Reposted by houndeath.bsky.socialAmy @lolennui.bsky.social · 12/08/2025oh yeah? can AI writing and art do this?? (disappoints my parents) 71031192
Reposted by houndeath.bsky.socialJo @whatsjo.bsky.social · 22/11/2024him: will you at least act normal when my folks get here me: *flipping a pancake and reading it like a tarot card* bad news 121721302
Reposted by houndeath.bsky.socialSteve Suckington @stevesuckington.bsky.social · 27/02/2025why stop at carrot cake? here have some asparagus pudding you sick fuck 1192671376
Reposted by houndeath.bsky.socialJerry @allhailjerry.myatproto.social · 18/11/2024I'm old fashioned. I believe you should hand write all 5000 pages of your manifesto. 732347
Reposted by houndeath.bsky.socialMary Gillis @marygillis.bsky.social · 03/10/2026Putting a bottle or can of pop in the freezer to cool it quickly and assuming you'll pull it out before it explodes is known as 'the devil's fizzy wager.' 711470153
Reposted by houndeath.bsky.social🅱️oofessor Killosk 👻🔪 @professorkiosk.wtf · 23/07/2025corn dogs are just meat twinkies 23496161
Reposted by houndeath.bsky.socialViktor Winetrout @viktorwinetrout.bsky.social · 05/10/2026You’re laughing? A coyote runs into a wall painted to look like a tunnel and you’re laughing 1139170
Reposted by houndeath.bsky.socialIt's Abby. Yep @itsabbyyep.bsky.social · 17/12/2024And God saw the boys that he had made, and behold, they were back in town 331609364
Reposted by houndeath.bsky.socialillumi @yallchemist.bsky.social · 12/10/2023sometimes i delete a post because i've grown as a person in those 45 seconds 5385502549
Reposted by houndeath.bsky.socialTruckstop Vigilante @brenthor.bsky.social · 06/12/2023text from my boss: 'where are u, meeting has started' Me, remembering my therapists advice about positive framing: im enjoying some diarrhea 9852141
Reposted by houndeath.bsky.socialJo @whatsjo.bsky.social · 03/10/2026me: Hey, I can’t sleep. Do you think it’s because of stress? hand puppet: *rolls over on my pillow to look at me* you have had a lot on your plate recently. 439786
Reposted by houndeath.bsky.socialLauren Flans @laurenflans.bsky.social · 10/03/2024Oh; I concur that this is not my circus, but those ARE, in fact, my monkeys. And therein lies the problem, constable: this circus has obtained my monkeys by nefarious means. 6970268
Reposted by houndeath.bsky.socialmindflakes @mindflakes.bsky.social · 06/12/2024Shaved 5 minutes off my morning routine by brushing my teeth and riding the mechanical duck outside the supermarket at the same time 332641421
Reposted by houndeath.bsky.socialOpinion Editor @ Bluesky @dly.bsky.social · 06/04/2025please understand that all of my jokes are a personal attack on you 601951370
Reposted by houndeath.bsky.socialViktor Winetrout @viktorwinetrout.bsky.social · 28/09/2026Damn girl, are you chocolate? Because I love you but you almost killed my dog 330741
Reposted by houndeath.bsky.socialRads @rads.bsky.social · 16/11/2024[being chased by killer] ME: *frantically pressing crosswalk button* 242101490
Reposted by houndeath.bsky.socialSteve Suckington @stevesuckington.bsky.social · 13/07/2023"Have some respect. This is a funeral" *slowly removes giant sombrero revealing smaller yet still pretty big sombrero* 11905218
Reposted by houndeath.bsky.socialmolly @bugmom.bsky.social · 25/06/2026hey so the other villagers voted to put you in the contraption 7459106
Reposted by houndeath.bsky.socialCoach Finstock @coachfinstock.bsky.social · 10/10/2023About to get thrown out of here for obvious reasons 252248815817
Reposted by houndeath.bsky.socialViktor Winetrout @viktorwinetrout.bsky.social · 25/09/2026Got kicked out of the death cult for playing my kazoo during the purification ritual 722043
Reposted by houndeath.bsky.socialhuntigula @huntigula.bsky.social · 14/06/2023kool-aid man sleeps standing up like a horse 621359
Reposted by houndeath.bsky.socialTammy Golden @tammygolden.bsky.social · 11/08/2024Relatable 10801179
Reposted by houndeath.bsky.socialAmy Vants to Suck Your Blood 🩸 @msfoxifurnasty.bsky.social · 27/06/2025[peering out the window as blood rains from the sky] we needed this 241621365
Reposted by houndeath.bsky.socialOctopus/Caveman @octopuscaveman.bsky.social · 23/07/2025People think a post is “successful” if it gets a lot of likes but personally I think a post is successful if it reaches just one person and absolutely ruins their day 492267407
Reposted by houndeath.bsky.socialhotsietozzi @hotsietozzi.bsky.social · 30/06/2025In the 1930s & 40s Hollywood execs changed all the up-and-coming starlets’ names because they all came in with names like Blanchetta Blinkeldonk or Mary Gutts 1058569
