Mat™️ @futurekid.bsky.social · 30/03/2025Sometimes I'm hoping more for the opportunity to say "I told you so" than for the thing I told them about to not happen 0177
Reposted by Mat™️Strughoulo @struggalo.bsky.social · 29/03/2025Guacamole is just a goth shamrock shake. 512343
Reposted by Mat™️ObsidianShiv @obsidianshiv.bsky.social · 29/03/2025Impression: ayy I'm fuckin Matt Damon and I'm on another planet eating shit potatoes 45612
Reposted by Mat™️It's Abby. Yep @itsabbyyep.bsky.social · 29/03/2025Sometimes one air pod battery is at 87% and the other at 83% because I'm listening harder on one side 1327438
Reposted by Mat™️Reneé Meredith @wumother.bsky.social · 27/03/2025Peter Peter war plan tweeter, Fugly sex pest drunken creeper. I hope he goes to Christian hell, And has to bunk with Kash Patel. 05416
Reposted by Mat™️Reneé Meredith @wumother.bsky.social · 19/03/2025Wuts wrong babe you’ve barely bent it like Beckham babe 0378
Reposted by Mat™️Betsy Wetsy @betsyross.bsky.social · 19/03/2025emotionally unstable senior citizen Barbie (the movie!) 716564
Reposted by Mat™️Damnit Janet @damnitjanet.bsky.social · 19/03/2025Need to get thrifty so i'm trademarking everything I've been told is just a me problem 07738
Reposted by Mat™️BAJA BLAST BLAINE @shrekromancer.gay · 19/03/2025one of those GAP sweaters but it says CPAP 38416
Reposted by Mat™️Reneé Meredith @wumother.bsky.social · 10/03/2025SamSedersFaceWhenHeRealizesThePersonHesTalkingToDoesntUnderstandThatGovernmentAgenciesDontPayTaxes.gif 0162
Reposted by Mat™️BrujoLoco☠️🖤🏺 @patnspankme.bsky.social · 09/03/2025imagine being a hamster and also being called a hamster like what if you didn’t even like ham 99234
Reposted by Mat™️🅱️oofessor Killosk 👻🔪 @professorkiosk.wtf · 09/03/2025𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘪𝘵𝘢𝘭𝘪𝘤𝘴 𝘮𝘺 𝘸𝘩𝘰𝘭𝘦 𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘰𝘯𝘢𝘭𝘪𝘵𝘺 1118145
Reposted by Mat™️John Carpenter’s The Alex Nevil @thealexnevil.bsky.social · 09/03/2025This world may not be perfect, but at least it’s fucked. 08832
Reposted by Mat™️𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜 @unfitz.bsky.social · 09/03/2025People who ask me for something “at your soonest convenience” have no idea how perpetually inconvenienced I am. 630497
Reposted by Mat™️Dead Reckons @gregreckons.bsky.social · 09/03/2025A year’s supply of free donuts would fix me. Or kill me. Same same. 27930
Reposted by Mat™️Jane, actually @maidofbeans.bsky.social · 09/03/2025Always choose forgiveness. Unless your name's Ripley, then you're allowed to set them on fire and eject them into space. 219575
Reposted by Mat™️Mrs. Dick Helicopter 💩📺 @hormonella.bsky.social · 09/03/2025You lost an hour? Pffft... I once lost like three weeks. 59636
Reposted by Mat™️Reneé Meredith @wumother.bsky.social · 07/03/2025Bitches ain’t shit but hoes n Trix are for kids 46513
Mat™️ @futurekid.bsky.social · 06/03/2025I want to break free I want to break free (But mostly) I wanna really really really wanna zigazig ah 1188
Reposted by Mat™️Jason, ex Inferis @benedictsred.bsky.social · 06/03/2025Doctor: You’re too concerned with elements 8, 95, and 53 on the periodic table. Max Fischer: O, Am I? 1128564
Reposted by Mat™️Omniscient Orb of Antlers @omniscientorb.bsky.social · 06/03/2025hands are full so I'm trying to get this hair off my tongue by licking it onto my cat's back and its not working 310844
Reposted by Mat™️Betsy Wetsy @betsyross.bsky.social · 06/03/2025they came, they saw, they capitulated 418967
Reposted by Mat™️lalalyds @lalalyds.bsky.social · 06/03/2025Accidently used his 3-in-1 bodywash and now I'm flirting with your girl 1129883
Reposted by Mat™️Ennui Doofen @ennuidoofen.bsky.social · 06/03/2025two modes: -cannot fall asleep because something could happen -have to fall asleep because cannot handle one more thing happening 271175244
Reposted by Mat™️Reneé Meredith @wumother.bsky.social · 03/03/2025Realizing it’s *never* too late for me to become the linen-clad, salt-and-pepper man of leisure I’ve always wanted to be 43611
Mat™️ @futurekid.bsky.social · 03/03/2025Having been a baby is humiliating It's like "Please respect my opinions but also yes someone else used to wipe my ass" 23414
Reposted by Mat™️Shade 5 @shade5.bsky.social · 02/03/2025(lost & found desk) michael stipe: anyone turn in a religion? 214252
Reposted by Mat™️Granite Man @granitedhuine.bsky.social · 03/03/2025I deserve the Oscar for not giving a fuck about the Oscars. 33912
Reposted by Mat™️🅱️oofessor Killosk 👻🔪 @professorkiosk.wtf · 03/03/2025your delusions only 𝘸𝘪𝘴𝘩 they were grander than mine 216354
Reposted by Mat™️DaddyJew @daddyjew.bsky.social · 03/03/2025my 5 year plan is to eventually put my phone down 15753185
Reposted by Mat™️Nappy Dolemite @nappydolemite.bsky.social · 02/03/2025If you're gonna pester me can you at least be sexy about it 109236
Mat™️ @futurekid.bsky.social · 02/03/2025My mom got me socks that say "serenity is not freedom from the storm," which is true but like, is that how my feet feel? 095
Reposted by Mat™️Salty MacTavish @saltymactavish.bsky.social · 02/03/2025Before it all goes down I just want you to know that I respect that booty 818554
Reposted by Mat™️Mr. Bea Arthur, Batshit Crazy™️ @steamymac.bsky.social · 02/03/2025Heading out in a kayak to circumnavigate the globe, or, if god is good, get hit by a meteor as far away from other people as possible. 39927
Reposted by Mat™️mean things I say to myself @meantomyself.bsky.social · 02/03/2025I think we can all agree it's time for desserts and liquor and we have no more time to pretend to be keto 425758