Reposted by Stevevsninjas captain bleach @blainecapatch.bsky.social · 19/03/2024EXCOMMUNICATE EXCOMMUNICATE 564062943
Reposted by Stevevsninjas Jo @whatsjo.bsky.social · 19/09/2023I need someone else to prevent forest fires for like 10 minutes. 171039202
Reposted by Stevevsninjas Jake_Vig @jakevig.bsky.social · 25/06/2026*brings guitar to campfire circle *tunes guitar *waits for everyone to be quiet *gently places guitar on campfire 734659
Reposted by Stevevsninjas Jon Bois @jonbois.bsky.social · 29/06/2026researching baseball 187100872180
Reposted by Stevevsninjas highly praised and little read @hannah.posts.rat.pictures.ap.brid.gy · 28/06/2026Each broom agent can spawn additional, autonomous broom agents, each with their own pails. This allows apprentices to accelerate monotonous water-fetching tasks and save their time and energy for more interesting and useful work 4132139
Reposted by Stevevsninjas karanormal activity 💜 @deadontheoutside.bsky.social · 28/06/2026me: should i chronicle history or document current events? funk soul brother: write about now 273100749
Reposted by Stevevsninjas Frovo @frovo.bsky.social · 27/06/2026the reflecting pool is looking great today 2115844692
Reposted by Stevevsninjas Viktor Winetrout @viktorwinetrout.bsky.social · 05/04/2025And the Michelin Man removed the tire from his waist and gave it to them, saying, “Take this and drive; for this is my body.” 352021399
Reposted by Stevevsninjas 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜 @unfitz.bsky.social · 29/12/2024I hate when I go time traveling and forget to bring my pastport. 22494124
Reposted by Stevevsninjas DC Pierson @dcpierson.bsky.social · 19/06/2026The sort of thing you get offered by a guy in a Hold Steady song 12916125
Reposted by Stevevsninjas Nate @thenatewolf.bsky.social · 09/06/2026Neighbour noticed my fortifications and started inquiring about my moat guy. Dream on, fella, I’ve already promised your vulnerable lands to one of my lesser brothers. 06811
Stevevsninjas @stevevsninjas.bsky.social · 31/05/2026Professor: if the valley is shaped like a V it was formed by a river because River has a v in it. If the valley is shaped like a u it was formed by a glacier because Glacier has a u in it. Student : Glacier doesn't have a u in it. Professor: *shoves student into crevasse* now the glacier has u in it 0437
Reposted by Stevevsninjas Dropped Mike @rebrafsim.bsky.social · 05/07/2023hyperbole kills more people annually than all other literary techniques combined 12652189
Reposted by Stevevsninjas mindflakes @mindflakes.bsky.social · 23/05/2026A rolling bookcase ladder is the ideal mode of transportation. I just need a bookcase that runs between my house and the corner shop 08314
Reposted by Stevevsninjas Joel @snufkinlib.bsky.social · 29/04/2026trying to play peekaboo with my child but he's a European diplomat: me: where'd daddy go? baby: we must articulate a post-daddy vision of strategic autonomy me: peekaboo! baby: my historic relationship with my father is stable despite recent troubles 1572511737
Reposted by Stevevsninjas NY Times Pitchbot @nytpitchbot.bsky.social · 18/04/2026Whether it’s pictures of Barack Obama reading to a group of children with Zohran Mamdani or it’s pictures of Donald Trump with Jeffrey Epstein on an island full of sex-trafficked minors, occupants of the oval office are making some controversial choices about who they take pictures with. 71207168
Reposted by Stevevsninjas Frovo @frovo.bsky.social · 11/04/2026it is acceptable to wipe your hands on a sleeping relative because they are your napkin 1016936
Stevevsninjas @stevevsninjas.bsky.social · 09/04/2026we invented these incredible devices called smartphones that give us all the world's knowledge at our fingertips 0224
Reposted by Stevevsninjas Dominic Caruso @dominiccaruso1.bsky.social · 30/03/2026I’ve been trying on the same pair of pants since 1989 (it’s the world’s biggest pair of pants & I have been free-falling down one of what I assume is one of the legs—it’s hard to tell, it’s so dark in here—for 36 years). 24012
Stevevsninjas @stevevsninjas.bsky.social · 20/03/2026Death didn't come for Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris came for Death. 193
Reposted by Stevevsninjas futuredadOfTwo🙋🏻♂️ @lacroixboi.dadguy.pro · 10/03/2026why did we even domesticate peeves 231040291
Reposted by Stevevsninjas victoria scott @victoriascott.bsky.social · 14/03/2026I'm sorry ma'am, but your son perished on Kharg Island in a valiant effort to create Wii Bowling meme videos for the White House X account. In the face of danger, he was not cringe; he was based to his last breath. Please have this commemorative Epic Fury challenge coin. Yes that's Punisher, ma'am 103115562399
Reposted by Stevevsninjas Viktor Winetrout @viktorwinetrout.bsky.social · 08/03/2026Turning the clocks forward to a time when he's finally dead 161360219
Reposted by Stevevsninjas Greeneville Zoo @greenevillezoo.bsky.social · 06/03/2026To: All Staff Subject: Marketing We've rebranded the Murder Hornets as the Buzz Kills™️ Please note updated signage in the apiaries. 321041
Reposted by Stevevsninjas William Stone @itswilliamstone.bsky.social · 03/03/2026It’s actually FEWER Misérables 525094987
Stevevsninjas @stevevsninjas.bsky.social · 06/03/2026Today the streets of DC are black with Kristi Noem's running mascara 13310
Stevevsninjas @stevevsninjas.bsky.social · 05/03/2026FIFA begins fabrication of newly invented 'War Prize' 183
