Reposted by Robert KnopJo @whatsjo.bsky.social · 04/10/2026her: did you know makeup expires? me: *spits mine out* WHAT 239379
Robert Knop @fatherwithtwins.bsky.social · 04/10/2026It’s 103 degrees today and my son’s friend came over wearing sweatpants and a long sleeve shirt. 110
Reposted by Robert KnopMr. Bea Arthur, Batshit Crazy™️ @steamymac.bsky.social · 02/10/2026* laying in the middle of the freeway No, things are good, why do you ask? 514361
Robert Knop @fatherwithtwins.bsky.social · 02/10/2026My son has started making pizza bagels every day for breakfast. He’s a genius and I feel like I’ve wasted my life 061
Robert Knop @fatherwithtwins.bsky.social · 29/09/2026I wish I had the optimism of my neighbor who just put out Halloween pumpkins when it’s supposed to be 100 degrees this weekend 011
Reposted by Robert KnopIdle @hatesnicethings.bsky.social · 28/09/2026If you’re not shoehorning life’s foibles into little ditties only you can understand, are you even really living life bro? 13914
Reposted by Robert KnopMary @anniemumary.bsky.social · 03/03/2025My Oscar would be for my performance in I’m Good. How Are You? 14626200
Robert Knop @fatherwithtwins.bsky.social · 28/09/2026Madonna: You know what we need? Butthole lasers. 010
Robert Knop @fatherwithtwins.bsky.social · 27/09/2026I’ve been coaching and reffing soccer for decades. Parents, can we PLEASE stop yelling “you’re better than him!!!” at your kids when they go 1v1. It’s wrong on so on many levels. 0101
Reposted by Robert Knop𝔏𝔦𝔳𝔢 𝔏𝔞𝔲𝔤𝔥 𝔏𝔬𝔞𝔱𝔥𝔢 @fleurkenstein.bsky.social · 27/09/2026Broke up with my medieval bf because he was upset I said his harpsichord playing was lacklustre (one time) 24212
Reposted by Robert KnopPresident Werewolf G. Harding @popeawesomexiii.bsky.social · 28/10/2025First day as a vampire hunter: This is easy lol First night as a vampire hunter: oh no 72001538
Reposted by Robert KnopKalvin the Reindeer @kalvinmacleod.bsky.social · 24/09/2026Can someone please explain to me why the most expensive place to park in the world is the hospital? 2152
Reposted by Robert Knopmean things I say to myself @meantomyself.bsky.social · 24/09/2026Teens Retirees 🤝 Watching their phones with full volume in public 815537
Robert Knop @fatherwithtwins.bsky.social · 24/09/2026Everyone complains I’m cheap until I pull out a 10% off coupon at dinner 032
Reposted by Robert KnopJohn Carpenter’s The Alex Nevil @thealexnevil.bsky.social · 24/09/2026me, first day as a pirate: Hi, guys, it’s great to— captain: Make him walk the plank 03817
Reposted by Robert Knop𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜 @unfitz.bsky.social · 23/09/2026[Thom Yorke from Radiohead in a diner] I’ll have today’s special ˢᵒ ᶠᵘᶜᵏᵉⁿ ˢᵖᵉᶜⁱᵃˡ 15612167
Reposted by Robert Knop𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜 @unfitz.bsky.social · 21/09/2026I call my heart The Death Star because it is missing some pieces yet it is still somehow functional. 19932
Reposted by Robert KnopDaddyJew @daddyjew.bsky.social · 19/09/2026my entire life is a series of alarms going off at 5 minute intervals 05927
Reposted by Robert KnopJohn Carpenter’s The Alex Nevil @thealexnevil.bsky.social · 19/09/2026Fact: a bear will maul you if you ask him for a ride to the airport. And asking him to help you move is a complete non-starter. 48331
Reposted by Robert KnopJulie Lavender Menace @2tickytacky.bsky.social · 17/09/2026They saw me trying to expand the picture on a dinner menu with my fingers. Now the family won't let my go anywhere alone. 010233
Reposted by Robert KnopOpinion Editor @ Bluesky @dly.bsky.social · 15/09/2026be a dear and fetch my emotional support party size bag of Cheetos 825662
Reposted by Robert KnopUncle Duke @uncleduke1969.bsky.social · 01/07/2025“I know you think you’re being funny, but honestly Dave, it’s just hurtful.” 319184101989
Reposted by Robert KnopPumpkin Escobar @kingmonkeysunkle.bsky.social · 14/09/2026I hope this email finds the wallet I lost in 2004 03215
Reposted by Robert KnopMary @anniemumary.bsky.social · 11/09/2026I open the door to the basement where the guest will stay, pausing briefly to inquire how they feel about dolls. 615756
Reposted by Robert KnopMary @anniemumary.bsky.social · 05/09/2026Every day the office across from my office gets to watch me park, check the line, and then re-park. 47624
Reposted by Robert Knopkorpisworld @kwkorpi.bsky.social · 14/09/2026When one door closes, another one opens. That’s how I learned the refrigerator needs leveling. 1873468
Reposted by Robert KnopGreg the Miller @gregthemiller.bsky.social · 07/01/2026no i’m not “detail oriented” that’s where the devil is 8851234
