Sign in

Patrick Cosmos

@veryimportant.lawyer
48K followers 944 following 21K posts

NO HOMEWORK PODCAST - @nohomework.website // veryimportant.lawyer // bigsleeprecords.bandcamp.com/album/… somebody told me when the bomb hits everybody in a two mile radius will be instantly sublimated

PostsRepliesMedia
Patrick Cosmos @veryimportant.lawyer · 3h
I’ve weighed the pros and cons and I’ve found a solution that will satisfy people who want traffic laws enforced and people with privacy concerns. I will personally fit every man woman child and pet with a collar that explodes if the vehicle they are in does not come to a complete stop at stop signs
5470
Patrick Cosmos @veryimportant.lawyer · 4h
I saw Muse and Baby Yoda kicking a dog over and over again. They were both laughing
3380
Patrick Cosmos @veryimportant.lawyer · 4h
Fellas don’t you hate how women be (nervously trying to read off of phone at open mic night) updating the Terms of the free My Best Buy® rewards program with changes to the dispute resolution provision, including the Arbitration Agreement
1651
Patrick Cosmos @veryimportant.lawyer · 5h
Alt text: Cartoon cat outsmarted by bird and accidentally trying to swallow wire coat hanger
718414
Patrick Cosmos @veryimportant.lawyer · 5h
But the biggest kick I ever Goku Was doing a thing called the Crocodile Roku
1254
Patrick Cosmos @veryimportant.lawyer · 6h
I cannot wait to escape into the warm embrace of NBA League Pass Premium where all ads are replaced by kiss cams and trampoline dunks. I need freedom from the grim, sandblasted visage of Jon Hamm
81357
Reposted by Patrick Cosmos
Got CTE from Playing Peek a boo @doubledoinkrigged.bsky.social · 09/07/2026
19th century Ryan Grim: Based on the orderly nature of the stab wounds, “the ripper” is a highly inaccurate name. Its journalistic malpractice to not give “Jack” credit for minimizing suffering and killing painlessly 19th century Michael Tracey: I think these bitches alive 💯
1803140
Patrick Cosmos @veryimportant.lawyer · 6h
Putting on the Tron outfit and entering the cyber realm so I can pick Muse up and punt him like a football
0311
Patrick Cosmos @veryimportant.lawyer · 6h
I couldn’t flush Muse down the toilet so I just threw him in the tank and put the lid back on
3250
Patrick Cosmos @veryimportant.lawyer · 7h
It’s almost embarrassing the way that Chicago sports have been so reliably dominant and exciting for so long
1311
Patrick Cosmos @veryimportant.lawyer · 7h
Peacock having a new bootleg Office show with “high hopes” as the commercial music urgently portends the arrival of Woke 2
1600
Patrick Cosmos @veryimportant.lawyer · 8h
my favorite is glenn greenwald, who is so negatively polarized against the democratic party that he uses the Eternal Sunshine machine to forget that anti-war republicans don't exist once every 18 months
41323
Patrick Cosmos @veryimportant.lawyer · 10h
tom cruise should make a movie about the women in his life who either have been missing for nearly twenty years or who had to enact elaborate schemes to escape their relationship with him. that would probably bring back Cinema or whatever
1535837
Patrick Cosmos @veryimportant.lawyer · 10h
walter and perry
3520
Reposted by Patrick Cosmos
ℳatt @matttomic.bsky.social · 11h
a fictional chart from 1995 to 2025 showing "guys who like sports" becoming more left-wing coded and "guys who says sportsball is the opiate of the masses" becoming more right-wing coded
7873161
Reposted by Patrick Cosmos
unraveled @unraveledpress.com · 11h
New: We obtained witness videos and surveillance footage showing ICE parking their cars, arresting an observer, and transferring detainees in parking lots across 4 of Chicago's police districts. Local officials have tried banning ICE from city property. But incidents in the lots keep stacking up:
unraveledpress.com
In plain sight: a year of ICE using Chicago police parking lots for its operations
Videos and witness testimony show immigration agents continue using Chicago police station parking lots despite a ban on their access to city property. Records obtained from the Civilian Office of Pol...
8578308
Patrick Cosmos @veryimportant.lawyer · 11h
republicans are immune to, but also cannot wield, the Perjury Rune
312210
Patrick Cosmos @veryimportant.lawyer · 12h
i don't think every institution in the united states should have all pushed the big red "ERODE FAITH" button in unison. what do i know though
1696
Patrick Cosmos @veryimportant.lawyer · 12h
i would simply not be browbeaten by the self-appointed arbiters of Traditional Manly Masculinity when they can't tell sports teams apart and talk about "trip[s] down Budwesier Lite Lane." they might not have their fingers on the pulse of Traditional Manly Masculinity the way they say that they do
a facebook post from Oregon Republican Party reading:

