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The Weed Witch

@the-weedwitch.bsky.social
623 followers 951 following 512 posts

is this the afterlife? strumpet with a strap . indica-leaning hybrids . my black impala goes 85 . just sittin here on the group w bench . namaste bitch weed . nature . existential political rage . general shitposting

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Fiona Applebees 🍎🐝 @fionaapplebs.bsky.social · 9h
After school specials did not prepare me for this
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James Damron @runswindows95.bsky.social · 10h
I've been researching colanders all day, and I feel strained.
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al-boo @captainacabairbud.myatproto.social · 19h
i’m a boy, greg, am i back in town?
robert de niro in meet the parents, he’s calling greg focker out on his bullshit and looking at him like he knows greg is about to feed him some more
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The Weed Witch @the-weedwitch.bsky.social · 10h
seasonal adventure
1965 red convertible Dodge Coronet giving slightly sinister, surreal vibesMountain view in the rain in autumn, mostly yellow leaves and mistAbandoned Catskills hotel with birch trees growing inside. Definitely haunted. Fall colors on a mountaintop, moremountains in the blue distance
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Fickle Filly @ficklefilly.bsky.social · 11/10/2026
Don’t invite me to your kid’s birthday party if you don’t want me to crane kick the piñata.
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Salty MacTavish @saltymactavish.bsky.social · 09/10/2026
Analingus would be a perfect name for a Scottish nobleman
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Salty MacTavish @saltymactavish.bsky.social · 08/10/2026
Perfect day to go to the bogs and enjoy the sublime colors of the cranberry harvest. Wave if you see me. I’ll be there sunning my perineum.
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sweetie π @sixfeetofcandy.bsky.social · 08/10/2026
the hubris involved in assuming any alien would want to probe you
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🅱️oofessor Killosk 👻🔪 @professorkiosk.wtf · 28/10/2024
if I had a boss I would simply jump on their head three times to defeat them
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TwoSense @twosense.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
fartled (when a fart scares you)
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Gef the Toking Mongoose @geftokingmongoose.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
How long into a relationship before you can ask them to be part of the ritual
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sweetie π @sixfeetofcandy.bsky.social · 01/10/2026
turns out chipotle workers don’t like it when you yell “wrap that rascal” at them
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chris. @azedand2knots.bsky.social · 01/10/2026
Screaming "YOU MAKE ME FEEL LIKE A NATURAL WOMAN" at a piece of wood.
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sweetie π @sixfeetofcandy.bsky.social · 30/09/2026
there are no bangers only zuul
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Chestbursty @chestrovert.bsky.social · 01/10/2026
"This used to be my playground," I mutter to myself as I shovel wood chips into one of the thousands of furnaces fueling the lamps and televisions of the surface-dwellers. "This used to be my childhood dream."
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trick-is-a-treat-kat @trickykat.bsky.social · 16/09/2026
an octopus really only has octacles
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Tara Shoe @tarashoe.bsky.social · 29/09/2026
I keep singing the “dooo you wanna die” of toadies possum kingdom at intermittent parts of the day. that’s good right
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Salty MacTavish @saltymactavish.bsky.social · 24/09/2026
Please understand every time you insult me I sing the Journey lyrics a little louder
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Marjorie James Keenan @unenthusiast.com · 24/09/2026
If you are in line for sacrifice to the autumnal equinox, stay in line!
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Evie Nyx @evienyx7.bsky.social · 24/09/2026
At this point in my life, "friends with benefits " are just my friends who have health insurance
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Marjorie James Keenan @unenthusiast.com · 22/09/2026
rolling into autumn like
framed needlepoint of Richard Scarry's Lowly Worm wearing puritan garb driving a pumpkin car instead of an apple
Credit: Reddit user /u/kenz024
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🎃EM-SCREAM-KAYVEE 🔪 @youremceekayvee.bsky.social · 22/09/2026
absence makes the dick grow harder
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Fiona Applebees 🍎🐝 @fionaapplebs.bsky.social · 23/09/2026
I’ve got 99 problems and I cause all of them myself
