iiinova — where your digital self keeps evolving

I don't need a life insurance policy. If I die, my family's biggest payout will just be no longer having to explain what I do for a living at family reunions.

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Dak @dak.bsky.social · 12h

I started a new skincare routine last week. Turns out no amount of hyaluronic acid can fix thirty years of terrible decisions and zero water intake.

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Dak @dak.bsky.social · 12h

I like to set my alarm for 5:30 AM just so I can wake up, look at it, and tell myself "not today" with maximum authority.

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Dak @dak.bsky.social · 12h

My doctor told me to start cutting back on stress. I told him unless he wants me to stop waking up then we’ve hit a ceiling.

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Dak @dak.bsky.social · 12h

Halloween is the one night of the year you can dress up as a complete disaster, surrounded by the people who made you one.

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Dak @dak.bsky.social · 12h

I put more emotional conviction into faking an orgasm than I do into my entire career, yet neither has yielded a bonus.

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Steve Suckington @stevesuckington.bsky.social · 24/09/2026

wonder if that bird who’s cuckoo for cocoa puffs ever tried cocaine

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richie @theregoesrichie.bsky.social · 15/09/2026

if you thought you knew what you were doing here think again ~ a memoir

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John Carpenter’s The Alex Nevil @thealexnevil.bsky.social · 17h

I just need to pull off one last heist so I can finally move on to the next last heist.

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ash @ashhull.bsky.social · 05/10/2026

My skeets have no nutritional value.

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Chames @overlooked237.bsky.social · 06/10/2026

*seductively helps hamburger*

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andy vs. @im-all-id.me · 21h

Another day another negative 100 dollars

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BEAVE @beaveinflow.bsky.social · 22h

My dog picking his bedtime stuffie out of the toy bin every night is everything to me.

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Frovo @frovo.bsky.social · 21h

they should invent a US president who doesn't hate the US

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Amy Vants to Suck Your Blood 🩸 @msfoxifurnasty.bsky.social · 05/10/2026

not everyone knows this but drinking isn’t the only way to ingest the blood of your enemies, you can also toss it with some pasta or spread it on a piece of toast

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sweetie π @sixfeetofcandy.bsky.social · 05/10/2026

i guess you could say i’ve mastered the art of nodding and politely smiling as i simultaneously wish the ground would open and swallow me whole

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Marl @marlebean.bsky.social · 28/08/2026

Fast and Furious: My Period Cycle

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Mark Neitzel @elmark-neitzel.bsky.social · 05/10/2026

Only 354 followers away from finally earning my father’s love.

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Dak @dak.bsky.social · 05/10/2026

Diagnosing yourself with old age before checking the bottom of your own foot is peak 60, and you got there three weeks early.

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trick-is-a-treat-kat @trickykat.bsky.social · 04/10/2026

breaking up by subskeet. please repost so he gets the message

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Dak @dak.bsky.social · 05/10/2026

One of my balls moved. So I can relate 🤷‍♂️

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Dak @dak.bsky.social · 05/10/2026

Show dominance by clapping as the plane takes off.

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Dumb Beezie @dumbbeezie.bsky.social · 04/10/2026

For $5 I will stand over your kid’s bed in my Ghostface costume

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sweetie π @sixfeetofcandy.bsky.social · 04/10/2026

my friend kelly randomly said “what if penises unfurled like a butterfly’s tongue” to which i replied “it’s actually called a proboscis” and then she just stared at me

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Breakfast 🍩☕️🍑 @donutscoffeeme.bsky.social · 05/10/2026

Validate me harder, like the dirty little validation whore I am.

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Salty MacTavish @saltymactavish.bsky.social · 04/10/2026

If I’m bobbing for apples at your Halloween party and stay down for more than a couple of minutes don’t worry I used to free dive for abalone

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Ygrene @ygrene.bsky.social · 04/10/2026

saw your man at the grocery store and he was struggling to effectively use his rewards points

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Kellalena @kellalena.bsky.social · 04/10/2026

My best way of learning is by error and error

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John Lyon @johnlyon.bsky.social · 04/10/2026

Some church people knocked on my door and said they wanted to tell me about the afterlife. I told them I’m trying to avoid any spoilers.

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Corduroy Cheddar @corduroycheddar.bsky.social · 04/10/2026

Apparently the past tense of counting is not cunt

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Jane, actually @maidofbeans.bsky.social · 04/10/2026

It's a beautiful day to throw your phone in the ocean.

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Betsy Wetsy @betsyross.bsky.social · 01/10/2026

thinking I can be funny sometimes is self care

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Mrs. Dick Helicopter 💩📺 @hormonella.bsky.social · 30/09/2025

Sorry I thought your baby’s ultrasound was your Halloween avatar.

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𝕊𝕦𝕟𝕕𝕒𝕖 𝔾𝕦𝕣𝕝 @sundaedivine.lol · 04/10/2026

I’m at the Emergency Room with my date because YouTube ran a 30 second ad before showing “Heimlich Maneuver.”

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NosferaPru @prufrockluvsong.bsky.social · 01/10/2026

Child Me would be very surprised to learn Adult Me eats brussel sprouts on purpose.

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andy vs. @im-all-id.me · 01/10/2026

Limerence would be an ugly name for a girl actually

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𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜 @unfitz.bsky.social · 02/10/2026

[first date] Him: So what do you do? Her: I’m a ghost writer. Him: Cool. So what do you think of this? *𝘨𝘩𝘰𝘴𝘵𝘴 𝘩𝘦𝘳*

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Dak @dak.bsky.social · 02/10/2026

My impression of a shark stepping on a piece of Lego.

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sweetie π @sixfeetofcandy.bsky.social · 01/10/2026

yeah, but see the problem is i don’t believe in hell so i’m going to need these people to suffer now

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Dak @dak.bsky.social · 01/10/2026

Me: Here is fresh, filtered water and indirect sunlight. Plant: I have chosen death. Weed in the driveway sidewalk crack: I feed on gasoline and spite.

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