iiinova — where your digital self keeps evolving

Reposted by Schmrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrlex

huck mason @tylerhuckabee.bsky.social · 28/09/2026

bad news babe a rogue openai agent must have hacked our refrigerator last night and drank 15 beers

Schmrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrlex @schmrrrlex.bsky.social · 25/09/2026

you didn't know what you wanted. you didn't want my input. so no you can't "trade for half" of mine. I was born with this gift for ordering sandwiches, but that doesn't mean I should be punished for your ineptitude

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dan mentos @danmentos.com · 22/09/2026

[job interview] interviewer: so god killed all your kids? job: that's right

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Schmrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrlex @schmrrrlex.bsky.social · 21/09/2026

daughter: if you were an animal, you'd be an owl me: cool. what about your brother? daughter: wombat me: fair enough. your mother? daughter: promise you won't tell her me: of course daughter: piranha me: *sooo happy* okay I know I just promised but

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Jon Bois @jonbois.bsky.social · 20/09/2026

i feel like cookie monster is obsessed with cookies. hell, that’s probably how he got his name

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Amy @msfoxifurnasty.bsky.social · 19/09/2026

i’d offer a handshake but Righty here’s my sinnin’ hand

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Schmrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrlex @schmrrrlex.bsky.social · 19/09/2026

me: Jesus will cry when he sees what I've done wife: are you muttering something crazy over there again? me: no, I'm just saying Jesus will cry when he sees what I've done *shows her my macaroni art crucifix* wife: yeah that's probably a bad memory for him. but you did a great job

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weeder @weeder.bsky.social · 17/09/2026

Ok that's 3 minutes, keep moving, got a lot of sad teens here.

Just 3 minutes with a mini horse or donkey improves teens' moods, study says

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brent @murrman5.bsky.social · 16/09/2026

[responding to trash talk during pick up basketball game] my wife has a bad back so I doubt that happened

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Schmrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrlex @schmrrrlex.bsky.social · 18/09/2026

every kind of sandwich should come with a side of au jus. ever tried a pbj and au jus? yeah it's not that great but at least it gives you a different option

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Schmrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrlex @schmrrrlex.bsky.social · 18/09/2026

honestly very excited to see the Nathan Fielder documentary on Elizabeth Holmes. Nathan is the one person who can definitely get to the bottom of this. he graduated from one of Canada’s top business schools with really good grades

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mindflakes @mindflakes.bsky.social · 15/09/2026

Telling my coworkers about bluesky but they're all just staring at me in confusion. "But bluesky doesn't exist any more... it burned to the ground nearly 100 years ago..." I go to check my phone but there's just sand in my pocket

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mindflakes @mindflakes.bsky.social · 15/09/2026

The difference between a catacomb and a basement is skulls. Catacomb without skulls? Thats a basement. Skulls in your basement? Thats a catacomb. Tired of having to keep saying this

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Reposted by Schmrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrlex

nattie winters @utilitylimb.bsky.social · 22/01/2025

zoomers born after 9/11 who refer to themselves as milfs are my #2 personal 9/11. my #1 personal 9/11 is still the original 9/11.

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Schmrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrlex @schmrrrlex.bsky.social · 09/09/2026

Odysseus: I built this wooden horse we can hide in Agamemnon: Okay, but why does it have a dick and balls Odysseus: Agamemnon: Just sayin, looks like you spent a LOT of time on the dick and balls

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Feminist Proper Gander @dappergander.bsky.social · 04/09/2026

there's such a thing as reading too much science fiction and accidentally cooking your brain a lil bit

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Tusk Jenkins @tuskjenkins.bsky.social · 03/09/2026

In case you just don't look under rocks or behind trees or in holes or at facing away faces, I made you a treasure map for livin there. The x's are not short for extrovert

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Jon Bois @jonbois.bsky.social · 31/08/2026

a "liminal space" is any place where there's no one there and the carpet looks kind of weird

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Schmrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrlex @schmrrrlex.bsky.social · 31/08/2026

my kid just told me "stop annoying me. I don't want to be annoyed, I just want to annoy other people" and that is the dream isn't it

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Schmrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrlex @schmrrrlex.bsky.social · 26/08/2026

*returns to civilization after 7 years in the wild* reporter: what food did you eat to survive? me: *thinking about all the hikers I ate* just like, berries and stuff

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Schmrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrlex @schmrrrlex.bsky.social · 26/08/2026

you: (dumb, basic) that sign pointed the opposite direction, we’re going the wrong way me: (brilliant, non-euclidean) on the surface of a sphere all signs point back at themselves

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Schmrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrlex @schmrrrlex.bsky.social · 26/08/2026

why is a blowdart to the neck so damn funny while other kinds of poisoning are only kinda funny

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cap’n watsisname @capnwatsisname.bsky.social · 05/08/2026

an uber driver wearing sock puppets on both hands that talk to each other about how bad the steering wheel tastes your whole ride

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Nate @thenatewolf.bsky.social · 02/08/2023

*At a party* STRANGER: Are you that guy who brags about weird shit? ME: No I’m the guy who takes the longest baths in the city.

