keep a blog of interesting facts about Star Wars because if I don't, who will? 2238
Reposted by Kip Conlondissected @trepanation.bsky.social · 11hme: a dog named scoby doo who drinks kombucha executioner (pulling a lever): ok 1456
Kip Conlon @kipconlon.bsky.social · 22hAs I was saying to my therapist just the other day, “please, I can change. You are the only one who listens.” 0115
Kip Conlon @kipconlon.bsky.social · 29/09/2026Your lack of empathy is telling. Who cares why they packed so many clothes for a three-hour tour. 612136
Kip Conlon @kipconlon.bsky.social · 29/09/2026Every time they play our song I think of that magical night in L.A. and a reindeer running over grandma. 0168
Reposted by Kip ConlonMichelle @michelleroy78.bsky.social · 29/09/2026My outfit today could best be described as, "I wasn't expecting to leave the house." 11878
Reposted by Kip ConlonTruman Chipotle @trumanchipotle.com · 28/09/2026Hey, babe. Let's play 2 foods and a lie. I'll go first. 1. Tamales 2. Cherry pie 3. There's nothing you can do that would make me stop loving you. 23814
Reposted by Kip Conlonchris. @azedand2knots.bsky.social · 28/09/2026If by no ads, you mean all ads, we got you. All for the low low price of $109.99. 210337
Reposted by Kip ConlonChestbursty @chestrovert.bsky.social · 29/09/2026I would just explain to the lion that if I run I'm going to become quite sweaty 24319
Reposted by Kip Conlon𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜 @unfitz.bsky.social · 27/09/2026My medication label: “Do not operate heavy machinery” Me, as I prep to perform brain surgery: “Well, that’s just common sense” 37327
Kip Conlon @kipconlon.bsky.social · 29/09/2026McDonald’s Cashier: [sinister giggle] Here’s your “dirty” Dr. Pepper. 0174
Kip Conlon @kipconlon.bsky.social · 29/09/2026Despite my boastful claims, I’m not a big boy, I can’t handle it. 04312
Kip Conlon @kipconlon.bsky.social · 29/09/2026To add to that, at the Copa, don't order the empanadas. 0112
Kip Conlon @kipconlon.bsky.social · 28/09/2026I beg to differ, and never impugn my ability to unsee again. 080
Reposted by Kip ConlonJack Boot @jackboot.bsky.social · 28/09/2026We may be subjects of a galactic empire and just not know it. The crickets didn't know they were in the Roman Empire. 53917
Reposted by Kip Conlon🧩 @holojester.bsky.social · 28/09/2026only god can hear my screams and also my neighbor bradley 2267
Kip Conlon @kipconlon.bsky.social · 28/09/2026Back from my time travels. Bought a Van Gogh, bet on the World Series, and killed who I thought was baby Hitler. 1172
Kip Conlon @kipconlon.bsky.social · 28/09/2026I must have been 8 or 9 when my parents sat me down to explain there is no Michelin Man. 109930
Kip Conlon @kipconlon.bsky.social · 28/09/2026Ever walk into a tomb and forget why you went in there? 78622
Reposted by Kip ConlonJason, ex Inferis @benedictsred.bsky.social · 20/09/2026Mom used to open a drink in the store before she paid for it and I thought child services was about to take me 715525
Kip Conlon @kipconlon.bsky.social · 28/09/2026I refuse to equate my self-worth with my net worth. Which is very lucky for me. 0329
Kip Conlon @kipconlon.bsky.social · 27/09/2026Never go to the grocery store when you’re hungry. Drunk’s not great either. 4478
Kip Conlon @kipconlon.bsky.social · 27/09/2026I’m thinking of tuning my ukulele, if you know what I mean (I’m thinking of tuning my ukulele). 2238
Reposted by Kip ConlonTwoSense @twosense.bsky.social · 27/09/2026Interviewer: what’s your greatest weakness Me: (straw slurping) probably iced coffee 1139691
Kip Conlon @kipconlon.bsky.social · 27/09/2026Great list of sheriffs to avoid in latest issue of Drifter Magazine. 1257
Kip Conlon @kipconlon.bsky.social · 27/09/2026People and their assumptions. I am not a clown, I am dressed as a clown. 0248
Kip Conlon @kipconlon.bsky.social · 26/09/2026By calling myself a “nerd” I am reclaiming the word, thus slightly easing its burning sting. 1125
Reposted by Kip ConlonBrujoLoco☠️🖤🏺 @patnspankme.bsky.social · 22/09/2026I love warm weather I love summer but this particular time of year kicks fucking ass 48928
Reposted by Kip ConlonGrant Tanaka @granttanaka.bsky.social · 26/09/2026Ever get the feeling you’ve been cheated? Good night! 49740
Reposted by Kip ConlonJez @jez1.bsky.social · 26/09/2026Please, sir, may I have less self-awareness? 416771
Kip Conlon @kipconlon.bsky.social · 25/09/2026Made a lot of noise about how I’d been thinking of buying pickles to the free samples lady. 0225
Reposted by Kip ConlonNurseBrianRN @nursebrianrn.bsky.social · 25/09/2026the New Jersey decimal system 1437
Kip Conlon @kipconlon.bsky.social · 25/09/2026Do people even have butlers anymore? Should I fire Jennings? 3255
Kip Conlon @kipconlon.bsky.social · 25/09/2026Feels like everyone in this Taco Bell can tell they’re high. 2203
Reposted by Kip ConlonMichelle @michelleroy78.bsky.social · 24/09/2026Cookies have very few vitamins. That’s why you have to eat so many of them. 2103982431
Reposted by Kip Conlonthe beggars out of here getter @milesklee.bsky.social · 25/09/2026ME, THE MANCHURIAN CANDIDATE: instructions received. i will not fail 1264174
Kip Conlon @kipconlon.bsky.social · 25/09/2026Some might call me a dreamer. Others, a lazy sack of crap. 1167
Reposted by Kip ConlonJason, ex Inferis @benedictsred.bsky.social · 24/09/2026I don’t wanna be an alpha. Bitch I’m tryna frolic 526591
Reposted by Kip ConlonLizzy @stonedeva.bsky.social · 22/09/2026Skipping all the costume nonsense and just going as a slut this year 723872
Reposted by Kip ConlonDumb Beezie @dumbbeezie.bsky.social · 24/09/2026If you have a man tell him I said stfu 810841
Reposted by Kip Conloncaptain bleach @blainecapatch.bsky.social · 17/09/2026most streaming services are actually just pee 121228
Kip Conlon @kipconlon.bsky.social · 24/09/2026On the bright side, I’ll have a lot to tell my therapist this week. As well as my lawyer and priest. 1227
Kip Conlon @kipconlon.bsky.social · 24/09/2026Like Icarus, I flew too close to the sun, on wings made of wax. I did that exact thing. 4237
Kip Conlon @kipconlon.bsky.social · 24/09/2026It's ironic to be called a “pathological liar” when you invented the term. 1399
