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normal carpet ride

@normalcarpetride.bsky.social
503 followers 174 following 693 posts
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Sean T. Collins @seantcollins.com · 20/09/2026
LET THE PRESIDENT BUILD THE TERRORDROME!
Chris Farley and Adam Sandler in one of their The Herlihy Boy sketches
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Jesse Hawken @jessehawken.bsky.social · 12/09/2026
She did the Dril tweet
Dril tweet from 2018

go ahead. keep screaming "Shut The Fuck Up " at me. it only makes my opinions Worse
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Cats of Yore @catsofyore.bsky.social · 02/09/2026
Screenshot of a tweet from user ceejoyner that says "pick up artists and garbage men should switch names".
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Brendel @brendelbored.bsky.social · 01/09/2026
Adam Carolla
@adamcarolla
More American males now wear bracelets than eat stew
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josh boerman @bosh.worstpossible.world · 29/08/2026
uncanny resemblance
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Sridhar Ramesh @radishharmers.bsky.social · 26/08/2026
Fuck you, Tim Curry, you piece of shit.
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Greg With Two G's @plusgreg.bsky.social · 17/07/2026
I've been keeping screenshots of some of my favorite InfoWars subtitles.
Infowars screenshot that reads "THANGYUSSIR" as Tim talks to Anthony Amataniuk as Donald Trump. Infowars screenshot, subtitle reads ANN DEYONCÉ" when I think Tim was slurring through "and in any case"Subtitle over Tim in infowars screenshot reads "PEESSASH*T"Tim at the desk on Infowars. A caller impersonating RFK Jr. has called in, subtitle reads AaHh OoOoWeEaH?
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Jeff "First Place Enjoyer" Krisko @jeffkrisko.bsky.social · 17/07/2026
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barnabus @othersome.bsky.social · 02/04/2026
Screenshot of Joker and Batman from the Adam West Batman series surfing. Joker says "Cowabunga, Bat-Drip! As surfers go, it looks like you're all wet! Ahahaha!", to which Batman replies "Shut the fuck up! Fuck you!"
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assbutt @nasboat.org · 26/06/2026
look I love Tim Onion, he’s been so good to me and he’s doing amazing things but also the internet comes for us all eventually and for Tim, this was that reply. a masterclass.
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Brendel @brendelbored.bsky.social · 14/06/2026
LIFESTYLE
Selfish: This Man Found Time To Build A Birdhouse While JonBenét
Ramsey's Murder Is Still Unsolved
APRIL 17, 2017
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Gore Vidal Sassoon @jimmyjazz1968.bsky.social · 20/04/2026
[me reading that a guy my age died of a heart attack] I hope that mf did a lot of cocaine
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DBJ @deadblossomjesse.bsky.social · 05/06/2026
Worth saying, they do not mention this or talk about it at all. Purely visual gag taking up 2% of the screen space that appears for maybe 15 seconds
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pixelatedboat aka “mr bluesky” @pixelatedboat.bsky.social · 06/05/2026
Homer’s drunk postcard to Marge
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Matthew Gertz @mattgertz.bsky.social · 06/05/2026
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🧵Hillary Moyer🪡 @headoverhills.bsky.social · 03/05/2026
Accidentally said "rotisserie phone" instead of rotary but I think with the right investors this could take off
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Bobson Dugnutt @literallytho.bsky.social · 01/05/2026
at the gas station this morning paying over $60 to fill up my honda I chatted with some of the other customers. the refrain was constant: build the damn ballroom
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Andrew Lawrence @ndrew.bsky.social · 23/04/2026
mr president thakn you for inventing new math sir and also the word groceries
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Chris Jackson @chriscjackson.bsky.social · 20/04/2026
The Onion just on an all-time run right now
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Joe Flynn @chinajoeflynn.bsky.social · 19/04/2026
Salute to an all-time tweet
tweet from raandy: trump [waving bible in front of them]: you morons love this shit huh 
[audience going berserk]
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Ian Boudreau @ianboudreau.com · 19/04/2026
Yes, the fact that I'm attending the White House Correspondents Dinner might SEEM like a supine gesture of complete deference to the insane dullard who demands total obedience from the press, BUT that's until you see the secret message I have on my pocket square
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Chris Ingraham @cingraham.bsky.social · 12/04/2026
Current status of the Strait of Hormuz dispute
In Bruges scene where Colin Farrell is pointing a gun at his head and Brendon Gleeson is also pointing a gun at Colin Farrell's head
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Matt Negrin still host of Hardball on MSNBC @mattnegrin.bsky.social · 09/04/2026
Guys if melania were implicated in an international conspiracy of systematic sexual assault and pedophilia ring I’m pretty sure brett ratner would have mentioned it in the documentary
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Your Internet Friend Tom Tomorrow @tomtomorrow.bsky.social · 07/04/2026
wondering if maybe elon was wrong about the relative danger of the woke mind virus
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Joe Berkowitz @joeberkowitz.bsky.social · 05/04/2026
Imagining each of the suspects in The Usual Suspects having to step forward in the police lineup and say this instead of the similarly emphatic line “have me the keys you cocksucking motherfucker”
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Jesse Hawken @jessehawken.bsky.social · 01/04/2026
Trump in the visitors gallery of the Supreme Court hearing
Tim Robinson wearing the hat in court from that funny sketch from I Think You Should Leave
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Sean T. Collins @seantcollins.com · 30/03/2026
the great Mike Fossey's tweet:

