iiinova — where your digital self keeps evolving

Chad Read @squirrel74wkgn.bsky.social · 17/08/2026

Drinking from a can with a straw isn’t satisfying to me…he thought while urinating next to his neighbor’s mailbox.

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Chad Read @squirrel74wkgn.bsky.social · 16/08/2026

I’ve started wearing baseball caps with the tags still on them.

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Chad Read @squirrel74wkgn.bsky.social · 16/08/2026

[staring at the trees] Me: (I wonder if…) Owl: I would so fuck you up

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Swim Jeans 👖 @shortsleevesuit.bsky.social · 23/06/2023

ME: what’s for dinner KIDNAPPER: omg we let you go four hours ago

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Fickle Filly @ficklefilly.bsky.social · 15/08/2026

*unsheathes sword* What the fuck do you mean the McFlurry machine is broken?

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inkedupandsonic @sonictyrant.bsky.social · 24/07/2026

Age is not an indicator of a persons intelligence, i explain to the fireman trying to free my head from the revolving door

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WittySassBasket @wittysassbasket.bsky.social · 04/08/2026

*25 second sigh* REPRESENTATIVE

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Shade 5 @shade5.bsky.social · 11/08/2026

Some asshole drank the rest of my Jameson and put the empty bottle back...and it was probably me.

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Grant Tanaka @granttanaka.bsky.social · 11/08/2026

damn girl, if I said you had a beautiful taser would you hold it against me

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los 🦦 @los-los.bsky.social · 01/05/2026

blue oysters and steak should be called smurf n turf

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Chad Read @squirrel74wkgn.bsky.social · 07/08/2026

[walking next to some random person in gate F of the airport] Me: man, where in the eff are we?

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Pinot Evil @pinotevil.bsky.social · 06/08/2026

“Le botomy” is French for anal.

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Jack Boot @jackboot.bsky.social · 06/08/2026

Fuck turtles.

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los 🦦 @los-los.bsky.social · 06/08/2026

•meeting my dog in heaven• So, you said dumb dog 373976 times

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John Lyon @johnlyon.bsky.social · 01/08/2026

Me: Can I have a gin and tonic? Them: Sir, this is an elementary school party. Me: Fine. MAY I have a gin and tonic?

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Swim Jeans 👖 @shortsleevesuit.bsky.social · 28/07/2026

ME: do you have any specials PHARMACIST: what

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Chad Read @squirrel74wkgn.bsky.social · 01/08/2026

[staring at the crooked picture on your wall] Me: I have to leave

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Chad Read @squirrel74wkgn.bsky.social · 01/08/2026

[staring at the crooked picture on your wall] Me: I have to leave

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Chad Read @squirrel74wkgn.bsky.social · 10/07/2026

I just ripped the juiciest fart ever while standing in the break room and completely forgot that we were in the middle of a work luncheon.

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Chad Read @squirrel74wkgn.bsky.social · 21/06/2026

One time I made an ashtray for Father’s Day that was so good my dad actually took up smoking.

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Frovo @frovo.bsky.social · 21/06/2026

happy father’s day dad, thanks for fucking mom that one time

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Matty @bestestname.bsky.social · 21/06/2026

My son wished me a happy father's day by asking where his ipad is

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FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF @sofarrsogud.bsky.social · 21/06/2026

Father's Day is hard for me. My Dad left us seven years ago to go selling shark tooth necklaces on the dark web.

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Juiceticles @juiceticles.bsky.social · 21/06/2026

Celebrating Father's Day by showing a couple of extra inches of butt crack

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CrazyMyra @outonthemoors.bsky.social · 21/06/2026

I'm a really hot psychic. You could say I'm psychotic.

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Mrs. Dick Helicopter 💩📺 @hormonella.bsky.social · 12/06/2026

when God invented tits she knew they’d come in handy someday for wiping the smudges off our smartphones

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Theciscokidder @theciscokidder.bsky.social · 17/06/2026

I couldn't remember the word "children" so I called them my skin babies.

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Vamp Lizzlepants 🧛🏻‍♀️ @lizzlepants.bsky.social · 21/06/2026

happy Papa Smurf Day to all the hot dad bods

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𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜 @unfitz.bsky.social · 21/06/2026

A bloody mary featuring a whole glazed ham on a toothpick. Write that down.

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ceej @ceej.online · 25/05/2026

solar is so cool man. I climbed up on my shed roof last week and installed a panel to charge my yard tools and now I’m mowing my lawn with power I stole from a fucking star

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frankchips.bsky.social @frankchips.bsky.social · 31/12/2024

[etching on stone tablets] oh and another thing

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Chad Read @squirrel74wkgn.bsky.social · 08/04/2026

[trying to impress a woman] *shits my pants trying to rip a phone book in half*

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John Lyon @johnlyon.bsky.social · 17/11/2025

If a woman looks sad, tell her, "You'd be pretty if you smiled more" and you won't see her looking sad anymore because you will be dead.

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Shade 5 @shade5.bsky.social · 06/12/2025

Found a faded five dollar bill in the pocket of my jeans so yes I'm guilty of money laundering.

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Theciscokidder @theciscokidder.bsky.social · 06/04/2026

Ioad bearing vagina, is this anything?

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Twin Dad @twinsurvivalist.bsky.social · 09/03/2025

Joggers? Oh no, dear. These are sitters.

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Gian D’Oh @giandoh.bsky.social · 25/01/2025

This is the dumbest apocalypse.

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Brent Crude @rubberglue.bsky.social · 25/03/2026

I'm upgrading my algorithm. Thank you for your attention to this matter.

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los 🦦 @los-los.bsky.social · 08/04/2026

in this house we only use proper terms like richardnary

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andy vs. @im-all-id.me · 07/04/2026

Being unemployed still rules... only thing on my to do list today is steal a packet of ranch dressing from wawa

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Chad Read @squirrel74wkgn.bsky.social · 05/04/2026

Daddy, why does the Easter Bunny have an ankle monitor like Uncle Carl?

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Gian D’Oh @giandoh.bsky.social · 30/03/2026

I can’t believe I still fit in my wife’s wedding dress.

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Chad Read @squirrel74wkgn.bsky.social · 22/03/2026

[sexting] Her: Are you naked? Me (taking a shit): Yes

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𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜 @unfitz.bsky.social · 26/01/2026

She was dazzling, like a laser pointer to the eyeballs.

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BrujoLoco☠️🖤🏺 @patnspankme.bsky.social · 29/01/2026

Look me in the ass and tell me you love me.

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DeeDastardly @mydmac.bsky.social · 14/03/2026

I want you to know that I hear you. I’m not actually listening and I don’t like it, but I hear you.

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bacon popsicle 🧴 @gupton68.bsky.social · 23/12/2024

Telling the cheese you’re eating that it’s your favourite cheese is like picking a favourite child, something you should only ever do when all the other cheeses are out of earshot.

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