iiinova — where your digital self keeps evolving

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Evan J’Daté Kessler @evanjkessler.bsky.social · 06/10/2026

I hope the main symptom of the next plague is just takin' a cozy little nap.

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NosferaPru @prufrockluvsong.bsky.social · 05/10/2026

There's still time before the holidays to have a trap door installed in front of your house.

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mark leidner @markleidner.bsky.social · 05/10/2026

my brother in law is trying to get “boat” going as a competing acronym to “goat” (“best of all time” vs “greatest of all time”). this began when he said the lasagna my wife made for my kid’s bday was objectively boated

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james hawkins @j406.bsky.social · 20/06/2026

seriously be careful out there everyone i had 2 Microsoft Copilot licenses in my car, and someone broke in and left 4 more

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Rob Cee @therobcee.bsky.social · 05/10/2026

Sci-fi fans should know that the real "Quantum Leap" is when you accept Him as your savior.

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Woodrow Peel 🆗🆒 @woodyluvscoffee.bsky.social · 05/10/2026

1976: By 2026, science fiction is convinced all our needs will be met and science will have a cure for everything. 2026: My social media algorithm is convinced I need Kalshi and my pillow is trying to kill me.

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𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜 @unfitz.bsky.social · 05/10/2026

My body is a temple. My head has two temples. I attended Temple University. I forgot where I was going with this.

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Amy Vants to Suck Your Blood 🩸 @msfoxifurnasty.bsky.social · 05/10/2026

not everyone knows this but drinking isn’t the only way to ingest the blood of your enemies, you can also toss it with some pasta or spread it on a piece of toast

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happy filth_oween @filth-waste.bsky.social · 05/10/2026

my goal is to be popular enough to schedule high profile fights with right wing influencers for “charity”

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C. Bukowski @thishurt.bsky.social · 05/10/2026

Crying because Chewy just refunded me $200 for Loki’s veterinary diet food that was delivered the day before he died with their deepest condolences for losing him. They aren’t even making me return it. Going to donate it to a cat who needs it. 🥺

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Chestbursty @chestrovert.bsky.social · 05/10/2026

Much like a Care Bear, I too project streams of substances from my stomach but mine sure ain't hope 'n love

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Peter Karlin @heykarlin.bsky.social · 05/10/2026

I quit drinking and it hasn’t changed my friend group at all. Still go to dive bars (Shirley Temple, please). But I feel for younger people. That’s a hard time of life to be the sober one. Doubt I could’ve done it then. My friends do love that they have a designated driver now.

washingtonpost.com

How quitting drinking can upend marriages and friendships

Drinking less is becoming more common, and the social rules around sobriety are still catching up.

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korpisworld @kwkorpi.bsky.social · 05/10/2026

I have updated my privacy settings so many times I no longer remember what I’m hiding.

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Carole Boo @caroleu.bsky.social · 05/10/2026

It’s hard to scream “meh” but I do mean it very strongly.

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Jerry @allhailjerry.myatproto.social · 02/03/2024

It's difficult, but not impossible, to start a mosh pit during the Lord's Prayer.

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🎃EM-SCREAM-KAYVEE 🔪 @youremceekayvee.bsky.social · 04/10/2026

I'm sorry that I stabbed you when you mansplained the music of a band I like, but I was sad that you were stupid enough to do that, and everyone grieves differently.

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Sorrowscopes @sorrowscopes.bsky.social · 04/10/2026

Aquarius: Squirming through the top soil has only made your outer layers tougher and more sexually appealing.

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Tom [ghostly voice] Coooooooooooombe @calmtomb.bsky.social · 04/10/2026

Probably because Louis CK was crushed to death by progressively heavier stones.

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Greeneville Zoo @greenevillezoo.bsky.social · 04/10/2026

Until our intern Gavin completes the blood tests, please assume all enclosures contain The Thing. Thank you for your patience.

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Jake_Vig @jakevig.bsky.social · 04/10/2026

Just remember that someone loves you. Sure, that person is awful. But still.

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Tickled Catastrophe @tickledcatastrophe.bsky.social · 04/10/2026

You ever internet so hard you end up with a song stuck in your head you've never actually listened to?

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Jerry @allhailjerry.myatproto.social · 03/10/2026

As long as it’s not lead-based paint, eat all you want

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Peter Karlin @heykarlin.bsky.social · 03/10/2026

Who’s your favorite three-legged dog? Mine’s Merle.

