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Schmrrrlex

@schmrrrlex.bsky.social
3.2K followers 272 following 747 posts

mouldering lump of organic matter trapped in a series of social media accounts with diminishing returns

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Schmrrrlex @schmrrrlex.bsky.social · 4h
It's AI
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Schmrrrlex @schmrrrlex.bsky.social · 25/03/2026
someone on NextDoor claimed owls in the neighborhood are carrying off cats and small dogs and my first thought was "coyotes have learned to type"
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Schmrrrlex @schmrrrlex.bsky.social · 10h
his poor wife
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bakoon @bakoon.bsky.social · 12h
Kv3-298, 1/1 2026
red figure
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Schmrrrlex @schmrrrlex.bsky.social · 10h
Exceptional
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Schmrrrlex @schmrrrlex.bsky.social · 11h
my artsy daughter loves hot dogs and it's her birthday so you left me little choice!
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Schmrrrlex @schmrrrlex.bsky.social · 11h
five orbs? in this economy???
Wizard pondering orb meme
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Schmrrrlex @schmrrrlex.bsky.social · 11h
*nodding knowingly* from doing all those stunts as the Great Gonzo
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brent @murrman5.bsky.social · 12h
[date growing tired of my muppet takes] oh really? [me insinuating gonzo is on long term disability] it would explain him being home during the day
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Schmrrrlex @schmrrrlex.bsky.social · 07/10/2026
Lady stands like she's out here swag jacking the Leaning Tower of Pisa
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Schmrrrlex @schmrrrlex.bsky.social · 07/10/2026
it's fine to comment on someone's looks when they make a voluntary decision to look completely insane imho
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wargen @funeralpig.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
caveman: you see Grong new cave painting? me: let me guess: bison, stick figures caveman: why you no let people enjoy things me: it's derivative
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Ben Johnson 🏺👻 @gamedesignerben.bsky.social · 01/10/2026
When witches are cackling and telling you “Fire burn and cauldron bubble,” take a step back. Breathe. Those are normal things for fire and cauldrons to do. They’re trying to mess with you.
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Schmrrrlex @schmrrrlex.bsky.social · 07/10/2026
there's actually a wikipedia page for "dork" but it's weird, it's got your picture on there and the editor of the page is your mom
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Schmrrrlex @schmrrrlex.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
you hate me because I'm right
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Schmrrrlex @schmrrrlex.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
adding turkey or tuna makes a grilled cheese a "melt" because each is otherwise it's own sandwich. tomato/avocado is still a grilled cheese as they're toppings/fixings. bacon can be either, but with grilled cheese it is treated as a topping. "turkey bacon melt" is common but never "bacon melt"
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Schmrrrlex @schmrrrlex.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
my 10 y.o. daughter saw a picture of Benedict Cumberbatch and said "oh. so Handsome Squidward is a real guy." got a future roast comic over here folks
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Schmrrrlex @schmrrrlex.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
Never let engineers anywhere near philosophy. or anything relating to human society or culture. really anything unrelated to engineering
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Schmrrrlex @schmrrrlex.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
with crab salts ultra I've seen a 30% increase in scuttling speed and intensity. now when somebody asks me what I'm doing for work I can sideways exit the room in less than two seconds
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Schmrrrlex @schmrrrlex.bsky.social · 01/10/2026
sadly I've been told by multiple people that my ham eating is...far from silent
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the babahuck @tylerhuckabee.bsky.social · 28/09/2026
bad news babe a rogue openai agent must have hacked our refrigerator last night and drank 15 beers
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Schmrrrlex @schmrrrlex.bsky.social · 29/09/2026
3 point lead in one poll in a senate race is a tossup at best, plus right before a major scandal hit her. I still think she's in trouble
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Schmrrrlex @schmrrrlex.bsky.social · 29/09/2026
getting a lot of questions about my "3 Point Lead Is A Tossup" T shirt that are already answered by the shirt
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Schmrrrlex @schmrrrlex.bsky.social · 22/09/2026
interviewer: did God say why he killed your kids? job: apparently he has a gambling problem
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dan mentos @danmentos.com · 22/09/2026