In a trip down Budweiser Lite Lane, Tillamook Creamery has decided to label their products "Halal."

Oh, Tillamook, isn't it enough to say that EVERYONE loves your cheeses and ice cream and more? Did you have to join with the destroyers who divide us by race, religion, and ethnicity?

For those who care, Tillamook's Maker's Reserve 10-year Extra Sharp Cheddar is NOT halal, which means "permissible." We think it might be the best one they make.
7921
Patrick Cosmos @veryimportant.lawyer · 13h
William Shatner - Has Been
2190
Patrick Cosmos @veryimportant.lawyer · 14h
this is why those guys were meeting in temecula
0410
Patrick Cosmos @veryimportant.lawyer · 15h
AMERICANS WHEN STUFF IS FOR THEE: Haha fuck yeah!!! Yes!! AMERICANS WHEN STUFF IS FOR ME: Well this fucking sucks. What the fuck.
an approximate graph of a poll saying that ~80% of americans  think "america would be better off if more americans worked in manufacturing" whereas ~25% believe "i would be better off if i worked in a factory." the republicans polled were slightly higher in both before somebody gets mad at me for not making this about that
11729179
Patrick Cosmos @veryimportant.lawyer · 16h
since I first mentioned the back to school beaver three weeks ago we have seen inflatable caleb williams and now this, which will come down within a week and be replaced by a yard full of halloween inflatables. initially i thought i was overselling the phenomenon but if anything i understated it
a yard decoration setup with an inflatable scarecrow sitting on a pumpkin. a tan pitbull dog looks back at me, disgusted.
3180
Patrick Cosmos @veryimportant.lawyer · 29/09/2026
Case Keenum is going to be the first Bears QB to pass for 4000 yards in a season
617112
Patrick Cosmos @veryimportant.lawyer · 29/09/2026
[poltergeist “they’re here” voice] scrubs is back
2220
Patrick Cosmos @veryimportant.lawyer · 29/09/2026
Collagen Matcha is a beautiful name for a baby girl
515713
Patrick Cosmos @veryimportant.lawyer · 29/09/2026
Colston Loveland You’ve been down too long in the midnight sea
1243
Reposted by Patrick Cosmos
Patrick Cosmos @veryimportant.lawyer · 13/09/2026
It’s unsurprising and normal for the Bears to be good and have a good quarterback. I take this for granted, and I love it.
2622
Reposted by Patrick Cosmos
No Homework Podcast @nohomework.website · 29/09/2026
@lronmexico.bsky.social fails to complete a spiritual pilgrimage. @ugarles.bsky.social teaches us the intricacies of North Carolina's homewrecker law as it pertains to Kyrsten Sinema and her boyfriend. @veryimportant.lawyer attends a legendary concert for five dollars. tinyurl.com/mvwbk9uk
tinyurl.com
Episode 25 - We Brought Sort of A Negative Energy To the Bozo Show | No Homework Podcast
Ron fails to complete a spiritual pilgrimage. Charles teaches us the intricacies of North Carolina's homewrecker law as it pertains to Kyrst
2205
Patrick Cosmos @veryimportant.lawyer · 29/09/2026
You can’t spell Caleb Williams without Case. I had to double check but it’s actually true. Probably not that big of a deal though.
2260
Patrick Cosmos @veryimportant.lawyer · 29/09/2026
This would never happen if Pepé Le Pew didn't get term-limited out
1513
Reposted by Patrick Cosmos
Jessica Valenti @jessicavalenti.bsky.social · 28/09/2026
In 2014, I interviewed a Columbia University student who went from class to class carrying the mattress she was raped on—a protest performance piece to remind college administrators what they put on her shoulders. Twelve years later, we still expect women on college campuses to carry that weight.
jessica.substack.com
Carrying That Weight—Again
I can’t stop thinking about the Cornell rape case
141099294
Patrick Cosmos @veryimportant.lawyer · 29/09/2026
our human genes have been stolen by the cajun fried corn from wingstop
Headline: This Virus Stole a Human Gene and Won't Let Go of It. Photo is of nubby yellow blobs with a reddish stain in the middle
1654
Patrick Cosmos @veryimportant.lawyer · 28/09/2026
the flight of different beefs prowrestling.fandom.com/wiki/The_Pla...
prowrestling.fandom.com
The Plane Ride From Hell
On May 5, 2002, a number of WWE wrestlers and management members flew from Great Britain to the United States following the end of a European tour, which concluded with a British PPV event, Insurrexti...
1180
Patrick Cosmos @veryimportant.lawyer · 28/09/2026
MILES DAVIS USING GOOGLE IN 1972: band "all wah pedals" legal wah pedal drums drummer wah pedal "wah wah" drums how to
521322
Patrick Cosmos @veryimportant.lawyer · 28/09/2026
i don't think it's glib to say this: it's possible that nobody on earth cares less about consent than mark zuckerberg
860793
Patrick Cosmos @veryimportant.lawyer · 28/09/2026
i'm not being a crybaby. my hitbox is just big
1505
Patrick Cosmos @veryimportant.lawyer · 28/09/2026
referencing In Concert (2×LP, Album, Reissue, Gatefold Cover) CBS 88601