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Viktor Winetrout @viktorwinetrout.bsky.social · 03/10/2026

Kill me once, shame on you. That’s pretty much it

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Frances: Meh and Loving It @francesmeh.reviews · 02/10/2026

oh wait i get it now, when they ended the show but then it seemed like they were back on stage singing more songs, it was because of magical realism

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blink-sun8tzu @suntzufuntzu.bsky.social · 02/10/2026

man's noblest pursuit: to replace the screaming, festering rainforest with the pure geometric serenity of the chuck e cheese ball pit

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Jerry @allhailjerry.myatproto.social · 02/10/2026

Butthole Surfers album titles should be the names of In N Out Burger secret menu items.

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vladchoc @vladchoc.bsky.social · 12/12/2025

Take your kids to the science museum where they can learn about plasma balls and touch screens with JavaScript errors on them.

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aric @aghastronaut.com · 01/10/2026

If you die in October your ghost has to keep posting forever.

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sweetie π @sixfeetofcandy.bsky.social · 01/10/2026

yeah, but see the problem is i don’t believe in hell so i’m going to need these people to suffer now

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Frovo @frovo.bsky.social · 01/10/2026

911: what is your emergency HUMPTY DUMPTY: help iv’e fa len a d i c nt g t p 911: sir you’re breaking up HUMPTY DUMPTY: i know that’s why i called you

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Travis comma bitch @prof-hinkley.bsky.social · 01/10/2026

hi, I would like to purchase a vehicle that costs more than my parents' first home

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mave @mave.bsky.social · 01/10/2026

I question your commitment to spooky season if you haven’t started sleeping on a bed of moss inside a giant hollow pumpkin

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Candy Elliott @sixfootcandy.bsky.social · 01/10/2026

When I tell my husband I’m going to do something, I’m going to do it. No need to remind me every six months.

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Kiefo Nilsson @kiefonilsson.com · 01/10/2026

In Point Break(1991) Johnny orders two meatball subs, a tuna on wheat and two lemonades for $7.84

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Gian D’Oh @giandoh.bsky.social · 01/10/2026

I sacrificed a virgin for this?!

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Gretchen von Tongeln @metalligretch.bsky.social · 01/10/2026

Negotiations with the moth on the blinds have broken down.

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The Drip @therealdrip.bsky.social · 01/10/2026

Senator Blackburn Taunts Jack Smith With Key Evidence Hidden In Her Hair "𝙔𝙤𝙪 𝙙𝙞𝙙𝙣'𝙩 𝙠𝙣𝙤𝙬 𝙄 𝙝𝙖𝙙 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙨 𝙙𝙞𝙙 𝙮𝙤𝙪, 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙥𝙞𝙚𝙘𝙚 𝙤𝙛 𝙨𝙝𝙞𝙩? 𝙔𝙤𝙪 𝙢𝙖𝙠𝙚 𝙢𝙚 𝙬𝙖𝙣𝙩 𝙩𝙤 𝙩𝙝𝙧𝙤𝙬 𝙪𝙥 𝙞𝙣 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙢𝙤𝙪𝙩𝙝."

Marsh Blackburn pulling a hard drive out of her bird nest looking hair

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donni saphire @donni.bsky.social · 01/10/2026

Sex is like riding a bike: Illegal, immoral and extremely dangerous

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m@thew @tweetpotato314.bsky.social · 01/10/2026

yeah, you name a baby andre the giant what did you think was gonna happen??

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ash @ashhull.bsky.social · 30/09/2026

Hi..I'm full of toxic positivity.

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phil mccrevice @jewkrainian.bsky.social · 30/09/2026

during a time where people across the country are demonizing trans people, i cannot tell you how fucking incredible it feels to get a message like this from my kid’s school. why is this hard?? why is this not the norm to just support a kid and their right to be themselves??

I'm
the counselor at
I wanted to reach out to both introduce myself and offer to talk or meet about how I can support at school. I didn't realize that she is
biologically male and I want to make sure we are doing what we can to honor and support her here. Let me know if you'd like to talk and we can find a good time.

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Ygrene @ygrene.bsky.social · 30/09/2026

when there were only one set of footprints in the sand, my child, that is when i was showing you how i could dunk from the free throw line

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Greeneville Zoo @greenevillezoo.bsky.social · 27/09/2026

Koalas have fingerprints remarkably similar to ours, which is how they managed to frame the zoo's dentist for bank robbery.

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It's Abby. Yep @itsabbyyep.bsky.social · 30/09/2026

I'm special. Like that song you put on your playlist and skip every single time it comes up

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Jerry @allhailjerry.myatproto.social · 30/09/2026

How might one contact Jonathan Silverman re: sending him 3817 handwritten pages of “The Single Guy” fan fiction?

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𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜 @unfitz.bsky.social · 30/09/2026

[at my autopsy; a forensic pathologist speaks into a recording device in a puzzled tone] “I’ve never seen so many apple stickers inside of someone”

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