iiinova — where your digital self keeps evolving

Billhelm

@kaiserbillhelm.bsky.social

2.5K followers 856 following 1.4K posts

Platinum 🏳️‍🌈. 👬. 🐈dad. St-stutterer. I once had a bee stuck in my ear. Newest: bsky.app/profile/did:plc:ibib6zmscc… Tops: bsky.app/profile/did:plc:ibib6zmscc…

Posts Replies Media

Reposted by Billhelm

𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜 @unfitz.bsky.social · 2h

[at my autopsy; a forensic pathologist speaks into a recording device in a puzzled tone] “I’ve never seen so many apple stickers inside of someone”

Reposted by Billhelm

futuredadOfTwo🙋🏻‍♂️ @lacroixboi.dadguy.pro · 7h

most mimes stick to the following code:

Reposted by Billhelm

Brie @brielikethechhes.bsky.social · 10h

Just quit my job by throwing my iced latte at that dude from HR

Reposted by Billhelm

𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜 @unfitz.bsky.social · 23h

A necklace made of sausage links, pasta and green beans. We’ll call it a food chain.

Reposted by Billhelm

Jason the Average ®️ 💛🤍💜🖤 @jasontheaverage.bsky.social · 29/09/2026

Purrfume, for your cats butthole they insist on showing you at every opportunity

Reposted by Billhelm

DaddyJew @daddyjew.bsky.social · 29/09/2026

[after a long day at work] Me: im pooped 17: hi pooped, im son

Billhelm @kaiserbillhelm.bsky.social · 29/09/2026

This is a hardshitting post

Reposted by Billhelm

🅿️rofessor Kiosk 💊 @professorkiosk.wtf · 29/09/2026

shitposting hard or hardposting shit

Reposted by Billhelm

futuredadOfTwo🙋🏻‍♂️ @lacroixboi.dadguy.pro · 29/09/2026

i relaxed my shoulders and a quarter fell out of my ear

Reposted by Billhelm

Blair Loudly @blairloudly.bsky.social · 29/09/2026

trial and error would be great names for twins

Reposted by Billhelm

𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜 @unfitz.bsky.social · 29/09/2026

Just brushed my cat and it produced enough fur to cover 6 bald cats.

Reposted by Billhelm

futuredadOfTwo🙋🏻‍♂️ @lacroixboi.dadguy.pro · 28/09/2026

my bebé’s favorite thing to do is to stop doing the thing i’m trying to record her doing

Reposted by Billhelm

Path (seasonal)🎉 @demandavoider.bsky.social · 28/09/2026

don't worry about how i know this, but it's better to puncture the tube with a fork 𝘣𝘦𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘦 you microwave the gogurt

Reposted by Billhelm

Blair Loudly @blairloudly.bsky.social · 28/09/2026

in space no one can hear you scream but they dont mean your parking space people can still hear you even with your windows rolled up

Reposted by Billhelm

Blair Loudly @blairloudly.bsky.social · 28/09/2026

why are you eating all those french fries [me] you told me to hydrate what [me] car-bo-hydrate its right there in the word

Reposted by Billhelm

DaddyJew @daddyjew.bsky.social · 28/09/2026

Date: i wanna be with someone who really brings something to the table Waiter: i have a order of lemon pepper wings Me: you son of a bitch

Reposted by Billhelm

𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜 @unfitz.bsky.social · 27/09/2026

My medication label: “Do not operate heavy machinery” Me, as I prep to perform brain surgery: “Well, that’s just common sense”

Reposted by Billhelm

futuredadOfTwo🙋🏻‍♂️ @lacroixboi.dadguy.pro · 27/09/2026

mowed the lawn with the ruthless efficiency that only an awaiting breakfast burrito can provide

Reposted by Billhelm

los 🦦 @los-los.bsky.social · 27/09/2026

You cat hates it when you see meow cuz you are saying it wrong

Reposted by Billhelm

Cosmic Clau @cosmicclau.bsky.social · 27/09/2026

high risk for me is trying to function without caffeine (this has never happened)

Reposted by Billhelm

🅿️rofessor Kiosk 💊 @professorkiosk.wtf · 26/09/2026

free samples: good enslaved samples: bad

Billhelm @kaiserbillhelm.bsky.social · 27/09/2026

Anything is high risk if you do it dumb enough

Reposted by Billhelm

🅿️rofessor Kiosk 💊 @professorkiosk.wtf · 26/09/2026

I’m not high risk I’m low boredom

Reposted by Billhelm

Blair Loudly @blairloudly.bsky.social · 26/09/2026

feet must get so pissed that hands get all the fancy jobs

Reposted by Billhelm

Blair Loudly @blairloudly.bsky.social · 26/09/2026

i dont want a fridge that can play youtube i want a dryer that burps after it eats socks

Reposted by Billhelm

futuredadOfTwo🙋🏻‍♂️ @lacroixboi.dadguy.pro · 25/09/2026

ME: this is so soft i wonder what it is made of MRS: alpaca fur ME: where are we going? is it cold?

