iiinova — where your digital self keeps evolving

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FR🎃 V🎃 @frovo.bsky.social · 13/10/2026

CVS CASHIER: here's your receipt ME: thanks MUMMY IN NEXT AISLE: has anyone seen my baby

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sweetie π @sixfeetofcandy.bsky.social · 12/10/2026

sorry i distracted you by wearing erotic culottes

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Paranormal Pandy 🎃 @thatbrenna.bsky.social · 13/10/2026

If someone tells you to stop in the name of love, you have no legal obligation to do so

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Uncle Duke @uncleduke1969.bsky.social · 12/10/2026

now i remember why i stopped drinking tequila

a cow relaxes on a twin bed in the corner of a room

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DaddyJew @daddyjew.bsky.social · 12/10/2026

those are my emotional support narcotics, officer

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Christina, mother of spiders @aikiwomannc.bsky.social · 14/12/2024

Me: So tired. Brain: Hey, ever notice that when physicists show an illustration of how a massive star curves space time it's like when you sit on the couch and everything rolls towards you? Me: Brain: Just saying...you have mass.

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Jenny Doesn’t Know @jennydoesntknow.bsky.social · 08/10/2026

Prescription strength cheesecake

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Kip Conlon @kipconlon.bsky.social · 09/10/2026

And is this “patronizing jerk” in the room with us now?

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snargleplax @snargleplax.bsky.social · 08/10/2026

having to find someone new for childcare after accidentally hiring a hootenanny

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fredesque @fredtaming.bsky.social · 04/10/2026

emergency hotdog that heats up when you crack it like a glow stick

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Dak @dak.bsky.social · 01/10/2026

Me: Here is fresh, filtered water and indirect sunlight. Plant: I have chosen death. Weed in the driveway sidewalk crack: I feed on gasoline and spite.

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Addled Pixie @addledpixie.bsky.social · 01/10/2026

[at a restaurant] Me: Ah, yes. I’d like some Stilton on oatcake biscuits, with some fig jam on the side, and a nice glass of Port. Them: Ma’am, this is a McDonald’s. Me: Oh, silly me! Yes, go ahead and super size it.

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sweetie π @sixfeetofcandy.bsky.social · 01/10/2026

new reality show called “dancing on the stars” and the premise is we launch people into the sun

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FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF @sofarrsogud.bsky.social · 26/09/2026

Apparently it's not appropriate to laugh and shout THAT KID GOT BEACH SLAPPED when you see a child get knocked over by a wave

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🍁𝒮𝒶𝓈𝓈𝓎 𝒢𝒾𝓇𝓁 🤍 @sassycanadian0.bsky.social · 27/09/2026

It's almost candy corn season for those of you that like to eat crayons.

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Corduroy Cheddar @corduroycheddar.bsky.social · 26/09/2026

Me: can we move on and forget about what just happened My colleague: I only said hi? Me: please don't bring it up again

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korpisworld @kwkorpi.bsky.social · 27/09/2026

If you see me jogging, please kill whatever is behind me.

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💥Richard with an💥R @rbwaltonthereal.com · 24/09/2026

Just watched a documentary on marijuana. I think that's how I'm gonna watch all documentaries from now on.🤐🤔

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Lord Rat Squirt @lordratsquirt.bsky.social · 24/09/2026

Trump addressed the United Nations, continuing his foreign policy doctrine of "Make like a tree and get outta here."

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mindflakes @mindflakes.bsky.social · 23/09/2026

You can do anything you put your mind to. Alternatively you can do nothing, which is often much easier and more relaxing

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korpisworld @kwkorpi.bsky.social · 23/09/2026

The phrase “do not attempt” really overestimates how much initiative I arrived with.

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Swim Jeans 👖 @shortsleevesuit.bsky.social · 23/09/2026

WELL THIS CAN’T BE NORMAL- I think as I pee out a second kernel of corn

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Marc @runoldman.bsky.social · 22/09/2026

Some people want to be buried when they die. Others want to be cremated. Personally, I think I would like to be brought back to life.

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Bram Stoker’s K 🧛🏻‍♂️ @gimmethekspecial.bsky.social · 22/09/2026

despite what my D.A.R.E. officer said, getting high is fun

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Mr. Bea Arthur, Batshit Crazy™️ @steamymac.bsky.social · 19/09/2026

Me: Wanna make out? Her: Ew,gross. Me: Fine, see you at family dinner tomorrow.

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Siege @tellumsiege.bsky.social · 21/09/2026

Did anyone else’s physical involve karate kicks and french kissing or do I need to get a new doctor?

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Jake_Vig @jakevig.bsky.social · 22/09/2026

*wakes up in a dumpster with no idea how I got there* This feels right.

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chris. @azedand2knots.bsky.social · 22/09/2026

Hairspraying my face to keep my scowl in place.

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Lord Rat Squirt @lordratsquirt.bsky.social · 22/09/2026

Actually ma'am, not many people know this, but it's a portmanteau of man and explaining.

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John Carpenter’s The Alex Nevil @thealexnevil.bsky.social · 21/09/2026

remember: everyone is going through something. It could be a tunnel, it could be a plate-glass window, maybe even a molecular teleportation device. The point is… this post should have remained a draft.

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Skinnie Talls @skinnietalls.bsky.social · 20/09/2026

already said 'my bad' we don't have to get the authorities involved

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Viktor Winetrout @viktorwinetrout.bsky.social · 19/09/2026

Can anyone recommend a therapist who won’t call 911 every time you show up at their house naked swinging nunchucks

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SarahAndCo @sarahandco.bsky.social · 18/09/2026

As a Brit, it makes me so sad to see that nothing is made in the UK anymore. I just bought this new TV and it says “Built-in Antenna.” I don’t even know where that is.

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Kip Conlon @kipconlon.bsky.social · 18/09/2026

I can see from your pleasant expression you don’t remember me.

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Dead Reckons @gregreckons.bsky.social · 18/09/2026

You know when you're distracted and can't concentrate on what you're doing so you just throw your hands up, say "Fuck it!", and give up? And then everyone in the car starts screaming something about the steering wheel and that just makes it worse?

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Kip Conlon @kipconlon.bsky.social · 17/09/2026

Turns out Mr. Tough Guy at the bar was nothing but a lot of talk and one devastating punch.

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FR🎃 V🎃 @frovo.bsky.social · 17/09/2026

SLOTH: *drops food* 5 hour rule

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stefan @stefanthinks.bsky.social · 17/09/2026

trying to impress my date by telling the chili’s waitress to tell chili i said hello

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Uncle Duke @uncleduke1969.bsky.social · 17/09/2026

cop: do you know why I pulled you over? me: because you had an emotionally distant father, an overbearing mother, married a woman just like her, your kids hate you, and you’re taking your anger and frustration out on me? cop: [holding back tears] because your gas cap is open

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Braden Serkas 🎃 @portmanteauface.bsky.social · 17/09/2026

Another guy at the hardware store called me “chief” and I hit him back with a “buddy” and now we’re just circling each other on tiptoes with our backs arched like alleycats

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Viktor Winetrout @viktorwinetrout.bsky.social · 17/09/2026

They say you shouldn’t bring a knife to a gunfight, but what if there’s cake? Have you tried cutting cake with a gun

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It's Abby. Yep @itsabbyyep.bsky.social · 16/09/2026

[As my kid watches me try to put a straw into a Capri Sun] Me: This is always so challenging My Kid: Not if you know the secret Me: What's the secret? My Kid: Don't be a little bitch

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Dead Reckons @gregreckons.bsky.social · 16/09/2026

You know who has open box deals? Your mom.

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