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Avogadro's House of Blues

@plasticsoup.bsky.social
1.7K followers 446 following 283 posts

bsky.app/profile/did:plc:luhoti6ztf…

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lisabug @lisabug.bsky.social · 01/02/2025
[at strip club] Can we we sing happy birthday to my mom after this song? DJ: No problem, she’s up next.
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lisabug @lisabug.bsky.social · 02/02/2025
How do I make eating Cheetos on webcam sound professional on my LinkedIn?
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lisabug @lisabug.bsky.social · 02/02/2025
S&M Foods “I beat myself up.” - eggs “Tie me up.” - rib roast “I whip myself.” - cream “I crack open.” - nuts “Tenderize me.” - steak “I love battering.” - pancakes “I bruise easily.” peaches
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lisabug @lisabug.bsky.social · 02/02/2025
Four bottles of red wine broke open and spilled all over the white carpet. Your spouse will return to the living room in ten minutes. Solve for X.
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lisabug @lisabug.bsky.social · 02/02/2025
There is no dignified way to explain that I spread peanut butter on glazed donuts for breakfast.
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Alicia @aliciaagain4.bsky.social · 02/02/2025
Just over here existing, dreaming on a life.
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Jez @jez1.bsky.social · 02/02/2025
Finger bang me out in the alley and make the raccoons jealous
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Uncle Duke @uncleduke1969.bsky.social · 01/02/2025
canadian prostitutes are called mounties
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NosferaPru @prufrockluvsong.bsky.social · 01/02/2025
What fresh hell is this? I prefer my hell dry aged for 30 days.
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sweetie π @sixfeetofcandy.bsky.social · 07/01/2025
him: love is in the air me: that’s bleach
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Maddie @madrigal.bsky.social · 01/02/2025
Do I also get a midlife crisis or does this full life crisis take precedence
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𝒜𝓃𝑔𝑒𝓁 𝑜𝒻 𝑀𝒾𝓃𝑒 🌙✨ @thelalalandd.bsky.social · 15/01/2025
i’m considering using profanity but in spanish. sounds sexier and unforgettable.
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WineMummy @winemummy.bsky.social · 01/02/2025
Came for the wine moms, stayed for the butthole skeets.
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WineMummy @winemummy.bsky.social · 01/02/2025
This is now a butthole skeets appreciation account.
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Jimmer Cork-Bottle @jimmerthatisall.bsky.social · 01/02/2025
I'd like to be alone now please sign out.
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Ygrene @ygrene.bsky.social · 01/02/2025
guidance counselor: so what do you want to do with your life me: i guess post online and stuff guidance counselor: (putting on glasses and taking out notepad) do you know how to make money doing that
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Avogadro's House of Blues @plasticsoup.bsky.social · 01/02/2025
"Please be careful. These are my favorite dress pants" I caution the dry cleaner. "Yeah, sure thing, $10.50" he says as he crumples them into a ball and throws them into a bag with god knows whos other pants.
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Woodrow Peel 🆗🆒 @woodyluvscoffee.bsky.social · 29/01/2025
(God creating a werewolf) God: once a month he’ll transition from human to murderous hound, terrorize villages, gut livestock & kill young lovers in the full moonlight. His howl will chill the flesh of even the bravest soul Angel: the rest of the time? God: just like, the nicest guy u can imagine
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Woodrow Peel 🆗🆒 @woodyluvscoffee.bsky.social · 31/01/2025
Charlie Brown's Six Stages of Grief: 1. Denial 2. Anger 3. Bargaining 4. Depression 5. Acceptance 6. Good
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Woodrow Peel 🆗🆒 @woodyluvscoffee.bsky.social · 31/01/2025
Amazon Fulfillment Center: How can we help? Me: I need fulfillment AFC: Fulfillment is something you work for. It doesn't come overnight. Me: I'M A PRIME MEMBER
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Woodrow Peel 🆗🆒 @woodyluvscoffee.bsky.social · 01/02/2025
Tim: This is Tim from accounting Me: Hi Tim from accounting Tim: Just say Tim Me. Tim Tim: How are you today? Me: Tim
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Avogadro's House of Blues @plasticsoup.bsky.social · 01/02/2025
"seasoned butthole" You guys do that one yet?
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WineMummy @winemummy.bsky.social · 01/02/2025
