Sign in

Groceries

@crisiscake.bsky.social
4.9K followers 615 following 1.4K posts

no thank you

PostsRepliesMedia
Reposted by Groceries
Gef the Toking Mongoose @geftokingmongoose.bsky.social · 2h
Still from the television show The Sopranos showing Tony in Dr Melfis office but with Dr Katz from Dr Katz Professional Therapist placed crudely over Melfi
35817
Groceries @crisiscake.bsky.social · 11m
"ruined lives" are the compromise
000
Reposted by Groceries
ϝɾιɠɠιɳϝɾҽɳƈԋ @frigginfrench.bsky.social · 47m
cashier: what size coffee would you like? me: medium is fine, I don't have the butthole capacity for a large. cashier, to my friend: and what size is your butthole?
1114
Reposted by Groceries
spleenly @spleenly.bsky.social · 46m
Mainly just working to support my high-bandaid lifestyle
052
Reposted by Groceries
Pizza Las Vegas @muyrando.bsky.social · 19h
I've been told on first impression that it's hard to tell if I'm an asshole or just quiet and I always find it funny that people think those two things are mutually exclusive.
1218
Reposted by Groceries
Amy @msfoxifurnasty.bsky.social · 19h
i’m never gonna dance again, guilty feet cause a gravitational incident that disrupts the tides and strands sea creatures
03610
Reposted by Groceries
spleenly @spleenly.bsky.social · 18h
90% of the time I put the pill in my mouth and then realize there is no water within a 100-mile radius
23112
Reposted by Groceries
Frances Meh @francesmeh.reviews · 18h
blocking is man's number one joy
post from some rando who tagged me inexplicably 


