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Pumpkin Escobar

@kingmonkeysunkle.bsky.social

6.8K followers 666 following 6.4K posts

I'm no clown I won't back down I don't need you to tell me what's going down bsky.app/profile/kingmonkeysunkle.b…

Posts Replies Media

Reposted by Pumpkin Escobar

Skinnie Talls @skinnietalls.bsky.social · 16/09/2026

it turns out that a monkey cannot in fact do my job, long story short, he got us both fired

Pumpkin Escobar @kingmonkeysunkle.bsky.social · 10h

i have so far been able to combine a significant amount of confidence in my ability while simultaneously possessing very little ability it's something of a paradox i can tell you

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Miss Havishambles @misshavishambles.bsky.social · 17h

It’s not you it’s me I say, looking in the mirror.

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The Tennessee Holler @thetnholler.bsky.social · 25/09/2026

CARTOON OF THE DAY…

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korpisworld @kwkorpi.bsky.social · 28/09/2026

Nobody has ever casually purchased a tarp. Something has happened.

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Lizzy @stonedeva.bsky.social · 28/09/2026

I simply couldn't, so I did not.

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Boo B 👻🐝 @vtbee80.bsky.social · 28/09/2026

before you fall in love with me you should know that i’m not very good at cooking. or cleaning. or sex.

Pumpkin Escobar @kingmonkeysunkle.bsky.social · 23h

when I find a way to put positionable fabric coverings over my windows it's curtains for you lot

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Miss Havishambles @misshavishambles.bsky.social · 28/09/2026

Trying to give up cake and pastries. The strudel is real.

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Viktor Winetrout @viktorwinetrout.bsky.social · 28/09/2026

Oh, you like psychology? Name five ways you can help me

Pumpkin Escobar @kingmonkeysunkle.bsky.social · 23h

america, your president has made a culture of misogyny and degradation of women acceptable but still, what about that new ballroom eh

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Cosmic Clau @cosmicclau.bsky.social · 28/09/2026

me: we have to stop meeting like this *chuckle, pause, frown* no, seriously, i'm getting sick of bumping into you tuesday:

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Misery Highlight @miseryhighlight.bsky.social · 28/09/2026

I’d take an earbud out for you.

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Daisy @daisy91.bsky.social · 18/06/2026

I walk around in public with the same facial expression as my cat when he sees the vacuum.

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Skinnie Talls @skinnietalls.bsky.social · 28/09/2026

I'm not going to lie, would you accept an elaborate excuse instead?

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DaddyJew @daddyjew.bsky.social · 28/04/2026

if hamburger helper then surely hot dog collaborator

Pumpkin Escobar @kingmonkeysunkle.bsky.social · 23h

i ended it when it became clear she only liked me for my special potatoes and it's not the first time either tbh

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Misery Highlight @miseryhighlight.bsky.social · 28/09/2026

Good luck with that thing you’re trying to do.

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SpatialKimtamine @kimmalien.bsky.social · 28/09/2026

I could go to sleep but unfortunately I’m committed to making tomorrow worse for me and everyone involved

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A Shot of Steve™ ⚡️ @stevekoehler22.bsky.social · 28/09/2026

We should be able to “skip ad” when some people in real life are talking to us.

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Kip Conlon @kipconlon.bsky.social · 28/09/2026

I must have been 8 or 9 when my parents sat me down to explain there is no Michelin Man.

Pumpkin Escobar @kingmonkeysunkle.bsky.social · 28/09/2026

everything i have learnt about myself i have learnt under duress

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sweetie π @sixfeetofcandy.bsky.social · 28/09/2026

all of these cave paintings are about me that’s weird

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sky @iamspacegirl.bsky.social · 11/11/2024

It may look like I’m just sitting here but I’m actually nourishing a massive underground root structure, so

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Comics Outta Context 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️ @comiccontext.bsky.social · 28/09/2026

Image of Batman, he is slumped but setting up against a yellow wall, his legs on the ground and spread while little Asterix around his head indicate he is disoriented.”

Pumpkin Escobar @kingmonkeysunkle.bsky.social · 28/09/2026

I said you seem obsessed with the size of my appendage she said no honestly it's just not that deep.

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Shade 5 @shade5.bsky.social · 28/09/2026

Just think there's someone who has yet to be born that'll be preforming with Madonna at the VMAs someday.

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key @lefttwix.com · 19/09/2026

what if eyeballs were testicles you could see out of

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Damnit Janet @damnitjanet.bsky.social · 28/09/2026

Podcasts are actually really useful for making it sound like you're not home alone when the delivery guy brings a shameful amount of takeaway

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Lizzy @stonedeva.bsky.social · 27/09/2026

Slept on my body weird last night. Who wants to come over and snap my spine?

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Sam @samuelhlowe.bsky.social · 27/09/2026

I just need to say that convincing someone that your crazy ass is emotionally stable is also catfishing.

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Tim 🇨🇦 @qwertying.bsky.social · 27/09/2026

I saw a scarecrow today. It looked more employable than I am.

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DaddyJew @daddyjew.bsky.social · 08/01/2026

Sesame Street never prepared me for any of this

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Skinnie Talls @skinnietalls.bsky.social · 25/09/2026

When all else fails you really have nothing to worry about anymore

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SaltyGirl @saltssaltgirl.bsky.social · 27/09/2026

Setting the bar so low that my toes touch it. Now go lower.

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Shitposts In Tiaras @shitpostsintiaras.bsky.social · 27/09/2026

Radical flame-inism 🔥🏆👑 Congratulations @kingmonkeysunkle.bsky.social from @hormonella.bsky.social

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Marly @verbsrproudest.bsky.social · 26/09/2026

*vague gesture* Yeah, yeah. The only thing to fear is fear itself but no one ever wants to carry the propane tank in a lightning storm either.

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strange ranger @lithiumsucks.bsky.social · 27/09/2026

Nobody really wants to be the winner of the, "who had it worse growing up" competition...nobody.

Pumpkin Escobar @kingmonkeysunkle.bsky.social · 27/09/2026

going to add a random person's handle to my bio alongside a wedding ring emoji

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Frances Meh @francesmeh.reviews · 27/09/2026

i'm sorry baby, i swear it'll never happen again, after the midterms

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Jane, actually @maidofbeans.bsky.social · 27/09/2026

Tune in next week when I livestream my attempt to smuggle a baby giraffe through airport security.

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Mrs. Dick Helicopter 💩📺 @hormonella.bsky.social · 27/09/2026

It’s 6:00 am. Do you know where your phone is? Hint: It’s in your hand.

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Skinnie Talls @skinnietalls.bsky.social · 27/09/2026

[Samuel L. Jackson voice] Nonsense motherfucker, do you speak it?

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sweetie π @sixfeetofcandy.bsky.social · 27/09/2026

my hips do lie if you looked at them you’d never guess i ate all the leftover chicken parm during the night

Pumpkin Escobar @kingmonkeysunkle.bsky.social · 27/09/2026

my neighbour via text: 'is everything okay Jonny?' me naked, dancing to the High School Musical soundtrack: 'yea wonderful'

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Lauren @beavisetc.bsky.social · 27/09/2026

I love to tell a friend “I got something cookin” and not elaborate on it

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DaddyJew @daddyjew.bsky.social · 27/09/2026

word on the street is that the bird is the word

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Jane, actually @maidofbeans.bsky.social · 27/09/2026

I saw a lot of people walking funny today, so either the zombie apocalypse has started, or maybe they just got a really good rogering last night.

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Ruth Burger @ammtuesday.bsky.social · 10/09/2026

Yesterday I wanted a taco. Today I’m eating a taco. Follow your dreams!