iiinova — where your digital self keeps evolving

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phil @philjamesson.com · 14/12/2024

your true love gave you eight maids a milking? cool. just one question. what the fuck are you talking about

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Isabel Zaw-Tun @izzyzaw.bsky.social · 14/12/2024

I pry open the crab shell but instead of sweet crabmeat I find a tiny, bustling city filled with people who have my face. It tastes terrible

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donni saphire @donni.bsky.social · 14/12/2024

You can lead a horse to water, but it will not be super impressed. Horses know about water

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lauren @lauren.rotatingsandwiches.com · 14/12/2024

the library should host a monthly 'how to cook an egg' night where adults and children alike are provided a quiet, judgment free space to learn to properly cook an egg. this would do society a lot of good

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ceej @ceej.online · 14/12/2024

(Ebenezer Scrooge on his way to debut his new “fun” persona to the family of the employee he’s impoverished:) Maybe I’ll razz Bob a little bit when I get there. I think we have that kind of relationship

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slate @pleasebegneiss.bsky.social · 14/12/2024

santa taylor swift 🤝 flying to the house next door

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Dr. Bucky Isotope, PhD, BOFA @buckyisotope.bsky.social · 12/12/2024

STEVE MILLER: some people call me the space cowboy ME: dude we only did that once and we all really really regret it

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Jonathan Edward Durham @thisone0verhere.bsky.social · 12/12/2024

ME: and make mine a double WAITER: your..your tater tots? ME: you heard me

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Dr. Bucky Isotope, PhD, BOFA @buckyisotope.bsky.social · 12/12/2024

Humans are the only species who have ever managed to invent Arby’s

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ceej @ceej.online · 12/12/2024

a “Full English” is when you prank a buddy by secretly filling their toilet tank to the brim with baked beans

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Nice Dude (sincere) @sortabad.bsky.social · 10/12/2024

My manger brings Wise Men to the barn / They’re like, we traveled so far / Damn right, followed the North Star / I will gift you, this myrrh in a jar

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Patrick Chovanec @prchovanec.bsky.social · 06/12/2024

The fact that Disney bought Star Wars and bought the Muppets and haven’t done a Muppets Star Wars is a crime.

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Ygrene @ygrene.bsky.social · 07/12/2024

hello, 911? yes, there are a bunch of people here and they are absolutely DEMANDING some figgy pudding

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Glenn Moore @thenewsatglenn.bsky.social · 06/12/2024

I can't work out if this card is for a good occasion or a very, very bad situation.

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Claire St. Clair @sleepy-moho.bsky.social · 06/12/2024

Foodie: Hmm the crisp, sharp notes of this French Chablis will pair perfectly with tonight’s lemon sole Me: This wine is 13% and has a hedgehog on the label I’ll take it

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Dr. Bucky Isotope, PhD, BOFA @buckyisotope.bsky.social · 05/12/2024

*calls son at college* Pop quiz, son “Ok” What’s the opposite of a hot dog “Um…a cold cat?” Exactly. Now let’s talk about Fluffy

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Alex Blechman @alexblechman.bsky.social · 05/12/2024

Pixar rejected my Up sequel Down. Carl tying boulders to his house to drag it underground so he can rescue Ellie from hell “didn’t make sense” according to the suits. “Why is Ellie in hell? She didn’t commit any sins.” Yes she did, hubris

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Dave Cactus @davecactus.bsky.social · 04/12/2024

*watching James Blunt mouth "not you" to me after singing You're Beautiful in concert*

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Glenn Moore @thenewsatglenn.bsky.social · 03/12/2024

Nice holy infant you got there. Would be a real shame if someone were to make it…tender and mild

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Jon Bois @jonbois.bsky.social · 04/12/2024

[trying to talk to a server while going out socially for the first time in several months] Hrm, methinks I’m feeling a bit peckish indeed … and mayhaps I shall partake in an, ahem, shall we say, “adult beverage?” Squee!!!

