iiinova — where your digital self keeps evolving

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If we’re dating and you go on the Price is Right and fall down screaming because you won a TV, I’m breaking up with you.

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🅿️rofessor Kiosk 💊 @professorkiosk.wtf · 3h

now that’s what I call an abomination

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haunted girlfriend @sliceofwife.bsky.social · 29/09/2026

my superhero name would be dr pepper girl

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Salty MacTavish @saltymactavish.bsky.social · 30/09/2026

I won’t rest until I’ve pleased every last one of you

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haunted girlfriend @sliceofwife.bsky.social · 22h

a hotdog will save your life

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EMCKAYVEE @youremceekayvee.bsky.social · 23h

playing cards with a makeshift deck of Kraft Singles that I drew the suits and numbers on.

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Idle @hatesnicethings.bsky.social · 29/09/2026

slipped on a banana peel into a profound melancholy

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Uncle Kermit @unclekermit.bsky.social · 29/09/2026

I have no idea what battles other people are fighting but it can't be any worse than my life so to hell with them.

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Uncle Kermit @unclekermit.bsky.social · 29/09/2026

I've never heard of Ry Cooder until now, but that's a cool name.

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Forrest Plump @nahyoudoit.bsky.social · 29/09/2026

When you sing “wookin’ pa’ nub” but they don’t get it

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Uncle Kermit @unclekermit.bsky.social · 29/09/2026

I wish I had a reason to live. like killing Dracula or something good like that.

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A.L. likely @alvildalikely.bsky.social · 09/09/2026

Give me the cheap dirty whore olive oil. I can't swing for the extra virgin this week.

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Uncle Kermit @unclekermit.bsky.social · 28/09/2026

I bet you guys can't guess which Law and Order episode was about me?

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Salty MacTavish @saltymactavish.bsky.social · 28/09/2026

The news is casually talking about ‘rogue AI agents’ with nary the blink of an eye and here I am waiting for definitive proof of bigfoot like some kind of sap

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Viktor Winetrout @viktorwinetrout.bsky.social · 20/11/2024

My favorite thing about working at an Antarctic research station is the solitude. My least favorite? Being driven insane by ghostly visions

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Betsy Wetsy @betsyross.bsky.social · 28/09/2026

if your inverted nipples suddenly pop out to say hi in your 50s does that mean you are done roasting and can just die already

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lalalyds @lalalyds.bsky.social · 28/09/2026

Forever fighting the urge to say, "and then some," when the cashier asks if I found everything okay

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Uncle Kermit @unclekermit.bsky.social · 28/09/2026

The only reason the aliens would want me is because they are too spiritually and emotionally evolved to kill, yet they face an enemy that must be destroyed. They would use my lack of empathy to make me a super weapon.

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Uncle Kermit @unclekermit.bsky.social · 27/09/2026

My tattoo is of Herve Villachez, Tattoo, from Fantasy Island. It covers my whole back.

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EMCKAYVEE @youremceekayvee.bsky.social · 26/09/2026

Ever since I was a little girl I dreamed of spending eternity having my entrails ripped out by falcons. 🥰♥️

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alexis simpson @amutepiggy.bsky.social · 24/09/2026

why does "Hobby Lobby" sound like a sloppy blow job (derogatory)

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Uncle Kermit @unclekermit.bsky.social · 26/09/2026

Guys calling each other Brother was cool until Hulk Hogan ruined it.

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Uncle Kermit @unclekermit.bsky.social · 26/09/2026

A good job for me would be driving Dracula's coach, and procuring buxom wenches for the master. I'm creepy, and I've got an eye for the ladies.

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Uncle Kermit @unclekermit.bsky.social · 26/09/2026

When a guy at work has two water bottles, you know one of them is vodka.

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Uncle Kermit @unclekermit.bsky.social · 25/09/2026

I don't need to wear sweaters with wolves on them, because the spirit of the wolf is within me.

