Absynth Lover @absynthlover.bsky.social · 18/03/2025To all of you people who are super organized and "have a place for everything and everything in its place," what's it like to be God's favorite? And also, fuck you. 031
Reposted by Absynth LoverFickle Filly @ficklefilly.bsky.social · 08/03/2025You mix the signals, I’ll mix the drinks. 17637152
Reposted by Absynth LoverFickle Filly @ficklefilly.bsky.social · 13/03/2025A denial a day keeps the doctor away. 515076
Reposted by Absynth LoverCall me Marcus @marcodas146.bsky.social · 16/03/2025I've just been talking to God, mainly on the account of head butting the bathroom door when picking up a towel. 0177
Reposted by Absynth LoverSalty MacTavish @saltymactavish.bsky.social · 16/03/2025Thank you for the invitation to your party. May I ask, what is your Dorito situation? 18413117
Reposted by Absynth LoverTheSocioPhi @thesociophi.bsky.social · 18/03/2025Laying awake all night waiting for people to confirm they still don’t hate you is exhausting 1185
Reposted by Absynth LoverBillhelm @kaiserbillhelm.bsky.social · 31/01/2025[flirtatiously placing my hand on his thigh at the bar] So where’s *Mrs* Potatohead tonight? 511641
Reposted by Absynth LoverDasAutoCitron @dasautocitron.bsky.social · 15/03/2025Me: How do you know I'm an organic cyclic compound? I could be a Terminator. Him: I just watched you walk into a door frame. Me: So, a drunk Terminator. 03115
Reposted by Absynth Lover𝕊𝕦𝕟𝕕𝕒𝕖 𝔾𝕦𝕣𝕝 @sundaedivine.lol · 16/03/2025If someone you know is crying, ask them if it’s because of their haircut. 4451638
Reposted by Absynth Lover𝕊𝕦𝕟𝕕𝕒𝕖 𝔾𝕦𝕣𝕝 @sundaedivine.lol · 18/03/2025When friends or family members asks me if I'm seeing anyone I automatically assume they're talking about a shrink. 1865048
Reposted by Absynth Lover𝕊𝕦𝕟𝕕𝕒𝕖 𝔾𝕦𝕣𝕝 @sundaedivine.lol · 18/03/2025On days like today when I hate my job I just remind myself that someone out there is Marjorie Taylor Greene's podiatrist. 1271194133
Reposted by Absynth Lovertrickykat @trickykat.bsky.social · 18/03/2025Disco conspiracy theory. Studio 51 28027
Reposted by Absynth LoverBrujoLoco☠️🖤🏺 @patnspankme.bsky.social · 17/03/2025the reason I use a spray rather than aloe gel for sunburn is because I don’t like applying that gel directly to my butthole 410229
Reposted by Absynth LoverBrujoLoco☠️🖤🏺 @patnspankme.bsky.social · 18/03/2025peak male performance can’t be encapsulated in a boner pill everybody knows it’s encapsulated in a Doan’s backache pill 25725
Reposted by Absynth Lover5oclockeveryday @5oclockeveryday.bsky.social · 16/03/2025If you say so, I smilingly disagreed. 04626
Reposted by Absynth Lover5oclockeveryday @5oclockeveryday.bsky.social · 18/03/2025The urge to make homemade noodles fades and a kitchen table stays hidden under its blanket of mail. 06226
Reposted by Absynth LoverLeen McBeans @leenmcbeans.bsky.social · 26/02/2025Social media is fun because you basically just talk to yourself and sometimes a stranger replies to yell at you about why you’re wrong 1975159670
Reposted by Absynth LoverLeen McBeans @leenmcbeans.bsky.social · 13/03/2025my left big toe hurts and WebMD says I should die about it 915427
Reposted by Absynth LoverLeen McBeans @leenmcbeans.bsky.social · 12/03/2025I’m not unfunny often but when I am I make sure to skeet 56522
Reposted by Absynth LoverGreg Reckons @gregreckons.bsky.social · 14/03/2025I've clenched my teeth in anger so much lately that I now have the bite force of a spotted hyena. 420255
Reposted by Absynth LoverGreg Reckons @gregreckons.bsky.social · 15/03/2025Him: What's your five year plan? Me: Bold of you to assume the human race will be here in five years. 011440
