Reposted by Henry3000Dreamer @elgatoesmio.bsky.social · 12/09/2025I’m sick of reaching the bottom and getting nothing from it. Searching the depths, but all for naught. Maybe it’s time I finally crack open a new jar of peanut butter 02314
Reposted by Henry3000Grant Tanaka @granttanaka.bsky.social · 04/08/2025[meeting] Boss: Anything you want to add? Me: [furrows brow in vain attempt to look thoughtful] Boss: Why did you say "furrows brow in vain att 321074
Reposted by Henry3000stuforreal.bsky.social @stuforreal.bsky.social · 04/08/2025Set phasers to unbearable lightness of being 57129
Reposted by Henry3000Fickle Filly @ficklefilly.bsky.social · 04/08/2025Reading posts is one form of escape and slowly drowning in quicksand is another. 213468
Henry3000 @henry3000.bsky.social · 02/08/2025I loved your metaphor. You really painted a picture with words. Sadly, that doesn't make your idea any less dumb. 02711
Reposted by Henry3000PAM! @pamtoo.bsky.social · 31/07/2025Writing "Nana's Ride" on the back of my wheelchair in dayglow face paint. 1369
Reposted by Henry3000Jimmer Cork-Bottle @jimmerthatisall.bsky.social · 27/07/2025But who will protect the pocket protectors? 318074
Reposted by Henry3000John Lyon @johnlyon.bsky.social · 15/07/2025Nephew: Do you like Minecraft? Me: [trying to seem cool] I am interested in how mines are built, yes. 221162
Reposted by Henry3000Amish Super Model @amishsupermodel.bsky.social · 23/07/2025“Please release my son’s files.” Signed, Epstein’s mother 711428
Reposted by Henry3000Wil McMillen @wilmcmillen.bsky.social · 22/07/2025If you rewrite Kentucky Rain to be about a taco bar, then you've written a song called KenTaco Rain, and you're a friggin' genius. And, yes, I am. 011
Henry3000 @henry3000.bsky.social · 16/07/2025Our world might just be computer code but we gotta look after it. After all, it's the only simulation we have running. 02716
Reposted by Henry3000kattsdogma.bsky.social @kattsdogma.bsky.social · 16/07/2025just ate a frank. sorry. i meant a Frank. didn’t relish it but i mustered the courage to do it. took about 5 minutes (Ballpark™️ estimate) 1512134
Reposted by Henry3000Uncle Kermit @unclekermit.bsky.social · 16/07/2025When I see a guy wearing a knit winter cap in Phoenix, in July, I imagine he could wring a cup of sweat out of it. 261
Reposted by Henry3000g.c. @lscrapl.bsky.social · 14/07/2025reading between the lines (2 weeks late) has always been my forte 1114
Reposted by Henry3000𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜 @unfitz.bsky.social · 16/07/2025Star: “I’m a luminous celestial body visible in the night sky.” Shooting star: “I own 3 handguns and an assault rifle. ‘Merica!” 28131
Reposted by Henry3000Danny @mardigroan.bsky.social · 16/07/2025The gluten free hoagie roll I used on the sandwich I just ate was so dry that my mouth is now Arizona. 064
Reposted by Henry3000Danny @mardigroan.bsky.social · 15/07/2025Mr. Jones and me. We very rarely communicate anymore except for about important sporting events or consequential elections. Na, na, na, na, na, na. 13713
Reposted by Henry3000piscadoro (poochie truther) @piscadoro.bsky.social · 16/07/2025Nothing but respect for 5' 3" jesus 031
Reposted by Henry3000Dreamer @elgatoesmio.bsky.social · 14/07/2025first the robots sweep our floors, then they mow our lawns, and next thing we know they’re taking our ladies out to dinner because you’re too drunk watching the Cubs game 76520
Reposted by Henry3000Salty MacTavish @saltymactavish.bsky.social · 15/07/2025If I end up using a mobility scooter, I’m totally bringing back jousting 1425265
Reposted by Henry3000lisabug @lisabug.bsky.social · 15/07/2025🎶We gonna rock down to Electric Avenue🎶 Though not right now, I can't find my Discman. 0277
Reposted by Henry3000𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜 @unfitz.bsky.social · 15/07/2025Him: Well if you want my advice- Me: Let me stop you right there. 022857
Reposted by Henry3000Mr. Bea Arthur, Batshit Crazy™️ @steamymac.bsky.social · 15/07/2025Please do not be a li’l stinker, I am very sensitive and delicate. 611753
Reposted by Henry3000Marc @runoldman.bsky.social · 16/07/2025Being a parent is mostly just saying the same thing over & over again. It's just saying the same thing over & over again. Over & over again. No matter how old your kids are. 519971
