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Unnamed Mars Colonist

@guiltyb0b.bsky.social
420 followers 747 following 1.1K posts

Sphinx of black quartz, judge my vow. Guys, I'm starting to think help isn't coming. PA District 9 Local Antifa Shop Boss

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Alejandra Caraballo @esqueer.net · 1h
Cis guy walks into a women's locker room and immediately proceeds to sexually assault women. JK Rowling: this is trans people's fault.
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Mr. Bea Arthur, Batshit Crazy™️ @steamymac.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
I’m just not feeling good about, well, anything.
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David Gerard @davidgerard.circumstances.run.ap.brid.gy · 04/10/2026
henstomper

oh my god the slot machine company says i have to keep putting coins in their machine or Im Gonna Get Left Behind. thats so scary. and it has to be true because they know more about slot machines than i do

oh my god the slot machine company says if we dont give them money to build the world's biggest slot machine the chinese are gonna build it first and win all the prizes. and then there wont be any prizes anymore
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Frank Conniff @frankconniff.bsky.social · 03/10/2026
I’m 41 years sober today.
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Stan Kelly @kartoonistkelly.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
Her new album just hit #1, and her latest single is “Different Religion.” What’s wrong with the regular kind??* (*The Jesus one) @theonion.com
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Jana H-S (she, like a knife) @jana-aych-ess.bsky.social · 29/09/2026
need this on a slutty croptop tbh
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kenofseattle @kenofseattle.bsky.social · 29/09/2026
Seattle
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Razzball @razzball.bsky.social · 29/09/2026
How it started/how it’s going
Trevor Lee
@VoteTrevorLee
Thanks @nickshirleyy for hoodie.
We're cleaning up the fraud in UtahBREAKING: Utah state Rep. Trevor Lee has been charged with mortgage and communications fraud ksl.com/article/
516296... #utpol @KSLcom @KSL5TV
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Aura/Moom @moomanibe.bsky.social · 29/09/2026
papers please style game where you are in charge of the little metal detector station at the front of the Federal Department of Control and have to stop people from bringing in banned material like "any form of branded packaging" and "apples"
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BladeoftheSun @bladeofthes.bsky.social · 28/09/2026
The plan is for you to own nothing and die as soon as they don't need you. There is no plan for you to be happy, or even alive if they don't need you.
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Miaganga @miaganga.bsky.social · 28/09/2026
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Mr. Joshua @pantspants.bsky.social · 26/09/2026
“Spaghetti Night.” Pen and copic gray marker on paper. 

Our man is in the kitchen making spaghetti for his guests, who have become increasingly rowdy as they wait for dinner. More on them in a moment. He speaks into his landline phone with his oven mitts on, “Everybody’s pretty riled up for spaghetti night.” He is correct because sure enough we see his riled up dinner guests in the background. Two men play wrestle as a woman raises her hand to spank one of the wrestler's cheeks. She’s got great leverage on the windup so those cheeks are about to be pummeled, reader. Another man finds himself being carried by a woman with a crew-cut. Her strength is on display here because despite the man’s weight she’s able to effortlessly run around the living room with him slung over her shoulder like a ragdoll. Behind them we see another spaghetti night guest pumping his fists and shouting to the ceiling. Perhaps howling. 

Artist’s note: One of my favorite drawings. Love seeing the whole group having a great time together.
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Emma™ @cockremover.bsky.social · 20/11/2025
least insane dutch TV show
No punishment 'BNN cannibals'
Two BNN presenters who ate a small piece of meat from each other in a television program will not be fined. The Public Prosecution Service sees no reason to prosecute Dennis Storm and Valerio Zeno.

Minister Van Bijsterveldt of Education and Minister Opstelten of Security and Justice responded to questions from CDA MP Haverkamp.

Human flesh
"Cannibalism is not punishable as such," the ministers say. "Well, in obtaining human flesh, there could be other criminal offenses under certain circumstances. The Public Prosecution Service sees no reason to prosecute."