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Salty MacTavish @saltymactavish.bsky.social · 25/09/2026

I do the Mister Rogers casual-thing when I get home from work but instead of putting on a sweater and sneakers I strip naked in the driveway and set fire to my filthy and wretched clothes.

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Salty MacTavish @saltymactavish.bsky.social · 24/09/2026

Please understand every time you insult me I sing the Journey lyrics a little louder

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Ashley @ashleysays.bsky.social · 25/09/2026

Good Penix

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Truman Chipotle @trumanchipotle.com · 25/09/2026

This also works: Stephen King's Night Waffles

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smillz @righttwix.com · 24/05/2025

Trying to bring that Lady Gaga energy but it keeps coming off more like Weird Al Yankovic

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Pot Shop Boy @potshopboy.bsky.social · 07/03/2025

I consider anyone knocking on my door an act of hostility.

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Uncle Kermit @unclekermit.bsky.social · 25/09/2026

What I don't understand in these Dracula movies, is how they burn down an abandoned stone castle? There's nothing in it to burn?

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Uncle Kermit @unclekermit.bsky.social · 25/09/2026

Friends with benefits? Slow down there speed demon. I'm a misanthropic recluse. I don't have any friends.

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BEAVE @beaveinflow.bsky.social · 25/09/2026

The only ring I’m ever putting on a man’s finger is my butthole.

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Uncle Kermit @unclekermit.bsky.social · 25/09/2026

In Hell, your name really is Kermit, and everyone keeps making the Miss Piggy jokes.

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Dumb Beezie @dumbbeezie.bsky.social · 25/09/2026

In Hell, you keep trying to change a password and it tells you “too many attempts”

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Uncle Kermit @unclekermit.bsky.social · 25/09/2026

Are you a good bitch, or a bad bitch? The Munchkins are laughing, because they are going to eat you either way.

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Uncle Kermit @unclekermit.bsky.social · 25/09/2026

I have a type of women I like. It's the ones who accept money for sex.

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Uncle Kermit @unclekermit.bsky.social · 25/09/2026

It turns out my two hundred pound tumor is just those two wolves inside me.

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murphmama.bsky.social @murphmama.bsky.social · 25/09/2026

I'm afraid of getting lost in a corn maze.

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Uncle Kermit @unclekermit.bsky.social · 25/09/2026

I refuse to condemn the Mac and cheese flavored cream soda until it has made me vomit.

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sweetie π @sixfeetofcandy.bsky.social · 24/09/2026

are you ever making a chicken pot pie and think i really want to climb inside this chicken pot pie?

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Chames @overlooked237.bsky.social · 23/04/2026

me, when i realize i just watched the last episode of a show i thought had more episodes

Dallas Winston holding up a liquor store in The Outsiders (1983)

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Uncle Kermit @unclekermit.bsky.social · 25/09/2026

One look that I would like to see come back is the buxom wench from Dracula movies.

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Uncle Kermit @unclekermit.bsky.social · 25/09/2026

I had to speak to the Burgermeister, about you guessed it, Burgers. He just goes on and on.

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SpatialKimtamine @kimmalien.bsky.social · 24/09/2026

Normalize accidentally becoming entangled with a man you met online because you’ve wasted so much time talking to him that you can no longer casually ghost without at least finding out how big his dick is

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Uncle Kermit @unclekermit.bsky.social · 24/09/2026

I'd like to talk in only trucker CB talk, but then I would have to talk about trucking.

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Uncle Kermit @unclekermit.bsky.social · 22/09/2026

I ate a great deal of ham today. I'm proud of that.

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Uncle Kermit @unclekermit.bsky.social · 22/09/2026

I guess if I want to dress up as Xena Warrior Princess I should stay in my own yard Officer.

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Uncle Kermit @unclekermit.bsky.social · 22/09/2026

I feel a marathon should only be run in the traditional way where you die at the end.

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