iiinova — where your digital self keeps evolving

Pessimus Prime @pessimusprime.bsky.social · 05/10/2026

My wife insisted we went to a book club against my best wishes so I recommended a Dan Brown book at the earliest opportunity and got kicked out

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Pessimus Prime @pessimusprime.bsky.social · 05/10/2026

I always buy milk at our shared workspace. I don't want people to feel unsure whether they can use it, so I leave a note saying "this is Prime's milk, I very much want you to enjoy consuming it. Please drink Prime's milk"

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Pessimus Prime @pessimusprime.bsky.social · 05/10/2026

Me: Waiter, there are insects on my food Waiter: Confit ants, sir Me: Ooo, I'd say about 90% sure

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Pessimus Prime @pessimusprime.bsky.social · 02/10/2026

The Gustav Klimt pony club, imma keep on painting at the Klimt etc etc

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Pessimus Prime @pessimusprime.bsky.social · 02/10/2026

Cooked langoustine for my date and she's like ooo crabs and I'm like crabs? I'll give you crabs and we don't see each other again

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Pessimus Prime @pessimusprime.bsky.social · 02/10/2026

Yes, but if I drink ALL the beers now then that's one job ticked off the list

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Pessimus Prime @pessimusprime.bsky.social · 29/09/2026

Alien king: and we will destroy your planet unless you give us various cables that have no purpose in a modern era, a large selection of hex keys sourced from flat pack furniture and random off-cuts of wood that were too good to throw out but have no specific purpose Me: this is my time to shine

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Pessimus Prime @pessimusprime.bsky.social · 23/09/2026

Trying to do the moonwalk trend but I accidentally get stuck mid air and with every step I get further and further from the ground

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John Carpenter’s The Alex Nevil @thealexnevil.bsky.social · 13/09/2026

“Making friends is hard.“ —Dr. Frankenstein

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Pessimus Prime @pessimusprime.bsky.social · 18/09/2026

When they're practicing they're called Draft Punk

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Pessimus Prime @pessimusprime.bsky.social · 11/09/2026

[Date] Me: I'll take the sirloin please Waiter: And how would you like that? Me: *confidently* delicious

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Pessimus Prime @pessimusprime.bsky.social · 10/09/2026

Don't give everyone $5000, the bribes should scale depending on commitment to Trump. Paint your house with a Confederate flag - $10k, tattoo the Donald on your face - $25k, rename your firstborn Donald - $27k

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Pessimus Prime @pessimusprime.bsky.social · 09/09/2026

I ate bin sushi and now my tum tum is haunted

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Grant Tanaka @granttanaka.bsky.social · 04/09/2026

[airplane plummeting to earth, passengers screaming] Me: I’LL ALWAYS LOVE YOU Wife: I’VE BEEN UNHAPPY FOR A REALLY LONG TIME

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Dropped Mike @rebrafsim.bsky.social · 07/10/2024

*throwing up a gang sign* when did I eat that

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Pessimus Prime @pessimusprime.bsky.social · 14/08/2026

Heard someone say that reading was their guilty pleasure. What? Reading is a portal to another world. Guilty pleasures are things like sniffing your wife's pants while you knock one out

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Pessimus Prime @pessimusprime.bsky.social · 13/08/2026

Saw a woman vacuuming her driveway yesterday

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Pessimus Prime @pessimusprime.bsky.social · 06/08/2026

The people behind Duolingo chess know what they're doing: - find the forking square - humiliate my bishop - OH MY G, YOU'RE GONNA MAKE ME CASTLE

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Pessimus Prime @pessimusprime.bsky.social · 05/08/2026

If you ask me to perform Riverdance, I will (Michael) Flatley refuse

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Pessimus Prime @pessimusprime.bsky.social · 02/08/2026

Me: I'm here for the ass bath Them: you mean ice bath? Me: oh

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Pessimus Prime @pessimusprime.bsky.social · 29/07/2026

t.A.U.t sang "all the things she said running through my head". Imagine ALL the things someone said running through your head. That's some kind of Greek God revenge shit

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happy filth_oween @filth-waste.bsky.social · 28/08/2024

(T.A.T.U. “all the things she said”) omelette things she said omelette things she said imitation egg imitation egg imitation egg ce n’est pas un oeuf

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Pessimus Prime @pessimusprime.bsky.social · 29/07/2026

Remember to compliment your fellow locker room inhabitants. For example: "Wow, Brad, that's a mighty fine penis. Hey everyone! Come and look at Brad's penis!" Men. Love. Compliments

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Pessimus Prime @pessimusprime.bsky.social · 28/07/2026

Hello? What happened?! Wait, I think you have the wrong number - this is Beverley Hills 90211