In the Rabbits program, Storm and Zeno ate a piece of meat from each other, which they had surgically removed from their sides and buttocks. A cook prepared the meat.
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More Perfect Union @moreperfectunion.bsky.social · 24/09/2026
BREAKING: The state of New York is suing Polymarket, claiming the company operates an illegal gambling platform in violation of state gambling laws.
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weeder @weeder.bsky.social · 24/09/2026
God, grant me the courage to change the things I can and incredible new powers to change the things I can't.
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Alexander Clarkson @aphclarkson.bsky.social · 25/09/2026
That's because the anti-intellectualism of the populists and Far Right is in direct contradiction to the basic foundations of any civilisation
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Vera Kober Art @vera-kober-art.bsky.social · 01/09/2026
My new painting with autumn flowers
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Gef the Toking Mongoose @geftokingmongoose.bsky.social · 23/09/2026
When people are like "oh if I won the lottery I would keep working because I just would have to" I just don't relate to that at all. I don't want to work, I don't want to hustle, I don't want to grind. I would be so content if I could just exist and enjoy the little things that I like and that's it.
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Lil Miss Sinister Fairy Godbitch of the Burrow Mump 🧚‍♂️😈🌾 @fairygodmegan.bsky.social · 21/09/2026
It's kinda fuckin crazy that The End of Oak Street was produced, made, and then distributed for public viewing
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Peter @notalawyer.bsky.social · 20/09/2026
a lot of people act like there's a trade being offered where we give up trans athletes in sports and in exchange fascism is defeated forever
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Massimo (mirror) @rainmaker1973-m.bsky.social · 20/09/2026
You’ve never seen a cat so clearly roll its eyes. Original post
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JP @jpbrammer.bsky.social · 19/09/2026
Slavoj Žižek has my dream job. I watched him speak in front of a crowd for 45 minutes uninterrupted about whatever he felt like while the host watched helplessly. when he finally finished she said "wise words" and he said "I HATE WISDOM" then started talking again
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Dilek Sayedahmed @dileksayedahmed.bsky.social · 19/09/2026
I truly, deeply, sincerely do think the guy flipping burgers at McDonalds should be able to afford rent, bills, and groceries with his paycheck alone. That's kind of the whole point of having a job and I can't believe this is considered a radical position.🤷🏽‍♀️
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Waldo Jaquith @waldo.net · 20/09/2026
Hegseth eliminated the reviews and approvals designed to prevent civilian casualties, to avoid culpability for war crimes, figuring "hey, we thought the [boat / school / whatever] was a legitimate target" would be a viable excuse. This can't be allowed.. He must be criminally prosecuted.
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Rae Radford @raeradford.bsky.social · 19/09/2026
I think I'm in love with Kevin 😻 #Caturday
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Andrew Lawrence @ndrew.bsky.social · 19/09/2026
msnow is currently doing a segment about hasan piker being a problem for dems
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foaming pipe snake @guntoucher.bsky.social · 18/09/2026
ISAAC CHOTINER: well mr. cruise, im impressed. you've given me absolutely nothing TOM CRUISE: [weirdly aggressive handshake] its been a pleasure. what was the name of that series you mentioned? ISAACH CHOTINER: dragonball z TOM CRUISE: goku, right. excellent, thanks for having me
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Stephanie 🍉 @ageofoddish.bsky.social · 18/09/2026
mmygod
the slut gnomes of false berlin jeopardy bluesky posttoday's jeopardy categories. the last 2 are "false berlin" and "bizarre little men"
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The Onion @theonion.com · 18/09/2026
Trans Teen Hatches Nefarious Plot To Undergo Years Of Medical Treatments And Counseling To Win At Swimming theonion.com/trans-teen-hatches-nef…
Trans Teen Hatches Nefarious Plot To Undergo Years Of Medical Treatments And Counseling To Win At Swimming
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Black Aziz Anansi @blackazizanansi.blacksky.app · 18/09/2026
Hey all, Im looking for any academics who may be able to help someone from Gaza get enrolled in a European University. Please let me know if you can help or if you know of anyone who could help.
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Thanks For Sharing, Jerk @thx4sharingjerk.bsky.social · 18/09/2026
Look at these fucking losers
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DC Pierson @dcpierson.bsky.social · 18/09/2026
One must imagine Sisyphus kind of tired of it
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Luke O'Neil @lukeoneil47.bsky.social · 18/09/2026
Or think of criticizing Democrats this way: When you’re playing basketball and the other team scores a basket you don’t get pissed off at the guy do you he’s just doing what he’s supposed to do. bookshop.org/p/books/welc...
It’s right and good and just that Democrats be made to eat plate
after plate of shit from the left because for one thing look how quickly
the Overton window has shifted with the emergence of a mere handful
of leftist politicians now. Turns out we could’ve been trying this whole
time!
Or think of criticizing Democrats this way: When you’re playing
basketball and the other team scores a basket you don’t get pissed off at
the guy do you he’s just doing what he’s supposed to do. You don’t say
what the fuck are you doing man? But if a guy on your own team took
the basketball and shoved it up his shirt and pulled down his shorts
and started doing cartwheels with his dick and balls out toward your
own goal you might rightfully feel justified in screaming at him to get
his shit together or he’s off the team. You might take that guy aside and
say buddy are you sure you understand what you’re supposed to be
doing here?
I just show
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mattie lubchansky @mattielubchansky.com · 18/09/2026
every time i’m at the movies and see a preview for “Digger” i feel like it’s a hallucination my brain is generating as i die
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the babahuck @tylerhuckabee.bsky.social · 23/10/2023
when wikipedia launched, the idea that an encyclopedia could be reliably maintained by the public was a joke. now, it's a marvel, a remarkable resource, virtually the only website that remotely delivers on its potential and practically the last pleasant browsing experience on the internet.
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Materialist Gnostic @walmsley.bsky.social · 18/09/2026
I'm partial to this one
Professor X asks a girl, "what is your mutant power?"

