Reposted by vampyrusIcarus 🎃 Dumpsterfire @pluperfectidiot.bsky.social · 3hMe, walking into the Grade B clean room during the audit with no PPE onstatic.klipy.comLeeloo's MultipassAlt: Leeloo's Multipass 0102
Reposted by vampyrusKat Alderson 🙃 @klaybourne.bsky.social · 3hThis is how I flirtstatic.klipy.comUnexpected Grill Fire FartAlt: Woman's fart catches on fire when she's too close to the grill. 3379
Reposted by vampyrusUncle Duke @uncleduke1969.bsky.social · 3h“That there’s a damn shame, Bill. Yeah, no, sorry, I didn’t see anything. I was visiting my sister’s tree over on Morgan. I’ll ask around and let you know if I hear something, though. Geez, what a world, am I right? Anyway, your homeowners policy should cover it, no?” 819531
Reposted by vampyrusweeder @weeder.bsky.social · 3hAn even bigger avocado called Hoss Avocados 1928138
Reposted by vampyrusYgrene @ygrene.bsky.social · 3hi just said “i’m behind on chores” in my head and meant it. that wolf just did not miss 1512
Reposted by vampyrusSubscatter @subscatter.bsky.social · 4hAI has already melted brains of people who used to have good takes on this site You can see the cognitive decline 042
Reposted by vampyrusKellalena @kellalena.bsky.social · 4hI’m shy at first but then gradually go insane 111646
Reposted by vampyrusEric Replatformed @21stcenturyeric.bsky.social · 4hOh man I just remembered that one time I was married for 29 years... I won't be doing THAT again 1162
Reposted by vampyrusFiona Applebees 🍎🐝 @fionaapplebs.bsky.social · 4hI could have written that better ~a memoir 1172
Reposted by vampyrusKellalena @kellalena.bsky.social · 3hFace down ass up.. me putting on socks 16818
Reposted by vampyrusceej @ceej.online · 9hwe don't have time for another plague apocalypse. we already did that. we're on to robot apocalypse now, try to catch up. next in line is fungal apocalypse. please consult the schedule 732244454
Reposted by vampyrusGreg the Miller @gregthemiller.bsky.social · 8hcontact lenses should be called eyeball glasses 88434
Reposted by vampyrusCharlie Alzamora @chalza.bsky.social · 8hI've reached the point of cognitive devolution where I won't be offended if you talk to me like I'm some kind of an idiot. 23015
Reposted by vampyrus🅱️oofessor Killosk 👻🔪 @professorkiosk.wtf · 8hI've taught myself how to be funny and I think we can all agree that the results are astounding 24317
Reposted by vampyrusFiona Applebees 🍎🐝 @fionaapplebs.bsky.social · 8hOne day, I will run this place *ruin 07826
Reposted by vampyrus𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜 @unfitz.bsky.social · 7hGot thrown out of the PTA meeting for ending the pledge of allegiance “with biberty and justice for all.” 49532
Reposted by vampyrusSalty MacTavish @saltymactavish.bsky.social · 7hAll good things are a little out of tune 1915559
Reposted by vampyruskorpisworld @kwkorpi.bsky.social · 7hI started keeping a gratitude journal. So far I’m thankful nobody checks it. 02112
Reposted by vampyrusEric Replatformed @21stcenturyeric.bsky.social · 7hYou are doing a tired format joke from years ago, I am deftly deconstructing it with trenchant meta humor, we are not the same. 1157
Reposted by vampyrusFiona Applebees 🍎🐝 @fionaapplebs.bsky.social · 7hWhen the moon hits my eye like a big pie, that’s a food fight 03212
Reposted by vampyrusEric Replatformed @21stcenturyeric.bsky.social · 7hI really enjoy a definitive ending that keeps on going if there's enough money in it. 062
Reposted by vampyrusironghazi @ironghazi.bsky.social · 7hYeah that's right, I met Jesus while I had brain damage and guess what - he was a big veiny beefcake with a gigantic hot cock. Checkmate libs, 1028223
Reposted by vampyrusIcarus 🎃 Dumpsterfire @pluperfectidiot.bsky.social · 7hToday I stared down a brick of feta and it stared back at me as if to dare me... the poor thing is no longer with us *crosses myself* 1103
