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futuredadOfTwo🙋🏻‍♂️

@lacroixboi.dadguy.pro
20K followers 470 following 35K posts

tell my Wife and bebé and future bebé i mentioned them here. dang that is a bright ass thigh… and jerry’s face?! past futuredad: bsky.app/profile/did:plc:sdkxyw2r7xlx5kjhsolgagv6/feed/aaaaizi5rqfrk cis•het•Supportive•CA sober 13yrs

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Reposted by futuredadOfTwo🙋🏻‍♂️
DaddyJew @daddyjew.bsky.social · 24m
wanna feel old? ew. why would you do that
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Sunshine Jarboly @sunshinejarboly.bsky.social · 4h
*two aliens zoom through the solar system in their spaceship. one of them points to the earth as they pass by* that’s where flan was invented.
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key @lefttwix.com · 2h
bro would you even kidnap the sandy claws with me?
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dr. uncle boobs phD 🗿 @retroshorts21.bsky.social · 1h
😤
Pictured: skeletor (?) holding a cute creature in one arm and a staff in the other. Text below says:
“I AM NOT NICE.”
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River Side Casino @riversidecasino.bsky.social · 33m
Have you experienced the living death? If not, gamble harder.
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strange ranger @lithiumsucks.bsky.social · 1h
The first rule of mental illness club is login to Bluesky.
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brick @bigblocks.bsky.social · 50m
hey we saw you from across the bar when you sneezed and spilled your mozzarella sticks in your lap so we got you more mozzarella sticks take care
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Opinion Editor @ Bluesky @dly.bsky.social · 47m
sent my niece (a college freshman) a note to remind her of all the ways she and her friends can look out for each other she ended her reply with "and I'm currently sitting at a fountain drinking coffee and eating a pastry so life is as good as it gets" and it made me do this: 🥹
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Gef the Toking Mongoose @geftokingmongoose.bsky.social · 19h
Me talking about someone I've posted with on the same social media site for a long time but never actually met
Still from the television show What We Do in the Shadows showing Laszlo speaking. Text reads "he's my best friend, he's my pal. He's my homeboy, my rotten soldier. He's my sweet cheese, my good-time boy."
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futuredadOfTwo🙋🏻‍♂️ @lacroixboi.dadguy.pro · 4h
most mimes stick to the following code:
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Sarah Andersen @sarahseeandersen.bsky.social · 1h
The image is of a four panel comic.
The first panel shows Sarah, the protagonist, holding a red ball labeled "A SILLY MEME".
The second panel shows Sarah taking the ball and going through a door labeled "GROUP CHAT".
The third panel shows a group of women sitting together and consoling one woman in the center. The woman in the center is saying "...And that's how it happened. It's been the worst day of my life."
The fourth panel shows Sarah standing in the doorway behind them awkwardly holding the red ball.
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Jerry Chen @jcsalterego.bsky.social · 1h
this works best if you read the caption in elizabeth holmes's voice
the liberty biberty puppet looking at nathan fielder saying, "why would i liberty biberty you?"
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Ken Childs @thekenchilds.com · 2h
My review of “Meet Joe Black”:
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Evie Nyx @evienyx7.bsky.social · 3h
Answering text and emails from here on out using only wingdings to seem more mysterious
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Mary Gillis @marygillis.bsky.social · 1h
If it's that the MCU was all a dream Tony Stark had as he lay bleeding out in the desert during the first 10 minutes of IRON MAN, I would respect the hell out of that.
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wargen @funeralpig.bsky.social · 1h
i've learned a lot about myself over the last year. mostly that i am not very interesting and that i should learn about other stuff
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ceej @ceej.online · 1h
back in the day if you needed a coat you could just go to The Coat Store and talk to the Coat Guy. but now a days the Coat Store also has to sell whiskey stones
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ϝɾιɠɠιɳϝɾҽɳƈԋ @frigginfrench.bsky.social · 2h
cashier: what size coffee would you like? me: medium is fine, I don't have the butthole capacity for a large. cashier, to my friend: and what size is your butthole?
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karanormal activity 💜 @deadontheoutside.bsky.social · 1h
i wore one on my ankle and now i have wristlace leg syndrome
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Greg the Miller @gregthemiller.bsky.social · 17h
a necklace for your wrist is called a wristlace
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futuredadOfTwo🙋🏻‍♂️ @lacroixboi.dadguy.pro · 1h
my baby has started to respond to questions with an adorable little “ya” and to test it i asked are you a stinker and she said “the fuck did you say to me”? so proud of her
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Siege @tellumsiege.bsky.social · 1h