@05a1h5m.bsky.social

@francesmeh.reviews
- التفكير هوه عدو الإنسان الأول
thinking is man s number one enemy
1294
Reposted by Groceries
josh (oldfriend99) @oldfriend99.bsky.social · 20h
People assume the child actors from Honey I Shrunk the Kids didn't really do anything after, and that's not true. They were typecast as microscopic and cannot be seen with the naked eye in much of their later work
0849
Reposted by Groceries
josh (oldfriend99) @oldfriend99.bsky.social · 20h
Flubbed my gaffe in an important cock-up this morning :/
313612
Reposted by Groceries
Candy Elliott @sixfootcandy.bsky.social · 29/09/2026
Getting older is mostly discovering new and completely ridiculous ways to injure yourself.
23212
Reposted by Groceries
hammancheez @hammancheez.bsky.social · 29/09/2026
But i was told line go up is good
0193
Reposted by Groceries
stefan @stefanthinks.bsky.social · 23h
they should make lunchables for kids too
17529
Reposted by Groceries
Katie Mack @astrokatie.com · 29/09/2026
Thinking a lot lately about the men I know who are willfully ignorant about power dynamics and how I don’t *know* they’ve done anything specifically worse than be willfully ignorant about power dynamics but also if I had to guess which of my acquaintances had, I’d guess them first.
10907105
Reposted by Groceries
sweetie π @sixfeetofcandy.bsky.social · 29/09/2026
“but it’s national coffee day” i sob, after the barista refuses to put me through the bean grinder
625556
Reposted by Groceries
A.R. Moxon @juliusgoat.bsky.social · 29/09/2026
To people who don’t believe that Kermit the Frog is real: What is the basis for your morality? Where does your moral standard come from?
963599651
Reposted by Groceries
mindflakes @mindflakes.bsky.social · 22/12/2024
Slept like a log last night (half-submerged in a pond, covered in moss)
539481
Reposted by Groceries
walruslifestyle @walruslifestyle.bsky.social · 02/09/2026
i miss the old days when you would send job applications by mail. i liked licking the stamp and putting it on the envelope. i liked licking the cover letter and resume and putting them in the envelope, which i also licked
19121
Reposted by Groceries
walruslifestyle @walruslifestyle.bsky.social · 14/09/2026
leave it to my parents to have a kid like me. they would do something like that.
0207
Reposted by Groceries
Jason, ex Inferis @benedictsred.bsky.social · 28/09/2026
Imagine dying and getting to the river styx then seeing a QR code
1527474
Reposted by Groceries
crumbum @fuwolfman.bsky.social · 29/09/2026
Being trash really opens up a lot of options.
25022
Reposted by Groceries
cap’n watsisname @capnwatsisname.bsky.social · 29/09/2026
A WEREWOLF WHO TURNS ON THE WAXING CRESCENT MOON: Haha guys i just realized what tonight is and we kinda need to solve this escape room faster
112236
Groceries @crisiscake.bsky.social · 29/09/2026
fictional villains are always deciding that however they personally copped abuse or tragedy Really Says Something about society
110
Groceries @crisiscake.bsky.social · 29/09/2026
sugar cane is basically just wet bamboo
151
Reposted by Groceries
josh (oldfriend99) @oldfriend99.bsky.social · 28/09/2026
I'm old enough to remember when Kellogg's Corn Flakes were Kellogg's Corn Flake
4512
Reposted by Groceries
nathan @wiseposter.bsky.social · 28/09/2026
i met kellogg. he was using tongs to pick up one flake to give to each customer. when i requested a 2nd flake he struck me with the tongs
1141
Reposted by Groceries
Kaitlin Ruiz @kaitlinruiz.bsky.social · 28/09/2026
if we were numerate enough--if we understood how many women and girls are made sacrifice to the altar of promising young men with bright futures--we might not survive it. accounting for that loss will take the rest of my life, and yours. but we've got to; that's the only way of killing the thing.
120552
Reposted by Groceries
🅿️rofessor Kiosk 💊 @professorkiosk.wtf · 29/09/2026
dennis leary is the david spade of joe pescis
58424
Reposted by Groceries
Dan will be @ London MCM October @deathbulge.bsky.social · 06/09/2026
*overwhelming praise* "i am truly humbled" *humiliating defeat* "i am truly humbled" fucking stupid phrase, worthless
5462
Reposted by Groceries
Cosmically Funny @cosmicallyf.bsky.social · 29/09/2026
Semiautomatic steak knives.
0105
Reposted by Groceries
Fickle Filly @ficklefilly.bsky.social · 29/09/2026
Go go gadget self-sabotage!
18041
Reposted by Groceries
Idle @hatesnicethings.bsky.social · 29/09/2026
slipped on a banana peel into a profound melancholy
113563
Reposted by Groceries
Cosmically Funny @cosmicallyf.bsky.social · 29/09/2026
You're just a chemistry set with nightmares.
3179
Reposted by Groceries
🧩 @holojester.bsky.social · 29/09/2026
if i was evil i bet id be one of the good ones
1132
Reposted by Groceries
Pumpkin Escobar @kingmonkeysunkle.bsky.social · 29/09/2026
i ended it when it became clear she only liked me for my special potatoes and it's not the first time either tbh
1134
Reposted by Groceries
Pumpkin Escobar @kingmonkeysunkle.bsky.social · 29/09/2026
when I find a way to put positionable fabric coverings over my windows it's curtains for you lot
14716
Reposted by Groceries
alexis simpson @amutepiggy.bsky.social · 29/09/2026
bands don't have this guy in the lineup anymore and it fucken sucks
photo of a toy wind up monkey wearing a jaunty yellow vest and striped red pants. they are playing the cymbals. they look kinda coked out
68310
Reposted by Groceries
alexis simpson @amutepiggy.bsky.social · 29/09/2026
not a "the government should be run like a business" person at ALL, but maybe we *should* give the costco "if you raise the price of the fucking hot dog, i'll kill you" guy a shot as president
5767
Reposted by Groceries
Dumb Beezie @dumbbeezie.bsky.social · 29/09/2026
“What if we ruin these young men’s lives” What happens if we fucking don’t?
813127
Reposted by Groceries
Pessimus Prime @pessimusprime.bsky.social · 29/09/2026
Alien king: and we will destroy your planet unless you give us various cables that have no purpose in a modern era, a large selection of hex keys sourced from flat pack furniture and random off-cuts of wood that were too good to throw out but have no specific purpose Me: this is my time to shine
0252
Reposted by Groceries
Ygrene @ygrene.bsky.social · 28/09/2026
oh no that’s toDAY? ??
my Google Calendar for September 28th and there is only one event shown, which is at 2pm. It is titled “Make A Phone Call”
2757
Reposted by Groceries
Pumpkin Escobar @kingmonkeysunkle.bsky.social · 28/09/2026
everything i have learnt about myself i have learnt under duress
06431
Reposted by Groceries
🅿️rofessor Kiosk 💊 @professorkiosk.wtf · 28/09/2026
gregging has got to be a slang term for something right? I mean no one gets away with a name like that for long
106418
Reposted by Groceries
Bog Fancy @apparent-radiant.bsky.social · 28/09/2026
Brits, are there other wets besides pea wet? Is there cabbage wet? Is there meat wet?
122
Reposted by Groceries
Dominic Caruso @dominiccaruso1.bsky.social · 28/09/2026
If you wave your hands beneath the hand dryer’s motion sensor in the 4th floor restroom using just the right, precise set of signals, the machine will dispense up to 16 oz. of delicious freshly-made frozen yogurt right into your hands.
12811
Reposted by Groceries
Pookleblinky @pookleblinky.bsky.social · 28/09/2026
Fun fact: in Canada people get seasonal jobs during the winter where they stand on the shore of frozen lakes and yell "you're on thin fucking ice, buddy" at ice fishers to warn them when the ice is not thick enough
06310
Reposted by Groceries
Gram Smoker’s Dracula @chigurhray.bsky.social · 28/09/2026
i don’t age regress i age progress. i am now a crotchety 7,000 year old sorcerer & i am going to kill you with my ice powers over a minor infraction
081
Reposted by Groceries
spleenly @spleenly.bsky.social · 28/09/2026
I mean honestly how dare I walk up and ask a question of that dude standing in my yard
2133
Reposted by Groceries
Idle @hatesnicethings.bsky.social · 27/09/2026
I’m sure I’ll get around to it in about thirty or so microwave beeps.
02812
Reposted by Groceries
Tamper Proof Lid @readuction.bsky.social · 27/09/2026
There once was a man from nantucket It was raining there and shit and
1172