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mattconnel.bsky.social

@mattconnel.bsky.social
72 followers 83 following 2 posts
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phil @philjamesson.com · 22/06/2023
i never should have gone back to school
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mattconnel.bsky.social @mattconnel.bsky.social · 30/09/2026
I've finally got my wife reading @bransonreese.bsky.social's Swan Boy, and I got so excited that I made a bunch more Magic cards of him.
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the hype @thehyyyype.bsky.social · 21/09/2026
For some reason, whenever I pop out of someone's mailbox in an attempt to scare them, their initial response is "how the hell did you fit in my mailbox?" and not "GAAAAAAAHH!" as you might expect. Curious
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Dreamboat Branny 🦢 @bransonreese.bsky.social · 16/09/2026
Why did I say this
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JP @jpbrammer.bsky.social · 21/08/2026
I'll use an em dash irdgaf. I'll pull an em dash out of my screen and beat a Tesla robot to death with it. I'll move to a cave and sharpen an em dash and use it as a spear to hunt game with... it's so whatever....
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weeder @weeder.bsky.social · 16/07/2026
Must feel so good for text after you hit ctrl-x, floating in liminal space, before ctrl-v thrusts it back onto the desolate page
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ceej @ceej.online · 09/06/2026
you think if I could afford a pot I would piss in it? what the hell are you doing to your pots
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Haus of Decline @hausofdecline.bsky.social · 01/06/2026
A man is in a coffin dressed with relish, mustard, onion, tomato, a long slice of pickle and sport peppers. One mourner mentions to another "per his will, he is being buried Chicago-style."
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Erik Hane @erikhane.bsky.social · 02/04/2026
Son just strutted into the room like a wrestling heel and announced “if you don’t want to share it with the big boys, don’t bring it to show-and-tell”
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the hype @thehyyyype.bsky.social · 20/03/2026
Pharoah: build a pyramid that shall serve as my eternal resting place His architect who's a freak: ok but can I put a bunch of little traps in there? Pharoah: what
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a swarm of autumn bugs @facefullabugs.bsky.social · 25/02/2026
Love the glimpse into the beautiful mind that notated this used copy of Moby Dick I got
Chapter 1 of Moby Dick, page 1 

The phrase ‘Call me Ishmael’, the first sentence of the book, is highlighted in blue, with careful highlighting on the very big C at the start. Above this, written in ballpoint pen ‘His name’
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lauren @lauren.rotatingsandwiches.com · 19/02/2026
woke up right before my brain had to resolve the heist caper it set up all dream long and im so mad. my subconscious is so full of shit
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Better Things Are Possible @internethippo.bsky.social · 25/10/2025
You should be able to find jobs by searching "guy who shows up on time and generally does what he's supposed to"
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leon @leyawn.bsky.social · 09/02/2026
honestly respect for the ad that’s just like “pokemon are cool.” they are cool
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Alex Blechman @alexblechman.bsky.social · 09/02/2026
Every Super Bowl ad is for the door in the forest. It’s annoying. “You must walk through the door.” Yeah thanks, I know that already. I dream of the door every night
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Dreamboat Branny 🦢 @bransonreese.bsky.social · 04/02/2026
I used to drink the dirty snow slush that accumulated on the corners in NYC. It would make me deliriously sick but after two weeks of extreme fever/dysentery I was able to see four seconds into the future for 36 hours. This would be an invaluable asset in combat but unfortunately I am a man of peace
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Better Things Are Possible @internethippo.bsky.social · 04/02/2026
Weddings should have a prosecutor instead of an officiant and he should be able to cross examine both parties. I also have other ideas
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ceej @ceej.online · 10/01/2026
The thing before me defied description: it looked exactly like a cat with a snake stuck on it
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⧉ @smilingnodding.bsky.social · 25/12/2025
*at a christmas party* oh Rudolph is your favorite reindeer? That’s cool yeah yeah he’s pretty great *in reindeer chat* BlitzenBoy92: at the work thinh. take a guess DonnerTime: buncha dolphies? VixenLover: fuckin lame bro just keep ur cool change the subject The Dasher Enjoyer: thinh
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Gray Frights! @clickgate.bsky.social · 24/12/2025
Did you know that each region of Ireland has its own figure who traditionally delivers presents on Christmas Eve??
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Dr. Bucky Isotope, PhD, BOFA @buckyisotope.bsky.social · 14/12/2025
MY WIFE: this isn’t going to work ME: *trying to karate chop down a pine tree* do not disgrace our dojo on Christmas
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Elizabeth @elizasoul.bsky.social · 18/05/2023
My phone just fell down a flight of stairs, but it's ok, it was in my pocket.
