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DaniBananica

@danibananica.bsky.social
1.4K followers 666 following 9.7K posts

Huge dork. Autistic. Greysexual. HUGE loser. American. Trump sucks. bsky.app/profile/did:plc:pghlpclvmq…

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Reposted by DaniBananica
Ian Coldwater 🧊🚫 @lookitup.baby · 6h
The Onion newspaper cover from October 22, 1929: 

Stock Market Invincible
'Buy, Buy, Buy!' Experts Advise
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Thanks For Sharing, Jerk @thx4sharingjerk.bsky.social · 6h
Duke-era Genesis fucks so hard
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DaniBananica @danibananica.bsky.social · 6h
If there’s anything I love about a sick day, it’s old people TV. Watching my favourite right now
Kevin Tighe and Randolph Mantooth dressed as firemen from Station 51 on the 70s show Emergency!
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mindi @flawdbizkit.bsky.social · 11h
this guy did not mind my phone in his face 🤣🥹
painted lady butterfly on a magenta zinnia
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toilet bones @toiletbones.bsky.social · 19h
Found the email I sent when I got accidentally added to the faculty listserv of an orthopedic surgery clinic and nobody would remove me so I sent this email to all faculty/staff/med students and they removed me almost immediately
Hello Bone Colleagues, 
I have invented a new type of ankle and I'm very excited to show it to you. Early raccoon trials suggest a 60% increase in scurrying speed and dramatic increases in fine motor banditry. I know we are not supposed to create super raccoons, but I think you'll change your mind and professional ethics when you see how cute they are. I believe we are on the cusp of a new era in advanced human scurrying because if medical science has taught me anything, it's that improvements in raccoons correspond 1:1 to improvements in humans. 

--
[My name]
Chief Bone Inventor
Chair, Department of Foot and Leg Innovation
Lord Mayor, Musculoskeletal Medicine 
Hartford HealthCare,
The Bone & Joint Institute at Hartford Hospital.
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TeenagePhlebotomy @teenagephlebotomy.bsky.social · 16h
the world is not simply grody. it is grody to the max.
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Liz Lets Looooooose 👻 @ghostofelizabeth.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
I have an issue with mirrors that show me how I look instead of how I wish I looked
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hammancheez but spooky @hammancheez.bsky.social · 14h
Damn i know he was good in friday but this is impressive
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It's Abby. Yep @itsabbyyep.bsky.social · 19/01/2025
Me: I know pantyhose are a little dated but I love how they even out my skin tone Teller: So is this not a robbery? Me: No, it is
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Kellalena @kellalena.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
Killer geese flying in a V for vendetta
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ElieNYC @elienyc.bsky.social · 11h
So... "cable"... we're just doing cable again.
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FLAVOR FLAV ⏰ @flavorflav.bsky.social · 11h
9/11 was one of the worst days on American soil in history,,, we just honored its 25th anniversary. This “patriot” is encouraging something worse by 957,671%. A million times worse,,, actually.
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Jane, actually @maidofbeans.bsky.social · 13h
Sorry I'm late, I was assimilated by an extraterrestrial parasite at a remote Antarctic research station.
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Danny @mardigroan.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
May 4th is Star Wars day. September 25th is Dolly day. October 4th should be CB radio / trucker / convoy day.
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DaniBananica @danibananica.bsky.social · 14h
Heroes
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Bo Mandoe Presents @streampunk76.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
If the eleventh movie isn’t called Once Fast Once Furious they’ll be missing out on a really good bilingual pun, just saying
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Braden Serkas @portmanteauface.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
It’s been 20 years since that night our paths first crossed in this tiny Parisian café. Since we promised to meet again, right here, tonight. My coffee grows cold as I accept that she has forgotten me, moved on. I turn to leave but as I do, a figure emerges from the rain. Pepperidge Farm remembers
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DaniBananica @danibananica.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
Post a meme made by you
A picture of GusGus from Cinderella where he’s holding all that cheese and he drops a piece. He’s labeled as “me” and off to the right it says “the partial packages of snacks I already have at home” and next to the piece of cheese on the floor it says “something I’m wanting at the grocery store”
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Paranormal Pandy 🎃 @thatbrenna.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
Chicken and sausage place called the breast of times, the wurst of times
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Tits McDick @titsmcdick.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
When that one person who likes all of my skeets suddenly stops liking them, I just assume they’ve died.
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JosABats @thejoshbanks.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
Protect this band at all costs
Franz Ferdinand
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Gail Simone @gailsimone.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
You guys want to hear a short but adorable story that happened right in front of me at the baggage claim in NYC yesterday? I wasn't part of it and there are bits I didn't catch but holy crap, I can't stop thinking about it.
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Frovo @frovo.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
ME: your mom sent you a letter LOU: read it to me ME: “To my Lou…” LOU: skip that part
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Princess Petunia Floppybutts McGee @ridiculousginger.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
Posted with no comment:
Nobody:
Me: Ever think about this?
First picture: hamburger helper mascot hand 
Second picture: same glove except with a skeleton inside the glove, with a gigantic gaping jaw where the smiling face is on the original.
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SIDE BANGS @sidebangsmusic.com · 05/10/2026
How many bees do you sees
Flowers 
FlowersFlowers
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lauren @lauren.rotatingsandwiches.com · 05/10/2026
you'd like to schedule a doctor's appointment? have you logged into MyHealthChart yet? Remember that MyHealthChart used to be Healbe. If you migrated your chart from Healbe Now or Healbe Epic, you are not eligible to make an account. Please make note Healbe Epic is formerly MyHealthChartRX.
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Elizabeth Anne, PhD @lacksauthority.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
never the wrong time for this classic
Screenshot of a tweet by @RobbtKraft reading “scientist: "does everyone here know what Watson and Crick discovered?" 
me from back of room: "Rosalind Franklin's notes"”
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The Onion @theonion.com · 05/10/2026
Congressional Candidate Has Different Wife For Campaigning In Rural Counties theonion.com/congressional-candidat…
Congressional Candidate Has Different Wife For Campaigning In Rural Counties
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DaniBananica @danibananica.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
She is beauty, she is grace
A goose mid-flight looking like they’re absolutely losing it - kinda flailing everywhere and their little webbed feet splayed (they were fine - recouped immediately)
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DaniBananica @danibananica.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
Holy fuckballs. I got a picture of a red-shouldered hawk in flight! (I’ve poorly adjusted the colour a smidge to slightly enhance the markings, but on my iPhone)
Red-shouldered hawk in flight - wings completely outstretched - you can even see its eye!
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DaniBananica @danibananica.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
Just in case you need some squee
A whole pile of Muscovy ducklings - some yellow, some yellow but with a lot of brown on their heads and backs
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Tressie McMillan Cottom @tressiemcphd.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
They aren’t just stealing everything that is left they are making sure only men can hoard it. I don’t know what else to tell you.
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Tressie McMillan Cottom @tressiemcphd.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
we are watching a massive transfer of wealth during an era of massive wealth creation (however much it might be just paper money it’s powerful) — reinscribing gender during this moment is a choice about who will be a citizen for the next three hundred years.
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Tressie McMillan Cottom @tressiemcphd.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
And by citizen he means who can accrue and control property and wealth.
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Tressie McMillan Cottom @tressiemcphd.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
He isn’t old. He isn’t out of touch. He isn’t confused. He is choosing who will rule. Men — even those who love men — are citizens and everyone else isn’t. Thats it.
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Carole King @carolekingofficial.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
The best way to be sure your vote counts is to vote early and in person. www.vote.org
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DaniBananica @danibananica.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
Real talk. I had to go through chapter 7 in 2017. My dad had died a couple of years before and left a morass and I could not pull myself out. I was so embarrassed to do it but there was no other option. Y’all. It just fell off my report. Fully. Like it looks like it didn’t happen.
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Jo @whatsjo.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
her: did you know makeup expires? me: *spits mine out* WHAT
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Uncle Duke @uncleduke1969.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
“So my wife walks in out of the rain, soaked from head to toe, and I say, ‘Look kids, it’s a drizzly bear!’ She hasn’t spoken to me in two days, but it was totally worth it.”
“Bears Sharing a Laugh”
Photograph: Charles Janson/Nikon Comedy Wildlife Awards 2026
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DaniBananica @danibananica.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
Have you ever “put in your contact” to almost immediately realise you didn’t actually but for the life of you you can’t find it? It’s not on the counter, in the sink, in the packaging from the contact, it’s not on your clothes - it’s officially NOWHERE
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DaniBananica @danibananica.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
Just spent $200 on a new coat for my brother in a colour he won’t be keen on because it was the only high quality coat they (Lands End) had on sale. When you’re on the street, your coat is everything. He’ll have a nice birthday present in several weeks and I’ll sell my body to pay my credit card
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🅱️oofessor Killosk 👻🔪 @professorkiosk.wtf · 04/10/2026
where do you put the dollar bills
One of those signs with plastic re-arrangable letters reads: 
Adoption Center
LIVE NUDE
DOGS
FREE LAP
DANCES

