Reposted by XalqeeWendy @wendyb07.bsky.social · 14/06/2026added some pasta water to my skincare routine 215846
Reposted by XalqeeBEAVE @beaveinflow.bsky.social · 01/06/2026Anyone who unfollows me on my birthday gets fed to the garden snakes. They've been waiting all year. 5221236
Xalqee @xalqee.bsky.social · 04/06/2026Don’t watch that show “Heated Rivalry” for the Hockey…it’s mostly butt pucking 031
Reposted by XalqeeDak @dak.bsky.social · 24/01/2025Started a band called ‘Duvet.’ All we play are covers 2245993529
Reposted by XalqeeFᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF @sofarrsogud.bsky.social · 23/04/2025Her: I love a tough guy Me: I’ve got some scars Her: Ooh. Show me one. Me: [pulls up shirt and points to bellybutton] This is from when I was born. 7479110
Reposted by XalqeeTim 🇨🇦 @qwertying.bsky.social · 10/05/2026Mother’s Day means spending the whole day proving you’re not the ungrateful son she raised you to be. 0165
Reposted by Xalqeeshow me your kitties @frickinferal.bsky.social · 04/02/2025Eh, I’m legit enough. *quits* 327688
Xalqee @xalqee.bsky.social · 21/01/2026In the 80’s you shampooed with Agree or “ gee you hair smells terrific “ or you weren’t getting laid 11012
Xalqee @xalqee.bsky.social · 21/01/2026I just want to be that old guy that says “ he just rubs me the wrong way” and everyone agrees with me 0143
Xalqee @xalqee.bsky.social · 21/01/2026S. Carolina, I’m in you! Already had some S. Carolina bbq and it was …magical👍 020
Xalqee @xalqee.bsky.social · 21/01/2026I don’t have all the answers, I’m just a dude, buuut…this ain’t it 083
Reposted by XalqeePizza Las Vegas @muyrando.bsky.social · 05/01/2025*discovery of potatoes* 1st person: What should we do with these? 2nd person: *clenches fist* EVERYTHING. 29842198
Xalqee @xalqee.bsky.social · 19/01/2026Growing up in LA, I can attest that when someone asks “ Where you’re from?” The correct answer is “ Nowhere” , cause of gangs .. ( Ice problems) 040
Reposted by Xalqeestuforreal.bsky.social @stuforreal.bsky.social · 01/01/2026Happy New Year if you're in to that sort of thing 12612
Reposted by XalqeeTwin Dad @twinsurvivalist.bsky.social · 21/12/2025I’m at the “hold my moobs when I go down the stairs” level now. Get at me 13114
Reposted by XalqeeDaddyJew @daddyjew.bsky.social · 14/12/2025i always have the last laugh. not bc im evil or anything. just kinda dumb so sometimes it takes me a minute 010747
Reposted by Xalqeekorpisworld @kwkorpi.bsky.social · 04/06/2024[first day as a firefighter] [fights fire with fire] [gets fired] 816860
Reposted by XalqeeGlasgow Kiss @xanderglasgow.bsky.social · 08/12/2025Bro, do you even lift, laugh and love? 084
Reposted by XalqeeMr. Bea Arthur, Batshit Crazy™️ @steamymac.bsky.social · 08/12/2025It’s Monday, or as I like to call it, motherfucker. 520365
Reposted by Xalqeetrick-is-a-treat-kat @trickykat.bsky.social · 06/12/2025a button that immediately drafts a restraining order when you reply to my posts 49223
Reposted by XalqeeDaddyJew @daddyjew.bsky.social · 01/12/2025geez, Millie Bobby Brown, save some names for the rest of us 2418
Reposted by Xalqeeficklenuts is tired of this shit @ficklenuts.bsky.social · 10/08/2025I just want enough money to figure out which of my problems can’t be solved by money 1393150
Reposted by XalqeeSam @samuelhlowe.bsky.social · 24/06/2025The sheep, out of hatred for the rabbits, voted for the wolf to preside over the farm. They all died. Even the chickens, who didn't vote. 301337387
Reposted by XalqeeJack @wakeupangry.bsky.social · 22/11/2025I just watched Karate Kid 6 so I’m technically part of the problem. 38739