Reposted by vampyrusCorduroy Cheddar @corduroycheddar.bsky.social · 7hThe shitpost you didn't write is the shitpost that could have changed the world 06026
Reposted by vampyrusJohn Carpenter’s The Alex Nevil @thealexnevil.bsky.social · 6hThere’s nothing that can’t be fixed with an apology, so to all those wearing lederhosen whom I’ve pantsed, I’m sorry. 084
Reposted by vampyrusIcarus 🎃 Dumpsterfire @pluperfectidiot.bsky.social · 6hIn many folklore traditions, they call me "Bringer of Cheese" 1124
Reposted by vampyrusD.N. Schmidt, SF author🪐📚 @dnschmidt.com · 6hI listened to this mental health podcast on “easy steps to quitting negative self-talk.” The steps were simple enough that even a total dumbass like me could do it. 1112
Reposted by vampyrusSalty MacTavish @saltymactavish.bsky.social · 6hHow can there be so many smart, compassionate people in this country and yet, here we are? 118223
Reposted by vampyrus🎃EM-SCREAM-KAYVEE 🔪 @youremceekayvee.bsky.social · 6hI blame my entire lack of progress and repetition of toxic patterns and bad choices on all the kids who wrote in my yearbook, "don't ever change." FUCK YOU GUYS, I NEED TO CHANGE BUT YOU WON'T LET ME. 1210812
Reposted by vampyrusSalty MacTavish @saltymactavish.bsky.social · 6hRemember gang – when you’re flipping the bird, stick your thumb out on the bird-flipping hand for added emphasis. It’s like putting an accent aigu on it 1611230
Reposted by vampyrusCharlie Alzamora @chalza.bsky.social · 6hSaw a billboard that read "Need A Lawyer, Injured?" and right away I thought of a couple I'd like to put the hurt on. 0178
Reposted by vampyrusToby 🇵🇸 @tobestewart.bsky.social · 5hIf I’m not complaining, I’m probably breathing-in 194
Reposted by vampyrusTim 🇨🇦 @qwertying.bsky.social · 5hI told her I'd love her till the end. She said, "Which end? Yours or mine?" 074
Reposted by vampyrusSalty MacTavish @saltymactavish.bsky.social · 5hJust watched the original Take On Me video and I might have gotten a little misty but I also wanted to pay that women’s tab and leave a good tip that waitress was just doing her job 58728
Reposted by vampyrusSubscatter @subscatter.bsky.social · 5hLmaooooyoutu.beAnthropic: Could AI be conscious? Pope Leo: lol, noYouTube video by Pivot to AI 132
Reposted by vampyrusDaddyJew @daddyjew.bsky.social · 5hthey should just make a recall that recalled all of this bad stuff for good. a total recall, if you would 0248
Reposted by vampyrusCorduroy Cheddar @corduroycheddar.bsky.social · 5hoh excuse me you said peerrrrr review no no no your penis looks fine nothing wrong with it forget what I just said about its odd shape 084
Reposted by vampyrusJohn Carpenter’s The Alex Nevil @thealexnevil.bsky.social · 5hOne day I’ll learn to speak dog, and then it’ll be all over for you bitches. 02210
Reposted by vampyrusUncle Duke @uncleduke1969.bsky.social · 9hReply to an obvious joke with a serious answer so I know that you were home-schooled. 1215039
Reposted by vampyrusFiona Applebees 🍎🐝 @fionaapplebs.bsky.social · 9hI’m beginning to think I shouldn’t have had that third lunch margarita 96214
Reposted by vampyrusFiona Applebees 🍎🐝 @fionaapplebs.bsky.social · 9hMy resume is basically a bunch of places I went to see how much I could get away with while being paid 0157
Reposted by vampyrusParanormal Pandy 🎃 @thatbrenna.bsky.social · 9hHey the great part about narcolepsy is that during the day you fall asleep as soon as you are still. I just fell asleep standing up uggggh gdi 😭 2154
Reposted by vampyrusFiona Applebees 🍎🐝 @fionaapplebs.bsky.social · 9hHey scientists, how about a human/walrus combo? Can you get on that? (See what I did there) 283
Reposted by vampyrusParanormal Pandy 🎃 @thatbrenna.bsky.social · 9hMy friend says every antique I own is haunted and he refuses to come to my place. The doll on the mantle says he's a wuss 5207
Reposted by vampyrusJesus and Butthead @jesus-and-butthead.bsky.social · 10hMy life is just one big comb-over. 052