Thank fuck January is over.
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WineMummy @winemummy.bsky.social · 01/02/2025
Good morning to everyone who survived January.
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Raquel Squelch @raquelsquelch.bsky.social · 28/01/2025
stung by how do you sleep at night a how do you live with yourself well I don't and I'm not doing that so well either but maybe people who should sleep with the fishes sleep very well despite doing terrible horrible no good very bad things to a sleeping child maybe a kid needs to sleep beyond a moat
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Raquel Squelch @raquelsquelch.bsky.social · 30/01/2025
feel me smooth in hand think of it when I'm callous and know in the woods when happiest I cry for those who can't be but could a wasp charmer never know their sting so alas, poor Yorick *holding a human heart* frailty is my middle name should we jest infinitely or point to our softest places
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Raquel Squelch @raquelsquelch.bsky.social · 01/02/2025
what if we thought of things in terms of spacetime allowing for the stretch and squeeze in the midst of violent cosmic events and how the matter we interact with affects communication over long distance maybe do you think you'd realize I didn't really leave you on read exactly intentionally at all
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xsfleabaggage.bsky.social @xsfleabaggage.bsky.social · 31/01/2025
Hedge-fund is short for hedgehog fund.
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Dead Serious Mick @deadseriousmick.bsky.social · 01/02/2025
It feels embarrassing, if I'm being honest, this everything.
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ThinlyVeiledPanda @thinlyveiledpanda.bsky.social · 01/02/2025
ME: There’s a hole in my bucket HIM: Then fix it ME: With what shall I fix it? HIM: This is gonna be a whole thing, isn’t it?
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FR🎃 V🎃 @frovo.bsky.social · 01/02/2025
TOM SELLECK: do you know what a reverse mortgage is ME: egagtrom TOM SELLECK: thank you
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Eric Replatformed @21stcenturyeric.bsky.social · 31/01/2025
Note to self: check to see if laptop camera is OFF before launching into air guitar solo on last Teams meeting of the week
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stuforreal.bsky.social @stuforreal.bsky.social · 01/02/2025
'Tainted Love' is probably my favorite song about gonorrhea
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FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF @sofarrsogud.bsky.social · 01/02/2025
[flirting] you wanna get drunk and get matching He-Man haircuts
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WineMummy @winemummy.bsky.social · 31/01/2025
The pervs are really perving today.
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WineMummy @winemummy.bsky.social · 01/02/2025
Another day, another pervert.
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WineMummy @winemummy.bsky.social · 01/02/2025
*wakes up on February 1st* Me: Thank fuck January is done.
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WineMummy @winemummy.bsky.social · 01/02/2025
January was longer than a pair of tits on Twitter.
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WineMummy @winemummy.bsky.social · 01/02/2025
More boobs, less politics.
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WineMummy @winemummy.bsky.social · 01/02/2025
Hot wine moms on Bluesky are posting butthole skeets.
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WineMummy @winemummy.bsky.social · 30/01/2025
*aggressively flirts with you*
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Amish Super Model @amishsupermodel.bsky.social · 01/02/2025
Not to brag, but the cougars are all over me at this Jo-Ann Fabrics.
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AnnaAnkaAnia @samerealwoman.bsky.social · 01/02/2025
Children seek attention. Adults demands respect. And legends? They just don't give a fuck. *being legends
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Julie Lavender Menace @2tickytacky.bsky.social · 31/01/2025
I have my mom's eyes. She left them to me in her will.
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bacon popsicle 🧴 @gupton68.bsky.social · 01/02/2025
I found it quite sobering when my kids said that any pet I get at this point in my life may well outlive me. Especially as I was only talking about getting a fucking goldfish.
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Fickle Filly @ficklefilly.bsky.social · 01/02/2025
You be the narcissist, I’ll be the arsonist.
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