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Mat™️

@futurekid.bsky.social

1.4K followers 523 following 286 posts

My timeline is like jazz: it's the jokes that AREN'T funny squeets bsky.app/profile/did:plc:7eikirzgvp…

Posts Replies Media

Mat™️ @futurekid.bsky.social · 19/02/2025

Pictured: Catholic woman shocked that IMDB scores can even go down to 1.5

Making another Amityville movie no one wanted was a Hail Mary, full of grace

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Mat™️ @futurekid.bsky.social · 18/12/2024

"Mom, can we go see the early 90s thriller involving bombs, Blown Away?" "We have the early 90s thriller involving bombs, Blown Away at home" The early 90s thriller involving bombs, Blown Away at home:

Wow Jeff Bridges and Tommy Lee Jones look so young and fuckable

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Mat™️ @futurekid.bsky.social · 15/12/2024

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Mat™️ @futurekid.bsky.social · 15/12/2024

Made a mem

Just watch The Kings of Tupelo and thank me later

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Mat™️ @futurekid.bsky.social · 05/07/2024

Damn you guys Benny Franks is DTF

He that falls in love with himself will have no rivals. Now back that fat ass up

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Mat™️ @futurekid.bsky.social · 02/07/2024

Pictured: alien has been trying to explain blockchain to woman for nearly twenty minutes

Seems legit hard to get an IMDb rating this low, like you gotta try for it

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Mat™️ @futurekid.bsky.social · 20/03/2024

Got this spam text just now You guys you guys you are only a good Democrat if you give your money to a Republican

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Mat™️ @futurekid.bsky.social · 26/02/2024

Dehydrated nepobaby and noted cocaine enthusiast Donald Trump Jr. just thinkin' about elderly peen

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Mat™️ @futurekid.bsky.social · 14/02/2024

Vibes when the title of your movie is SO clever that you have to explain it on the poster

Not to be confused with Marvel's Sampersand-Man

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Mat™️ @futurekid.bsky.social · 05/02/2024

I guess I have enough pictures of Kevin James on my phone that Google thinks I should tag him as a person in my life

But should I tag him as Kevin James or Paul Blart

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Mat™️ @futurekid.bsky.social · 29/01/2024

Practicing thumbnail optimization for my Biblical hermeneutics YouTube channel Please smash that like button

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Mat™️ @futurekid.bsky.social · 19/01/2024

Using my driver's license photo for LinkedIn. "I might write some great software for your company, or I might car bomb your parking garage. Hire me and find out!"

Beard patchier than a 1983 punk's leather jacket

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Mat™️ @futurekid.bsky.social · 14/10/2023

Whoever said the media didn't have their priorities straight

Our algorithm indicates people care more about the Israel-Hamas war than Taylor Swift... FOR NOW

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Mat™️ @futurekid.bsky.social · 13/10/2023

We need AI because Google results for "the dankest memes about peanut butter" are frankly mid

Zoomers may have dank memes but they suck at SEO

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Mat™️ @futurekid.bsky.social · 09/10/2023

Are Eric Stoltz from Pulp Fiction and Chandler Bing the SAME PERSON?? TEACH THE CONTROVERSY

Chandler Bing, portrayed by Matthew Perry, in the television sitcom Friends

Eric Stoltz as a heroin dealer in Quentin Tarantino's Pulp Fiction

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Mat™️ @futurekid.bsky.social · 02/10/2023

You vs. the guy she told you not to worry about

Hurrdy hurr I am dog and I play volleyballs and I am merely a SAFE choice for a companion

Yo gurrrll I am dog on skateboard you wanna fuck or nah

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Mat™️ @futurekid.bsky.social · 25/09/2023

When you split up the word badass it looks weird to me, like an ass that is bad, but why is it bad? Too flat, not hygienically maintained, what are we talkin'

Is she a beauty queen in spite of having an ass that is bad

Is the bayou responsible for their asses being bad

Danny Trejo certainly has an ass but what makes it bad

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Mat™️ @futurekid.bsky.social · 24/09/2023

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Mat™️ @futurekid.bsky.social · 11/09/2023

Ok that picture requires context

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