Uncle Kermit @unclekermit.bsky.social · 4hI've got lots of trophies. I steal them from people who are good at things. 0104
Uncle Kermit @unclekermit.bsky.social · 18hIf I had Scanner powers, guess who's head would explode on national television? 062
Uncle Kermit @unclekermit.bsky.social · 18hI like to host Lesbian Dance Parties. Nobody comes, I just hang a sign on my door and play loud techno music and turn on the flashing lights. 010
Uncle Kermit @unclekermit.bsky.social · 18hThere are two wolves inside me. They're dead. I cut em up and ate them. 120
Reposted by Uncle KermitBogey @oneyebogey.bsky.social · 02/10/2026I fear I may not be loving you all from afar enough. 515679
Reposted by Uncle KermitMr. Bea Arthur, Batshit Crazy™️ @steamymac.bsky.social · 04/10/2026Me: This is the worst. Tomorrow: Wrong. 420578
Reposted by Uncle KermitKellalena @kellalena.bsky.social · 21hI’m shy at first but then gradually go insane 217771
Uncle Kermit @unclekermit.bsky.social · 18hIf my name was Dave, I'd probably go by "Diamond Dave." That seems unique and original. 271
Reposted by Uncle KermitJuiceticles @juiceticles.bsky.social · 27/09/2026I wish I was as good at anything as I am at talking myself into drinking 04822
Uncle Kermit @unclekermit.bsky.social · 22hI teach violin lessons but I have no idea what I'm doing. I charge a lot of money for it too. 062
Uncle Kermit @unclekermit.bsky.social · 22hI need a best friend about my size so we can dress in matching outfits. 020
Uncle Kermit @unclekermit.bsky.social · 22hOh, if I only had one regret. I have literally thousands. 1103
Uncle Kermit @unclekermit.bsky.social · 04/10/2026After my confession the priest always rushes off giggling to talk to his housekeeper. 0112
Uncle Kermit @unclekermit.bsky.social · 04/10/2026I found a Leprechaun and would have got his pot of gold, but I thought he was a Smurf and I ate him. 041
Uncle Kermit @unclekermit.bsky.social · 04/10/2026I'd watch a whole two hour movie of missiles and bombs being shot at Godzilla with no plot or characters. 183
Uncle Kermit @unclekermit.bsky.social · 04/10/2026Eventually, Sloth probably hugged Chunk too hard, like Lenny from Of Mice and Men did to that puppy. 0101
Reposted by Uncle KermitMr. Bea Arthur, Batshit Crazy™️ @steamymac.bsky.social · 03/10/2026I really miss Lik-M-Aids which were basically two pouches of sugar accompanied by a stick made of pure sugar. 1310719
Uncle Kermit @unclekermit.bsky.social · 02/10/2026I wish I was Fred Flintstone. His rich Uncles were always dying and leaving him stuff. 051
Uncle Kermit @unclekermit.bsky.social · 02/10/2026I wonder where my body will be found? I hope it's somewhere creepy or mysterious. 063
Uncle Kermit @unclekermit.bsky.social · 01/10/2026I will never call anyone "Babe," unless it is the ghost of Sammy Davis Jr. 041
Uncle Kermit @unclekermit.bsky.social · 01/10/2026I play in traffic all the time. It's not just because you suggested it. 0128
Reposted by Uncle KermitDaisy @daisy91.bsky.social · 30/09/2026If we’re dating and you go on the Price is Right and fall down screaming because you won a TV, I’m breaking up with you. 3324777
Reposted by Uncle Kermit🅱️oofessor Killosk 👻🔪 @professorkiosk.wtf · 30/09/2026now that’s what I call an abomination 67844151
Reposted by Uncle Kermithaunted ghoulfriend👻🍬 @sliceofwife.bsky.social · 29/09/2026my superhero name would be dr pepper girl 3792
Reposted by Uncle KermitSalty MacTavish @saltymactavish.bsky.social · 30/09/2026I won’t rest until I’ve pleased every last one of you 2418166
Reposted by Uncle Kermithaunted ghoulfriend👻🍬 @sliceofwife.bsky.social · 30/09/2026a hotdog will save your life 15512
Reposted by Uncle Kermit🎃EM-SCREAM-KAYVEE 🔪 @youremceekayvee.bsky.social · 30/09/2026playing cards with a makeshift deck of Kraft Singles that I drew the suits and numbers on. 1211618
Reposted by Uncle KermitIdle @hatesnicethings.bsky.social · 29/09/2026slipped on a banana peel into a profound melancholy 114166
Uncle Kermit @unclekermit.bsky.social · 29/09/2026I have no idea what battles other people are fighting but it can't be any worse than my life so to hell with them. 051
Uncle Kermit @unclekermit.bsky.social · 29/09/2026I've never heard of Ry Cooder until now, but that's a cool name. 051
Reposted by Uncle KermitForrest Plump @nahyoudoit.bsky.social · 29/09/2026When you sing “wookin’ pa’ nub” but they don’t get it 107517
Uncle Kermit @unclekermit.bsky.social · 29/09/2026I wish I had a reason to live. like killing Dracula or something good like that. 2134
Reposted by Uncle KermitA.L. likely @alvildalikely.bsky.social · 09/09/2026Give me the cheap dirty whore olive oil. I can't swing for the extra virgin this week. 2020576
Uncle Kermit @unclekermit.bsky.social · 28/09/2026I bet you guys can't guess which Law and Order episode was about me? 140
Reposted by Uncle KermitSalty MacTavish @saltymactavish.bsky.social · 28/09/2026The news is casually talking about ‘rogue AI agents’ with nary the blink of an eye and here I am waiting for definitive proof of bigfoot like some kind of sap 811335
Reposted by Uncle KermitViktor Winetrout @viktorwinetrout.bsky.social · 20/11/2024My favorite thing about working at an Antarctic research station is the solitude. My least favorite? Being driven insane by ghostly visions 1370392
Reposted by Uncle KermitBetsy Wetsy @betsyross.bsky.social · 28/09/2026if your inverted nipples suddenly pop out to say hi in your 50s does that mean you are done roasting and can just die already 58927
Reposted by Uncle Kermitlalalyds @lalalyds.bsky.social · 28/09/2026Forever fighting the urge to say, "and then some," when the cashier asks if I found everything okay 1118864
Uncle Kermit @unclekermit.bsky.social · 28/09/2026It's like that episode of The Outer Limits, with the cat sized ants with human faces. 000
Uncle Kermit @unclekermit.bsky.social · 28/09/2026The only reason the aliens would want me is because they are too spiritually and emotionally evolved to kill, yet they face an enemy that must be destroyed. They would use my lack of empathy to make me a super weapon. 141
Uncle Kermit @unclekermit.bsky.social · 27/09/2026My tattoo is of Herve Villachez, Tattoo, from Fantasy Island. It covers my whole back. 291
Reposted by Uncle Kermit🎃EM-SCREAM-KAYVEE 🔪 @youremceekayvee.bsky.social · 26/09/2026Ever since I was a little girl I dreamed of spending eternity having my entrails ripped out by falcons. 🥰♥️ 208111
Reposted by Uncle Kermitalexis simpson is confused by display name changes @amutepiggy.bsky.social · 24/09/2026why does "Hobby Lobby" sound like a sloppy blow job (derogatory) 119616
Uncle Kermit @unclekermit.bsky.social · 26/09/2026Guys calling each other Brother was cool until Hulk Hogan ruined it. 072
