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Smh-luckyme

@smh-luckyme.bsky.social
1.2K followers 307 following 134 posts

Just a female who breaths.

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Reposted by Smh-luckyme
Marly @verbsrproudest.bsky.social · 11/10/2026
Y'all don't even know how hard I laughed when the weekly newspaper had to print a formal clarification one year that the photo of a house fire published the prior week which contained Big Foot in the yard of the house on the right, was actually a large Halloween prop & not actually Big Foot.
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sweetie π @sixfeetofcandy.bsky.social · 11/10/2026
i was really bummed out by something my estranged sister said to me and then my daughter said “mom, that’s like a cockroach telling a unicorn they’re not special” and now i feel so much better
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Marly @verbsrproudest.bsky.social · 11/10/2026
You have to enjoy a town with a strong fondness for Big Foot.
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Marly @verbsrproudest.bsky.social · 11/10/2026
See, you think I'm quirky but when I tell you about my neighbors, y'all become "Actually, she seems kind of normal" pretty fast. *grin*
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𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜 @unfitz.bsky.social · 11/10/2026
The loaf is the laziest of all food formations.
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Marly @verbsrproudest.bsky.social · 11/10/2026
Phone 19: Mama, you know you're banned from using boxcutters. You always hurt yourself by accident or destroy something. We've talked about this. No boxcutters. Me: It's not my fault. It was in the new package blade out! All I did was reach in there! 19: Sure it was.
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sweetie π @sixfeetofcandy.bsky.social · 11/10/2026
nothing gives you the ego boost you needed like your teenage child telling you your taste in clothes is gross
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sweetie π @sixfeetofcandy.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
i guess you could say i’ve mastered the art of nodding and politely smiling as i simultaneously wish the ground would open and swallow me whole
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Danny @mardigroan.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
Mondays are like Godzilla ringing your doorbell.
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Marc @runoldman.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
I don't know why they're called "Briefs", I been wearing this pair three days.
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sweetie π @sixfeetofcandy.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
i don’t want to be a big account and that’s why i keep posting
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FR🎃 V🎃 @frovo.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
it’s called making up words maybe you ferdovit
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NosferaPru @prufrockluvsong.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
There's still time before the holidays to have a trap door installed in front of your house.
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DaddyJew @daddyjew.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
[after a few minutes] wait a minute, i think im in the wrong shitstorm
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DaddyJew @daddyjew.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
Hades would be a great name for a baby
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CynicalTherapist @cynicaltherapist.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
get in loser, we're going lurking
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Jake_Vig @jakevig.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
My loan for filling my gas tank completely was just approved.
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DaddyJew @daddyjew.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
face down ass up, that’s the way i find the clovers of luck
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Tim 🇨🇦 @qwertying.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
I went to the hardware store and asked for a thingamajig. The kid said, "A what?" I said, "You know, the doohickey that goes next to the whatchamacallit."
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John Lyon @johnlyon.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
Some church people knocked on my door and said they wanted to tell me about the afterlife. I told them I’m trying to avoid any spoilers.
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kattsdogma.bsky.social @kattsdogma.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
“im still goth,” i say, rubbing arthritis cream on my feet, adding orthotic inserts into my (hands-free ) sneakers & walking gingerly from my chair to my other chair while saying “ow, ow”, “goddammit. ow”
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Ygrene @ygrene.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
saw your man at the grocery store and he was struggling to effectively use his rewards points
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Salty MacTavish @saltymactavish.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
If I’m bobbing for apples at your Halloween party and stay down for more than a couple of minutes don’t worry I used to free dive for abalone
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Marc @runoldman.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
Ghosts in movies are stupid. If I was a ghost I'd be on a beach in St Thomas, but they're just like "Let's stay here and move pots and pans"
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NosferaPru @prufrockluvsong.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
Stow your cheese wheels in the overhead compartment.
Airline safety photo of someone in a yellow flotation vest opening an overhead bin containing a yellow life raft.  The raft looks like a comically large wheel of cheese.
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DB 🇨🇦 @rebelliousdb.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
The weirdest thing is that the weirdest things are the norm now.
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Fickle Filly @ficklefilly.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
Sorry everything’s on fire, I just watched a romcom.
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Ygrene @ygrene.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
cop: license and registration please me: (hands him uno reverse card) license and registration please cop: ah man
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sweetie π @sixfeetofcandy.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
my friend kelly randomly said “what if penises unfurled like a butterfly’s tongue” to which i replied “it’s actually called a proboscis” and then she just stared at me
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NosferaPru @prufrockluvsong.bsky.social · 11/08/2026
On the one hand I hate this series of heat waves but on the other hand when I take laundry out of the washer it dries in 5 minutes.
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Grant Tanaka @granttanaka.bsky.social · 06/08/2026
Me: [making impt life decision] what should I do Wife: just listen to your gut Me: ok Gut: let’s get nachos Me: BYE WE’RE GOING OUT FOR NACHOS Wife: wtf just happened
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sweetie π @sixfeetofcandy.bsky.social · 06/08/2026
you had me at hello i own a hot dog cart
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Marc @runoldman.bsky.social · 02/08/2026
I'm stuck somewhere between the future looks bright & life has passed me by.
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sweetie π @sixfeetofcandy.bsky.social · 02/08/2026
love potion #10 causes the user to fall under the spell of raccoons
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NosferaPru @prufrockluvsong.bsky.social · 02/08/2026
Ran out of Febreeze so I'm filling up a spray bottle with hot dog water and hoping for the best.
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sweetie π @sixfeetofcandy.bsky.social · 31/07/2026
becoming a treasure hunter (taking random pills i find in parking lots)
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Candy Elliott @sixfootcandy.bsky.social · 31/07/2026
I know I sound paranoid, but the grocery store somehow knows exactly which item I came in for and only hides that one item.
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NosferaPru @prufrockluvsong.bsky.social · 31/07/2026
When the day comes that my hair turns completely white I'll just tell everyone I have the blood of the dragon.
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FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF @sofarrsogud.bsky.social · 31/07/2026
[eating cereal for dinner] it's 9am somewhere
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Grant Tanaka @granttanaka.bsky.social · 01/08/2026
Are you there, God? It's me, the guy who makes creepy Judy Blume references
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Rachel @slightlycaustic.bsky.social · 31/07/2026
It’s interesting that people who will be dead get to decide to ignore climate change and ruin the world for people who will still be alive.
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Corduroy Cheddar @corduroycheddar.bsky.social · 30/07/2026
I feel like people stopped shitting bricks
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Candy Elliott @sixfootcandy.bsky.social · 29/07/2026
"Call me when you get this. No. This isn't 1998 and I'm not your mom. Text me like a normal person.
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DaddyJew @daddyjew.bsky.social · 29/07/2026
drinking water is the easiest form of self care next to telling people to go fuck themselves
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Henpecked Hal @henpeckedhal.bsky.social · 29/07/2026
me: I’m not interested, but you should go talk to my neighbor Mark salesman: does he want solar? me: no, I just don’t like him
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spleenly @spleenly.bsky.social · 29/07/2026
Drove barefoot for five minutes, and now I really need a beach vacation.
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sweetie π @sixfeetofcandy.bsky.social · 29/07/2026
r.i.p.: rest in potatoes
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Ygrene @ygrene.bsky.social · 29/07/2026
could really use a deviled egg based holiday right now
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