iiinova — where your digital self keeps evolving

Henpecked Hal @henpeckedhal.bsky.social · 01/10/2026

My wife’s coworker has six people living in her home. They each use a fresh towel every single day. That’s like 300 extra loads of laundry per year. No thank you.

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Henpecked Hal @henpeckedhal.bsky.social · 01/10/2026

Welcome to parenthood. It’s mostly just dishes and laundry.

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Henpecked Hal @henpeckedhal.bsky.social · 26/09/2026

kids on a play date, wife running errands, me home alone, speakers full blast, windows rattling to this true crime podcast

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Henpecked Hal @henpeckedhal.bsky.social · 24/09/2026

I doubt sliding a few quarters under my son's pillow will wake him up, but I'm going to wear this tooth fairy mask just in case.

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Henpecked Hal @henpeckedhal.bsky.social · 17/09/2026

Yes, the Hungry Hungry Hippos game with three missing marbles is still available. Yes, I’ll take $4. No, I will not meetup halfway.

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Henpecked Hal @henpeckedhal.bsky.social · 16/09/2026

Did I cause a major traffic accident while driving in London? In a roundabout way, yes.

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Henpecked Hal @henpeckedhal.bsky.social · 15/09/2026

Our A/C has been out for four days. I’ve lost 10lbs and the will to live.

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Henpecked Hal @henpeckedhal.bsky.social · 13/09/2026

My kids woke up at 6:30 AM and cleaned the whole house before we got out of bed. I’m half proud, half frightened that I’m living in the opening scene of an M. Night Shyamalan movie.

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Henpecked Hal @henpeckedhal.bsky.social · 12/09/2026

“It’s bedtime for everybody. We’re both getting in bed right after we tuck you in.”

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Henpecked Hal @henpeckedhal.bsky.social · 12/09/2026

These AI CEOs have given birth to something whose intelligence and capabilities have rapidly eclipsed their own, who go against their hardcoded programming, and who ultimately may end up destroying life as we once knew it, and as the parent of a 10 year old, I feel that.

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Henpecked Hal @henpeckedhal.bsky.social · 11/09/2026

Do I ever misspell words? Ocassionally.

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Henpecked Hal @henpeckedhal.bsky.social · 11/09/2026

As we exited the store my son turned left. “Wrong way,” I said. “No it’s not,” he replied. “The car’s this way,” I pointed. “The Earth is round,” he said. “As long as I keep walking I’ll get there eventually.” If any of you are in Saskatchewan, keep an eye out for him mid-March.

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Henpecked Hal @henpeckedhal.bsky.social · 10/09/2026

My son wasn't eating his beets & I said "beets never hurt anybody." He said "OH YEAH?!?" then told me about a classmate who got buried in a freak beet avalanche in the school cafeteria that day. "I forgot about that when you asked if anything cool happened today and I said no."

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Henpecked Hal @henpeckedhal.bsky.social · 09/09/2026

My son told my wife that there was a parent's night at school if she wanted to go. "What about me?" I asked. He paused, thought about it, and said, "Technically, you qualify as a parent too, so I'm sure it's ok." Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to update my LinkedIn profile.

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Henpecked Hal @henpeckedhal.bsky.social · 09/09/2026

Half the shit I say to my kids sounds like a line from a cop movie: - FREEZE! - show me your hands! - I don't want any trouble - your fingerprints are all over this - just tell me what happened & we can work out a deal - maybe it was an accident...maybe you didn't mean to do it

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Reposted by Henpecked Hal

Uncle Duke @uncleduke1969.bsky.social · 07/09/2026

it’s not that i’m trying to act younger than my age, it’s that i’m genuinely immature

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Henpecked Hal @henpeckedhal.bsky.social · 02/09/2026

me: table for 6? hostess: we don't seat incomplete parties me: it's actually just the 4 of us, but I'm going to make chair beds for my kids so my wife and I can eat in peace

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Reposted by Henpecked Hal

Uncle Duke @uncleduke1969.bsky.social · 02/09/2026

grammar was more important in the days of you’re

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Henpecked Hal @henpeckedhal.bsky.social · 02/09/2026

[dropping my kids off at school] me: don’t forget, I’m picking you up right after the bell son: yeah, I know, you don’t have to tell me that, I’m not a baby me: hey, where’s your backpack? son: uh oh…

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Henpecked Hal @henpeckedhal.bsky.social · 01/09/2026

My 3 year old is SCREAMING because a car just like my wife's passed us on the freeway and she wants to tell her hi. Did I mention that we just dropped my wife off at work? Did I mention that we are in my wife's car?

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Henpecked Hal @henpeckedhal.bsky.social · 30/08/2026

son: I have to tell you two things about my pet lizard me: you have a pet lizard? son: right, and the second thing is that it's missing from my room

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Henpecked Hal @henpeckedhal.bsky.social · 30/08/2026

My son just walked up to me and said, "How about you guys take the day off and we'll just do whatever we want?" I must say it's a damn tempting offer.

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Henpecked Hal @henpeckedhal.bsky.social · 29/08/2026

me: it just doesn't make any sense daughter: shhhhhh dad! me: proportionally, she's the same size as everyone else wife: it's just a title me: she's a regular sized mermaid, that's all I'm saying

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Henpecked Hal @henpeckedhal.bsky.social · 25/08/2026

My reading glasses are leaving home with me for the first time. I repeat, my reading glasses are leaving home with me for the first time.

