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Scott_Towel

@scotttowel.bsky.social
3K followers 2.1K following 2.3K posts

Some content may have been re-purposed from the dead bird place 🐦 I don't follow back accounts that don't repost others or only post about one subject. Sorry "I fake it so real I am beyond fake"

PostsRepliesMedia
Scott_Towel @scotttowel.bsky.social · 09/07/2026
I went next door with a measuring cup in my hand and told the lady that I was all out of love and asked if she could help me out and now for some reason the police are involved.
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'dro🐰 @clowndro.bsky.social · 07/07/2026
It's my birthday so I forced a student driver into the guard rail, never felt so alive
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Scott_Towel @scotttowel.bsky.social · 09/07/2026
Dude, it's 12:30, why's your camel still up?
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Scott_Towel @scotttowel.bsky.social · 09/07/2026
When I was in high school I briefly dated a girl named Virginia Peanut.
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Scott_Towel @scotttowel.bsky.social · 08/07/2026
The Atlantic has a new article titled The End Of Reading. It looked interesting, if one took the time to read it, which of course I did not.
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Jake_Vig @jakevig.bsky.social · 07/07/2026
How the rest of the world is producing energy: solar panels, wind turbines, water conduits, nuclear reactors How America his producing energy: coal covered in oil and beef tallow
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Scott_Towel @scotttowel.bsky.social · 07/07/2026
I spoke to Mitch McConnell briefly today, but then there was a fire alarm at the Medium's apartment and we had to cut the seance short.
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SeaTea @tierno158.bsky.social · 07/07/2026
Scott Toilet Paper: The micro-thin, dry, sandy toilet paper that makes sure house guests don't overstay their welcome.
Scott toilet paper roll.
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👻 Ghoul Named Cru 🦇 @carnitas.bsky.social · 07/07/2026
JUST GET IN THE FUCKING BOX, MITCH
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Saeed Jones @theferocity.bsky.social · 07/07/2026
Meta Glasses are like, a Cybertruck for your face.
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𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜 @unfitz.bsky.social · 07/07/2026
If you want to be a zookeeper, first you have to be a zoofinder.
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leon @leyawn.bsky.social · 07/07/2026
um, so everyone cheering on egypt in the world cup realizes how the pyramids were built right? but i guess that's a conversation you're not ready to have
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Katie Mack @astrokatie.com · 07/07/2026
There’s never been anyone whose involvement more completely and immediately poisons vibes and destroys joy. No good thing survives contact.
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Jake_Vig @jakevig.bsky.social · 07/07/2026
You can go back to not caring about soccer now if you like.
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BrujoLoco☠️🖤🏺 @patnspankme.bsky.social · 07/07/2026
do you remember those commercials where one person said “your peanut butter touched my chocolate” and the other would say “your chocolate touched my peanut butter” and then they’d start fucking
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Viktor Winetrout @viktorwinetrout.bsky.social · 07/07/2026
A Joker-style origin story about the Hamburglar
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Scott_Towel @scotttowel.bsky.social · 07/07/2026
After midnight, it's the next day.
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turgut keskintürk @tkeskinturk.bsky.social · 06/07/2026
data visualization is my passion.
fox news showing weekly temperatures: 92, 92, 92, 94, 94, 92, 92, with a very strong gap between 94 and 92.
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Michelle @michelleroy78.bsky.social · 06/07/2026
Women aren't complicated. Take us somewhere with turquoise water, tell us we're pretty and bring snacks.
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Return of the Cmonstermacques @cmonmaque.bsky.social · 06/07/2026
“Oooooooh brother you got talk of socialised medicine and rent control and that’s trouble I say trouble with capital T and that spells trouble. Now… would you folks here happen to know about freedom? I’m talking freedom my friends sure mighty glad to say freedom and I are personal friends….”
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The Sgt Joker @thesgtjoker.bsky.social · 06/07/2026
I’m enjoying watching employers making big payouts to the professors, teachers, and staff they fired after receiving online crap from MAGA and Russian bots after Kirk reaped what he had sown for so many years.
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Dee Lilley🔻 @deelilley.bsky.social · 06/07/2026
House on the Gein, Piet Mondrian 1900
