iiinova — where your digital self keeps evolving

Lord Rat Squirt @lordratsquirt.bsky.social · 16h

If a "friend" offers you drugs, that person is probably not your friend. It's most likely me, disguised as your friend.

Reposted by Lord Rat Squirt

Big John 😼 @completetripe.bsky.social · 18h

Slicing onions and the little one falls out the middle. You stare at it stupidly for a few moments, trying to decide if it also needs slicing.

A chopping board with a few halved onions visible with a knife, in the foreground a centre bit of one of the onions.

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Lord Rat Squirt @lordratsquirt.bsky.social · 09/10/2026

Thanks to social media, I finally achieved my lifelong dream of becoming a weirdo.

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Lord Rat Squirt @lordratsquirt.bsky.social · 08/10/2026

My penis didn't spend 7 years in medical school to be called MISTER Floppy.

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Joe @josephtennant.bsky.social · 07/10/2026

This is how i learned Jolteon passed this year too, my heart is with all the Pokemon fans out there.

Six magazines are displayed in a display rack at a grocery store. There are 4 magazines featuring the late Dolly Parton, one featuring the late Tupac Shakur, and a pokemon magazine featuring the presumably late Jolteon.

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Lord Rat Squirt @lordratsquirt.bsky.social · 07/10/2026

I hate when people use the term "jerking off" instead of the far more polite "jacking off".

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Lord Rat Squirt @lordratsquirt.bsky.social · 07/10/2026

Jesus said, “Those were the times I carried you.” I said, “Okay, what about the trail of barf?”

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Lord Rat Squirt @lordratsquirt.bsky.social · 06/10/2026

The best things in life are free. For example, delicious chair gum.

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Lord Rat Squirt @lordratsquirt.bsky.social · 06/10/2026

Jesus tapdancing Christ? What are you waiting for? Get him in for an audition!

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Lord Rat Squirt @lordratsquirt.bsky.social · 05/10/2026

I think we should see other people...I've already been seeing other people, and let me tell you: it's fantastic!

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Lord Rat Squirt @lordratsquirt.bsky.social · 04/10/2026

If I said you had a beautiful body would you hold it against me and take a dump on my chest?

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Reposted by Lord Rat Squirt

DocAtCDI @docatcdi.com · 04/10/2026

I bought a really expensive laxative from the pharmacy. It gave me a good run for my money.

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Reposted by Lord Rat Squirt

Reneé Meredith @wumother.bsky.social · 04/10/2026

People who wear head to toe Michael Kors are T.J. Maxxing

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Lord Rat Squirt @lordratsquirt.bsky.social · 03/10/2026

I'm so sorry but we don't validate feelings.

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Lord Rat Squirt @lordratsquirt.bsky.social · 03/10/2026

Pooping in the morning, pooping in the evening, pooping at suppertime. With a butthole like a bagel, you can poop well every time.

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Lord Rat Squirt @lordratsquirt.bsky.social · 02/10/2026

Life moves pretty fast, so stop smelling the roses and instead exploit relativistic time dilation by accelerating to a significant fraction of the speed of light.

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Lord Rat Squirt @lordratsquirt.bsky.social · 01/10/2026

Why am I the only one wearing a cummerbund at this street brawl?

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Lord Rat Squirt @lordratsquirt.bsky.social · 01/10/2026

Trump wants us to call AI "Super Intelligence." Fine. The next one is Super Duper Intelligence.

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Reposted by Lord Rat Squirt

alexis simpson is confused by display name changes @amutepiggy.bsky.social · 30/09/2026

"soy boy" is NOT an insult! "soy boy" is the name of the creation i carved from fermented bean curd and whom i am going to make real using the darkest of magics

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Lord Rat Squirt @lordratsquirt.bsky.social · 30/09/2026

I'm sorry, fish-sticks box but I don't play by your rules. I'm going to microwave these bad boys and you can't stop me.

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Lord Rat Squirt @lordratsquirt.bsky.social · 30/09/2026

I'm so tired or those "I'm not a robot" things on the internet. Why don't they make them "I am a robot" and save us all a lot of time?

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Lord Rat Squirt @lordratsquirt.bsky.social · 30/09/2026

Lord Rat Squirt was filmed in front of a live studio audience.

