cat damon @cornonthegoblin.bsky.social · 16/06/2026preacher at my funeral signals for everyone to put on their 3D glasses 426359
cat damon @cornonthegoblin.bsky.social · 08/05/2026[police sketch artist interrupts me] large naturals? 313528
cat damon @cornonthegoblin.bsky.social · 22/04/2026me: he's a glove that sells hamburger helper girl looking at the posters in my room: no i get it 113130
cat damon @cornonthegoblin.bsky.social · 17/04/2026(second date) me: [eager to show off new tattoo] remember how you said you liked garlic bread 232746
cat damon @cornonthegoblin.bsky.social · 16/04/2026[accidentally cumming too fast with my gf] that's ai 0211
cat damon @cornonthegoblin.bsky.social · 01/04/2026[leaving a birthday party with my piñata friend] i swear i didn't know they were going to do that "just take me home" 0449
cat damon @cornonthegoblin.bsky.social · 22/03/2026[foghorn leghorn at a glory hole] son i say son this hole got a mouth like an outboard motor 46816
cat damon @cornonthegoblin.bsky.social · 12/03/2026[5 minutes into sex with my gingerbread gf] did you crumb 310210
cat damon @cornonthegoblin.bsky.social · 07/01/2026wife: why is there cabbage all over the bathtub me: my showerkraut! 941968
cat damon @cornonthegoblin.bsky.social · 26/06/2025hello 911? i was doing that thing where you pretend to walk down stairs behind a couch only it worked and i have no idea where i am 113317
cat damon @cornonthegoblin.bsky.social · 11/06/2025sorry im late, my car..[forgets the word for towed] got arrested 0827
cat damon @cornonthegoblin.bsky.social · 30/05/2025[girl petting my dog] what's his name? [me thinking about how women want to feel safe] seat belt 227271
cat damon @cornonthegoblin.bsky.social · 23/05/2025[tugging on the devil's tail as soon as i arrive in hell] it's too hot 0494
cat damon @cornonthegoblin.bsky.social · 21/05/2025[awkward silence while i drive my date home] in my defense some places let you draw on the menu 0798
cat damon @cornonthegoblin.bsky.social · 20/05/2025[pulls a dildo out of my briefcase] your honor, if i may 1496
cat damon @cornonthegoblin.bsky.social · 16/05/2025if you're literally asking me to choose between our relationship and my career as a reporter well then I've got some news for you 1422
cat damon @cornonthegoblin.bsky.social · 13/05/2025[makes a voodoo doll of my dad and puts a tiny pack of cigarettes in it's pocket] you can come home now 1584
cat damon @cornonthegoblin.bsky.social · 09/05/2025personal trainer: i dunno where you heard that but no, cum doesn't hydrate you me: [trying to pour thermos out but it's taking forever] ok 0455
cat damon @cornonthegoblin.bsky.social · 08/05/2025[helping my friend set up his linkedin account] put down youre cicumcised 213123
cat damon @cornonthegoblin.bsky.social · 06/05/2025[addressing everyone at my pet possum's funeral] you guys aren't gonna believe this 324554
cat damon @cornonthegoblin.bsky.social · 30/04/2025[video of me taking off and eating the toppings first on a pizza] judge: my god divorce lawyer whispers to my wife: we got him 1578
cat damon @cornonthegoblin.bsky.social · 23/04/2025i fell into a Burger King deep fryer i turned brown brown brown medical help was required and it burns burns burns that BK fryer that BK fryer 411024
cat damon @cornonthegoblin.bsky.social · 09/04/2025[flips tarot card and it's a picture of my butt cheeks] what the [flips next card and it's a huge thermometer] oh no 1503
Reposted by cat damonViktor Winetrout @viktorwinetrout.bsky.social · 05/04/2025And the Michelin Man removed the tire from his waist and gave it to them, saying, “Take this and drive; for this is my body.” 352020399
cat damon @cornonthegoblin.bsky.social · 08/04/2025[texts wife after seeing a commercial for thermometers other than rectal] YOU LIED TO ME 0485
cat damon @cornonthegoblin.bsky.social · 28/03/2025[holding my car door open for my date] just throw my laundry in the back 1406
cat damon @cornonthegoblin.bsky.social · 21/03/2025[organ at the funeral stops and everyone hears me talking] I've been taking vitamins to increase the volume of my cum 2627
cat damon @cornonthegoblin.bsky.social · 14/03/2025me: [leaving the inventor of the piñata's funeral] OH MY GOD 0567
cat damon @cornonthegoblin.bsky.social · 12/03/2025[climbs out of tanning bed with a grilled cheese sandwich] 1679
cat damon @cornonthegoblin.bsky.social · 28/02/2025[dribbles between my legs and behind my back] guy at the urinal next to me: dude 0737
cat damon @cornonthegoblin.bsky.social · 24/02/2025[worried my therapist doesn't like me] let me see your notepad 0556
cat damon @cornonthegoblin.bsky.social · 19/02/2025alex trebek: tell us a little bit about yourself me: I've been taking vitamins to increase the volume of my ejaculate 911516
cat damon @cornonthegoblin.bsky.social · 15/02/2025TSA agent: why is your suitcase so wet me: you mean my soupcase? 1878
cat damon @cornonthegoblin.bsky.social · 14/02/2025roses are red / violets are blue who let the dogs out / who who who who 1699
cat damon @cornonthegoblin.bsky.social · 13/02/2025[a Swarm of Bees requests to be your friend] um ok [a Swarm of Bees has invited you to event "Come Outside"] what tha 659498
cat damon @cornonthegoblin.bsky.social · 13/02/2025[calls my mom 5 years after moving out] do i like skim milk 020522
cat damon @cornonthegoblin.bsky.social · 10/02/2025[makes a little voodoo doll of my neighbor's dog and pets it] 731657
cat damon @cornonthegoblin.bsky.social · 09/02/2025[whispers during lap dance] you're squishing my penis 318123
cat damon @cornonthegoblin.bsky.social · 06/02/2025[clenching my fists after being tackled in football] what's your problem 0618
cat damon @cornonthegoblin.bsky.social · 04/02/2025ladies and gentlemen this is your captain speaking, if you look out the windows on your left you'll see some fish... this is the worst I've ever messed up 4747141
cat damon @cornonthegoblin.bsky.social · 03/02/2025me: [beastie boys voice] ahh can't stand it. i wanna sandwich, phily cheesesteak is what I'll take subway employee: sir, please stop yelling 319340
cat damon @cornonthegoblin.bsky.social · 31/01/2025[kissing every meatball before loading it onto sub] subway employee: im pretty sure youre not supposed to do that me: oh i dont work here 138361
cat damon @cornonthegoblin.bsky.social · 23/01/2025my therapist: if all of the teenage mutant ninja turtles were dangling from a cliff and you could only save one.. me: [already in tears] 512721
cat damon @cornonthegoblin.bsky.social · 21/01/2025[vet pulls me aside] hey man are you letting your cat smoke cigarettes 1977
Reposted by cat damonceej @ceej.online · 17/01/2025(learning my neighbor clark is actually superman) so when you said you couldn’t help me move, 252368281
cat damon @cornonthegoblin.bsky.social · 15/01/2025snap back to reality / oh, my dad's mad at me 0507
cat damon @cornonthegoblin.bsky.social · 15/01/2025[police sketch artist realizes I've been describing his wife except nude] son of a 114213
cat damon @cornonthegoblin.bsky.social · 03/01/2025[bruce wayne speeding around in the batmobile] (roxanne voice) baaaatman, you don't have to stop at the red lights 138490