Reposted by houndeath.bsky.socialleemanish.bsky.social @leemanish.bsky.social · 15/09/2026I get home late, dead tired, and see my name in big, bloody letters on the bedroom wall - and I'm like, nope, I will deal with THIS in the morning 730664
Reposted by houndeath.bsky.socialJohn Carpenter’s The Alex Nevil @thealexnevil.bsky.social · 15/08/2023Establish dominance over your grandma by giving her a crisp $5 bill in her birthday card. 428988
Reposted by houndeath.bsky.socialbatkaren @batkaren.bsky.social · 11/06/2024“Hey, I’m Luke’s Uncle Owen, and I dress similarly to others here on Tatooine.” “And I’m Luke’s Aunt Beru. I wear a jean jacket over a butterfly collar blouse and look like an extra from the Partridge Family.” 391635198
Reposted by houndeath.bsky.socialmave @mave.bsky.social · 14/09/2026Was thinking I’d like to be pushed in a stroller except lying down and then realized that would be a gurney 119149
Reposted by houndeath.bsky.socialalexis simpson is confused by display name changes @amutepiggy.bsky.social · 20/06/2026you: Please, dr moreau. your unholy creations are an affront to god. creatures of land should not combine with creatures of the sea. a baby belongs with its mother sheep, not imprisoned within a pearlescent shell until you see fit to pry open its hinges dr moreau: clamb 161987508
Reposted by houndeath.bsky.socialterror @weedlejuice.bsky.social · 29/05/2026Saw your man floating ass up in the bog. Undignified 191659582
Reposted by houndeath.bsky.socialIt's Abby. Yep @itsabbyyep.bsky.social · 26/08/2026I'm super excited to announce that my half-hour pilot, My Boyfriend the Drag Queen (Based On a True Story) is ONE of FIVE Finalists in the 2026 TrackingB TV Script Contest! 3733030
Reposted by houndeath.bsky.socialamy brown 👻 @amybrown.xyz · 22/11/2025the baby (17 months) raised both her hands and said “WEADY?” so I said “ready!” and then she slapped me in the face 333488331
Reposted by houndeath.bsky.sociallukelukeluke @lukelukeluke.bsky.social · 22/03/2025When they christen a ship are they smacking the bottle into the ship’s face or it’s lil ass 86132899
Reposted by houndeath.bsky.socialandy vs. @im-all-id.me · 12/12/2024Being held for questioning sounds so nice 692746436
Reposted by houndeath.bsky.social🎃EM-SCREAM-KAYVEE 🔪 @youremceekayvee.bsky.social · 09/09/2026someone tried to sext with me on LinkedIn 3815914
Reposted by houndeath.bsky.socialTyler, from the Internet (Haunted) @tylerfromtheinternet.com · 08/03/2026Twerkers at the barbeque get priority parking 🫡 6765371252
Reposted by houndeath.bsky.socialDr. Bucky Isotope, PhD, BOFA @buckyisotope.bsky.social · 25/07/2026A man walks into a horse bar. Why the short face, asks the horse bartender. The man begins crying. He is the last human left on horse world. 14549107
Reposted by houndeath.bsky.socialViktor Winetrout @viktorwinetrout.bsky.social · 27/07/2026I hate when you go to a funeral and another guy is wearing the same grim reaper costume 211127
Reposted by houndeath.bsky.socialA Bloody Woodstake @tenderbeefsteak.bsky.social · 31/08/2026My SIL is teaching remotely at a school in southern Illinois and I was not ready to learn about the mascot 18263771188
Reposted by houndeath.bsky.socialGian D’Oh @giandoh.bsky.social · 23/09/2023The Rick Springfield Paradox: If you get Jessie’s girl, she is no longer Jessie’s girl, and you have obtained nothing. 261068249
Reposted by houndeath.bsky.socialmore mr. spice guy @juniorhoncho.bsky.social · 18/08/2026responding to a diss track with a song called Genuinely Thought We Were On Good Terms 124664999
Reposted by houndeath.bsky.socialViktor Winetrout @viktorwinetrout.bsky.social · 28/08/2026Cookie Monster’s eyes sparkle with tears. “No more cookies?” he whispers. The executioner flips the switch 2341761
Reposted by houndeath.bsky.socialDr. Bucky Isotope, PhD, BOFA @buckyisotope.bsky.social · 29/11/2024Cookie Monster delivering the eulogy at Bert's funeral. Head bowed low. Stillness. "Me want cookies," he sadly intones. "Me want cookies." 930549
Reposted by houndeath.bsky.socialGreeneville Zoo @greenevillezoo.bsky.social · 27/08/2026For an animal that supposedly mates for life, you’d be shocked by all the penguin sex parties. 719140
Reposted by houndeath.bsky.social🎃HalloDeeny🎃 they/them @geraldinepiche.bsky.social · 24/08/2026Clowns are born the same way that they get out of cars and its horrific to watch 221010248
Reposted by houndeath.bsky.socialRiver Side Casino @riversidecasino.bsky.social · 23/08/2026Congratulations to Carol for winning the death pool! On a related note, Tricia from Human Resources has passed away. 825030
Reposted by houndeath.bsky.socialfuturedadOfTwo🙋🏻♂️ @lacroixboi.dadguy.pro · 26/04/2024The microwave demands sacrifice 543293799
Reposted by houndeath.bsky.socialElle @elleisanisland.bsky.social · 12/11/2024armadillos should sound like accordions when they run 221602387
