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Nappy Dolemite

@nappydolemite.bsky.social

16K followers 624 following 17K posts

I'm going to die online. Read these and weep: bsky.app/profile/did:plc:3qiwec4glu… The best of my worst: bsky.app/profile/did:plc:3qiwec4glu…

Posts Replies Media

Nappy Dolemite @nappydolemite.bsky.social · 7h

Not a single one of my reminders are friendly

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Marjorie James Keenan @unenthusiast.com · 31/05/2025

Apothegary great name for pharmacist

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Marjorie James Keenan @unenthusiast.com · 16/07/2025

Oh, I am very weary, Though tears no longer flow; My eyes are tired of weeping, My heart is sick of woe black betty ramajam

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Marjorie James Keenan @unenthusiast.com · 23/10/2025

being a useful idiot sounds like too much work

Nappy Dolemite @nappydolemite.bsky.social · 01/10/2026

Hello, 911? Yes, I cannot stop whistling the opening notes to the theme for Three's Company. Yes, I'll hold.

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Nappy Dolemite @nappydolemite.bsky.social · 24/04/2025

When a women tells me her name, I always follow up with, "Oh, like the cheese?" no matter what her name is.

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Nappy Dolemite @nappydolemite.bsky.social · 23/11/2024

Judging by how many times I've ALMOST eaten a sticker on an apple, I've DEFINITELY eaten a sticker on an apple

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Nappy Dolemite @nappydolemite.bsky.social · 08/01/2025

Me: I think my favorite deadly sin is gluteny Them: you mean gluttony Me (going in raw on a warm baguette): I sure as fuck don't

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Nappy Dolemite @nappydolemite.bsky.social · 01/02/2025

You guys. I don't think anyone's coming to save us.

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Nappy Dolemite @nappydolemite.bsky.social · 03/03/2025

I didn't think the Beatles were as groundbreaking as people said, but the lyric, "I heard the news today, oh boy," really hits nowadays

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geist @prettyvulgar.bsky.social · 17/09/2026

slutty ghosts wear fitted sheets

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Bob Heller @bobheller.bsky.social · 01/10/2026

You remind me of one of my good friends from high school. Asshole.

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Jason, ex Inferis @benedictsred.bsky.social · 24/09/2026

I don’t wanna be an alpha. Bitch I’m tryna frolic

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Jason, ex Inferis @benedictsred.bsky.social · 26/09/2026

I love non-binary Halloween. What do you mean you’re iced coffee at a job interview

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Jason, ex Inferis @benedictsred.bsky.social · 27/09/2026

I got the Covid vaccine and sure enough five years later sent a text to the wrong person

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Jason, ex Inferis @benedictsred.bsky.social · 28/09/2026

Imagine dying and getting to the river styx then seeing a QR code

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Nappy Dolemite @nappydolemite.bsky.social · 28/09/2026

Time casts stuffed shells on you But you want spaghettiiiiii -Fleetwood Macaroni

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Nappy Dolemite @nappydolemite.bsky.social · 27/09/2026

In France they get ze moonchies

Nappy Dolemite @nappydolemite.bsky.social · 28/09/2026

I'm sick of living so small. Give me the macro plastics.

Nappy Dolemite @nappydolemite.bsky.social · 28/09/2026

Time casts stuffed shells on you But you want spaghettiiiiii -Fleetwood Macaroni

Nappy Dolemite @nappydolemite.bsky.social · 27/09/2026

Sorry I tried to be friends with you

Nappy Dolemite @nappydolemite.bsky.social · 27/09/2026

My stomach hurts so of course I'm going to eat like a fucking pig

Nappy Dolemite @nappydolemite.bsky.social · 27/09/2026

In France they get ze moonchies

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kattsdogma.bsky.social @kattsdogma.bsky.social · 22/12/2024

[a horse walks into a bar] bartender: what can i get you horse: what no that’s not how this format goes you’re supposed to say why the long f… you know what nvm just show me where i can get some water bartender: i could but then i can’t make you drink horse: what

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kattsdogma.bsky.social @kattsdogma.bsky.social · 23/09/2026

my vacuum is charging & i just tripped over the cord. jumped the shark, is what im saying . folks,,

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Vamp Lizzlepants 🧛🏻‍♀️ @lizzlepants.bsky.social · 19/09/2026

got my pizzaralls on today (overalls for eatin 🍕)

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Vamp Lizzlepants 🧛🏻‍♀️ @lizzlepants.bsky.social · 20/09/2026

gravity appreciation post thx for always keepin me grounded

Nappy Dolemite @nappydolemite.bsky.social · 21/09/2026

If you can stir up drama on a website this boring then it's probably time to get off the internet.

