Reposted by New Jack Handeylil jon lovitz @liljonlovitz.bsky.social · 23/06/2026me: i think cell C12 is missing the formula for the rest of that column ai agent: it sure is you clever bitch. have you been taking genius pills 125521
Reposted by New Jack HandeySalty MacTavish @saltymactavish.bsky.social · 08/09/2026Took me a long time to understand how weird normal is 12307118
Reposted by New Jack HandeyFrovo @frovo.bsky.social · 01/09/2026[spelling bee] JUDGE: your word is "redacted" KID: ████████ JUDGE: correct 2310101
Reposted by New Jack HandeyJohnny Normality (Spooky Mode) @probgobl.in · 30/08/2026Teens are hiding in snow banks and devouring wandering travelers. They call it yetimaxxing and parents are up in arms over this dangerous new trend. 1144998
Reposted by New Jack Handeyweeder @weeder.bsky.social · 21/08/2026*thrash metal voice* BEEF TARIFF RELIEF 2024231
Reposted by New Jack HandeySalty MacTavish @saltymactavish.bsky.social · 06/08/2026Most people are cool and are cool with each other. The news doesn’t tell you that 722575
Reposted by New Jack Handeycap’n watsisname @capnwatsisname.bsky.social · 05/08/2026an uber driver wearing sock puppets on both hands that talk to each other about how bad the steering wheel tastes your whole ride 14879238
Reposted by New Jack HandeyBetter Things Are Possible @internethippo.bsky.social · 31/05/2026I would never do "ass play." That sounds frivolous and I am an adult. If I'm doing anything it's ass work 451996241
Reposted by New Jack Handeywint @dril.bsky.social · 27/04/2026why breed dogs with jaws large enough to tear through Flesh, when you could breed dogs with minds large enougj to tear through Fallacy..... 100133623058
Reposted by New Jack HandeyTrevors (1990) starring Kevin Bacon @slimyswampghost.bsky.social · 17/02/2026every shot-on-video, made-with-a-camcorder horror movie that's just some teenage friend group fucking around in the woods with some fake blood and a monster mask contains more artistic merit, human joy and creative light than anything AI has ever made or will ever, ever make 1338861073
Reposted by New Jack HandeyShiv Ramdas Mens Rice Activist @nameshiv.bsky.social · 15/02/2026Gotta love Olympic tradition- the passage of the torch, the ceremonial lighting of the flame, the series of articles about condoms running out from journalists seething that super fit people are fucking 22983119
New Jack Handey @newjackhandy.bsky.social · 09/02/2026Where do you land politically @newjackhandy?? Oh, just a little right of a gay boner. 000
Reposted by New Jack HandeyJason, ex Inferis @benedictsred.bsky.social · 16/01/2026I’ll never forget the last time my grandpa beat my ass because it was also the first time I heard Return of the Mack 011929
Reposted by New Jack Handeyjosh (oldfriend99) @oldfriend99.bsky.social · 19/01/2026My dentist can do it all, from a simple cleaning to identifying my charred remains 263331597
Reposted by New Jack HandeyMike Primavera @primawesome.bsky.social · 19/01/2026I have no patience for pomegranates. I don't have time to solve your fruit puzzle. 421443
Reposted by New Jack HandeyFrank Ray Whitehouse (He/Him) @wheeltod.bsky.social · 28/12/2025The ultimate male privilege is that women miss out on the zesty camaraderie of us lining up side-by-side, genitals-out pissing into a communal trough of fetid urine. 1164
Reposted by New Jack HandeyMike Ginn @shutupmikeginn.bsky.social · 22/12/2025Riding in a driverless Waymo and it’s actually really fun. I am banging on the windows and screaming “help me, you gotta fucking help me” at pedestrians 322415
New Jack Handey @newjackhandy.bsky.social · 18/12/2025It's day 67 without resolution and the Chive crowd is really trying to make something happen. 😆 000
Reposted by New Jack HandeyNosferaPru @prufrockluvsong.bsky.social · 17/12/2025Sesame Street taught me to count to twelve, but in the most dramatic way possible 23595143