Robert Knop @fatherwithtwins.bsky.social · 14/09/2026When your son texts you that he's getting frozen yogurt on the way home, but doesn't ask if you want anythingstatic.klipy.comHomer Simpson CryingALT: Homer Simpson Crying 041
Reposted by Robert KnopFᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF @sofarrsogud.bsky.social · 04/09/2026ZOOKEEPER: Eagles can actually swoop down and pick fish directly out of the water ME: *way too loud* They're so talonted ZOOKEEPER: *tazing me* How did you get back in here 5584113
Reposted by Robert KnopMary @anniemumary.bsky.social · 02/09/2026It’s not gonna come up organically since we’re not hanging around each other, but I have to let you know that I’m really good at making the shot when I toss something into the garbage can.  47629
Reposted by Robert Knop PhantomDeeks 🫶 @deeks549.bsky.social · 09/09/2026I didn't want those nachos they wanted me 412754
Reposted by Robert KnopDaddyJew @daddyjew.bsky.social · 20/02/2025Garbanzo beans sounds like they were named by The Muppets 831886
Reposted by Robert KnopGrant Tanaka @granttanaka.bsky.social · 03/09/2026sometimes when you're a kid and a bully takes your money, you don't know whether to cry or call the police, so make sure to knock that kid down and take their phone before they do either 310646
Reposted by Robert KnopFickle Filly @ficklefilly.bsky.social · 02/09/2026How to enjoy a staff meeting: 1. Stop listening. 2. Imagine you’re down at Fraggle Rock. 14394121
Reposted by Robert KnopJane, actually @maidofbeans.bsky.social · 02/09/2026Girls just wanna have none (of your unsolicited advice) 514364
Reposted by Robert Knop𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜 @unfitz.bsky.social · 09/08/2024Just blocked someone for pointing out that my post had a dangling modifier. Next time don’t be so pedantic, mom. 512641
Reposted by Robert KnopDaddyJew @daddyjew.bsky.social · 01/07/2025you can tell a lot about a woman by the way she decides to burn your house down 1023592
Reposted by Robert Knop𝔏𝔦𝔳𝔦𝔫𝔤 𝔇𝔢𝔞𝔡 𝔅𝔞𝔪𝔰(👻🏈 ᴠᴇʀꜱɪᴏɴ)™ @timberbams.bsky.social · 02/09/2026Little called bugles finger chips & now that's the only thing they'll ever be called again in this house. 1268
Reposted by Robert KnopMarl @marlebean.bsky.social · 02/09/2026*Advice Needed* Signed up to do Stand-up Comedy at my work talent show. What is the best way to get a meeting with HR? They seem fun. 83012
Reposted by Robert Knopmean things I say to myself @meantomyself.bsky.social · 02/09/2026I used to work in advertising and I don't get to write client ad copy anymore but I can always just walk around saying things to myself like, "Maybe I was born with it; maybe I'm ✨spiraling✨" and pretend Anxiety™️ is gonna pay me 27918
Reposted by Robert KnopDumb Beezie @dumbbeezie.bsky.social · 02/09/2026Baby needed to be put in a corner but yall don’t want to talk about that 24815
Reposted by Robert KnopGrant Tanaka @granttanaka.bsky.social · 02/09/2026Me: [showing childhood trophies] this one's for swimming, this one's for football, this one's for soccer Her: I thought your name was Grant Me: lol this isn't even my house 3433129
Reposted by Robert KnopTyler, from the Internet (Haunted) @tylerfromtheinternet.com · 31/08/2026robber: GIVE ME THE MONEY cashier: ok 😭😭😭 robber: PUT IN A BAG cashier: they're 25¢ now is that ok 😭😭😭 101229195
Reposted by Robert Knopinkedupandsonic @sonictyrant.bsky.social · 30/08/2026Inexplicably started hand jiving while passing a school for mimes and got arrested for inciting a riot 011042
Reposted by Robert KnopNosferaPru @prufrockluvsong.bsky.social · 29/08/2026I don't have an embarrassment of riches but you can count on me for a richness of embarrassments. 128988
Reposted by Robert KnopDanny @mardigroan.bsky.social · 27/08/2026Corey Hart: I wear my sunglasses at night. Insurance agent: Yeah, you are not going to be eligible for these safe driver discounts. 324464
Reposted by Robert KnopJohn Carpenter’s The Alex Nevil @thealexnevil.bsky.social · 25/08/202617: Why do you always have to embarrass me? Me: [shows him page 1 of “How To Be A Dad” instruction manual] 04017
Reposted by Robert KnopSpooky Goosey @augustagoose.bsky.social · 23/08/2026I’m essentially a ravioli. All tucked in the blankets and full of cheese. 410234
Reposted by Robert KnopToby 🇵🇸 @tobestewart.bsky.social · 22/08/2026Today I will be hosting a book sale until the librarians notice 16923
Reposted by Robert KnopFrank Ray Whitehouse (He/Him) @wheeltod.bsky.social · 29/08/2025There are few things I enjoy more on a cold, wet, wintry day than driving past a line of shivering commuters stuck at a bus stop in the rain, with my radio and my heater both blasting on full. In fact, that's probably the main reason I became a bus driver in the first place. 124448