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Reposted by Lord Rat Squirt

ceej @ceej.online · 29/09/2026

thank you bradley

Amazon review:

Bradley D.
Verified Purchase
No. Weiner hole
Reviewed in the United States on August 20, 2026

No weiner hole

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Lord Rat Squirt @lordratsquirt.bsky.social · 29/09/2026

Why is it okay for horses to evacuate their bowels in the street but not me? They don't even pay municipal taxes.

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Reposted by Lord Rat Squirt

Corduroy Cheddar @corduroycheddar.bsky.social · 28/09/2026

Once I figure out how to monetize my sleep deprivation, it's over for you bitches

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Reposted by Lord Rat Squirt

Braden Serkas 🎃 @portmanteauface.bsky.social · 28/09/2026

“It’s a long way to the top if you wanna rock and roll,” I say out loud alone in my home office as I pull on a cable-knit sweater, take a sip of decaf tea, and begin editing my fifth spreadsheet of the day

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Reposted by Lord Rat Squirt

Uncle Duke @uncleduke1969.bsky.social · 28/09/2026

*sticks pinky out*

Sign on wall reads "Please urinate with precision and elegance." (Chinese translation above)

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Reposted by Lord Rat Squirt

Dumb Beezie @dumbbeezie.bsky.social · 28/09/2026

Never apologize for sounding stupid, you’re surrounded by your peers

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Reposted by Lord Rat Squirt

derek guy @dieworkwear.bsky.social · 28/09/2026

"why don't men wear more color." i only dress for the approval of dogs, who mostly see blue, white, gray, black, and brown in the way that we do, so i don't wear other colors.

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Lord Rat Squirt @lordratsquirt.bsky.social · 28/09/2026

Okay, so AI is gonna kill us all, but it can't even get autocorrect and predictive text to work rote.

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Reposted by Lord Rat Squirt

derek guy @dieworkwear.bsky.social · 27/09/2026

This is true. In 2016, I got into an argument with a gay man on a menswear forum. I've since made it my mission to make every man dress gay, thereby destroying his ability to tell who is actually gay and, ultimately, his chances of finding love. I built my social media following to achieve that goal

Someone on Twitter writes to me: "People should follow your advise if they want to look gay."

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Reposted by Lord Rat Squirt

Dan of the Year @downwithdan.bsky.social · 28/09/2026

Ah yes the circle of life

• Dispatched
Sep 25 23:03 pm
In Transit
Sep 26 09:52 am
Delayed
Sep 26 10:57 am
Held By Carrier
Sep 26 15:07 pm
Destroyed
Sep 26 15:08 pm

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Lord Rat Squirt @lordratsquirt.bsky.social · 27/09/2026

Take nothing but pictures, leave nothing but empty beer cans.

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Lord Rat Squirt @lordratsquirt.bsky.social · 26/09/2026

By the power vested in me by Grayskull, I now pronounce you He-Man and wife.

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Lord Rat Squirt @lordratsquirt.bsky.social · 25/09/2026

Romper, bomper, stomper, boo. Tell me, tell me, tell me do. Magic mirror, tell me today. You've reached your ChatGPT usage limit. Try again later.

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Reposted by Lord Rat Squirt

Braden Serkas 🎃 @portmanteauface.bsky.social · 24/09/2026

Stop thinking you’re not good enough. Stop thinking you don’t deserve more. Stop thinking nobody will ever love you. Stop thinking you don’t matter. Stop thinking your feelings aren’t valid. Stop thinking you aren’t worth it. Stop thinking altogether. Soil yourself on the bus

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Lord Rat Squirt @lordratsquirt.bsky.social · 24/09/2026

🎵Old MacDonald had a farm🎶 A.I, A.I., oh no....

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Lord Rat Squirt @lordratsquirt.bsky.social · 24/09/2026

Trump addressed the United Nations, continuing his foreign policy doctrine of "Make like a tree and get outta here."

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Reposted by Lord Rat Squirt

Cosmically Funny @cosmicallyf.bsky.social · 24/09/2026

You only really need a parachute if you intend to skydive more than once.

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Lord Rat Squirt @lordratsquirt.bsky.social · 23/09/2026

There may not be any crying in baseball but there sure is a ton of nose picking in pickleball.

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