Girl replies: "I can guess how many pulls to turn a ceiling fan off on the first try!"

She points up and says: "3 pulls"

Professor X stands up and pulls 3 times. After the third pull the fan turns off.

Professor X: "Yeah thats cool and all, but not really a super power..."

Girl: "Yeah I was jut kidding, I can heal paraplegics"

Professor X, still standing: "Oh my god"
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The Space Pope @popecrocodylus.bsky.social · 18/09/2026
Not bad, but this one is my favorite:
@prettyliltakemachine

Welcome new students. My name is Charles Xavier. The world around you will judge people like us for our differences, but at this school we seek to teach you to harness - who thought that. I do not look like Mr. Clean's gay brother. Who thought that."
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Gaius (from Tribunate) @gaius.bsky.social · 18/09/2026
Imagining future digital archaeologists poring over boomer Facebook posts and attempting to use them to understand our culture and values the way we do tablets from the Library of Ashurbanipal
Maynard Dubuisson
2d •
Donald Trump I voted for you and I love you but we are not oil and gas
independent.We are having a hard time getting diesel fuel for the shrimp boats in alabama
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Raysident Evil @sireviscerate.myatproto.social · 18/09/2026
Once you go 36 hours without sleep a few times a month you start to wonder why peonpl enev need selp atall
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John Vibes @johnvibes.bsky.social · 18/09/2026
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ash @ashhull.bsky.social · 26/03/2025
I don’t need a relationship. I want a accomplice.
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A.R. Moxon @juliusgoat.bsky.social · 17/09/2026
Same people who seem to think it’s bad for China to beat us at AI are perfectly fine with China beating us at high speed rail, solar energy, wind energy, shall we go on
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Goldstein (still not a pseudonym) @goldstein.latinsky.app · 17/09/2026
Sperm 1: I can't wait to be an FBI director like dad!
Sperm 2: Bro, we in a dog
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Liliana Segura @lilianasegura.bsky.social · 16/09/2026
I am going to become the Joker
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batkaren @batkaren.bsky.social · 16/09/2026
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pretty BOO!!!👻👻🎃🎃😈😈🎃👻!!!😈g @inyourculture.bsky.social · 15/09/2026
wait fr??
Governor Abigail Spanberger quietly ended a rulemaking process initiated in the waning days of former-governor Glenn Youngkin's administration. The rule would have limited transgender students' ability to play sports and use facilities.
But Spanberger said over the weekend the rule is now dead.
Governor Abigail Spanberger told a crowd at Virginia Pridefest Saturday she was moved by the story of a transgender child and the issues their families face.
"And I tell you I burst into tears because of the fact that I want to make members of the
LGBTQ+ community know that you have a governor that values your community," Spanberger said from the Pridefest stage.
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Chicken Puppet 🏳️‍⚧️ @chickenpuppet.online · 15/09/2026
People held their nose and voted for Biden so hard that he’s the only person since Eisenhower to get more votes than “did not vote”, despite getting completely fucked over. This is the thanks you get for doing that
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Gef the Toking Mongoose @geftokingmongoose.bsky.social · 15/09/2026
The quoted image of a Time Magazine cover that says "The AI tipping point" with an image of The old meme that looks like an ad showing a woman looking at the camera with a white background and text that reads ""Centipedes? In my vagina?" It's more likely than you think. FREE PC CHECK!." on it
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Aranock, 4 of Ravens @aranock.bsky.social · 14/09/2026
Honestly the discourse really is just a lot of cis people going "won't you trannies just accept you are less than human scum that don't matter and throw yourselves on the pyre for me". You can dress it in fancy words but a ban on trans healthcare will kill trans people & you demand we support it
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Mom @milph.mom · 14/09/2026
When you see a lot of content creators start talking about it seriously and make 10 outrage culture war videos, everyone needs to reply with “for an upper pre-school audience”.
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