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Pessimus Prime @pessimusprime.bsky.social · 28/07/2026

Hello? Sorry, who? The Beast? Ah, I'm sorry, you have the wrong number, this is 665

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Pessimus Prime @pessimusprime.bsky.social · 21/07/2026

Shout out to all the anti-President songs from before Trump got into office

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Pessimus Prime @pessimusprime.bsky.social · 16/07/2026

In the 1990s Right Said Fred topped the charts with their whimsical bop "I'm too sexy". Whilst an entertaining pop song it does little to educate the world about the very real condition of being too sexy that affects me and a handful of other people globally, and the challenges we face day to day

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Pessimus Prime @pessimusprime.bsky.social · 15/07/2026

I really don't mind who wins tonight as long as everyone has a nice time and England win

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Missing The Point @missingthept.bsky.social · 15/07/2026

England and Argentina come to an agreement that the winner of their World Cup match will get the Falklands.

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NosferaPru @prufrockluvsong.bsky.social · 14/07/2026

I feel sorry for the bees that have to make hot honey.

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Pessimus Prime @pessimusprime.bsky.social · 11/07/2026

American politics would be greatly if there were joke candidates. Imagine Trump having to debate a person dressed as Garfield whose primary election promises were free lasagne and a ban on Mondays

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It's Abby. Yep @itsabbyyep.bsky.social · 17/05/2026

Now let's do a silly one - Picasso before every portrait

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𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜 @unfitz.bsky.social · 11/07/2026

[first date] Her: So what do you do? Me: I work with explosives Her: Dynamite? Me: Diarrhea

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Raysident Evil @sireviscerate.myatproto.social · 14/06/2023

DOG: I think that job interview went well! *looks in mirror and sees ear was inside-out the whole time* Son of a

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Steven (with a PH) @sjksalisbury.bsky.social · 09/07/2026

My dad was a poet so I could never really join in when the other boys would argue about whose dad could beat up the other dads, but I was confident that my dad could make your dad feel seen in ways that would quietly devastate him.

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Pessimus Prime @pessimusprime.bsky.social · 08/07/2026

Gotta love British politics. Try explaining to a foreigner why the man who was the MP is now standing to be an MP and his opponent is an alien with a bin for a head

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Pessimus Prime @pessimusprime.bsky.social · 07/07/2026

In solidarity with Nigel Farrage I have quit my job in the midst of an investigation into my conduct. I will reapply for my job when it is advertised. Sticking two fingers up to the establishment!

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Pessimus Prime @pessimusprime.bsky.social · 04/07/2026

And next on "You Bet" we have Gwen Stefani who says she can name the primary constituent of faeces using only 2 senses

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Pessimus Prime @pessimusprime.bsky.social · 04/07/2026

Introducing Prime's "English as a foreign language course". By the end of the course you will be able to understand, with confidence, the difference between This is shit This is a shit This is the shit

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Pessimus Prime @pessimusprime.bsky.social · 04/07/2026

250 years since Will Smith killed all them aliens

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Pessimus Prime @pessimusprime.bsky.social · 04/07/2026

250 years since Will Smith killed all them aliens

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Pessimus Prime @pessimusprime.bsky.social · 29/06/2026

Genuine text conversation with my wife: Wife: can you pick up a parcel from the shop? Me: anything for you X Wife: no, they're shoes for your son Me: not what I meant Wife: oh, we need milk and eggs

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Pessimus Prime @pessimusprime.bsky.social · 29/06/2026

You get one wish to acquire a skill. But the caveat is that it has to be really quite mundane and very specific. What are you going with? Mine would be the ability to pick up a puzzle piece and immediately place it, but only when it's someone else's puzzle

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Pessimus Prime @pessimusprime.bsky.social · 28/06/2026

Fixed the vaccum cleaner today. No idea how - classic "take apart, put back together" fix. What did I tell my wife? "Rerouted the encryptions on the flux capacitor". Please don't ruin this for me

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Glennyrodge @glennyrodge.bsky.social · 27/06/2026

There are several flags in the Norway flag.

The flag of Norway, parts of which make up the flags of Indonesia (and Monaco), Finland, The Netherlands, Thailand, Poland and France.

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Pessimus Prime @pessimusprime.bsky.social · 31/05/2026

Wife: No, I don't want to go to a Star Wars themed sex party. Ew Me: First off it's Star TREK and secondly it's called a Borgy

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Pessimus Prime @pessimusprime.bsky.social · 23/06/2026

My reasons for learning origami are to fold

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Pessimus Prime @pessimusprime.bsky.social · 23/06/2026

My decision to buy a three-pack of ice creams and consume them all was on the basis of unit economics alone, not greed

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