Abam @adambroud.bsky.social · 04/05/2026It warms my heart to know we all say “noisy” with the same New Jersey accent 000
Reposted by Abam the hype @thehyyyype.bsky.social · 29/04/2026"Jokes are supposed to be funny" no they aren't, they're supposed to reveal the madness of their creator 112529
Abam @adambroud.bsky.social · 29/04/2026Just invented a cocaine scented candle. Gonna make a million dollars. 221
Abam @adambroud.bsky.social · 20/04/2026You know what? Close enough. Welcome back Georgia O’Keefe 010
Reposted by Abam Kip Conlon @kipconlon.bsky.social · 25/03/2026First, the good news. The bathwater has been disposed of. 5169011352
Abam @adambroud.bsky.social · 14/03/2026Goddamn it. Every apps been made and the only app I need is one that shows me which of my friends is up at 2 am while I’m accidentally took too many mushrooms 130
Reposted by Abam Andrew Lawrence @ndrew.bsky.social · 28/02/2026things every single republican president of your lifetime has done - started a war in the middle east - completely destroyed the economy 299261358797
Reposted by Abam RedruM @dorsalstream.bsky.social · 28/12/2025BARISTA: What size coffee? ME (attempting to navigate the burden of self): Do you have something between a medium and a large? 2253
Reposted by Abam GP @mousefountain.bsky.social · 28/12/2025Mass Effect style dialogue wheel except the only dialogue options ever offered are "No, yeah, for sure." and "Damn, that's crazy" 634071967
Abam @adambroud.bsky.social · 29/12/2025You want a hippopotamus for Christmas? I got a hippopotamus for Christmas and let me tell you, I’m fucked 1304
Reposted by Abam Sunshine Jarboly @sunshinejarboly.bsky.social · 26/12/2025*my wife comes home from work & sees me in the kitchen wearing an apron, tending to a pot on the oven. i scoop a little bit with a wooden spoon & gently hold one hand underneath as i bring the spoon to her mouth. some light jazz is playing.* this is hot water. what do i do next? 515138
Reposted by Abam mave @mave.bsky.social · 28/12/2025Probably the worst part of being a mouse is having to act happy about sleeping in a sardine can 317136
Abam @adambroud.bsky.social · 29/12/2025The saddest death this year was Jane Goodall’s. I would have loved to have have her hang out behind my fiddle leaf and observe me 010
Reposted by Abam Chris Scott @iamchrisscott.bsky.social · 29/12/2025Five Guys is called Four Guys now. No explanation offered, they’re just changing all the signs to say Four Guys. 1102
Reposted by Abam Rusty Foster @rusty.todayintabs.com · 19/12/2025WHAT’s up guys its Plato welcome back to the cave. Guys we’ve got some CRAZY shadows for you today you are not gonna want to miss this! But first I have to thank our sponsor OnX Backcountry 6921175
Reposted by Abam Audrey Farnsworth @audipenny.bsky.social · 05/12/2025“do you want anything from McDonald’s” me: round egg please 421414185
Abam @adambroud.bsky.social · 06/12/2025My wife is on a trip to New York and now I’m terrified she’s going to meet a day trader who’s never fully understood the meaning of Christmas or a Christmas tree farmer who’s never been to the big city or two crooks who want to rob a toy store she’s recently gotten lost in and grown an affinity for 061
Abam @adambroud.bsky.social · 15/01/2025Taking a gummy and watching inception until I can’t understand it or start to think I can 040
Reposted by Abam jenny tightpants @jtp.bsky.social · 13/01/2025if bowser ever kidnapped wario's girlfriend instead i bet wario would shoot him with a gun 20103593
Reposted by Abam your new dad @drankturpentine.bsky.social · 07/01/2025wife: were you even listening me: yes, you were quoting the teacher from peanuts 225432
Reposted by Abam Rob Cee @therobcee.bsky.social · 12/01/2025Never used a tanning bed before, but I assume they put some kind of meat thermometer between your buttcheeks and it just pops up when you're done. 085