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Schmrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrlex @schmrrrlex.bsky.social · 25/08/2026

neanderthal: *flirting* you know what they say, once you go neanderthal you never go back at all beautiful scientist: why do they say that? neanderthal: because I smashed your time machine

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Schmrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrlex @schmrrrlex.bsky.social · 25/08/2026

impossible question, but for me: Courtney Barnett Kim Deal Kim Gordon Karen O Elizabeth Stokes

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Schmrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrlex @schmrrrlex.bsky.social · 24/08/2026

I will never respect you again and there's nothing you can do to change my mind. I can't change my beliefs or the way I live my life. you had a choice between corned beef and pastrami on that reuben. and you fucking went corned beef

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Schmrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrlex @schmrrrlex.bsky.social · 21/08/2026

here's a great snack hack: two ritz crackers with a babybel in the middle. I call this "Eating A Baby"

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slate @pleasebegneiss.bsky.social · 11/08/2026

the year is 2030. the only food that doesn’t give you explosive diarrhea is pure microplastics. the federal government is run by teens on e-bikes. there’s a new sheldon spinoff

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Schmrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrlex @schmrrrlex.bsky.social · 17/08/2026

you seem like someone who watches a lot of CBS original programming [derogatory]

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Jared Pechaček @vandroidhelsing.bsky.social · 07/07/2026

it's not actually an honor to end up on the cover of Viziers Monthly. it shows your machinations aren't subtle enough

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Schmrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrlex @schmrrrlex.bsky.social · 13/08/2026

fool me once, I fall into darkness. the curse. I can never escape it

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pixelatedboat aka “mr bluesky” @pixelatedboat.bsky.social · 13/08/2026

Lisa: MOM, DAD, BLUESKY'S DEAD!
Bart: DEAD SERIOUS ABOUT BEING HORNY FOR HOMELY-LOOKING CHARACTER ACTORS

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Schmrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrlex @schmrrrlex.bsky.social · 12/08/2026

when they poisoned the lettuce I said who cares, only morons eats salad. then they came for the pastrami

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Viktor Winetrout @viktorwinetrout.bsky.social · 15/08/2024

My grandmother lived to be 102 When I asked what her secret was, she said, “God’s punishing me.”

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Better Things Are Possible @internethippo.bsky.social · 01/08/2026

When the gods want to test a man's character they put him on the computer

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Viktor Winetrout @viktorwinetrout.bsky.social · 05/04/2025

And the Michelin Man removed the tire from his waist and gave it to them, saying, “Take this and drive; for this is my body.”

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cat damon @cornonthegoblin.bsky.social · 17/04/2026

(second date) me: [eager to show off new tattoo] remember how you said you liked garlic bread

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Grobian Syboe @grobiansyboe.bsky.social · 31/07/2026

going to be honest with you big man I heard fuck all when I put that shell to my ear, but for a fleeting moment the coolness of the shell against my ear soothed me

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Kelseypaintz @kelseypaintz.bsky.social · 03/07/2026

Don't take the White Castle! #worldwatercolormonth

A gouache and watercolor painting of a white castle slider half out of the box over a mostly pink and green background

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sky @iamspacegirl.bsky.social · 04/08/2023

hey, I just met Zeus and this is crazy but he's a swan and I'm having babies

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Nate @thenatewolf.bsky.social · 10/07/2023

Telescopes probably use mirrors which means there is absolutely no way to know how many vampires there are in space.

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Johnny Normality @probgobl.in · 28/07/2026

Fortune Teller, flipping a card over: Death. Me: Uh oh. Teller: It represents change. Me: That's a relief. Teller: The next card is... The Tower. Uncertainty. Next is... uh? Me: What does "Evil Hotdog Man" mean? Teller: Don't worry about it, moving on... Me: There's two "Evil Hotdog Man" cards?

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Jess @ennui-haver.bsky.social · 23/07/2026

guys ok. we all got carried away and thought we were going mega viral when the post stalls out at 100 likes. we've all been there. telling our boss fuck you i quit. shooting a guy. getting real fucked up and going on the highway fast as shit and letting go of the wheel. we all got carried away.

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Resident Warren G. Harding @popeawesomexiii.bsky.social · 15/07/2026

Gonna write a hit show about a polycule that solves crimes

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Schmrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrlex @schmrrrlex.bsky.social · 27/01/2025

me: so you can't actually swallow the cookies, you just mash them up? you must be starving cookie monster: cookie is tragic figure, like hungry ghost of buddhist folklore

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