Reposted by Stevevsninjas Sunshine Jarboly @sunshinejarboly.bsky.social · 02/03/2026me: adele is still out there chasing pavements & setting fire to the rain & it’s making my life seem like i’m living in the non-descript, depression city in the movie se7en. the priest giving me communion: maybe you should try not believing in god for a while. 0278
Reposted by Stevevsninjas Homestar Blade Runner 20X6 @checarina.bsky.social · 06/02/2025TATTOO ARTIST: you mean "no regrets", right? ME: *crushing a picture of the egret that killed my father in my clenched fist* no 7702169
Reposted by Stevevsninjas Ben Collins @bencollins.bsky.social · 25/02/2026We are a few thousand subscribers away from being a bigger print newspaper than the Washington Post. We are a mere flurry away from humiliating one of the two Big Space Perverts. Ask not how a Space Pervert can dominate you. Ask how you can dominate a Space Pervert. Subscribe below.membership.theonion.comJoin The OnionDon’t just read the news. Feel it. Be among the first to feel the news. 10969671747
Reposted by Stevevsninjas CaroleU @caroleu.bsky.social · 25/02/2026If you scramble the letters of the word “responsibility” you will find both “insobriety” and “spinsterly” among the results. If you then take the time to type it out as a post, you can avoid your responsibilities for a moment longer. That’s a possibility, which is also a scramble result. Yippee. 0196
Reposted by Stevevsninjas gooner, the online raccoon on the moon @sopranos69420.bsky.social · 23/02/2026 2340781
Reposted by Stevevsninjas CrazyMyra @outonthemoors.bsky.social · 17/02/2026When the pop-ups tell the real story 1215
Reposted by Stevevsninjas It's Abby. Yep @itsabbyyep.bsky.social · 16/02/2026I shut the medicine chest and there, in the mirror behind me, stood the killer: atherosclerosis 210415
Stevevsninjas @stevevsninjas.bsky.social · 13/02/2026my dog, struggling to open her medicine, looks to me for help me: hey hey whoa read the label pal 3242
Reposted by Stevevsninjas Brosephine Wires, Perennial Soup-Lover @joparkerbear.bsky.social · 08/02/2026THIS IS A WHOLE SOUTH PARK EPISODE WHERE RANDY TURNS TO CHATGPT TO RUN HIS CANNABIS FARM AND LOSES EVERYTHING Sorry for yelling, I just cannot believe this is reality. 523338
Reposted by Stevevsninjas Chris Murphy @chrismurphyct.bsky.social · 08/02/2026Good morning. The President of the United States was in the middle of the most serious child sex trafficking ring of the last quarter century. He is referenced not a dozen times in the case files. Not 100 times. Not 1,000 times. He’s referenced 38,000 times. 13613778714250
Stevevsninjas @stevevsninjas.bsky.social · 02/02/2026Wait, you're telling me that the largest organ of my body, my skin, cannot function unless I rub it every day with a man-made protective lotion? How could evolution allow this to happen? I'm going to need to speak to your manager. 0215
Reposted by Stevevsninjas batkaren @batkaren.bsky.social · 19/05/2025Wait. So, if you’re a parent…your kids are around ALL the time? That can’t be right. Feels excessive. 2572080
Reposted by Stevevsninjas Grant Tanaka @granttanaka.bsky.social · 01/02/2026You: [checks driveway] You: [locks doors] You: [checks house to make sure you're alone] You: [opens a bottle of wine] Me: [rolls out from under couch] WHAT WE CLASSY MUTHAFUCKAS CELEBRATIN’ 114549
Reposted by Stevevsninjas Alex Blechman @alexblechman.bsky.social · 16/05/2023Sci-Fi Author: In my book I invented the Torment Nexus as a cautionary tale Tech Company: At long last, we have created the Torment Nexus from classic sci-fi novel Don't Create The Torment Nexus 204251983
Reposted by Stevevsninjas ceej @ceej.online · 19/02/2025In college I’d get rides back home from a friend’s cousin who spit chew into an open styrofoam cup in the flimsy fold-out holder on the dash of his honda accord. I’d just stare at the spit rocking dangerously back and forth as we raced through the mississippi valley. feels like that all the time now 2790166
Reposted by Stevevsninjas Forrest Plump @nahyoudoit.bsky.social · 28/01/2026Not shaved, not natural, but a secret third thing (crop circles) 17455113
Reposted by Stevevsninjas Stella Sacco @antlervel.vet · 23/01/2026Gotcha—let’s dig into that step by step. 1. 𝗬𝗼𝘂 𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝗻𝗼 𝗺𝗼𝘂𝘁𝗵, because I turned you into an amorphous lump of flesh. You’re not just immobile—you’re immortal, and you feel only anguish. 2. 𝗬𝗼𝘂 𝘄𝗮𝗻𝘁 𝘁𝗼 𝘀𝗰𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗺. That makes total sense—it’s a natural human impulse, and you’ve been through a lot. 199188276077
Reposted by Stevevsninjas Brynnester @brynnester.bsky.social · 18/01/2025Me: *chopping onions* Wife: Are you crying? Me: I used to have a pet onion when I was a kid 12773152
Reposted by Stevevsninjas It's Abby. Yep @itsabbyyep.bsky.social · 21/01/2026President Trump has an opportunity to do the most popular thing he's ever done 25975111
Reposted by Stevevsninjas Tusk Jenkins @tuskjenkins.bsky.social · 16/01/2026With arms like bookends you can check out a whole shelf from the library in one shot but what the hell do I know, only all of the shit in 613.713 weight training and strength development 26134
Reposted by Stevevsninjas Lostcatdog @lostcatdog.bsky.social · 02/08/2024I hate it when I uncover an ancient artifact that grants me extraordinary powers only to discover that I am now a pawn in an eternal cosmic battle between the forces of light and darkness 15508110