Reposted by Billhelm

Jay @jaycubed2k.bsky.social · 25/09/2026

This coffee smells like cat piss [continues drinking it] I mean what, I'm gonna dump it out? Grow up

Reposted by Billhelm

key @lefttwix.com · 24/09/2026

good news: we found all our missing socks! bad news: they were under our teen sons bed.

Reposted by Billhelm

lukelukeluke @lukelukeluke.bsky.social · 23/09/2026

Friend: don't get any ideas Me, who never has any ideas: no prob

Reposted by Billhelm

inkedupandsonic @sonictyrant.bsky.social · 23/09/2026

Velcro? What a fucking rip off

Reposted by Billhelm

Charlie Alzamora @chalza.bsky.social · 19/09/2026

Einstein thought fall should be two seasons but he was never able to split the autumn.

Reposted by Billhelm

Blair Loudly @blairloudly.bsky.social · 23/09/2026

its cute that we all just wander about and no one knows why we exist

Reposted by Billhelm

trickykat @trickykat.bsky.social · 05/09/2026

(shining a UV blacklight on all of bsky) ewwwww

Reposted by Billhelm

Juiceticles @juiceticles.bsky.social · 23/09/2026

Sorry for the bad juju; my wife has a bunch of unlit candles in our house

Reposted by Billhelm

key @lefttwix.com · 23/09/2026

if i found a black fly in my chardonnay, i would simply get a new glass of chardonnay.

Reposted by Billhelm

𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜 @unfitz.bsky.social · 23/09/2026

It’s BOTH socks on, THEN start with the shoes. Don’t be a one-sock monster.

Billhelm @kaiserbillhelm.bsky.social · 23/09/2026

911 Dispatcher: Can you repeat that, Mr. Bobbitt? You have a missing sock?

Reposted by Billhelm

inkedupandsonic @sonictyrant.bsky.social · 23/09/2026

Me: [forgetting the word coconut] one hairy bowling ball please

Reposted by Billhelm

SIDE BANGS @sidebangsmusic.com · 22/09/2026

I wanna go to a nude beach for vacation but only because I don’t want to pack a suitcase

Billhelm @kaiserbillhelm.bsky.social · 23/09/2026

Sorry I was late for work. I was singing “Don’t You Forget About Me” to my cats so they wouldn’t forget about me

Reposted by Billhelm

SeaTea @tierno158.bsky.social · 23/09/2026

I can do things in bed that your last boyfriend can only dream of...like spelling vacuum and avocado correctly. 😊

Reposted by Billhelm

Greg the Miller @gregthemiller.bsky.social · 23/09/2026

DEFCON is short for “definitely out of coffee, oh no”

Reposted by Billhelm

trickykat @trickykat.bsky.social · 23/09/2026

accidentally gouged a deep hole in my shitposting hand with a piece of broken glass and now i guess my career is over

Reposted by Billhelm

Blair Loudly @blairloudly.bsky.social · 23/09/2026

i want to develop some new positive behaviours but its not new years eve so my hands are really tied you see

Billhelm @kaiserbillhelm.bsky.social · 22/09/2026

Normalize bringing in some of your cats fur so you can microdose their scent at work

Reposted by Billhelm

𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜 @unfitz.bsky.social · 21/09/2026

Me: I just need one pill. Not 10. Not half the bottle. Just one. Pill bottle: Oh. So like, one in a pillion?

Reposted by Billhelm

🅿️rofessor Kiosk 💊 @professorkiosk.wtf · 21/09/2026

be the ai collapse you wish to see in the world

Reposted by Billhelm

🅿️rofessor Kiosk 💊 @professorkiosk.wtf · 22/09/2026

my reflexes are cat-like, I push things off tables for no discernible reason

Reposted by Billhelm

🅿️rofessor Kiosk 💊 @professorkiosk.wtf · 22/09/2026

the elephant in the room doesn’t want to talk about you either