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WittySassBasket

@wittysassbasket.bsky.social
2.5K followers 432 following 150 posts

That's a salad fork you stupid bitch.

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los 🦦 @los-los.bsky.social · 19/10/2025
Keith Sweat just played on the radio and my vasectomy reversed itself
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Skinnie Talls @skinnietalls.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
Even if you've only done the Macarena once, you're still a carrier
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Mr. Bea Arthur, Batshit Crazy™️ @steamymac.bsky.social · 03/10/2026
*from the ditch I’m doing great.
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Blair Spookily @blairloudly.bsky.social · 03/10/2026
[kitten about to pounce] and behold a pale horse and his name that sat on him was death
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Nappy Dolemite @nappydolemite.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
Not a single one of my reminders are friendly
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Mr. Bea Arthur, Batshit Crazy™️ @steamymac.bsky.social · 13/01/2025
Dance like your spirit isn’t broken beyond repair.
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WittySassBasket @wittysassbasket.bsky.social · 01/10/2026
quit acting like all of 2026 hasn't been spooky season
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Siege @tellumsiege.bsky.social · 09/07/2026
We gotta be living in some timeline’s blooper reel.
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Dumb Beezie @dumbbeezie.bsky.social · 26/09/2026
That bitch crazy, Your Honor
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Chipockalips Now! @fragboner.bsky.social · 18/09/2026
Do you smoke or drink alcohol?
I drink it.
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Mr. Bea Arthur, Batshit Crazy™️ @steamymac.bsky.social · 18/09/2026
Recently stopped talking to someone because they insisted on saying, “making love,” instead of, “fucking,” and I’m not capable of dealing with that.
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FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF @sofarrsogud.bsky.social · 17/09/2026
But they were all of them deceived, for another Duran was made
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Chames @overlooked237.bsky.social · 18/09/2026
🎵 when you get caught between the couch and roku city🎵
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Frovo @frovo.bsky.social · 18/09/2026
LIV Tyler’s full name is Fifty Four Tyler
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Jake_Vig @jakevig.bsky.social · 18/09/2026
Ask your doctor if mocking everything and everyone is right for you.
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Jenny Doesn’t Know @jennydoesntknow.bsky.social · 18/09/2026
*slides you some cheese* you’ll need this for your journey
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lalalyds @lalalyds.bsky.social · 06/11/2024
Not enough of you watched pbs as a kid and it shows
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Mr. Bea Arthur, Batshit Crazy™️ @steamymac.bsky.social · 18/09/2026
A salad bar, but it’s all just Costco sheet cakes.
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Trevor R Browning @trevorbrowning.bsky.social · 18/09/2026
It’s 5:33am. You can’t sleep. Underneath your bed, there’s a creepy rustle, as the clown tries to quietly unwrap and eat a granola bar.
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Mr. Bea Arthur, Batshit Crazy™️ @steamymac.bsky.social · 10/12/2023
*playing the tuba outside your window at 3am I just wanted you to know that everyone thinks you’re kind of a cunt.
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Blair Spookily @blairloudly.bsky.social · 18/09/2026
[pulling a cat out of my emotional support hoodie] here hold this i got an xxl and theres like 6 more tucked in here
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Mr. Bea Arthur, Batshit Crazy™️ @steamymac.bsky.social · 17/09/2026
-At Olive Garden, you’re family. -No thank you.
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m@thew @tweetpotato314.bsky.social · 17/09/2026
ok, but what if u want to summon batman during the day
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John Lyon @johnlyon.bsky.social · 17/09/2026
Me: I’ll have a small drink. Fast food worker: We don’t have a small. We only have large and medium. Me: *grabs him by collar* THE SMALLEST SIZE CANNOT BE MEDIUM! THAT LITERALLY MEANS MIDDLE!
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𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜 @unfitz.bsky.social · 16/09/2026
[double date] Other couple: How did you two meet? Me: Well, I saw Brenda’s tits online and slid right into her DMs. The rest is history.
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Dropped Mike @rebrafsim.bsky.social · 16/09/2026
[date] her: I do web design me: like charlotte? her: me: do you make your own silk? her: are . . . are you posting this right now?
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DaddyJew @daddyjew.bsky.social · 17/09/2026
[ first day as blackjack dealer ] Go fish
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John Carpenter’s The Alex Nevil @thealexnevil.bsky.social · 13/09/2026
“Making friends is hard.“ —Dr. Frankenstein
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Brick's House 🍁 @brickmahoney.bsky.social · 14/09/2026
[Giovanni Paolo Paninni meeting the Earl of Sandwich] both: (eyes narrow)
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Blair Spookily @blairloudly.bsky.social · 17/09/2026
so far gone my straight jacket is varsity
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Flute Manhawk @thelittlestoaf.bsky.social · 16/09/2026
Georgia O’Beefe’s New Mexico Steakhouse: If your date doesn’t turn you on, you better believe our steaks will
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brent @murrman5.bsky.social · 16/09/2026
[responding to trash talk during pick up basketball game] my wife has a bad back so I doubt that happened
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leemanish.bsky.social @leemanish.bsky.social · 15/09/2026
I get home late, dead tired, and see my name in big, bloody letters on the bedroom wall - and I'm like, nope, I will deal with THIS in the morning
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Frovo @frovo.bsky.social · 16/09/2026
TEACHER: i see you passing notes, stand up and read it to the class KID: teacher is super hot TEACHER: *twirls hair* what else does it say
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It's Abby. Yep @itsabbyyep.bsky.social · 16/09/2026
[As my kid watches me try to put a straw into a Capri Sun] Me: This is always so challenging My Kid: Not if you know the secret Me: What's the secret? My Kid: Don't be a little bitch
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NosferaPru @prufrockluvsong.bsky.social · 16/09/2026
Would you like a mocktail? A drink that jeers at you?
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Blair Spookily @blairloudly.bsky.social · 13/09/2026
the best part of grocery shopping is when the cashier making basically nothing tells me i owe $100 for basically nothing
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WittySassBasket @wittysassbasket.bsky.social · 16/09/2026
I miss being able to drop a gif in a message, so don't mind me
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Forrest Plump @nahyoudoit.bsky.social · 14/09/2026
She was rare, like a single guy sliding into her DMs.
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Jason, ex Inferis @benedictsred.bsky.social · 14/09/2026
*dating after 60* Get on my lawn!
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Seamus O'Flaugherty @seamussaid.bsky.social · 06/02/2025
it's time to put emojis on ouija boards this dead kid can't spell for shit
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Jimmer Cork-Bottle @jimmerthatisall.bsky.social · 25/10/2025
When I say I'm a man of substance I mean controlled.
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𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜 @unfitz.bsky.social · 14/09/2026
She was spirited, like a haunted house.
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John Lyon @johnlyon.bsky.social · 14/09/2026
Me, shouting from the back at a Poison concert: ACTUALLY THERE ARE SEVERAL VARIETIES OF THORNLESS ROSES!
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Nappy Dolemite @nappydolemite.bsky.social · 15/09/2026
HER, "You're cute. How old are you?" ME: "When I go for casual walks, I bring my ID with me in case I drop dead suddenly on the sidewalk."
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DaddyJew @daddyjew.bsky.social · 15/09/2026
[during sex] Her: go deeper Me: so trouble probably began when my dad left..
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Grant Tanaka @granttanaka.bsky.social · 15/09/2026
If you drive with the “check engine” light on long enough, another light will pop up saying “oooh, check out the badass”
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los 🦦 @los-los.bsky.social · 12/09/2026
•walking into Ripley’s Believe It Or Not• Which way to the butter?
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