Autotuned @autotuned.bsky.social · 15hThe best two words to hear at a wedding reception are “open bar” 1189
Reposted by AutotunedKellalena @kellalena.bsky.social · 16hI’m shy at first but then gradually go insane 215157
Reposted by Autotunedlisabug @lisabug.bsky.social · 05/10/2026[lips on mic] “How do I gently unblock myself?” 0136
Reposted by AutotunedSkinnie Talls @skinnietalls.bsky.social · 02/10/2026Oh you've never been in a drug deal gone bad, how cute 1013846
Reposted by AutotunedClam_Daniel @clamdaniel.bsky.social · 27/08/2026We all deserve someone who gasps at all the right times when we’re telling a story. 08243
Reposted by AutotunedForrest Plump @nahyoudoit.bsky.social · 16hMilk puns are attractive? No whey. 1410231
Reposted by AutotunedAutotuned @autotuned.bsky.social · 21/02/2025I could live on baguettes. Idgaf 2175
Reposted by AutotunedAutotuned @autotuned.bsky.social · 29/09/2026I just wanna know why eggs don’t taste like chicken??!! 042
Reposted by AutotunedAutotuned @autotuned.bsky.social · 04/12/2024“IT’S NOT A RACE” I shout, solidly in 3rd place, running for the only Target shopping cart in sight 0237
Reposted by AutotunedAutotuned @autotuned.bsky.social · 02/10/2025Julius Caesar. But did he ever really get to know her? 33118
Autotuned @autotuned.bsky.social · 29/09/2026I just wanna know why eggs don’t taste like chicken??!! 042
Autotuned @autotuned.bsky.social · 25/09/2026In less than 2 months my oven clock will be correct again 0143
Reposted by AutotunedCosmic Clau @cosmicclau.bsky.social · 25/09/2026sending out a space probe to find my lost motivation 912664
Reposted by AutotunedFiona Applebees 🍎🐝 @fionaapplebs.bsky.social · 25/09/2026Do dogs in Australia spin in the opposite direction when searching for the perfect spot to pee? 34719
Reposted by Autotunedcrumbum @fuwolfman.bsky.social · 08/05/2026*cracks neck, continues doing nothing* 09235
Reposted by AutotunedNew year, *like* new Cela @kuzmaniak.bsky.social · 20/05/2026My entire relationship with my neighbor is just texting each other “hey is your power out too?” 24715
Reposted by AutotunedWilbur72 @wilboo72.bsky.social · 20/09/2026Kaiser, Ciabatta, Dinner, Hoagie, Pretzel (Roll Call) 04418
Reposted by Autotunedcap’n watsisname @capnwatsisname.bsky.social · 19/09/2026[Elizabeth Holmes Voice]: I’m Batman. 418352
Reposted by Autotuned𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜 @unfitz.bsky.social · 20/09/2026Reverse cowgirl so she can keep an eye on the door while I monitor the skylight. SWAT is not gonna get us this time. 313631
Reposted by AutotunedSkinnie Talls @skinnietalls.bsky.social · 14/09/2026On a scale of one to ten, what the hell is going on? 2020381
Reposted by Autotuned𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜 @unfitz.bsky.social · 14/09/2026She was spirited, like a haunted house. 117975
Reposted by Autotuned🅱️oofessor Killosk 👻🔪 @professorkiosk.wtf · 14/09/2026I call it a war because monumental fuck up takes too long to say 04213
Reposted by AutotunedJane, actually @maidofbeans.bsky.social · 13/09/2026Sundays are for sighing, warm cinnamon rolls, and planning your next bank heist. 513053
Reposted by Autotunedsweetie π @sixfeetofcandy.bsky.social · 14/09/2026i saved thousands on my car insurance by returning to the sea 91234292
Reposted by AutotunedJane, actually @maidofbeans.bsky.social · 15/01/2025The best revenge is living well, unless you own a crossbow. 5273124
Reposted by Autotunedfauxnewdalt @fauxnewdalt.bsky.social · 05/04/2026“it’s now or never, babe” -an avocado’s ultimatum 36325
Reposted by Autotuned𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜 @unfitz.bsky.social · 10/09/2026I’m not here to be liked. It’s love or nothing, bitches. 818663
Reposted by AutotunedDaddyJew @daddyjew.bsky.social · 10/09/2026sorry kids, no water today. the entire internet had to use AI to see what they would’ve looked like in the 80’s 114251
Reposted by AutotunedLizzy @stonedeva.bsky.social · 10/09/2026Nothing about this is easy but fuck if that's ever stopped me 48549
Reposted by Autotunedsweetie π @sixfeetofcandy.bsky.social · 10/09/2026my posts are too powerful and that explains why so many people look away from them 1016147
Reposted by AutotunedJane, actually @maidofbeans.bsky.social · 10/09/2026What the world needs now is love, sweet love and a giant factory reset. 213857
Reposted by AutotunedBetsy Wetsy @betsyross.bsky.social · 05/09/2026fuck you guys there are two different mick jaggers following me now 2513938
Reposted by Autotuned👻🫧BOOP🫧👻 @frozenbodyparts.bsky.social · 09/09/2026I can relate to people who wear robes everyday 34112
Reposted by Autotuned𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜 @unfitz.bsky.social · 12/10/2024Guys, I’m only two turntables and a microphone away from discovering where it’s at. 331019161
Reposted by Autotuned✧𝔰𝔭𝔬𝔬𝔨𝔶 𝔪𝔲𝔡 𝔰𝔠𝔞𝔪𝔭✧ @altaudge.bsky.social · 09/09/2026anything is foldable if you just try hard enough 1218839
Reposted by AutotunedJane, actually @maidofbeans.bsky.social · 03/02/2025You're gonna have to speak up, I can't hear you over all this impending doom. 13608171
Autotuned @autotuned.bsky.social · 07/09/2026Soup of the day: 2 parts Tito’s Vodka 2 parts Tea (sweet or unsweetened ) Add crushed ice 052
Reposted by AutotunedCanadian Bacon @tashaneedshelp.bsky.social · 05/09/2026Knuckle tats: M O R E S A L T 212733
Reposted by AutotunedSalty MacTavish @saltymactavish.bsky.social · 05/09/2026It’s weird what we’re supposed to think is important. 1221373
Reposted by Autotuned𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜 @unfitz.bsky.social · 30/08/2026Who called them politicians instead of power tools? 324664
Reposted by AutotunedA.L. likely @alvildalikely.bsky.social · 05/09/2026Swishing shots of espresso around in my mouth, hoping the caffeine will kick in faster. 48934
Reposted by AutotunedSkinnie Talls @skinnietalls.bsky.social · 05/04/2026Hope someone is writing all this down, we could probably turn this shit show into a musical. 61437102
Autotuned @autotuned.bsky.social · 03/09/2026The neighbor’s wind chimes become the neighborhood’s wind chimes on a windy day 031
Reposted by AutotunedUncle Duke @uncleduke1969.bsky.social · 02/09/2026grammar was more important in the days of you’re 13464131
Reposted by AutotunedShade 5 @shade5.bsky.social · 02/09/2026I believe my calzone is in your vestibule 1011653