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Claws @ohiocolor.bsky.social · 04/12/2024

“The horrors persist but so do I” i say, for the 5th time whilst trying to finish a Crave Case from White Castle

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Steve Suckington @stevesuckington.bsky.social · 01/12/2024

got fired from red lobster for naming the lobsters in the tank and asking people if they are sure they wanna order genevieve

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ceej @ceej.online · 04/12/2024

my daughter came home from school upset because she didn't "bring a circle." I guess it was "bring a circle" day. "Everyone else brought a circle!" okay, first of all, I didn't know about bring a circle day. second, what the hell are you talking about

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milk bottle champion @stepheniscowboy.bsky.social · 03/12/2024

But the March sisters were betrayed, for a Littler Woman was made..

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mindflakes @mindflakes.bsky.social · 01/12/2024

Neighbors keep asking if I've seen their stolen patio furniture. Yes I've seen your patio furniture, it's beautiful, that's why I stole it

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derek 🔒 @brainedimage.bsky.social · 02/12/2024

Who else thinks Biden should pardon anybody who committed a hit and run on October 14th 2022

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Claws @ohiocolor.bsky.social · 02/12/2024

(To the tune of “Be Our Guest” from Beauty and the Beast) Damn that sucks Damn that sucks 🎵 Damn that really really sucks 🎶

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brent @murrman5.bsky.social · 01/12/2024

[pretending to talk in my sleep so I can say things to my wife without getting in trouble] new blue shirt too blue

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the hype @thehyyyype.bsky.social · 01/12/2024

[a demonic shadow slowly emerges from the bedroom closet and travels along the ceiling toward the bed] guy from new york: ey who da fuck is dis clown

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Nate @thenatewolf.bsky.social · 28/07/2023

“Tell me the truth, am I out of touch with the common man?” I ask. “Maybe a little,” says my butler. I scoff, but my mouth is so full of aged tawny port that I start coughing and almost choke. He pats me on the back a few times. “Don’t touch me without your gloves,” I wheeze.

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Dave Cactus @davecactus.bsky.social · 29/11/2024

ME: How are you? GUY WHO JUST FOUND OUT ABOUT THE WORD ROBUST: Robust.

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brent @murrman5.bsky.social · 29/11/2024

[introducing coworkers as they walk into work like they're a starting lineup] shes 5'2 only owns 3 outfits and still owes me SIX DOLLAAAAARS

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TracieBreaux @traciebreaux.bsky.social · 29/11/2024

I told my husband he was making too many desserts and he said “I’m willing to whisk it all for you” so I stabbed him with a fork

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Sean Leahy @thepunningman.bsky.social · 29/11/2024

Date: So… [twirling hair] What's your favourite place to have sex? Me: [checking textbook hidden behind my menu] I'd have to say the vagina

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Jo @whatsjo.bsky.social · 28/11/2024

It’s that special time of year when I hang up the Flesh Snowman my oldest painted as a joke years ago and the whole family gets mad at me again✨

Against a black background are the top two halves of a pinkish snowman with white round eyes and several teeth, a long reddish pointy nose, and a reddish heart melting down the middle. I believe the swirls on top of its head are its brains.

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Fred Wellman @fpwellman.bsky.social · 28/11/2024

We saw a big family all out running their own little Turkey Trot this morning with the temperature barely above freezing with their kids and dogs. Heather and I watched and both said, “what the hell is wrong with you people?” I’m definitely with the right person.

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Grant Tanaka @granttanaka.bsky.social · 28/11/2024

Daughter: mom, what are you thankful for? Wife: [watching me eat a turkey leg while hip-thrusting to Gangnam style] Xanax

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Swishergirl @swishergirl24.bsky.social · 25/11/2024

Your secret is safe with me as long as it’s boring

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Isabel Zaw-Tun @izzyzaw.bsky.social · 20/11/2024

Somewhere in the world there is a tree that sprouted the same day you were born and has been growing along with you. It is slowly draining your energy and becoming more powerful. If you are to survive, you must find it and chop it down once and for all

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Shenanigans @shenanigans.bsky.social · 26/11/2024

Ever since I was a little girl I knew I wanted to provide more value for shareholders

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