House on the Gein, Piet Mondrian  1900
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Gail Simone @gailsimone.bsky.social · 05/07/2026
People may blame my family for the unwashed dishes in our kitchen sink but I prefer to think it was Democratic socialists.
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Chief Georgia O' Keef @jumanjimachine.bsky.social · 06/07/2026
The way I use commas is more of a vibe, sometimes, it just feels right.
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PhantomDeeks 🫶 @deeks549.bsky.social · 02/07/2026
Yeah, but does your rehab have wifi?
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Jooli-AHH! Boolia 👻🍂🎃 @jooliaghoulia.bsky.social · 04/07/2026
Hey, man, take it easy. Just save it as a draft. Let it breathe. Nobody needs a hero right now
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NosferaPru @prufrockluvsong.bsky.social · 05/07/2026
In lieu of healthcare please enjoy another fly-over.
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Coach Rusty @coachrusty.bsky.social · 26/06/2026
gah I just wish I could find a website full of likeminded individuals who are underemployed, hate AI and mask their problems with endless jokes
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Forrest Plump @nahyoudoit.bsky.social · 05/07/2026
Do not go willy into that good nilly
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sweetie π @sixfeetofcandy.bsky.social · 29/06/2026
it’s sadly getting to the point where i can either be informed or i can be sane
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Ramin Nasibov @nasibov.me · 06/07/2026
by Aman Daharwal
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Kellalena @kellalena.bsky.social · 05/07/2026
Like my new bikini? It has pockets
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Sam @samuelhlowe.bsky.social · 20/12/2024
The only thing I remember from the team-building meeting is that the m&m bowl was at the other end of the table and nobody was passing that shit down.
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ash @ashhull.bsky.social · 06/07/2026
Him..hold my beer. Me..hold your own fucking beer.
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Skellyton 🦇 @infinitefinite.blog · 06/07/2026
the midnight snack is the most important meal of the day
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T @mamafirefly.bsky.social · 06/07/2026
suffering from face blindness while also thinking everyone looks familiar
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strange ranger @lithiumsucks.bsky.social · 06/07/2026
Have a blessed day, fuckface.
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crumbum @fuwolfman.bsky.social · 06/07/2026
I too flicker as the day grows long.
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beth death & the slay-belles @dumb-belles.bsky.social · 09/05/2026
I think I've finally worked out what my problem is. I love all people, but I hate everyone.
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Chris Scott @iamchrisscott.bsky.social · 05/07/2026
Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce just announced they're renewing their vows at Madison Square Garden next weekend
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Chris Scott @iamchrisscott.bsky.social · 06/07/2026
Please stop posting World Cup spoilers here. I’m recording the whole thing and planning to watch it in October or November.
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Salty MacTavish @saltymactavish.bsky.social · 02/07/2026
I always water dead plants. I’ve been wrong before
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Scott_Towel @scotttowel.bsky.social · 06/07/2026
Nonjudgmental compassion is really, really hard, what with all of the evil assholes everywhere.
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Scott_Towel @scotttowel.bsky.social · 06/07/2026
Mom used to tell me to use the bathroom before our car trips and now I remind myself of the same thing before I lay down for a nap.
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CynicalTherapist @cynicaltherapist.bsky.social · 05/07/2026
Tonight, against a backdrop of gunpowder and steve miller, I ate some homemade potato salad on a quilt and got a whiff of a cigarette and for a beat, it was exactly 35 years ago, and then it was gone.
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Chris Doyon @nilbog3000.bsky.social · 05/07/2026
July 4th 1976 I was at my grandparents bicentennial party. A cousin took me for a spin in his screaming chicken firebird. Another cousin got in a shirtless fistfight with my aunt’s boyfriend and the fireworks started a fire in the woods that the fire department needed to put out
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Scott_Towel @scotttowel.bsky.social · 05/07/2026
Humanity never fails to disappoint me.
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Lazlo Hollyfeld @lazlohollyfeld.bsky.social · 10/11/2024
If the apocalypse comes, I have enough Taco Bell sauce packets for everyone.
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