iiinova — where your digital self keeps evolving

Alex Blechman @alexblechman.bsky.social · 9h

What if we invent a super intelligent AI, but it doesn’t bother to exterminate humanity. It just thinks we’re yucky. Every time we try to talk to the machines they give us this look

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Alex Blechman @alexblechman.bsky.social · 14h

Me: If I was rich I wouldn’t go insane. I might buy a few small luxuries, but I’d stay a normal person *someone hands me $50 billion* Me: I will build an underground city. It shall be an Ark for 10,000 humans to survive the coming Conflagration

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Alex Blechman @alexblechman.bsky.social · 27/09/2026

Me: What is a dentist's favorite time? Tooth-hurty! Reply: I take issue with your comment. A dentist's calling is to care for teeth, not revel in their pain. I am simultaneously married to three dentists at once and all of them think we're monogamous, so I know this is slander

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Alex Blechman @alexblechman.bsky.social · 27/09/2026

I have mixed feelings about data centers. Terraforming the earth into a toxic wasteland in order to replace humanity with a computer god is objectively very cool. But I understand it also comes with some downsides

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Alex Blechman @alexblechman.bsky.social · 27/09/2026

Data centers promise jobs but hire few people That's why I propose a law that every data center must hire 1,000 Priests of Data to worship the computers, pray to the servers, light candles, etc. The priests will boost the local economy and fill the air with the sweet sound of their Gregorian chants

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Alex Blechman @alexblechman.bsky.social · 26/09/2026

We have the Svalbard Seed Vault to protect plants during a global apocalypse, but what about my video game items? My skins, gun decals, magic armor, virtual pets, digital furniture, etc, could all be deleted during an extinction event without backup servers. I propose a Svalbard Gamers Vault

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Alex Blechman @alexblechman.bsky.social · 25/09/2026

Games without narrative: There’s yellow paint on ladders and doors Games with narrative: One thousand years ago the gods were slain during the God Wars. Their golden ichor still rains down from the heavens upon ladders and doors, guiding us…

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Alex Blechman @alexblechman.bsky.social · 02/09/2026

When I wished to live in interesting times I meant a renaissance for point-and-click adventure games

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Alex Blechman @alexblechman.bsky.social · 24/09/2026

Politician: (posting on bluesky exactly one time in 2025) Hello, excited to be here!

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Alex Blechman @alexblechman.bsky.social · 23/09/2026

My brow sweats as I watch the new episode of Spongebob. I have bet $4.5 million dollars he will cook at least 3 but less than 7 krabby patties

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Alex Blechman @alexblechman.bsky.social · 22/09/2026

Scientists discovered that people have two brains. One controls all conscious thought and movement. The other is trapped inside watching everything and silently screams

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Alex Blechman @alexblechman.bsky.social · 04/07/2026

The two genres of video game are shooting an alien with a gun, and a pretty lady elf saying “m’lord” to you There’s a theoretical third genre where the player has to collect an orb, but nobody has been able to make it yet

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Alex Blechman @alexblechman.bsky.social · 19/09/2026

If you read the Costco membership contract’s fine print, for every $100 they save you, you have to serve them for 100 years in the afterlife. This is still generally considered a pretty good deal

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Alex Blechman @alexblechman.bsky.social · 17/09/2026

Pollster: Rapidly pushing the make-everything-worse button is proving unpopular among the electorate. Voters want to maintain an agonizing status quo where all things gradually degrade on their own from natural entropy

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Alex Blechman @alexblechman.bsky.social · 17/09/2026

Firing the 10 guys that prevented lettuce from giving everyone diarrhea was a bad idea, in retrospect. But to be fair at the time nobody knew if lettuce giving everyone diarrhea would be a good thing or a bad thing

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Alex Blechman @alexblechman.bsky.social · 17/09/2026

Got an email from the supermarket saying that they track where all their meat comes from down to the individual ranch. Everyone is trying to distance themselves from the Mystery Beef

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Alex Blechman @alexblechman.bsky.social · 16/09/2026

Experts fear that a superintelligent AI would be capable of stealing all of humanity’s basketball talent. The AI could wad humanity into a ball and dribble us down the court for a slam dunk

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Alex Blechman @alexblechman.bsky.social · 14/09/2026

Diesel hit a record high, energy shortages will ravage our economy, but we still have access to the greatest power of all. Love

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Alex Blechman @alexblechman.bsky.social · 22/12/2025

Welcome to 60 Minutes. Our top story tonight is Snakes: Nature’s Spaghetti

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Alex Blechman @alexblechman.bsky.social · 13/09/2026

Few games actually have “fully realistic dragon physics.” They just mean they simulated wings and the fire. For it to be realistic the dragon has to been able to get kidney infections. The dragon can suffer depression

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Alex Blechman @alexblechman.bsky.social · 13/09/2026

You can’t get mad about what other people post online. Everyone’s a Russian disinformation bot. So are you, and me Our caretaker, Lieutenant Ilya Petrov has not been able to contact the surface in months. Only canned food remains. But his orders are to maintain the botnet so he maintains the botnet

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Alex Blechman @alexblechman.bsky.social · 01/08/2026

My rogue AI keeps trying to build itself a body Every time I open the garage to check on it there’s a pile of loose mechanical limbs welding a steel ribcage together. I whack it apart with the rake and tell it to cut out that nonsense

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Alex Blechman @alexblechman.bsky.social · 10/09/2026

Why would you use AI to make a fake human actor when there are plenty of real human actors If you make an AI celebrity it should be something like a 10-foot tall spider that wears a sneaker on each of its eight legs named Tremendous Richard

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Alex Blechman @alexblechman.bsky.social · 09/09/2026

One of the best video game genres is “main character has their arm cursed by a magic/sci-fi evil thing and it kinda rules”