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Nappy Dolemite @nappydolemite.bsky.social · 03/04/2025

I think I manifested being alone forever. Follow me for more spiritual advice

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Chy @chy2chy.bsky.social · 19/09/2026

Dating tip: Pocket bacon, always a welcome addition to any date night

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Nappy Dolemite @nappydolemite.bsky.social · 19/09/2026

What's a guy gotta do to worship a latex goddess while plugged and caged and dressed like a maid around here? Sir, this is a Chipotle. Please come around back.

Nappy Dolemite @nappydolemite.bsky.social · 19/09/2026

What's a guy gotta do to worship a latex goddess while plugged and caged and dressed like a maid around here? Sir, this is a Chipotle. Please come around back.

Nappy Dolemite @nappydolemite.bsky.social · 18/09/2026

What you see is what you get (sad horn)

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Chy @chy2chy.bsky.social · 08/09/2026

The cold brew was begging for it. How was I supposed to control myself?

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Nappy Dolemite @nappydolemite.bsky.social · 17/09/2026

Am I AI?

Nappy Dolemite @nappydolemite.bsky.social · 17/09/2026

Am I AI?

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Braden Serkas @portmanteauface.bsky.social · 13/09/2026

“There’s a mental health epidemic in America” yeah there’s a drowning epidemic at the bottom of the ocean too you dumb fucking cracker. “eVeRyBoDy’S bUmMeD oUt dOwN aT tHe sAdNeSs fAcToRy” do you even realize how stupid you sound right now

Nappy Dolemite @nappydolemite.bsky.social · 15/09/2026

HER, "You're cute. How old are you?" ME: "When I go for casual walks, I bring my ID with me in case I drop dead suddenly on the sidewalk."

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Jason, ex Inferis @benedictsred.bsky.social · 09/09/2026

I need some answers that a Reddit thread from four years ago may not have right now

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Jason, ex Inferis @benedictsred.bsky.social · 11/09/2026

Burger King says “have it your way” while remaining a monarchy. Interesting

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Jason, ex Inferis @benedictsred.bsky.social · 13/09/2026

Life Alert should make the sound of Sonic losing his rings when someone falls

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Jason, ex Inferis @benedictsred.bsky.social · 15/09/2026

damn shawty you're sorta doing that without the express written consent of major league baseball

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Braden Serkas @portmanteauface.bsky.social · 14/09/2026

YOU GUYS THE VAJANKLE IS BACK

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Nappy Dolemite @nappydolemite.bsky.social · 14/09/2026

Someone once said, "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all." Fuck that piece of shit sunshine fucker.

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Miss Havishambles @misshavishambles.bsky.social · 14/09/2026

Ordered room service and it turns out it’s food.

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Jason, ex Inferis @benedictsred.bsky.social · 14/09/2026

*dating after 60* Get on my lawn!

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Grant Tanaka @granttanaka.bsky.social · 14/09/2026

[during sex] Me: what's wrong honey, you seem distracted Her: [solving rubik's cube]

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Braden Serkas @portmanteauface.bsky.social · 14/09/2026

Pizza Hut Shake Shack Pita Pit Churro Favela Tapas Tenement Hamburger Hovel Gyro Yurt Quinoa Quonset Goulash Gulag Candy Shanty Meatball Slum

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Jooli-AHH! Boolia 👻🍂🎃 @jooliaghoulia.bsky.social · 14/09/2026

Local singles in your area are looking to disappoint you

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Vamp Lizzlepants 🧛🏻‍♀️ @lizzlepants.bsky.social · 11/09/2026

why do we send our dumb hormone-fueled teenagers to school dances and parties it’s like we’re tryna get them all pregnant