I wanna make a bad hat joke but I’m worried it’ll go over a few heads.
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haunted girlfriend @sliceofwife.bsky.social · 1h
*grandmother voice* remember when the weather got cool in october
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mave @mave.bsky.social · 28/09/2026
Moving from summer to fall is a significant shift. Time to put away my swimsuits and get back to mysteriously haunting a crumbling abandoned lighthouse
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phil @philjamesson.com · 3h
as always when this is posted, i have to fondly remember the time someone stole this tweet word for word, including using my name as the punchline, then claimed it was just independent discovery
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✧𝔪𝔲𝔡 𝔰𝔠𝔞𝔪𝔭✧ @altaudge.bsky.social · 3h
i think the worms in my brain would be really good friends with the worms in your brain
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amy brown @amybrown.xyz · 2h
remember to block @m-tracey.bsky.social and move on. there is nothing you can say to him that will be crueler than his lonely little life
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Skinnie Talls @skinnietalls.bsky.social · 3h
I find your lack of silliness seriously disturbing
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æmə's ghost @amazingama.bsky.social · 3h
Hitting snooze until this bed swallows me whole
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lauren @lauren.rotatingsandwiches.com · 3h
Had to document this lest it be lost to history
a 27 inch dell monitor with Computer on a legal sticky note attached to its bezel. It's underlined
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lauren @lauren.rotatingsandwiches.com · 4h
wandering around the office and just walked by a detached monitor with a yellow sticky note on it labeled COMPUTER. kind of profound if you think about it
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Siege @tellumsiege.bsky.social · 4h
I’d love to visit Japan just not during Godzilla season
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donni saphire @donni.bsky.social · 15h
Simplify your life by hibernating from now until spring
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Dan of the Year @downwithdan.bsky.social · 28/09/2026
Ah yes the circle of life
• Dispatched
Sep 25 23:03 pm
In Transit
Sep 26 09:52 am
Delayed
Sep 26 10:57 am
Held By Carrier
Sep 26 15:07 pm
Destroyed
Sep 26 15:08 pm
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Elle @elleisanisland.bsky.social · 19h
tracking the Ring
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trickykat @trickykat.bsky.social · 16h
if scrooge’s lunch has been stolen he’s been hamburgled
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trickykat @trickykat.bsky.social · 16h
3:34am i should go to sleep someone kill bluesky again
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futuredadOfTwo🙋🏻‍♂️ @lacroixboi.dadguy.pro · 4h
most mimes stick to the following code:
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Norah Woodsey @norahwoodsey.com · 4h
Tfw you are trying to be chill but are dying inside (vet checkup)
A red tri australian shepherd dog sitting and smiling, but her eyes are watering and they look a little manic. Her tongue is dry because she has been panting too much. She is staring at a door where the vet will enter her exam room
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alber @captainacabairbud.myatproto.social · 4h
when your post is just too good
a bluesky notification that tells me it failed to delete post, please try again
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alexis simpson @amutepiggy.bsky.social · 12h
me: jrr. you gotta stop naming dwarves jrr tolkien: borgen and lorgen and forgen and clorgen. bujingo and judingo and bobingo. choin and groin and sloin and of course, bloin
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SpatialKimtamine @kimmalien.bsky.social · 15h
People everywhere are tired of my bullshit but I’m not done yet
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alber @captainacabairbud.myatproto.social · 5h
he was a boy. he was back in town. can i make it any more obvious?
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Ygrene @ygrene.bsky.social · 29/09/2026
an app that shows you how close in proximity you are to a functioning and availble pair of reading glasses
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Travis comma bitch @prof-hinkley.bsky.social · 4h
you grow up thinking milk is either good or bad, but then you become a parent and find out there’s a third state called "it’ll taste fine in cereal, hurry up we’re late for school"
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geist @prettyvulgar.bsky.social · 27/09/2026
If being poor has taught me anything, it’s that it sucks to be poor.
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Viktor Winetrout @viktorwinetrout.bsky.social · 17h
Due to personal reasons, I will be screaming into the void
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Opinion Editor @ Bluesky @dly.bsky.social · 18h
me and the girls are gonna scream into the void until our vocal cords snap, come thru if you're free
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Opinion Editor @ Bluesky @dly.bsky.social · 23h
"what do you expect to happen? have every rapist fired from their job and ruin their life?" uh yeah that'd be a good start
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