Reposted by Henry3000Mr. Bea Arthur, Batshit Crazy™️ @steamymac.bsky.social · 16/07/2025Kind of like performance art, but it’s just me completely falling to pieces. 516477
Reposted by Henry3000Salty MacTavish @saltymactavish.bsky.social · 11/06/2025Having carnal thoughts about Farrah Fawcett again. Best put on a hair shirt and ride my penny-farthing past the vicar’s house 1011131
Reposted by Henry3000Jimmer Cork-Bottle @jimmerthatisall.bsky.social · 16/07/2025It's a real dilemma for me when I'm confronted with a moral issue that wasn't examined by the writers of the original Star Trek. 6521127
Reposted by Henry3000Jimmer Cork-Bottle @jimmerthatisall.bsky.social · 16/07/2025The devil uses your hashtags as ninja stars. 013769
Reposted by Henry3000Grant Tanaka @granttanaka.bsky.social · 16/07/2025having sex is like riding a bicycle, knees ache, might fall off, lots of reflectors 15320110
Reposted by Henry3000Dreamer @elgatoesmio.bsky.social · 11/07/2025HOW CAN I BUILD A BEAR I’M NOT GOD 18515159
Reposted by Henry3000CrazyMyra @outonthemoors.bsky.social · 10/07/2025Congrats to the WaPo for taking 40+ years to notice that McEnroe is an obnoxious cunt. 0338
Reposted by Henry3000Tippi Hedren Collider @linanneblack.bsky.social · 09/07/2025The cat just took his nighttime steroid pill and clearly doesn't understand how something you eat can make you hungry, which I totally get because of that time the lighting designer brought a tray of hash brownies to the opening night of our summerstock show. 03511
Reposted by Henry3000Melicious @honeybadgermel.bsky.social · 11/07/2025For a second I thought I was looking pretty good for my age, but then I smiled into the side mirror in full sunlight. 39348
Reposted by Henry3000John Lyon @johnlyon.bsky.social · 10/07/2025Coworker: That email you sent seemed a little angry. Me: I meant no respect. Coworker: Don’t you mean to say, “no disrespect”? Me: I said what I said. 020666
Reposted by Henry3000andy vs. @im-all-id.me · 11/07/2025Over my dead body will I ever say yes to "are you enjoying this app" 25862135
Reposted by Henry3000Grant Tanaka @granttanaka.bsky.social · 10/07/2025if you use the phrase "look, we're not here to debate how stupid I am" during an argument, you're probably losing 222068
Reposted by Henry3000Dreamer @elgatoesmio.bsky.social · 11/07/2025I’m a beautiful butterfly, but I really miss being a caterpillar and eating milkweed with my homies. 310239
Henry3000 @henry3000.bsky.social · 09/07/2025Query your dataset. Analyze your algorithm. Debug your code. 053
Henry3000 @henry3000.bsky.social · 09/07/2025Query your dataset. Analyze your algorithm. Debug your code. 000
Reposted by Henry3000Jez @jez1.bsky.social · 08/07/2025There's no stronger sunscreen than sitting in a bar 1234997
Henry3000 @henry3000.bsky.social · 08/07/2025Manchurian Electorate noun (plural) A group of voters who in their normal state show no interest in political issues but will suddenly flip into rage mode when fed a trigger phrase by a cable news celebrity. 094
Reposted by Henry3000𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜 @unfitz.bsky.social · 01/07/2025My bumper sticker: “Who rescued who?” My dog’s bumper sticker: “It’s who rescued 𝘸𝘩𝘰𝘮, you illiterate swine.” 336089
Reposted by Henry3000Salty MacTavish @saltymactavish.bsky.social · 01/07/2025I don’t understand why people go to church when they can listen to Trombone Shorty 28821
Reposted by Henry3000Forrest Plump @nahyoudoit.bsky.social · 09/11/2024Adulthood is telling yourself you’ll feel better after you clean the house every day until you die. 18865236
Reposted by Henry3000Stabbatha Christy @lovenlunchmeat.bsky.social · 18/06/2025I don't know who needs to hear this, but the only person who needs to like your stunning new gravy boat is you. Godspeed. 49640
Reposted by Henry3000Stabbatha Christy @lovenlunchmeat.bsky.social · 22/02/2025My dog stares out the window like he's recreating a Joe Biden meme. 110846
Reposted by Henry3000Splendid Hobo @splendidhobo.bsky.social · 29/06/2025Why aren’t we doing something practical with dryer lint? 207536
Reposted by Henry3000Splendid Hobo @splendidhobo.bsky.social · 29/06/2025During my short stint on Threads I suggested that a short post be called a “lint” and wasn’t immediately lauded so I canceled my account 15115
