iiinova — where your digital self keeps evolving

your new dad @drankturpentine.bsky.social · 12/02/2025

just got my dad black belt by falling asleep to credence clearwater revival while wearing socks and sandals

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your new dad @drankturpentine.bsky.social · 09/02/2025

i just hope taylor swift has a good time

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Viktor Winetrout @viktorwinetrout.bsky.social · 08/02/2025

[slips mortician $20] Great job he looks really dead

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your new dad @drankturpentine.bsky.social · 08/02/2025

it’s the freakin weekend, baby i’m about to stare at my phone

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your new dad @drankturpentine.bsky.social · 08/02/2025

the first roll of armadillo fight club is into balls

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your new dad @drankturpentine.bsky.social · 08/02/2025

hamster kids: what’s for dinner hamster mom: toilet paper roll hamster kids: yay!

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your new dad @drankturpentine.bsky.social · 08/02/2025

me: what do you mean i can’t have eggs today wife: *holding chicken head* we’re all making sacrifices

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your new dad @drankturpentine.bsky.social · 08/02/2025

on you first day in prison walk up to the nicest looking guard and ask if he’ll let you out

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your new dad @drankturpentine.bsky.social · 08/02/2025

the greatest trick the devil ever pulled is the one where you take your thumb off and slide it, there’s really no topping that one

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your new dad @drankturpentine.bsky.social · 08/02/2025

i saw the best minds of my generation destroyed by madden 13

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your new dad @drankturpentine.bsky.social · 08/02/2025

everyone is fighting a battle you know nothing about because you’ve been left out of yet another group chat

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your new dad @drankturpentine.bsky.social · 28/12/2024

darth vader driving in a convertible: *harmonica noises*

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your new dad @drankturpentine.bsky.social · 12/01/2025

a bookshelf that leads to a secret room with another bookshelf of books i’ve actually read

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Greeneville Zoo @greenevillezoo.bsky.social · 07/02/2025

Trent the turtle claims he can predict who will win the Super Bowl. This is a scam.

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your new dad @drankturpentine.bsky.social · 07/02/2025

english teacher: are you doing good or are you doing well me: neither

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Midge @midge.bsky.social · 07/02/2025

told my friend she was drawing her eyebrows too high and then she looked at me all surprised

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your new dad @drankturpentine.bsky.social · 07/02/2025

accidentally crashed into chappell roans car and 30 chappell roans came spilling out

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Dropped Mike @rebrafsim.bsky.social · 06/08/2023

[bookstore] customer: can you tell me where the do it yourself section is? me: you are not off to a good start

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your new dad @drankturpentine.bsky.social · 05/02/2025

my wife’s worried we’re eating too much plastic, but i normally don’t eat more than a five gallon bucket a month

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your new dad @drankturpentine.bsky.social · 05/02/2025

oh to be a fly on the wall in a telepod created for a matter transmission experiment

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Ygrene @ygrene.bsky.social · 04/02/2025

on your last day of prison go up to the smallest guy there and smuggle him out

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your new dad @drankturpentine.bsky.social · 04/02/2025

guy who won't stop talking about how he hates taylor swift gets upset when nfl shows her during games

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your new dad @drankturpentine.bsky.social · 18/01/2025

me, quietly: they used to call me daddy long legs in high school son: because you were tall? wife, pretending to sleep on the couch: because he used to eat bugs

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your new dad @drankturpentine.bsky.social · 21/12/2024

date: I hate when men try to woo me ric flair: *sweating profusely*

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your new dad @drankturpentine.bsky.social · 04/02/2025

i didn’t vote for punxsutawney phil

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your new dad @drankturpentine.bsky.social · 03/02/2025

had ai generate the perfect vampire girlfriend and honestly she sucks

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your new dad @drankturpentine.bsky.social · 03/02/2025

my new year’s resolution to not change the oil in my car for two and a half years is still going strong

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your new dad @drankturpentine.bsky.social · 03/02/2025

if you kill the groundhog you become the new groundhog

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your new dad @drankturpentine.bsky.social · 02/02/2025

sauron passing out valentines to his nine closest homies

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your new dad @drankturpentine.bsky.social · 01/02/2025

paying $4.99 a month for potatochip+ to get something other than air in my Lays™️

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Ygrene @ygrene.bsky.social · 01/02/2025

[cookie monster quietly to himself just before going on camera] it's just a job it's just a job it's just a job [camera rolls] (deep sigh) ME WANT COOKIE

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your new dad @drankturpentine.bsky.social · 01/02/2025

[mary and percy shelley in bed, staring at the ceiling in silence] percy: so am i the doctor or the monster

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your new dad @drankturpentine.bsky.social · 01/02/2025

scientists find skeleton in bog and suggest maybe our first ancestors were “just bones“

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your new dad @drankturpentine.bsky.social · 01/02/2025

i hope the groundhog sees his shadow but more than that i hope he sees what happens when people stop being polite and start getting real

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your new dad @drankturpentine.bsky.social · 31/01/2025

changing in the parking lot before a funeral, i hope no one saw me in lizard form

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your new dad @drankturpentine.bsky.social · 31/01/2025

if a teenager asks you a question, it is definitely a trap

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Steve Suckington @stevesuckington.bsky.social · 30/01/2025

[flips tarot card and it's a picture of me flipping a tarot card] "Holy shit!"

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your new dad @drankturpentine.bsky.social · 31/01/2025

*adjusts spectacles* hey siri, read me the internet

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your new dad @drankturpentine.bsky.social · 30/01/2025

guy who makes those popcorn buckets for big movies: please i just want to see my family

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your new dad @drankturpentine.bsky.social · 29/01/2025

one time i shotgunned a jolt cola and accidentally accessed the astral plane

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Steve Suckington @stevesuckington.bsky.social · 29/01/2025

BIG BAD WOLF: let me in 3 LITTLE PIGS: i mean, if your name was small good wolf maybe

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your new dad @drankturpentine.bsky.social · 29/01/2025

had to stop doing the carnivore diet because it was making me sick, i got sick of lying about eating only meat

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your new dad @drankturpentine.bsky.social · 29/01/2025

[auditioning to become an influencer] judge: this is some of the corniest, cringiest, fakest crap ive ever seen me: oh my gosh thank you!

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Ceej @ceejoyner.bsky.social · 11/12/2024

telling the Benihana chef he's made a powerful enemy today but it's drowned out by laughter as he flicks a 7th shrimp into my shirt pocket

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NosferaPru @prufrockluvsong.bsky.social · 26/01/2025

If you're at a concert and the singer holds the mic out and makes you sing the lyrics you should get some of your money back

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Kalvin the Reindeer @kalvinmacleod.bsky.social · 29/01/2025

While I’m away for the next few days please follow all these great jokesters, and when I get back, please unfollow them. go.bsky.app/3fCXec5

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your new dad @drankturpentine.bsky.social · 28/01/2025

if a bat bites you, you become batman; if you bite a bat, you become iron man

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fredesque @fredtaming.bsky.social · 28/01/2025

me: what kind of animal is that tour guide: alaskan otter me: ok, let me know what he says

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