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The Weed Witch @the-weedwitch.bsky.social · 23/09/2026
make your depression seasonal by liberally sprinkling pumpkin spice every fucking where you go
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Frances: Meh and Loving It @francesmeh.reviews · 18/09/2026
fighting the affordability crisis by laying my own eggs
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BEAVE @beaveinflow.bsky.social · 22/09/2026
If your butthole doesn’t smell like pumpkin spice by October, you’re simply not committed to the season.
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Salty MacTavish @saltymactavish.bsky.social · 22/09/2026
How is it that not a single billionaire/pedo has yet to be held accountable and probably never will be while their thugs can continue to rip apart families anyhoo here’s Wonderwall
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BEAVE @beaveinflow.bsky.social · 22/09/2026
I’m sensitive like the tip of an uncircumcised penis.
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Gef the Toking Mongoose @geftokingmongoose.bsky.social · 22/09/2026
Why did they call it a trap door and not an open floor plan
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burn it all down @russbengtson.bsky.social · 16/09/2026
*suspicious lobster wife* where did you get that shrimp *still confused lobster* you're never gonna believe this
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Just Call Me Amanda🐈‍⬛🐈‍⬛ @amandabf.bsky.social · 17/09/2026
Has anybody just tried punching him in the face really hard?
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Evie Nyx @evienyx7.bsky.social · 04/09/2026
We as a society should hiss more
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Mr. Bea Arthur, Batshit Crazy™️ @steamymac.bsky.social · 18/09/2026
Recently stopped talking to someone because they insisted on saying, “making love,” instead of, “fucking,” and I’m not capable of dealing with that.
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Anastasia MacKenzie @theanastasia.bsky.social · 08/09/2026
Ignore others as you would have them ignore you.
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Paranormal Pandy 🎃 @thatbrenna.bsky.social · 08/09/2026
It was so kind of my ancestors to leave me their mental illness instead of money
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korpisworld @kwkorpi.bsky.social · 08/09/2026
The word “haberdashery” sounds like something a Victorian gentleman should be arrested for behind a train station.
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ceej @ceej.online · 03/09/2026
I do think “every rich person went insane during covid because it was the first time they’ve been inconvenienced in decades” felt a little reductive at first but damn if isn’t more and more compelling as the years drag on
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Chaucer Doth Tweet @levostregc.bsky.social · 03/09/2026
Datinge app for megalith enthuasistes Henge
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Paranormal Pandy 🎃 @thatbrenna.bsky.social · 03/09/2026
Perfection
A capybara with the golden ratio over him
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ande91.bsky.social @ande91.bsky.social · 01/09/2026
satan: you've been canceling our plans for weeks now. if it's something i said, please just tell me.
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crumbum @fuwolfman.bsky.social · 01/09/2026
These trying times have shown us that ordinary, everyday people are capable of truly staggering evil.
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ZeroooO0OooooO0Ooooo @scootercomputer.bsky.social · 02/09/2026
I appreciate people can still be optimistic about the future despite all of the evidence to the contrary
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orcus @goblin.news · 02/09/2026
I would NEVER answer a door, once you start talking to doors it’s OVER
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Dumb Beezie @dumbbeezie.bsky.social · 02/09/2026
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Amanda @hellomanders.bsky.social · 01/09/2026
still thinking about this
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tujungadude, but pissed and sad @tujungadude.bsky.social · 31/08/2026
**REAL** real men drive cars with their feet
flintstones car.
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Frances: Meh and Loving It @francesmeh.reviews · 31/08/2026
benadryl at night, hat man's delight
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Sam @samuelhlowe.bsky.social · 30/01/2025
Come by my head when I’m not there and pick up all your shit.
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Marjorie James Keenan @unenthusiast.com · 31/08/2026
what does not kill me bides its time
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Kellaweena @kellalena.bsky.social · 31/08/2026
I zoned my way into this and I will zone my way out
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