Reposted by New Jack HandeyBrian Gaar @briangaar.bsky.social · 11/12/2025Remember Fox News' stupid "War on Christmas" culture war? I wrote about its origins and how I kinda miss it, considering the hellscape we live in now. thebarbedwire.com/2025/12/11/m...thebarbedwire.comRemember the ‘War on Christmas’? I Kinda Miss It.The comparatively lower stakes of the War on Christmas. 3376
Reposted by New Jack HandeyVon Hitchofen ™⍼☈♅ 🛩👹😬 @vonhitchofen.bsky.social · 06/12/2025“And what is the charge? Eating a seal? A succulent Chinese seal? GET YOUR HANDS OFF MY PENIS!” 293510947
Reposted by New Jack Handeyandy vs. @im-all-id.me · 24/10/2025A fear I have is finding a cool t-shirt in kohls 1020751
Reposted by New Jack HandeyBrendel @brendelbored.bsky.social · 18/10/2025If Gary Larson is back that means Bill Watterson is going to come back. Light is gonna reenter the world like when Gandalf showed up with new clothes. 341380136
Reposted by New Jack Handeyit's Halloween name charloh! (it/its) @charloh.online · 12/09/2025oh my god someone slashed our tire 71721514
Reposted by New Jack HandeyNY Times Pitchbot @nytpitchbot.bsky.social · 28/06/2025Opinion | Some say that Andrew Cuomo's defeat in the primary shows that the Democratic establishment has become weak. But I say that the fact that an unpopular disgraced sixty-seven year-old sex offender was able to win 37% of the vote shows that the Democratic establishment is still very strong. 2196095
Reposted by New Jack Handeyceej @ceej.online · 18/09/2024Imagine what Jesus could have accomplished with AI 2548776
Reposted by New Jack HandeySweatpants Cher @housefeminist.bsky.social · 23/05/2025podcast conclave to choose the Joe Rogan of the left 182
Reposted by New Jack HandeyIt's Abby. Yep @itsabbyyep.bsky.social · 01/05/2025We asked this fucking weirdo how not to be weird and his answer was weird as fuck 1822235
Reposted by New Jack HandeyIt's Abby. Yep @itsabbyyep.bsky.social · 13/03/2025Is it bad that I pretend I’m interrogating the teabag while I’m dunking it 3640965
Reposted by New Jack Handeyweeder @weeder.bsky.social · 02/03/2025Losing faith in every single public figure and institution has done wonders for my Impostor Syndrome 221515224
Reposted by New Jack Handey"fart" @jonhendren.com · 16/02/2025Every day I wake up and check the news to see if it's The Big Day. I can't wait for The Big Day!! 842791354
New Jack Handey @newjackhandy.bsky.social · 12/02/2025Our Microsoft reps at work just invited me to a "fireside chat" with PG&E... 😳 000
New Jack Handey @newjackhandy.bsky.social · 30/01/2025The "He Gets Us" campaign running 100 ads a day asking "What's bugging you??" is some truly ballsy, next level trolling. 000
Reposted by New Jack HandeyJeff @gojeffgo.com · 24/05/2023"Niles, what did you put in this smoothie?" 18611
Reposted by New Jack Handeyweeder @weeder.bsky.social · 16/01/2025Oligarchin - when you're here, you're wealthy 7787
New Jack Handey @newjackhandy.bsky.social · 04/01/2025If you're craving a thread evocative of a pile of baby diapers lit on fire, you can never go wrong with the comment section of ANY New York Times post. 000
Reposted by New Jack HandeyMike Ginn @shutupmikeginn.bsky.social · 01/01/2025Jeez nothing like New Year’s eve countdown kisses to make you know where you rank in your polycule :/ 529714
Reposted by New Jack Handeyweeder @weeder.bsky.social · 31/12/2024The worst thing you can hear a prosecutor say is "as his posts will reveal" 1137864
New Jack Handey @newjackhandy.bsky.social · 30/12/2024This... Engagement, even through your own rhetoric, is enablement. 100
Reposted by New Jack HandeyNice Dude (sincere) @sortabad.bsky.social · 29/12/2024[first date] HER: what’s the most impressive thing you’ve ever seen? ME: Kermit the Frog playing flawless banjo despite his lack of opposable thumbs 0312
Reposted by New Jack Handeywalruslifestyle @walruslifestyle.bsky.social · 27/12/2024me: ugh those birds are making so much noise i wish they'd calm down bird person: those are crimson-nostriled pebblesnarfers and they're endangered 4597
Reposted by New Jack HandeyBrian Gaar @briangaar.bsky.social · 29/12/2024new Mario Party minigame where Luigi attempts to put together a ghost gun, while the other players drop New York Times op-eds on him 0663