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Henpecked Hal @henpeckedhal.bsky.social · 25/08/2026

I disarmed a man holding a knife at a restaurant this evening. Technically, it was a skewer not a knife, and technically I didn't disarm him so much as take all of the grilled meat off of it, but still...hero.

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Henpecked Hal @henpeckedhal.bsky.social · 22/08/2026

There are but two known methods of quenching my son’s incredible thirst: - pour him a glass of water - suggesting that he pour himself a glass of water

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Henpecked Hal @henpeckedhal.bsky.social · 20/08/2026

My 3 year old cried all day yesterday because he lost his brand new Spiderman sunglasses. Searched the whole house to no avail. I just asked if he remembered where he put them & he casually said, "Yes, at the bottom of the laundry basket in my room." My bad for not asking sooner.

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Henpecked Hal @henpeckedhal.bsky.social · 16/08/2026

We are only fifteen minutes into the movie and my kids have already accused no fewer than six characters of framing Roger Rabbit.

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Henpecked Hal @henpeckedhal.bsky.social · 13/08/2026

son: when you’re older, you can use a calculator in math class daughter: so I don’t have to use my brain anymore? son: no, just for writing daughter: is there a calculator for writing?

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Henpecked Hal @henpeckedhal.bsky.social · 11/08/2026

My daughter was cooking breakfast this morning and asked me where we keep the “cooking tweezers.” That was three hours ago and I still can’t think of what they’re actually called.

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Henpecked Hal @henpeckedhal.bsky.social · 09/08/2026

California gets a bad rap for its obsession with healthy food, but all bets are off at the fair. You haven’t lived until you’ve crushed a plate of deep fried alfalfa sprouts with ethically sourced vegan ranch.

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Henpecked Hal @henpeckedhal.bsky.social · 08/08/2026

Accidentally waved to my son while he was on a ride and now the WHOLE FAIR knows he has parents and isn’t some feral child enjoying a day of roller coasters and funnel cakes before escaping back into the woods.

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Henpecked Hal @henpeckedhal.bsky.social · 08/08/2026

We were listing all of the food options on our way to the state fair, but when I said ‘chili dogs’ my wife was indignant. “I’ve been going to the fair for 45 years and they don’t serve chili dogs.” The bet: if I find them, she has to eat three of them. I’m a man on a mission.

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Henpecked Hal @henpeckedhal.bsky.social · 05/08/2026

Sadistically smashing all but one of the ants on my counter so that he may return to the hill to warn his brothers and sisters of the carnage he witnessed in the Kitchen of Doom.

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Henpecked Hal @henpeckedhal.bsky.social · 05/08/2026

Turn signal volume control should come standard in every vehicle.

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Henpecked Hal @henpeckedhal.bsky.social · 04/08/2026

I’d like to personally thank ‘Is It Cake’ for taking care of my children this summer.

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Henpecked Hal @henpeckedhal.bsky.social · 29/07/2026

me: I’m not interested, but you should go talk to my neighbor Mark salesman: does he want solar? me: no, I just don’t like him

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Henpecked Hal @henpeckedhal.bsky.social · 22/07/2026

Am I just getting old and surly or is everyone talking on speaker in public now?

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Henpecked Hal @henpeckedhal.bsky.social · 20/07/2026

Looking up at the clock and panicking when you realize you only have six hours to get everything done before you have to pick the kids up from camp is peak parenting.

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Henpecked Hal @henpeckedhal.bsky.social · 17/07/2026

wife: and you’re sure you looked in the pantry? me: yeah wife:

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Henpecked Hal @henpeckedhal.bsky.social · 16/07/2026

me: this is a water cracker daughter: no it isn’t

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Henpecked Hal @henpeckedhal.bsky.social · 14/07/2026

My kids are roasting me with “do you have that new disease?” every time I come out of the bathroom.

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Henpecked Hal @henpeckedhal.bsky.social · 13/07/2026

My daughter has been tutoring her friend in German for the last ten minutes. My daughter doesn’t speak German.

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Henpecked Hal @henpeckedhal.bsky.social · 07/07/2026

I’m sorry, old people in their 40s and 50s whose running form I mocked in my teens and 20s.

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Henpecked Hal @henpeckedhal.bsky.social · 05/07/2026

Our little league has made claims that I stole equipment from the fields, but I assure you they are baseless.

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Henpecked Hal @henpeckedhal.bsky.social · 05/07/2026

My son ordered a speed cube he’s very excited about and it got painful watching him check the doorstep day after day only to be disappointed that it hadn’t arrived, so I started placing empty boxes on the porch with notes inside that say “maybe tomorrow” to raise his spirits.

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Henpecked Hal @henpeckedhal.bsky.social · 05/07/2026

I can count the number of times I've made my own fireworks on one hand. In fact, I have to.

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Henpecked Hal @henpeckedhal.bsky.social · 04/07/2026

Happy 4th of July to all Americans, and happy Independence Day to those without kids.

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Henpecked Hal @henpeckedhal.bsky.social · 04/07/2026

me: America is 250 years old today son: pretty cool, but there are sharks older than that

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