Reposted by Abam slate @pleasebegneiss.bsky.social · 12/01/2025in order to restore our company’s masculine dominance we have decided to pander to every male authority figure and do whatever pleases them 1064630552
Reposted by Abam Boo lettuce @lettuce.bsky.social · 12/01/2025Genius is 99% perspiration. It's disgusting 03710
Reposted by Abam Jo @whatsjo.bsky.social · 12/01/2025why aren’t missing dads pictured on cigarette cartons? 351227204
Abam @adambroud.bsky.social · 12/01/2025I’m pretty sure the tooth fairy is my kid’s first exposure to the concept of organ trafficking 020
Reposted by Abam Better Things Are Possible @internethippo.bsky.social · 10/11/2024Imagine an issue. Wrong, it's more complicated than that 272928438
Reposted by Abam Ygrene @ygrene.bsky.social · 12/01/2025hey babe this teriyaki sauce expired in (checks label) 2019 but were you keeping it for a specific purpose 7299467
Reposted by Abam Jana H-S (she, like a knife) @jana-aych-ess.bsky.social · 12/01/2025a good predator movie would be one where the predators recognize that supremacy in physical violence is not enough. they travel, silently, through the history of human civilization, to learn what it truly means to be destructive. to hate. their violence becomes political. they start saying slurs 414110
Reposted by Abam Isabel Zaw-Tun @izzyzaw.bsky.social · 05/12/2024I do not use Spotify so every time I listen to a song I have to jot it down in my little notebook & take it to my accountant at the end of the tax year so he can mail my top five songs to the federal government 0437
Reposted by Abam will (creature) @ghostdraculas.bsky.social · 02/07/2023This account is now sponsored by the Woods™. The Woods™: "Go ahead and go in 'em. Don't even...don't even worry about it." 12862227
Reposted by Abam batkaren @batkaren.bsky.social · 05/07/2023"Would you rather eat a pound of bricks or a matter baby?" she asks. "What's a matter baby?" I ask. I'm shown a newborn so dense the fabric of space-time sags in a deep gravity well, drawing nearby celestial objects inextricably towards it. "Uhhhhhh… The bricks, I guess?" 920654
Reposted by Abam Boo lettuce @lettuce.bsky.social · 04/07/2023[Urkel voice] Did I become Death, the destroyer of worlds? 0114
Reposted by Abam cap’n watsisname @capnwatsisname.bsky.social · 25/06/2023First time at the aquarium, whispering in wonder,”it’s all soup” 04417
Abam @adambroud.bsky.social · 05/07/2023The nicest part about blue sky is when a Twitter mutual follows you and you get that nice feeling of “wow, they really do like me” 030
Reposted by Abam Boo lettuce @lettuce.bsky.social · 03/07/2023[library] hi do you have any books about when a guy is really mad at one specific whale 171725364
Reposted by Abam brent @murrman5.bsky.social · 03/07/2023[me telling my story how I survived a plane crash and lived on a deserted island for a year] it was crazy [friend who once got a text from me where I accidentally called the grinch the grink] was the grink there? 463566866
Reposted by Abam Raysident Evil @sireviscerate.myatproto.social · 03/07/2023GUY WHO MADE AN UNFORTUNATE HIRING CHOICE: Welcome to Jack Daniel distillery. You'll work here in the barrel aging house. DONKEY KONG: *tugs at tie* 214332
Reposted by Abam Jeffistall @jeffistallguy.bsky.social · 02/07/2023Toothpaste is shampoo for your bones 314244
Reposted by Abam Chinchillazilla @handle.invalid · 22/06/2023mufos = mutual followers mufoes = mutual foes KNOW THE DIFFERENCE. IT MAY SAVE YOUR LIFE. 1721827
Reposted by Abam huntigula @huntigula.bsky.social · 21/06/2023got called “cis” today and was so distraught I fell really hard on my fainting couch, killing me instantly 09116
Reposted by Abam RedruM @dorsalstream.bsky.social · 09/06/2023[me talking religion with a teen] so when grandma prays for you it’s like she’s gifting you a sub to heaven 173
Reposted by Abam Ygrene @ygrene.bsky.social · 26/05/2023cop: know why I pulled you over? fortune teller: well let’s just see (flips over tarot card that shows a skeleton in a car doing 52 in a 35) ah frick 133475