Check this shit out motherfucker [I slide one foot out from under me and fall on my ass, its not clear what kind of move I was trying to do]
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musicianapolis @generalmusician.bsky.social · 11/03/2026
Same headline, now blocked by a pop-up from the NYT.

WELCOME TO THE NEW YORK TIMES

Enjoy unlimited access with our welcome offer.

THE TIMES SALE IS ON

$1/week for your first six months year.

Billed as $4 every four weeks for your first year, then $30 thereafter.

Learn more

Cancel or pause anytime.
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Hemry, Local Bartender @bartenderhemry.bsky.social · 09/03/2026
FOX HOST: The strait's right there! Go through it! OIL TANKER CAPTAIN: I can't Sir. I'm Woke! ME (watching through binoculars): He's woke! He won't do it!
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Kelsey Atherton @atherton.bsky.social · 01/03/2026
This tweet preceeds and anticipates deaths in Operation Epic Fury by almost 15 years
Jackson @tree_bro
Follow
*knocks on door* Mrs Smith? I'm from Army.
Your son got owned in Iraq. He showed great valor in the face of epic fail. Semper fi or whatecer
4:20 PM • Jul 22, 2011
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✨Directed by John Carpenter✨ @ourflagmeansbeth.bsky.social · 28/02/2026
Jiminy fucking Christmas
Trump looking like a bloated carcass that’s been baking under the hot July sun Screenshot from SCROOGED
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Andrew Lawrence @ndrew.bsky.social · 28/02/2026
the former host of celebrity apprentice and the former host of fox & friends weekend are launching bombs and destabilizing the world for generations all because voters decided their biggest issue was a trans kid playing jv tennis with their friends 4 states over
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ceej @ceej.online · 28/02/2026
our government combines the impulse control of pete hegseth, the intellectual rigor of rfk jr, and the attention span of donald trump with elon musk’s signature sense of humor
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Viktor Winetrout @viktorwinetrout.bsky.social · 17/02/2026
Cop: Can you describe the man who stabbed you? Me: He kept going like this [stabbing motion]
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Dan O’Sullivan @osullyville.bsky.social · 15/02/2026
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normal carpet ride @normalcarpetride.bsky.social · 03/02/2026
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normal carpet ride @normalcarpetride.bsky.social · 02/02/2026
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jeremy kaplowitz @jeremykaplowitz.com · 31/01/2026
babe Ruth calling his shot
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Mr Targeted Harassment @jarjarfan69.bsky.social · 30/01/2026
Steve Janowski from Eastbound and down with the quote, "What day/night will be the wildest party on= our island?"
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Patrick Cosmos @veryimportant.lawyer · 27/01/2026
macgruber heading into battle with a bunch of wwe wrestlers who get exploded
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mtsw @mtsw.bsky.social · 26/01/2026
Dril "alright that's fine heres what I think happened" post
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Darwin Brandis @darwinbrandis.com · 25/01/2026
We’re gonna need a bigger Hague.
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jeremy kaplowitz @jeremykaplowitz.com · 24/01/2026
sorry, but the Founding Fathers' original intent for the 2nd Amendment was always *just* to do school shootings
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Coach Finstock @coachfinstock.bsky.social · 13/01/2026
Hahaha People Mag comes out blasting
Scott Adams dies
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Andrew Lawrence @ndrew.bsky.social · 03/01/2026
if i was running a political party and every time my opponents held power they started illegal wars for oil and crashed the economy i would simply say that repeatedly
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Mike Drucker @mikedrucker.bsky.social · 03/01/2026
I think it’s unfair to claim that Trump is only attacking Venezuela because he wants to sell their oil to his rich friends. It’s also possible Trump is attacking Venezuela because he wants to sell their children to his rich friends.
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Brendel @brendelbored.bsky.social · 03/01/2026
I logged in today to do some damn goofs and we can’t even have that can we
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Oliver Willis @owillis.bsky.social · 01/01/2026
"we're here to inspect your daycare center"
epstein trump
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