Reposted by XalqeeBlobStarrrr @blobstar.bsky.social · 21/11/2025like snow on a palm tree, beautiful, but somehow just not right 03114
Reposted by XalqeeJuiceticles @juiceticles.bsky.social · 13/11/2025I like to pretend I'm being shunned instead of acknowledging the fact that my skeets suck 18633
Reposted by XalqeeAmish Super Model @amishsupermodel.bsky.social · 21/11/2025I never know how long to rest in between workouts… It’s about six months, isn’t it? 39120
Reposted by XalqeeFᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF @sofarrsogud.bsky.social · 08/11/2025[inventor of the bungee jump] no, you go first. 212545
Reposted by XalqeeJulie Lavender Menace @2tickytacky.bsky.social · 25/06/2025I just found out that the wheels will fly off a shopping cart if you get it up over 20 mph. 1721867
Reposted by XalqeeTwin Dad @twinsurvivalist.bsky.social · 28/10/2025I came. I saw. I came. I came again. I left quickly. - me at an adult video store 22510
Reposted by XalqeeJaime “Nightmare” Christley @rohmersimpson.bsky.social · 21/10/2025they got away with the heist? I guess it's true.... Louvre is blind 310216
Reposted by XalqeeForrest Plump @nahyoudoit.bsky.social · 21/10/2025Not to brag but I’ve already gained all my extra holiday weight early 912340
Reposted by XalqeeSteve Suckington @stevesuckington.bsky.social · 19/10/2025ME: wouldn’t the kool aid mans glass body shatter before the brick wall busted apart? GUY NEXT TO ME: seriously? literally every other urinal was open 528958
Reposted by XalqeeAmish Super Model @amishsupermodel.bsky.social · 10/01/2025Remember: It’s always more important to identify actors from their previous roles than it is to watch the current movie on your screen. 325117211489
Reposted by XalqeeForrest Plump @nahyoudoit.bsky.social · 04/12/2024Of course it’s easy to maintain friendships on the internet. We don’t have to take each other to the airport. 2041399
Reposted by XalqeeGᵣₐbₜₕₑWₑₙₑₛₛ @ayankdownunder.bsky.social · 10/10/2025I call them "Mastodoots." *gets immediately banned from Mastodon* 14912
Reposted by XalqeeJuiceticles @juiceticles.bsky.social · 07/10/2025I'm not flexible enough for a double entendre 511551
Reposted by XalqeeDaisy @daisy91.bsky.social · 22/09/2025I really thought I was gonna have to stop, drop and roll more in my life. 3138196
Reposted by XalqeeMelicious @honeybadgermel.bsky.social · 07/10/2025I get my steps in by going back to get what I forgot and forgetting what I forgot again. 820490
Reposted by XalqeeBogey @oneyebogey.bsky.social · 02/10/2025Many say they want the hooba, and then complain about the stank. 9327108
Xalqee @xalqee.bsky.social · 04/10/2025Out for a leisurely stroll outside my hotel and I’m visually assaulted with caulk and balls 0142
Reposted by XalqeeMr. Bea Arthur, Batshit Crazy™️ @steamymac.bsky.social · 03/10/2025I love that happiness is so elusive, but you can find disappointment absolutely anywhere. 8336109
Reposted by XalqeeGreg the Miller @gregthemiller.bsky.social · 20/06/2025did the creator of Whac-a-Mole hate any other animals 41608130
Reposted by XalqeeBrujoLoco☠️🖤🏺 @patnspankme.bsky.social · 27/09/2025I am like if ‘jump to recipe’ was a person 5275103
Reposted by Xalqeebacon popsicle 🧴 @gupton68.bsky.social · 26/12/2024I come from a long line of high achievers. Every win streak has to end somewhere, I guess. 5294116
Reposted by Xalqeestuforreal.bsky.social @stuforreal.bsky.social · 26/09/2025Another day, another *flatlines* 03013
Reposted by XalqeeJack @wakeupangry.bsky.social · 26/09/2025I brought in garden tomatoes because you said your wife liked to make salsa and then you don’t stop by my office to pick them up after I message you is why I don’t bother making male friends at my age Keith. 1013545