[job interview] interviewer: so god killed all your kids? job: that's right
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Schmrrrlex @schmrrrlex.bsky.social · 22/09/2026
a classic mistake
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Schmrrrlex @schmrrrlex.bsky.social · 21/09/2026
counterpoint: it's a fake media stereotype and men have always loved cats
black and white photo of hemingway feeding five of his cats
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Schmrrrlex @schmrrrlex.bsky.social · 21/09/2026
daughter: if you were an animal, you'd be an owl me: cool. what about your brother? daughter: wombat me: fair enough. your mother? daughter: promise you won't tell her me: of course daughter: piranha me: *sooo happy* okay I know I just promised but
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Jon Bois @jonbois.bsky.social · 20/09/2026
i feel like cookie monster is obsessed with cookies. hell, that’s probably how he got his name
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Schmrrrlex @schmrrrlex.bsky.social · 20/09/2026
Paul's Boutique and Odelay as well
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Amy Vants to Suck Your Blood 🩸 @msfoxifurnasty.bsky.social · 19/09/2026
i’d offer a handshake but Righty here’s my sinnin’ hand
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Schmrrrlex @schmrrrlex.bsky.social · 19/09/2026
you can always make jokes. you can make jokes when you're a couple breaths from dying. the world is a joke in more ways than one, and you're always allowed to laugh at it
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Schmrrrlex @schmrrrlex.bsky.social · 19/09/2026
fiction. although sometimes I show my real wife my posts in the hopes she will learn to act right
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Schmrrrlex @schmrrrlex.bsky.social · 19/09/2026
me: Jesus will cry when he sees what I've done wife: are you muttering something crazy over there again? me: no, I'm just saying Jesus will cry when he sees what I've done *shows her my macaroni art crucifix* wife: yeah that's probably a bad memory for him. but you did a great job
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Schmrrrlex @schmrrrlex.bsky.social · 19/09/2026
the NATO country and its territory agreed not to let Russia or China build military bases there? wow what a huge win
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weeder @weeder.bsky.social · 17/09/2026
Ok that's 3 minutes, keep moving, got a lot of sad teens here.
Just 3 minutes with a mini horse or donkey improves teens' moods, study says
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Schmrrrlex @schmrrrlex.bsky.social · 18/09/2026
from when he was a teenager, and nothing like what you'd expect from his later stuff. but the talent leaps out
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brent @murrman5.bsky.social · 16/09/2026
[responding to trash talk during pick up basketball game] my wife has a bad back so I doubt that happened
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Schmrrrlex @schmrrrlex.bsky.social · 18/09/2026
I live to serve (sandwich knowledge)
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Schmrrrlex @schmrrrlex.bsky.social · 18/09/2026
every kind of sandwich should come with a side of au jus. ever tried a pbj and au jus? yeah it's not that great but at least it gives you a different option
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Schmrrrlex @schmrrrlex.bsky.social · 18/09/2026
gonna have a Canadian Business Phd by the end of this one
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Schmrrrlex @schmrrrlex.bsky.social · 18/09/2026
where my nathanheads at
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Schmrrrlex @schmrrrlex.bsky.social · 18/09/2026
honestly very excited to see the Nathan Fielder documentary on Elizabeth Holmes. Nathan is the one person who can definitely get to the bottom of this. he graduated from one of Canada’s top business schools with really good grades
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Schmrrrlex @schmrrrlex.bsky.social · 18/09/2026
I used to be a u-turn ace, until I bought this damn volkswagen
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Schmrrrlex @schmrrrlex.bsky.social · 18/09/2026
wat
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Schmrrrlex @schmrrrlex.bsky.social · 17/09/2026
spicy take
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Schmrrrlex @schmrrrlex.bsky.social · 17/09/2026
if the "far future" is such a moral imperative and categorically more important than the lives of large numbers of currently-living human beings, than this would equally be an argument for killing off 4 or 5 billion human beings tomorrow. it's not a rational moral argument
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Schmrrrlex @schmrrrlex.bsky.social · 16/09/2026
no one needs to have any opinions about Spurs. they are in the league solely for comedic purposes
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Schmrrrlex @schmrrrlex.bsky.social · 16/09/2026
look, if I can't talk like a sixth grader from 1994 then a fascist dystopia is the only answer
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Schmrrrlex @schmrrrlex.bsky.social · 16/09/2026
static.klipy.com
Spaceballs
ALT: Spaceballs
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