It's not mentioned anywhere, but this edition is a misprint. To play the disc in the correct order, you must first play side 1 then side 4 which is the opposite side of side 1 (like a normal disc in fact), and finish with the second disc with side 2 , and side 3 which are in reality, sides 3 and side 4. The auto-coupling announced is therefore not real but the indications on the labels are not correct.david cross losing his mind in the "pre-taped call in show" sketch
1985
Patrick Cosmos @veryimportant.lawyer · 28/09/2026
we're democratizing access to the ostentatious kind of obsessive-compulsive disorder that only serial killers used to have access to
71409
Patrick Cosmos @veryimportant.lawyer · 28/09/2026
lebron becoming a tryhard philly guy and giannis becoming a carmelo anthony "midlife crisis hat" guy in miami are two of the most exciting storylines heading into the nba season
1837
Patrick Cosmos @veryimportant.lawyer · 28/09/2026
making a doomsday clock specifically for when lebron uses the word "jawn" in a tv commercial and setting the hands to 11:58
5968
Reposted by Patrick Cosmos
GIFS GALORE @gifs-bot.bsky.social · 28/09/2026
CARTOON/BASELOPE.GIF
29817
Patrick Cosmos @veryimportant.lawyer · 28/09/2026
the cover art of spinal tap's break like the wind, featuring the single "bitch school," looking like it's saying the quoted post
1756
Patrick Cosmos @veryimportant.lawyer · 28/09/2026
120 bpm is the Devil's tempo
6270
Patrick Cosmos @veryimportant.lawyer · 28/09/2026
this is a zen koan
0422
Patrick Cosmos @veryimportant.lawyer · 28/09/2026
RIP to PAC, one of the best wrestlers to ever do it. It was always cool that nobody could agree on how his name was capitalized or pronounced (all caps, “pack”). a rough month for people dying young and a hard day for all of us in the “just want to listen to drum n bass and be left alone” community
21247
Patrick Cosmos @veryimportant.lawyer · 28/09/2026
My job is to check the Halloween candy to make sure none of the kids accidentally get any Butterfingers
41024
Patrick Cosmos @veryimportant.lawyer · 28/09/2026
This is the median amount of malevolence seen in AI art
11063
Patrick Cosmos @veryimportant.lawyer · 28/09/2026
I have the same reaction to every Rolling Stone article and that reaction is “…archive dot today said that?”
2491
Patrick Cosmos @veryimportant.lawyer · 27/09/2026
“If you haven’t heard this hit song you’re smug and out of touch.” Fair but I’m old too. I’m also old
71347