Reposted by FunnyTweeter.comDave Cactus @davecactus.bsky.social · 02/05/2025An igloo made of toupees: wigloo. 55620
Reposted by FunnyTweeter.comFrovo @frovo.bsky.social · 30/04/2025KID: what does "estimate" mean? TEACHER: take an educated guess KID: how bout u just fucken tell me 640776
Reposted by FunnyTweeter.comMyq Kaplan @myqkaplan.bsky.social · 29/04/2025god made eve by splitting the adam. 31037
Reposted by FunnyTweeter.comDiscö Fränkënstëin @bobjanke.bsky.social · 15/04/2025baloney is just flat hot dogs 1114744
Reposted by FunnyTweeter.comDr. Bucky Isotope, PhD, BOFA @buckyisotope.bsky.social · 04/05/2025Once again my horse "Two Drunk Guys in a Horse Costume" has failed to win the Kentucky Derby 01009
Reposted by FunnyTweeter.comGrant Tanaka @granttanaka.bsky.social · 04/05/2025Anchorman: And now for weather, how are things looking outside Weatherman: Good, how are things inside Anchorman: Good Weatherman: Good Anchorman: Weatherman: Gina left me again 630199
Reposted by FunnyTweeter.comChristina, mother of spiders @aikiwomannc.bsky.social · 01/05/2025"I'm telling you we're out!" "Carl, our family built a career on toilet paper, don't tell me we're out!" 113527
Reposted by FunnyTweeter.comChristina, mother of spiders @aikiwomannc.bsky.social · 03/05/2025If Sasquatch and Mothman pull up in a white panel van and ask if I'm up for an adventure, I'm getting in the van. 48126
FunnyTweeter.com @thefunnytweeter.bsky.social · 01/05/2025I'd tell them I was five but are my veggies without complaining so I grew faster 000
FunnyTweeter.com @thefunnytweeter.bsky.social · 01/05/2025Nothing brings people together like contempt for bad pick up lines 000
Reposted by FunnyTweeter.commean things I say to myself @meantomyself.bsky.social · 30/04/2025Imagine sex with me Wrong, I'm over here Wrong again, I'm asleep 925940
Reposted by FunnyTweeter.comCarole Boo @caroleu.bsky.social · 27/04/2025"I.. may have... finished the laundry," I whispered, then closed my eyes. Now I wait for the universe to do its thing. 12510
FunnyTweeter.com @thefunnytweeter.bsky.social · 30/04/2025We need to spread the word Too many people are living without being yelled at, on social media 000
FunnyTweeter.com @thefunnytweeter.bsky.social · 28/04/2025Nothing like getting to know someone over a sunrise.. women live surprises 000
Reposted by FunnyTweeter.comMarc @runoldman.bsky.social · 23/04/2025Remember when you were a kid and the teacher said you can be anything you want to be? Luckily I chose lower middle class and overweight. 9258105
Reposted by FunnyTweeter.comPaul @grommit56.bsky.social · 17/04/2025That feeling when you're done at work for the day but still have 3 hours till you can clock out. Not the best feeling. 0165
Reposted by FunnyTweeter.comPasta Fazool @christopherdowning.bsky.social · 01/03/2025Chairs are pretty great. You can fight a lion, or sit if you want. 14492178
Reposted by FunnyTweeter.comTracieBreaux @traciebreaux.bsky.social · 21/04/2025My dog just heaved the biggest SIGH that I ever heard in my life like dude it’s just Monday the week is barely started get it together 211339
Reposted by FunnyTweeter.comBEAVE @beaveinflow.bsky.social · 26/04/2025Exfoliating my skin with chip crumbs. 1116161
Reposted by FunnyTweeter.comUncle Duke @uncleduke1969.bsky.social · 26/04/2025cop 1: shit, what now? cop 2: check the address again cop 1: this is the one they gave us cop 2: but it says- cop 1: yeah bill, i can read 1248394
Reposted by FunnyTweeter.comJackie Bouvier @jackiebouvier.bsky.social · 24/04/2025I thanked my husband for cleaning the kitchen, and he said he didn't clean it. I thanked my son, but he said he didn't clean it, either. That leaves me. 218230
Reposted by FunnyTweeter.comkattsdogma.bsky.social @kattsdogma.bsky.social · 25/04/2025who dis ? 1137569
Reposted by FunnyTweeter.commurphmama.bsky.social @murphmama.bsky.social · 26/04/2025It's that "Oh yeah, asparagus" moment that unites us 173
Reposted by FunnyTweeter.comMary @anniemumary.bsky.social · 26/04/2025Digging new flower beds while listening to true crime. Unrelated. 1624165
Reposted by FunnyTweeter.comFomo Simpson @haliphacks.bsky.social · 25/04/2025Please listen carefully as our menu options change every hour. 316170
Reposted by FunnyTweeter.comDread Dreamer @elgatoesmio.bsky.social · 24/04/2025I don't use a screen protector on my phone because I'm Catholic 1021363
Reposted by FunnyTweeter.comJane, actually @maidofbeans.bsky.social · 25/04/2025I accidentally typed children instead of chicken and my plan for Friday night parmigiana just got very, very dark. 1326099
Reposted by FunnyTweeter.comMrsFitz @mrsfitz.bsky.social · 18/04/2025This ain't my first drunk rodeo. (the pizza isn't burnt, it's crispy) 28043
FunnyTweeter.com @thefunnytweeter.bsky.social · 25/04/2025We're bickering amongst ourselves and ignoring people's jet ski needs 000
FunnyTweeter.com @thefunnytweeter.bsky.social · 23/04/2025Do they tell their current person about their crazy ex? 000
FunnyTweeter.com @thefunnytweeter.bsky.social · 23/04/2025My swearing brings the gasps to the yard 000
Reposted by FunnyTweeter.comlos 🦦 @los-los.bsky.social · 30/12/2024Kris: Lunch? Kross: Yes! Kris: Where? Kross: Mickeddy Mickeddy Mickeddy Mickeddy Kris: CAN’T YOU JUST SAY MCDONALD’S? 0126
Reposted by FunnyTweeter.comPaused Mortem 💀 @pausedmortem.bsky.social · 06/04/2025"Listen to your body." My body: Die, bitch. 114047
Reposted by FunnyTweeter.comBetsy Wetsy @betsyross.bsky.social · 23/04/2025I’m brain dead, I got a fucking cricket in my head (seriously guys, there has been a cricket outside my window at night, thought it was cute at first, ha ha ha) 46628
Reposted by FunnyTweeter.comMidge @midge.bsky.social · 22/04/2025them: eat shit my dog: sounds good 929462