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jenny tightpants @jtp.bsky.social · 06/12/2025
pharmacy wrapped and it includes a stat for how often my insurance screwed me over this year
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ceej @ceej.online · 02/12/2025
gandalf is cool and all but why is he always hanging out with those weird kids
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Novelty Cistern @noveltycistern.bsky.social · 14/11/2025
getting a text in the middle of the night and it's just my loathsome vizier saying "Your enemies lie in wait, my lord!!" what am I supposed to do with that. its four in the morning
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Raysident Evil @sireviscerate.myatproto.social · 14/11/2025
Yawns are weird. You're tired? Why don't you open your mouth really big about it? What's that? You're not tired, but you saw someone else open their mouth big? Well, guess what.
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Rabih Alameddine @rabihalameddine.bsky.social · 31/10/2025
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the hype @thehyyyype.bsky.social · 29/10/2025
An enigmatic billionaire offered to pay me a small fortune if I can just make it through a single night at his secluded, ominous seaside mansion. What a fool. How hard is it to stay overnight somewhere?
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Dreamboat Branny 🦢 @bransonreese.bsky.social · 16/09/2025
Saved you a click: they beheaded a horse
Jeopardy!'s Most Infamous Moment Haunted the Show's Fans, Its Stars, and Even Alex Trebek. It's Clear Why Now.
BY CLAIRE MCNEAR
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Paul F. Tompkins @pftompkins.bsky.social · 19/07/2025
If JD Vance were a true Catholic instead of defending Trump he would simply assign him to be President of another country
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Dreamboat Branny 🦢 @bransonreese.bsky.social · 27/05/2025
It's okay if bluesky is dying. As a student of The Crypt Keeper, I've always had a certain ease with -perhaps even an affinity for- death and all things macabre.
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Dreamboat Branny 🦢 @bransonreese.bsky.social · 08/02/2025
Sorry if it's cringe or virtue signaling or whatever but unqualified and unconditional love and support to every trans person on earth. You will win and I will help you.
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Dr. Bucky Isotope, PhD, BOFA @buckyisotope.bsky.social · 01/02/2025
WARDEN: any last words PIKACHU: Pikachu!
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Kalvin the Reindeer @kalvinmacleod.bsky.social · 17/12/2024
[playing poker] FRIEND: I’m all in ME: [yearning for this type of commitment since we first met] me too, man, I’m all in too FRIEND: um, a pair of kings ME: you bet we are
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the hype @thehyyyype.bsky.social · 01/01/2025
It gives me great comfort when manufacturers of face cream and toothpaste put "developed by dermatologists" and "developed by dentists" on their packaging. Helps me distinguish from those face creams and toothpastes developed by accountants and forklift operators.
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ceej @ceej.online · 27/05/2024
pretty cool. wonder if she makes other stuff
a kate spade branded garden tool set, including a spade
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Ygrene @ygrene.bsky.social · 08/01/2025
i keep a burglar under my bed in case a burglar breaks in i can be like oh no you're too late we're already being burgled
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Crockett Houghton @crocketthoughton.com · 07/01/2025
Even if a woodchuck could chuck wood, they are very tiny. The amount would probably be insignificant.
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Dr. Bucky Isotope, PhD, BOFA @buckyisotope.bsky.social · 07/01/2025
[me as a door to door salesperson for lightly used coffins] How do we turn that nosferatu into a yes-feratu
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ceej @ceej.online · 05/01/2025
please stop suggesting I solve my problem by changing my behavior. I do not want to do that
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Jess Pendley @jesspendley.bsky.social · 30/12/2024
Clearly, this was a global issue.
A screenshot of a Tumblr post from user thehmn. It depicts two carved ivory figurines of foxes dressed as monks. The caption reads, Foxes disguised as monks. On the left from Japan and on the right from Denmark.
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Jon Bois @jonbois.bsky.social · 04/01/2025
if i were a low-level boss in a criminal organization, the first thing i would do is set up a high-risk, low-upside side business without telling them. i would also be a nuisance who eventually becomes more trouble than he’s worth and agree to meetings at places like abandoned docks or garbage dumps
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Better Things Are Possible @internethippo.bsky.social · 04/01/2025
Pleasant automated voice: Thank you for calling our customer service line that doesn't work. Did you know? You can also use our online customer service tool that doesn't work
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