The S in DOGS is a dollar sign and the C in DANCES is the cent symbol.
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DaniBananica @danibananica.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
I just watched the three part BBC disco documentary and that was time very well spent
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don Elías (como los buses) 🥨 @donelias.mastodon.cr.ap.brid.gy · 04/10/2026
Every damn time #Brasil #Brazil #Colombia #DiegoHitlerioDeLaJunta
Meme: South American Elections

Option 1: Gabriela Rosa Sympatica: Elementary school teacher beloved by her community. Wants to improve lifes.

Option 2: Diego Hitlerio de la Junta: Son of a previous dictator. Went to jail for corruption. Wants to sterilize natives.

Temporary results (98% ballots counted)
49,9999% vs 50,0001%
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SaraAAAGHH A GHOST!!! Ford 🐍🎨👻 @angeloslh.bsky.social · 03/10/2026
A NEW FIGHTER HAS ENTERED THE ARENA
independent.co.uk
Gang of eight sperm whales sink yacht after ramming boat in South Pacific
Crew described terrifying encounter as they were woken up by “loud thud” as the 52ft vessel was struck
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Luke O'Neil @lukeoneil47.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
Hate it when you see what you think is a cool bird and you look it up later and it’s called like the Common Dumb Asshole. “Birders throughout history have hated its guts. It can’t even fly right.” I thought I saw an interesting guy.
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👻 L.T. Vargus, undead and still disgraced author 👻 @ltvargus.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
me receiving a text: I cannot possibly be expected to respond to this in under three days or perhaps ten me sending a text: having not received a response in five minutes the only logical conclusion is that this person hates me and wishes I would die in a fire
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DaniBananica @danibananica.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
If you get a pet and leave it outside most of the time - you didn’t get a pet, you’re an asshole
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Pizza Las Vegas @muyrando.bsky.social · 30/09/2026
May tomorrow be the day that we are all finally ready for that jelly. Goodnight and godspeed.
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DaniBananica @danibananica.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
For days, I’ve pooped very little and have been miserable. Today, the floodgates have opened and it’s all I CAN do. My ass is on fire
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