Reposted by Absynth LoverGreg Reckons @gregreckons.bsky.social · 16/03/2025Can't. Curating my bad life choices spreadsheet. 310939
Reposted by Absynth Loverrichie @theregoesrichie.bsky.social · 18/03/2025laugh it up, shit your pants, it’s all happening 15928
Reposted by Absynth Loverrichie @theregoesrichie.bsky.social · 18/03/2025remember cronuts? nobody gives a shit about those things anymore 119836
Reposted by Absynth Loverrichie @theregoesrichie.bsky.social · 18/03/2025I get it, I’m also stupid 311464
Reposted by Absynth LoverJack Boot @jackboot.bsky.social · 12/03/2025The new survey is out, and for the first time in 80 years, the number one answer isn't, "Baby Hitler." 315641
Reposted by Absynth LoverJack Boot @jackboot.bsky.social · 18/12/2024Me: I wish I had a nickname. Coworker: You do. 1044199
Reposted by Absynth LoverJack Boot @jackboot.bsky.social · 17/03/2025When they find a murdered leprechaun and he still has his pot of gold, they start looking at the wife. Probably a crime of passion. 13816
Reposted by Absynth LoverGian D’Oh @giandoh.bsky.social · 14/03/2025🎶I loathe the way I work it No dignity🎵 1278
Reposted by Absynth LoverGian D’Oh @giandoh.bsky.social · 17/03/2025Who called it a tramp stamp and not a tragic backstory? 436183
Reposted by Absynth LoverGian D’Oh @giandoh.bsky.social · 25/01/2025This is the dumbest apocalypse. 16724153
Reposted by Absynth LoverAmish Super Model @amishsupermodel.bsky.social · 12/03/2025I’m sorry, but my mom said I can only join a gang if we have matching cardigans. 727474
Reposted by Absynth LoverAmish Super Model @amishsupermodel.bsky.social · 05/12/2024If you watch Jaws backwards, it’s really a beautiful, uplifting story of a shark overcoming his bulimia. 592923351
Reposted by Absynth LoverMass Dude @massdude.bsky.social · 17/03/2025My over/under is I’m overwhelmed and underpaid. 13413
Reposted by Absynth LoverNappy Dolemite @nappydolemite.bsky.social · 18/03/2025Sex AND candy? IN THIS ECONOMY?! 43915
Reposted by Absynth LoverJimmer Cork-Bottle @jimmerthatisall.bsky.social · 18/03/2025I can't believe you forgot me on your birthday. 115269
Reposted by Absynth LoverThe best Dave you know @thefaceofdave.bsky.social · 17/03/2025If I were in the army my rank would be General Depression. 051
Reposted by Absynth Loverbacon popsicle 🧴 @gupton68.bsky.social · 18/03/2025How long after a tonsillectomy is it safe to give a blowjob? ~ asking for my wife (tonsils removed, August 2013) 31878176
Reposted by Absynth LoverNappy Dolemite @nappydolemite.bsky.social · 18/03/2025I repost my own shit because apparently you lazy fucks can't be trusted to 112721
Reposted by Absynth LoverCrazyMyra @outonthemoors.bsky.social · 17/03/2025Answering all corporate emails with: "Insufficient fucks in this account". 217068
Reposted by Absynth LoverTheciscokidder @theciscokidder.bsky.social · 18/03/2025Horrors to the left of me Demons to the right Here I am, stuck in the middle with you *blood curdling scream* 14424137
Reposted by Absynth LoverWilbur72 @wilboo72.bsky.social · 18/03/2025The way stocks are dropping soon my 401k is going to be a 301k 711637
Reposted by Absynth LoverBoo B 👻🐝 @vtbee80.bsky.social · 18/03/2025maybe i will try some ✨healthy✨ coping mechanisms ᴸᴼᶠᵁᶜᴷᴵᴺᴳᴸ 1209
Absynth Lover @absynthlover.bsky.social · 18/03/2025If you eat with your eyes then why is my ass so fat? 021
Absynth Lover @absynthlover.bsky.social · 14/03/2025*Checks freezer for steak... Oh well. Guess he's shit outa luck today. 020