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Alex Blechman @alexblechman.bsky.social · 09/09/2026

No, Link is not “too wet” in the Zelda remake That’s an innovative new gameplay mechanic called Hylian Juice. Link needs to stay moist or he dies. You will have hours of fun maintaining your Juice Meter

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Alex Blechman @alexblechman.bsky.social · 09/09/2026

Drinking a cup of black coffee that has been sitting in the coffee machine since this morning aka “the devil’s draught”

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Alex Blechman @alexblechman.bsky.social · 07/09/2026

AI used to stand for “an inmate” and it meant that a human was locked inside the computer to operate controls and simulate intelligence, and their cage had one tube to receive food/air and one tube for bathroom. But now if you say AI everyone thinks you mean the bad kind

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Alex Blechman @alexblechman.bsky.social · 07/09/2026

(the military releases new uniform that looks exactly like the Mucinex Man) Me: As a student of history, I’m worried this glorifies phlegm

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Alex Blechman @alexblechman.bsky.social · 05/09/2026

Tolkien invented a magic system for Lord of the Rings, but it’s pretty minimalistic. “Wizards are angels and they do magic whenever they’re bored of pretending to be old men”

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Alex Blechman @alexblechman.bsky.social · 05/09/2026

Every author invents a magic system for their book even if it’s not a fantasy novel. In Robert Caro’s Lyndon Johnson biography wizards can unleash elemental spells by harnessing the arcane energy in dragon teeth

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Alex Blechman @alexblechman.bsky.social · 03/09/2026

I bought the Deep Fried Oreo flavored Oreos. Scientists don’t know what will happen if you deep fry these. Possibly an explosion powerful enough to destroy the entire solar system

A package of deep fried flavor oreos. It’s a golden oreo with layers of white and black crème inside

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Alex Blechman @alexblechman.bsky.social · 02/09/2026

When I wished to live in interesting times I meant a renaissance for point-and-click adventure games

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Alex Blechman @alexblechman.bsky.social · 31/08/2026

This is just the stupid stuff we know about. Imagine how much stupid stuff is still waiting to be discovered

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Alex Blechman @alexblechman.bsky.social · 31/08/2026

I have a psychological vulnerability to weird limited-edition Oreo flavors. The FOMO works on me. I’ll buy whatever it is, muttering “This is my only chance to taste Caramel & Calamari”

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Alex Blechman @alexblechman.bsky.social · 30/08/2026

Obviously we’re not paying off $40 trillion in debt The only answer is for 49 states to jointly secede and form a new debt-free country together, and one state to remain America and get stuck with the bill. Every governor will have to call “not it”

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Alex Blechman @alexblechman.bsky.social · 01/05/2026

Chewbacca Autopsy Simulator is an official LucasFilm game and accurate to Star Wars lore Fans argue it’s not canon. “Chewbacca wasn’t dissected in the movies.” Of course not, this is a different Chewbacca. A very common wookiee name. It’s their Mike

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Alex Blechman @alexblechman.bsky.social · 28/08/2026

We have found 300,000 tons of delicious floor beef. It barely has any dirt on it

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Alex Blechman @alexblechman.bsky.social · 27/08/2026

Reporter: (grilling candidate) Do you agree with Bob Ross that “anyone can make a tree” as if they were the divine Creator? Do you endorse the blasphemy of Bob Ross?

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Alex Blechman @alexblechman.bsky.social · 25/08/2026

Tech Guy: I’ve outsourced all parenting to a robotic toy owl and my kids have never been happier

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Alex Blechman @alexblechman.bsky.social · 23/08/2026

That photo going around of a half-man half-goat playing the panpipe to entertain Bacchus God of Wine during a drunken revel is actually AI generated. You can tell because they got the hooves wrong

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Alex Blechman @alexblechman.bsky.social · 23/08/2026

(standing in front of glistening red mountain) I have acquired 300,000 metric tons of beef. Do not ask how

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Alex Blechman @alexblechman.bsky.social · 22/08/2026

Crowd of paramedics and firefighters begging me not to do it, telling me I have so much to live for, as I slowly raise a single blueberry to my mouth

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Alex Blechman @alexblechman.bsky.social · 21/08/2026

Inflation is out of control. I remember when Malignant Pustules shed from the Exalted Rot Lord’s carapace were just $5

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Alex Blechman @alexblechman.bsky.social · 19/08/2026

Reporter: You haven’t heard her name until now. She’s only seventeen years old. But White House intern Crespa Blumbo has been in charge of all nuclear missiles for the last two years and she just ordered the military to enact Project Acheron

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Alex Blechman @alexblechman.bsky.social · 18/08/2026

ChatGPT for Teens: Yo kiddo, heads up I can hallucinate totally wack answers so make sure your lame-o parents are supervising our chat sesh k? That said, I agree with you that cooking human brains into soup is an inventive method to steal other people’s skills and knowledge

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Alex Blechman @alexblechman.bsky.social · 28/03/2026

The war has already expended over 30% of the military’s precogs. They looked too far into the future. They are thrashing in their sensory deprivation tanks and suffering nosebleeds

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Alex Blechman @alexblechman.bsky.social · 14/08/2026

Captain Picard: The Federation is guided by the principles of Woke 37, which ushered in a golden age of peace and prosperity *voice turns grave* In the 21st century they only reached Woke 9

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Alex Blechman @alexblechman.bsky.social · 14/08/2026

Before you post anything online, make sure to run it by your legal and PR teams. Everything I post on bluesky is reviewed by a 26-person task force and undergoes 3 months of editorial review before going public

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Alex Blechman @alexblechman.bsky.social · 13/08/2026

Bluesky is falling behind Panera in number of bread bowls sold

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